Boob Hickey

When Elise wakes up in the middle of the night I often feed her lying down. I put her in bed with me and hook her right up. Then I can relax or take a little nap until she's done and it's time to burp her and put her back in her bassinet.

Last night while I was snoozing, I guess she unlatched and then tried to re-latch. I woke up saying, "YEEE-ouch!" because she had missed finding my nipple and was sucking on my skin. HARD.

This morning I noticed a very pronounced hickey right under my nipple where she had been sucking. Burst capillaries and everything.

Thanks a lot, little suckermouth. You bruised Mommy's boobie.

4 Months Old!

I can't BELIEVE Elise is 4 months old!

She does all of this cool stuff that I haven't mentioned yet. Let's see. She can roll from her back onto her belly by rolling in either direction now. At first she always rolled to the left, but now she can roll to the right, too.

She found her feet a little while ago and now she obsessively holds her toes.

When she sees something she wants, she can reach right out and grab it. No more swinging her arms in the general direction and hoping her hand lands where she wants. She has pretty good eye/hand coordination, really.

She loves sitting up or standing up with help. And when she's standing, she'll often take little steps. They're silly looking, like she's walking on the moon-- all slow and exaggerated-- but she always wants to be on the go.

And she can TALK! Ooh, she'll talk your ear off. She can make lots of sounds, but of course she doesn't use those sounds to mean anything yet. One sound that she makes a lot is "goo goorl" to which we have attributed the meaning "good girl." We tell her "good girl" a lot when she uses the potty or turns over or whatever. So we're trying to attach "good girl" to that sound. Maybe it will end up being her first phrase.

I love her so much.

Last Night

Last night I looked at newborn pictures of Elise and cried. She looked so tiny and fragile. There's this picture of her in her swing and the waist strap thing that buckles her in came up so high on her tiny body that it was right under her chin. That's when I lost it. Seeing that picture just about killed me.

Then last night in my sleep one of the characters in my dream was named Beezus Cardboard Valedictorian. I must have been thinking about Jesus Christ Superstar or something. That has nothing to do with the baby, I just didn't want to forget that silly name.

Super Baby

Elise has her own marvelous fashion sense. She was extra super drooly today, so I put a bib on her. I almost never use a bib, but today it seemed warranted. Elise, however, quickly managed to turn it around and wear it as a cape. Which I liked better anyway. High five, Baby Elise!

True Blood

I only made that the title because I saw my first episode of the tv show True Blood the other day. It was alright. Vampire-y.

Anyhow, the hands down worst part of pregnancy for me was the spotting. Oh, the anxiety it caused me! Especially for the first few months, I lived in near-constant fear that I would lose the baby. It was awful. Especially after being incorrectly told that I HAD miscarried, I would have a really hard time of it whenever I would start spotting again.

Well, let me just tell you, I haven't had a period or any kind of post-childbirth bleeding for two months now and it is WONDERFUL! Thank you breastfeeding hormones!

I've got to keep this going. I'll just breastfeed indefinitely. When Elise gets too big, I'll become a wet nurse. I'll suckle piglets.

Eeew.

I read once that back in the old days (whenever that was) wet nurses would suckle piglets when they were between babies so that their milk wouldn't dry up. Is that true? I'm going to go look that up.

Memory: Moving

One of my earliest memories is moving house. I don't know exactly how old I was. My guess is about 3 years old. I have this faint memory of driving up to the house I grew up in. And then I remember my parents lying my little sister onto some kind of mat or blanket on the floor in the front room and telling me to come eat. I was concerned that my sister was sleeping and wasn't awake to eat with us, but my parents told me to let her sleep. That's all I remember.

I think this is my earliest memory because I don't remember living in any other house before that one. I must remember that day because I'm sure that moving to a new house was a big deal to my little brain, so it hung on to that memory.

I wonder what Elise will remember from her toddlerhood.

Family-versary

July 4th last year was the day Elise was made. The day we became a family. So special and wonderful. As we were watching fireworks tonight, I told Elise that that's how my heart feels every time I look at her-- all sparkley and explosive. It's true.

Putting It Into Perspective

My maternal grandfather was one of twelve kids. But some of them died young. At least one sister did-- I think that more than one died before adulthood, though.

Now that I've had a baby, the whole thing kind of blows my mind. 1) TWELVE FREAKIN' KIDS!? My poor great-granny! And 2) how unbelieveably sad it must be to lose children. I'd die. I wouldn't be able to bear it.

Breastfeeding Dream

I had a strange dream the other night. In my dream I was sitting outside with Husband and I was topless. A wind picked up and I got cold all of a sudden. I looked down at my nipples and watched in horror as they got hard and started growing. They grew to be about 6 inches long.

I said to Husband, "I think the baby stretched out my nipples."

The Opposite of Nostalgia

My sister is 6 weeks along now. That's when my morning sickness kicked in, and her morning sickness has kicked in, too. I remember those days.

My mom got really bad morning sickess, I got really bad morning sickness, and it looks like my sister won't be getting off easy, either. I guess it's hereditary somehow. Sorry, Elise.

Children's Books

Today I read Elise "The Tawny Scrawny Lion." I had a copy of the book when I was little and I bought one for Elise because I remembered liking the story.

This book, by the way, may have been one of many small contributing factors to my eventual decision to become a vegetarian. In the story, a lion who eats other animals but is always hungry ends up at a bunny rabbit's house and is ultimately satisfied when he fills up on carrot stew. So he doesn't have to eat the other animals anymore. And everyone's happy.

I also think that the movie "Charlotte's Web" influenced my decision not to eat meat. That part where the girl pleads with her father not to kill the runt piggie broke my heart every time I saw that movie. I was very sensitive to the plight of anthropomorphized animals while I was growing up.

Anyhow, I've noticed that I do this thing when I'm looking for books or movies for my kiddies. I see something from my childhood and say, "Oh! I had this when I was little. Its very good. We should get it." Why would the stories from my childhood be any better than the stuff they have now?

Because they ARE, dammit! Dora the Explorer has got NOTHING on old school Sesame Street. Or Mr. Rogers (who was a vegetarian, by the way).

Oh, Elise. I hope you enjoy "The Tawny Scrawny Lion" as much as I did.

Co-inky-dink

You know how Abe Lincoln was shot in Ford Theater and JKF was shot while riding in a Ford Lincoln? Interesting coincidences, right? Well check this out. I was born on 11/16... and Elise was born at 11:16 pm!!!

Crazy!

There's Probably a Good Reason for This

I have a theory as to why my hair is falling out like crazy now. It must serve as a distraction. It's a self-defense mechanism, like lizard tails. The baby pulls my hair, and a few strands willingly sacrifice themselves for the greater good of all the hairs. That way, baby's little hand can slip free and mommy can eventually escape.

That's got to be it.

Unswaddled

Elise slept unswaddled last night. She fell asleep before I swaddled her and I figured I'd just put her in her bassinet and see how long she'd sleep. She slept through the night.

I'm glad that she doesn't need swaddling anymore, because now that she can roll onto her belly I was getting nervous that she would loosen her swaddling blanket and then turn into it, suffocating herself.

As I was falling asleep last night, I wondered if I would like how it feels to be swaddled, now, as an adult. Would I enjoy being wrapped tightly in a blanket? Would I feel safe and secure? Or would I feel confined?

I'd probably feel like a patient in a mental hospital. Like, an old-time mental hospital. Straight jackets and lobotomies and Nurse Ratched type mental hospital.

Maybe that's why Elise doesn't want to be swaddled anymore. "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" hit a little too close to home for Baby Baby.

Sleep Over

Foster Son stayed the night with us one day this week. His mom had something she needed to do early in the morning one day and asked us to watch him. We were more than happy.

Having a 3 year old dropped into your life is such a learning experience for a couple that has never raised any children together before. It creates a lot of artificial situations, of course. If Foster Son had been with us since he was born, he would have understood our house rules intuitively and would have had different relationships with us as his parents. But Husband and I really learned a lot about how we parent individually and as a couple.

It was nice having him in our house again.

Sex Offender Registry and Other Stuff

I was up late last night looking at my state's list of registered sex offenders. There's one in my neighborhood. :( Also, someone I went to high school with is on the list. Friend of a friend type of person-- no one I knew well, but someone I was in social situations with. He got caught masturbating at a bus stop. Who DOES that, right?! Well, I know who...

Also, I didn't mention it last week, but I left Elise for the first time ever last Wednesday. I had an interview for a teaching job. A part-time thing that will help me stay home with Elise longer. So I had to go. If I can do anything to stay home longer and not put Baby Baby in day care, then that's my top priority.

I was a nervous wreck on Tuesday. Not because of the interview but because of leaving Elise. I'm talking mild panic attack nervous. Husband was going to watch her and I know that he's more than capable. I expressed some milk so he'd have it if he needed it. I KNEW everything would be okay. But I had major separation anxiety.

Anyway, everything went fine. Elise didn't even miss me. I have training classes to go to in August so that I can teach in the fall. And now I've passed the major milestone of being away from my baby for more than 1 hour and for a greater distance than a few dozen yards.

Oh, and Elise laughs for real now. Like "ha ha ha ha ha ha" and not just one smiley "ha." It's awesome.

Shake, Rattle, and ROLL

Elise just rolled over on her own, back to belly!!! 15 weeks old today. Not bad, little lady. Not bad at all.

It was amazing to watch. She was on her playmat, twisting her body around like she's been doing lately. But I noticed that she had a slightly different technique today. She got her legs and hips twisted first, then rolled the rest of the way, up onto her elbows.

Wow. She's growing up so fast.

Tears!

Elise cried her first spill-down-her-cheeks tears yesterday. I kissed them away. My dear baby girl.

Father's Day & Other Stuff

Happy Father's Day!

Today is technically Husband's second Father's Day, as we had received our foster care license and had two children placed in our home during Father's Day last year. For his first Father's Day, I got Husband some gag gifts-- Super Mario pajama pants, a tie, and a nose hair trimmer. Stereo-typical Father's Day presents.

This year I got him something he wanted. An Iron Gym. It's that thing that you can hang on your door frame so you can do pull-ups. Google it. You'll be like "oh, yeah-- THAT thing." I swear he wanted it. He's been talking about it for like, a year.

In other news:

* Elise is great at rolling onto her side now. She goes from her back to her side all the time by lifting her legs into the air and using their weight to tip her one direction or the other.

* Elise has figured out how to splash in the bath tub. Now she won't stop kicking her legs. And getting me all wet.

* Elise weighed 12 1/2 pounds today.

Double Doody

Oh, by the way, Elise pooped on me TWICE yesterday.

It happened again right before bed. I was trying to take her to the potty, but my cat Vincent wouldn't move off the toilet lid. I was holding Elise in one arm and swatting at the cat with the other when Elise suddenly farted, literally scaring the crap out of herself. And the pee. I was soaked, the baby was screaming, the cat was yowling-- it was a mess.

The Dark Side of EC

Elise pooped all over me this morning.

I was holding her, naked, as I turned on the bath water to warm it up. I got too cocky, thinking I knew when she had to go potty. We had SUCH a good EC day yesterday. Anyway, I don't know if it was the sound of the water or if she simply had to go right then, but MAN that was a lot of poo.

Oh yeah-- Peeing My Pants

I'd almost forgotten about that, but now that my sister is preggers, I want to be sure to mention it.

I never peed myself while I was pregnant, thank goodness. Elise was mostly kind to my bladder. AFTER she was born, however...

About two weeks after Elise was born, I came down with a cough. This totally annoyed me for two reasons. One, I had taken a butt-load of antibiotics in the hospital, so I felt like I shouldn't have a single germ even look at me sideways for at least a month. Two, every time I'd cough hard, I'd pee a little.

It sucked.

I was still wearing pads for the post-baby bleeding so it was never a BIG deal. But it felt embarrassing nonetheless. And I was like "what were all of those Kegal exercise for if I'm still going to pee myself?!" I was afraid that I'd pee myself forever. That I'd never fully regain control of my ability to NOT pee.

Not so. My body just needed a little time to heal. I'd just pushed a human being out of my lady parts, after all. My body was basically still in shock from the waist down, as far as I can tell.

I even mentioned it to my midwife at my six week post-partum checkup. She was like "yeah, that goes away." It's totally normal and not a big deal to the medical professionals. But when all of a sudden you're peeing your pants every time you cough, it sure FEELS like a big deal. I cried about it more than once.

But, yeah. It goes away. Thank goodness.

My Hair Is Falling Out

My friend told me that this would happen somewhere around the 4 month mark. And it's happening alright. I brush my hair, I wash my hair, and massive amounts of hair come out in my hands.

I'm just glad that I have really thick hair, otherwise I'd be concerned about bald spots. For real.

And speaking of hair, Elise's fingernails grow SO fast. I wonder if it's because I'm still taking prenatal vitamins or if all babies just have some sort of super-growth-factor in their baby fingernails.

Cousin Elise

My sister's pregnant! Woo hoo!

Toofies?

I think Elise might be teething.

Oh god. I'm not ready for teeth.

She has been drooling like CRAZY. Not cute little baby drools. Puddles. And sometimes the drool is all bubbly. Like she has rabies.

Also, she's been gnawing on her fingers. Not sucking. Chomping.

I thought "no, it's too early for her to be teething" but I looked it up anyway. Nope. Babies can get teeth at 3 months old.

I'm not ready for teeth.

I also read that it can take up to 3 months to cut teeth, though, so hers might not pop up until she's 6 months old. I hope that's the case.

Every new thing she does-- every little milestone-- makes me want burst out crying. She's getting really good at holding her head up, which both fills me with pride and makes me die inside a little. She's growing so fast and it feels like her babyhood is slipping through my fingers.

I'm not ready for teeth. That will make her just that much less of a baby. Oh lord. Maybe I'll call them "toofusses" to keep it from seeming so real.

Foster Son is An Uncle

We got to see Foster Son yesterday. His mom called us and invited us to meet them somewhere, so of course we went. Foster Sons's 20 year old sister was visiting from out-of-town and she was there, too, with her 2 month old baby boy.

Elise is over 1 month older than Foster Son's nephew, but Little Nephew weighs more than Elise. He's shorter than Elise, too, so he looked all round and plump. Not fat, just baby chub.

I liked Foster Son's sister. She was nice. We compared notes about our babies and our pregnancies-- isn't that what mothers of new babies always do? She never got any morning sickness. So a small, teeny tiny part of me resented her for a split second, but then I got over it. She's got plenty of other problems. I don't need to be wishing retroactive morning sickness on the poor girl.

Little Nephew still had a tiny little newborn baby cry. Funny to see a baby that's bigger than Elise still have such a little cry.

Elise doesn't see many babies, so I thought she'd be interested in Little Nephew. Nope. She didn't care at all that there was another tiny little person sitting next to her. Didn't even care when he cried. Maybe Little Nephew just wasn't her type.

Baby Names: Elise's Contemporaries, Round 2

Here are some more names of non-celebrity babies that I know of, born around the time Elise was born:

Andrew, Eamon, Erica, Henry (two of them), Parker (girl), Ted, Zachary, Zoe

I love names.

Yay For Husband

Husband is getting good at EC. He's successfully taken Elise potty both for poops and pees now.

We're still only saving one or two diapers per day, on average. Some days are better than others. But I can tell already that EC will make potty training a LOT easier, when the time comes. As she gets bigger, she will have a strong association with the toilet and the process of going potty.

3 Months!

I can't believe Elise is three months old! It seems like just yesterday that I was screaming for someone to "get the baby out."

She's grown so much. She's over 12 pounds now. She babbles and coos. She smiles and laughs. She's a real person.

Elise is the most amazing, most beautiful thing on the planet. I celebrate her every day.

First Loooong Car Ride

Went to see all of the grandparents this past weekend. We're talking a 7 hour car ride, once you figure in the extra feeding/diaper changing stops for the baby. Considering that Elise doesn't much like car rides, I was a little nervous about the trip, but she did alright.

In fact, on the way back we had some car trouble (our second flat tire of the day, so we were out of a spare) and we had to call AAA and then have my sister drive to get us, since infant car seats don't really fit into tow trucks all that well. So, the ride back from our trip was EXTRA long. But like I said, Elise did alright.

She's learned to suck on her fingers-- even on her thumb sometimes-- so Elise is able to help soothe herself now. She won't take a pacifier, but now she'll suck on her fingers in the car and that helps her. Also, we made pretty frequent stops. Every hour and a half to two hours.

Travelling with kids simply means that the trip will take longer. And you'll have to bring 3 times as much stuff. And you'll get a fraction of the amount of the already inadequate amount of sleep that you're used to.

Time to move closer to the grandparents, because that long trip was fun, but it was hard work.

Newborn Me

This weekend I saw some photos (polaroids!) of my mother and me in the hospital right after I was born. I was a chubby little tubbykins! I can't believe what a little butterball I was!

I was 8 pounds when I was born, which isn't TOO much, so I must have been short. Or 2 of those pounds were exclusively in my cheeks.

I imagined myself being a cuter newborn. This comes as quite a blow to my ego.

My Whole Heart

A week or two ago, Husband and I were standing at the bakery in our local supermarket. The old ladies that worked there, strangers to us, were admiring the baby.

"That's your whole heart right there, isn't it?" one of them said.

She is. She's my whole heart. I look at her sleeping and she's so pretty and sweet and I just want to explode with love. Love shrapnel flying everywhere. And I think of anyone ever hurting her and tears instantly well up in my eyes.

She's not even 3 months old yet. How am I going to survive her childhood with out combusting or melting first?

Baby Baby Hates Tummy Time

She just hates it. I feel like Elise gets frustrated that she can't go anywhere yet. Can't crawl away.

I put her down on her back on her play mat and she looks up at all the rattles and toys dangling down at her. She smiles and giggles and kicks her legs. I turn her over for tummy time and she is beside herself with anger. She does okay for a few minutes, but after kicking her legs for a while and clawing at the mat to no avail, she freaks out and cries so hard she nearly chokes.

Sometimes she can get one leg up underneath of her and push with it. But since it's only one leg, she simply moves her little body around in a circle. This can keep her entertained for a few minutes, but after a while she even tires of that.

Man, when I was pregnant I would have LOVED some tummy time. It's weird not being able to lay on your stomach for about 5 months. You don't know how good you have it Elise! Enjoy tummy time! There may come a day when you can't lay on your tummy and then you'll wish you had tummy time back.

Separation Anxiety

Mommy's first separation anxiety.

I had a dentist's appointment today. Husband came with me and stayed with Elise in the waiting room while I had my cleaning and xrays done. I was separated from Elise for about an hour, although we were in the same building and someone could have easily gotten me if there was a problem.

But all I could think the whole time was "Come on, come on, COME ON! Hurry up!"

Everyone who worked there wanted to tell me about their own kids. Or their plans to start trying. And one lady, after I asked her if it was okay to get xrays while breastfeeding (I'd already researched it and found out that it is, I just wanted to double check), even asked me how long I plan to breastfeed. What the what?!? Do I know you? Why are you asking me this, weird lady who is clearly silently judging me for my answer?

Elise was asleep on Husband's lap when I returned. What? She didn't miss me as much as I missed her? She was OKAY with not being near me for an HOUR? I guess that's a good thing.

We're still BFFs, though. Right, Elise?

Sleeping Arrangements

Elise sleeps in our room. We have a travel crib/playpen that has a bassinet set up and she sleeps in that. When she was first born, I pulled the crib right next to the bed and slept just a few inches from her. I've been slowly moving the crib farther away, but she's still pretty close by.

If I weren't so incredibly paranoid because of all the stuff I've read about SIDS, I'd totally co-sleep with her. In fact, sometimes I let her sleep in bed with us in the morning, for an hour or two. But never all night. I trust my body to lay still and be attentive even in my sleep when her presence is uncommon, but I'm afraid that if I let her sleep with us all the time I might drop my guard and something bad could happen.

She's so beautiful when she sleeps.

She has her own room. With a full-sized crib and everything. But I like having her near me, I don't want to have to get up and walk to another room in the middle of the night, and I think she's more comfortable knowing I'm close by.

I accidentally became an "attachment parenting" sort of mom. I didn't realize this until I said to myself one day "what IS attachment parenting?" and Googled it. Breastfeeding on demand? Check. Carrying the baby around all day? Check. EC? Check. Like I said, we don't officially co-sleep, but I do the next best thing by keeping her next to me in my room and occasionally in my bed. So, check.

There's no real checklist of what constitutes attachment parenting, but those things I just mentioned are often associated with attachment parenting. The idea being that you are hugely responsive to your baby's own rhythms instead of making the baby conform to your schedule and that you gently and lovingly guide your child rather than give her rigid boundaries regarding her behavior.

Hippie Mom. Did I mention that I hardly brush my hair anymore?

Eyelashes

When Elise was born her eyelashes had no color. They eventually turned blonde. Now they're sort of reddish to light brown. She didn't look like she had any eyebrows, either. Her eyebrows are now pale and blonde, but the hairs are slightly longer, so you can sort of make out an eyebrow shape.

I know that when babies are still in the womb, there's a long time while the baby is growing that the eyes and the hair have no pigment. I wonder if Elise's eyebrows and eyelashes looked so pale because she was born a little bit early. Or maybe all babies are like that.

Just one more thing that contributes to newborn babies looking weird.

Stork Bit

Have you heard of them? Stork bites? Elise has a stork bite on her nose.

Stork bites are these little places on a baby's skin that show up pink when the baby is upset. Babies usually have them on their heads somewhere if they have them. When Elise was born and I saw the mark on her nose, I thought it was a bruise at first. Or a birthmark. Then I noticed that it faded away when she was calm and popped back up when she was upset.

Stork bites fade over time and they're usually gone in a year or so. Elise's is already less pronounced than when she was born.

Stork bite. Sometimes I get this image of a stork flying through the clouds, holding my baby by her little nose.

This Is Awesome

Elise just slept for 7 hours. 7 hours!

She woke up with a wet diaper, but when I took her to the potty she immediately pooped, so I think she was holding it in. I hardly have to change poopy diapers now. My dad says that I'm missing out on one of the joys of parenthood, but I'm okay with that. If I never have to clean up one of those disgusting shit-up-the-back explosions that babies are so famous for, I don't think I'll miss it. Lord knows that I've cleaned up enough vomit to compensate.

I must have earned some seriously good karma in a past life, because Elise is the best baby ever.

Ice Cream, Elise Screams

I think that when I eat ice cream it upsets Elise's tummy. Ice cream is seriously one of my favorite foods on the planet.

Sigh.

I had trouble when I ate ice cream when I was pregnant, too.

No more ice cream for Mommy until you're done breastfeeding. See how much I love you Elise? More than ice cream. And that's A LOT.

Elimination Communication Magic

Oh. My. GOD.

It' 5:00 in the morning. Elise just woke up from sleeping since 11:30 last night AND HER DIAPER WAS DRY. She slept for 5 1/2 hours and didn't wet herself! She's 11 weeks old!

She's never before woken up from sleeping at night with a dry diaper.

Now, to be fair, I took off her diaper and she started to pee just a little. But she stopped herself, I ran with her to the potty, and then she pooped and peed (a LOT). I wasn't planning to do EC at night, but I guess Elise has different plans. I suppose she realized that she doesn't want to sit in a wet diaper in the middle of the night.

Apparently she trusts that I'll take her right to the potty when she wakes up. All day long, any time she wakes up from a nap I take her to the potty. She always goes. Yesterday, she woke up from a nap, I took her to the potty and she peed, and she went right back to sleep. "It's almost as if she woke up just to go to the bathroom," I said to myself.

Then last night around 11:00, I fed her, burped her, swaddled her, and put her in her bassinet like usual. She slept for about 10 minutes and woke up. Since I was still wide awake, I offered her the potty. She went. "That's cool," I thought to myself. "She woke up just to go to the potty. I think we're having some breakthroughs in EC here."

And then she holds it all night. After 4 days of EC training.

Amazing!!!

Baby Cries and an EC Breakthrough

Shortly after Elise was born, people started asking me "Can you tell her different cries apart yet?" I couldn't. And I felt really crappy about it-- like I was a bad parent-- until I realized that she didn't HAVE different cries at first.

It took a couple of weeks before she made noticeably different noises, and then another couple of weeks after that before I could tell what was what. Now, on top of noticing different cries, I have that mother's intuition going on, so sometimes I just KNOW that she's tired or hungry or wet.

When she's wet she makes a sort of "nuh nuh nuh" sound. And when she's hungry she makes this cry that almost sounds like a sarcastic laugh. "Aha aha aha." She doesn't make those sounds every time she's wet or hungry, but if she makes them when she cries, I know what's bothering her right away.

So, tonight just before bed Husband was holding Elise and she started to cry. He was trying to comfort her. "You know, she's making the sound like she's wet. Did you check her diaper?" I asked.

It wasn't wet.

So I jumped up and rushed her to the toilet. Major poo.

To my knowledge she has never made that cry BEFORE her diaper was soiled. I think she was saying, "I don't want to sit in my own crap. And you guys seem to get a big kick out of it when I use the potty. SO... let's make this a win-win situation and you just take me to the potty right now. RIGHT NOW!"

It was really cool.

I've read that once they realize that they don't have to sit in poo, a lot of babies do really well with cueing their caregivers to take them to the potty when they have to poop. All babies have accidents when they're learning elimination communication, but apparently poopy accidents are usually much fewer and farther between than the pee-pee ones.

I wonder if it was just a fluke, or if Elise was really trying to communicate with us.

Naked Baby Time!

New addition to our daily routine: naked baby time! I bought some cloth diapers today so that I can lay them underneath Elise while she plays on the floor naked for about 15 minutes at a time. I wait until she's had a good potty session so that the risk of accidents on the diapers is seriously reduced. We had two naked baby times today. She loved it!

Just Elise

Elise is now an only child, for the first time. Foster Son went back to his mom yesterday. Husband and I are happy for him, but sad for ourselves. Foster Son lived with us for a year. Not having him around will take some getting used to.

I have to say, having Foster Son in our home has really taught Husband and me how to parent as a team. We've seen our flaws, our strengths, discussed how and why we want to do things differently from each other. Very eye-opening. I'm so glad that we work well together. Of course, Husband and I each come from our own unique family culture and so there were plenty of times when we had to reconcile two different ways of handling a situation with Foster Son. How lucky for Elise that we've already worked out some of the kinks.

In other news, Elise's second day of EC went well. I'll spare you the details, other than to say that not having to change poopy diapers is AWESOME.

Also, she's slept for 6 hours for 2 nights in a row now. Heaven!

First Full Day of EC

Cuz I'm sure that you're dying for an update. :)

So, in 24 hours Elise peed or pooped in the toilet 11 times. 11 TIMES! She's pro.

I think I changed about 6 diapers in the last 24 hours, as opposed to the usual 10 to 12. I know. The math. 6 diapers + 11 catches (that's what ECers call it when the baby goes in the appropriate potty place) is 17, not 10 to 12. It seems that babies-- or MY baby-- has lots of little pees during the day. I guess that a normal wet diaper could have more than one elimination. None of the diapers that I changed today were very wet. It was just enough to notice and so I had to change it.

Twice, I offered her the potty and she didn't go. Then within about 5 minutes of diapering her, she went. I KNEW she had to go, but my timing was a bit off, I guess.

Either way, I saved at least 4 diapers today. Woo hoo! That's gonna add up pretty quickly. 4 times 30 is 120 diapers per month.

Two In A Row!

As soon as Elise woke up this morning I took her to the toilet. BAM! Pee AND poo!

So, I've totally turned into one of those moms that breastfeeds until the kid's two years old, lets her babies run around naked, and grinds all of her own baby food. I didn't see that one coming. But I'm okay with being Hippie Mom because I feel like these things are best for Elise and best for our family. Not for EVERYONE-- I'm not preaching. "Dangle you two month old over the toilet..." No, you won't hear me encouraging anyone to make the same decisions I have unless they ask for encouragement first.

But it IS strangely exhilarating to successfully catch your little baby's eliminations in the toilet instead of a diaper.

My 2 1/2 Month Old Just Peed In The Toilet!

I'm so excited right now.

Okay.

I started reading about "elimination communication" (or "EC") today. The idea is that people throughout history, people in hunter-gatherer societies, and people in less developed parts of the world often do not diaper their babies. But they aren't constantly covered in baby poop either. Instead they use EC.

To sum it up real quick, the adult (usually the mother) learns the baby's potty patterns. Like, maybe your baby always pees 5 minutes after feeding and right after waking. Then the adult tries to notice the baby's potty cues. A certain face the baby makes before going, or the baby getting fussy, or whatever. The adult uses this information to take the baby to an appropriate place to eliminate when the baby needs to go. To a toilet maybe. Then, the adult uses a cue to let the baby know that its okay to relax and go to the bathroom. For example, making the sound of moving water like "pssss pssss pssss." That way, even if you're in a different place (a public restroom instead of your bathroom at home), the baby can know that it's okay to go potty.

You can start practicing EC as soon as a baby is born, or anytime thereafter. The idea isn't to potty train a 6 month old. The baby tells the adult when it's time to go, not the other way around. The benefits of EC are that there is trust and communication established between the adult and the baby, you save money on diapers, you are more environmentally friendly because you use fewer diapers, and your baby gets fewer diaper rashes, urinary tract infections, etc.

I'm not explaining it fully, but that's the Cliff's Notes version of EC. Google it for more detailed info.

Anyway, I was totally intrigued. I talked to Husband about maybe practicing EC and he was sold at "it'll save us money on diapers." Since I'm staying home for now, it will be easier to try practicing EC. And I'm already exclusively breastfeeding on demand, so I'm pretty much at Elise's beck and call anyway.

Well, tonight as we were getting ready for bed, Elise started farting. There aren't really any more obvious cues than that as far as I'm-about-to-go-to-the-bathroom goes. So I took off her diaper and carried her to the toilet. Husband was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. "Here goes!" I told him.

I held her upper back against my chest, straddled the toilet backwards, put her feet on the toilet seat with her legs spread, and lowered her into a deep squatting position over the toilet bowl. Then I started going "pssss pssss pssss." And she peed into the toilet. Seriously. She peed. It was awesome.

What better way to start practicing EC than to have it work perfectly the first time? I think I'll keep trying it and see if it's practical for our family. I don't think that I'll ever be a diaper-free ECer (some people don't use diapers at all once they've got a good line of adult-baby communication established) but maybe we'll use cloth diapers at home or something like that. We'll see how it goes.

Other Peoples' Birth Stories: My Coworker

I used to work with this lady about two years ago that told me one day, "All babies are NOT cute." When she had her first son, they handed him to her right after delivery and she thought, "This baby can't be mine. He's too ugly!"

My coworker was shocked by how ugly she thought her own baby was. She said that he "grew into his looks" and that now she thinks he's handsome (he's an adult by the time she's telling me this), but at first she was depressed by how unattractive her baby was.

I appreciated her honesty. Motherhood is often sentimentalized and the feelings that some mothers have for their babies aren't always beautiful, blissful feelings of pride and joy. I don't think that my coworker was a bad mother for not instantly feeling like her son was the most beautiful thing on the planet. Or for saying it aloud.

I was really scared that I'd have an ugly baby. Now that Elise is here, that fear seems silly. I honestly think she is the most beautiful thing that I've ever seen. Ever. But when she was still in my belly and I didn't know how she looked, I'd worry and think things like, "If she's ugly, will I have trouble bonding with her? Will I grow to love her looks or just accept them? Will everyone lie to me and tell me that she's cute or will they just not say anything at all?..."

To make matters worse, all babies come out looking a little weird. They're all puffy and swollen when they're born and it takes a few hours to a few days before the swelling goes down. So you don't even REALLY know what your baby looks like at first, anyway.

I thought Elise looked cute in every stage-- from her swollen post-delivery body, to her skinny newborn physique, to her current chubby-cheeked self. I got pretty lucky.

Other Peoples' Birth Stories: My Aunt

I vaguely remember one of my aunts telling a group of lady relatives about her experience when she had her first child. She told this story over 10 years ago, so I'm totally paraphrasing.

She must have given birth for the first time during the mid-60s or so. Well, she went into labor while my uncle was at work-- he might even have been out of town, I can't remember. Either way, he didn't go with her to the hospital. At the hospital, they gave her drugs for the pain of labor. According to my aunt, the drugs they gave her made her super loopy. She said that the drugs were an unpleasant experience-- that was the point of the story, be glad for the better drugs that they have now.

Anyhow, my uncle arrived at the hospital, after the medication had been administered. He went in to see my aunt, but he'd gotten a haircut that day and because the medication had made her so out of it, my aunt didn't recognize him. She freaked out. "Who is that man in my room?!?" And she wouldn't believe it was her husband. They had to kick him out of the room immediately.

I'm so thankful that doctors don't use those kinds of drugs anymore. Of course, labor itself made me as mad as a hatter, but at least I could recognize my own husband.

I Accidentally Fed My Baby Soap

I bathe Elise twice a week. She does just fine during her bath-- she's not too excited either way. She doesn't cry or get overly happy. She seems to just think of it as a regular part of the day.

My routine is to get two washcloths. First I put one washcloth across her belly, to keep her warm. With the other washcloth, I scrub her little face with water, then I wash her hair with shampoo. I drape the first washcloth across her head like a hat, then I wash her body with soap with the second washcloth.

Well, today I decided to scrub a little soap on her cheeks and chin as I was washing her chest. I soaped up the rest of her body, rinsed out the washcloth, and went back to wash the soap away. That's when I noticed her blowing bubbles out of her mouth. These bubbles were too big to be just from spit. Dammit! I fed the baby soap.

She didn't cry or seem very concerned about the new taste.

I guess a little soap in her mouth won't kill her. The preschool that I went to washed kids' mouths out with soap for bad language all the time. I specifically remember circle time one day where the teacher was having us name rhymes for "duck." One of my best preschool friends was a little bit evil. She raised her hand. "She won't do it," I thought to myself. "No way." She did. And got her mouth rinsed out with soap for an extra long time. She's still alive, so I guess Elise will be okay, too.

Baby Monkey

Elise is really strong. I know this because for at least a month now she's been puling my hair. And it hurts. A lot.

At first she would grab my shirt and hold on for dear life, as if I might drop her and she needed to be able to support her own weight. Like a little baby monkey. I thought this was very cute. Until she developed a preference for holding on to my hair instead.
She doesn't grab the sturdy hairs that grow from the top of my head. No. She grabs the delicate under-hairs that start behind my ears or at the top of my neck. Little hairs that are too fragile even for light to hit them. Even when I put my hair into a ponytail, her cruel baby fingers find these wispy little hairs and yank the living hell out of them.

I thought about shaving my head, but then I realized that she would just grab raw flesh instead.

Turn That Frown Upside Down

I cleared out my office at work. That's it. I'm done. And it was kind of sad for me.

Where is this silly emotion coming from?

I read that women are most susceptable to post-partum depression during months 2 to 4 after delivery. Elise is 10 weeks old now. I think I have some mild post-partum sadness. I mean, I have legitimate reasons to be sad (quitting work, Foster Son going home soon, etc) but I'm dealing with my feelings in very counter-productive ways. Like not getting changed out of my pajamas all day.

Elise makes me so happy-- I look at her and my heart bubbles over with joy. So I don't think I need to seek help or anything. I'm not overwhelmed by depression. There's just a underlying current of sadness to my life right now. And I'm trying to be all Tao Te Ching about it and tell myself that if I don't balance the amazing goodness of Elise with a little bit of life's badness, I won't be able to see the contrast and recognize how incredibly, wonderfully happy my sweet baby makes me. If I were super happy all the time, then I wouldn't be super happy, really. Super happy would become the new baseline.

Or some such bullshit.

Oh, and I read an article about how dads get post-partum depression, too. They're most likely to get it between months 3 and 6 post-partum. The fact that daddies get it too makes researchers think that post-partum depression for women might not only be because of changes in hormones. Interesting!

Gray Skies Are Gonna Clear Up...

... Put on a happy face! Baby Baby slept for 5 hours again. :)

Is This Real? Am I Dreaming?

The baby just slept for 5 1/2 hours. It feels like Christmas.

Cry Me A River

You might not know this unless you've had a baby or have been around a newborn, but little babies don't shed tears when they cry. I guess their tear ducts aren't fully formed or something. They cry and cry but no tears come out.

Elise's eyes have been getting wet when she cries, but not wet enough for tears to spill down her cheeks. Today, she'd squeeze her little eyes shut when she'd cry and tear drops would actually form under her eyes and cling to her eyelashes. But then she'd open her eyes and the tears would get sucked back into her eyes. I kept waiting for the tear drops to actually fall, but they never did.

Is it weird that I can't wait for my daughter to cry real tears? Every little change seems like such a milestone to me. It's silly how fascinated with her I am.

Highway Child

Elise took her 2nd out-of-town trip. Foster Son is going home soon, so we went to a museum that he has been to before and likes. The car ride was 2 1/2 hours each way. Elise did alright. Some fussing, but overall not too bad.

I've done lots of breastfeeding in public now. I did it twice at the museum. But I've also done it at several different restaurants in the past. No one has said anything to me yet. I mean, I keep everything covered up. But I've heard stories of people getting offended nonetheless and telling breastfeeding moms that they shouldn't feed in public. I don't know what I'll say if some stranger tries to give me crap-- "thank you for sharing your opinion"... I don't know.

Thank You, Mother Nature!

Update on lady parts! Things ARE looking more and more how I am used to, by the way. I guess it just takes a little while for everything to finish healing.

Had the changes been permanent, it really wouldn't have been that big of a deal. I mean, the difference between the "before" lady parts and the "after" lady parts was definitely something that I could notice, but someone unfamiliar with my "before" lady parts wouldn't have been like, "Whoa! What happened there?" or anything. In fact, when I was talking to the midwife at my 6 week post-partum checkup, she said, "Well, everything looks normal to ME-- but I haven't known your body for 31 years like you have." That's reassuring, right? A woman who looks at lady parts all day long should know messed up lady parts when she sees them.

And just to set the record straight-- things don't FEEL different. If it weren't for the fact that I possess a hand mirror and a lot of curiosity about how my body has been changing during pregnancy and delivery, then I never would have known that everything didn't just snap back into place after the baby was born.

I guess that I wasn't expecting it to take MONTHS for my body to finish healing. Once the post-partum pains go away, it's hard to remember that there are still changes taking place. It took over 9 months to grow my baby, 22 hours to push her out, and now it has been over 2 months since she was born and my body still hasn't finished its healing process. That's a long time to have your body be different than what you're used to. Once you get pregnant, your body really is for your baby-- it isn't just for you anymore.

I'm getting my body back, slowly but surely.

Full-time Mom

I resigned from my position at work. I am now a full-time mommy. My job is to raise Elise to be the best person she can be. Most important job in the world.

I thought I'd feel happy to quit working. Instead I'm a little depressed. I mean, I'm happy and depressed about it at the same time.

I've worked since I was 16 years old. In those 15 years, I always went from one job to the next with no break in between, except that I took 1 year off from working during my first year of law school. And I was still working hard that year, believe me. I just wasn't getting paid for it. But I worked during my last two years of law school... and I still graduated with honors. Woo hoo!

At one point in undergrad, I was working full-time, going to school full-time, and studying to take the LSAT. That was INSANE. But my point is, working is a part of who I am. So to not work feels kind of weird.

I'm so thankful that I have the opportunity to stay home with Elise. I know that she's better with me for her first year than she is at a daycare. It's just hard to go from attorney to housewife. I'm kind of lousy at domestic duties.

Fortunately, being a mommy is a natural part who I am, too. I can always go back to work, but I can never get Elise's first year of childhood back. I know I'm making the best decision for my baby.

Wiped Out

Before you have a baby, people are always telling you how expensive diapers are, how you'll have to run out in the middle of the night to get them because you didn't realize that you were almost out, etc. They don't mention wipes. While not as expensive, they are equally as important. And you'll go through them like crazy.

We've tried Huggies brand wipes, Wal-mart brand (Parents' Choice), and Publix brand. And you know what? I like the Wal-mart brand best. I mean, they all work fine. But as far as I can tell, there is NO reason to pay top dollar for the Huggies wipes when the Wal-mart wipes are available. The Wal-mart wipes are cheap, sturdy, and adequately moist.

We've stocked up on the Wal-mart wipes. We have several months worth stacked in Elise's closet. I refuse to be caught without wipes. Oh lord-- just what I'd need. A mudslide and no wipes.

I've read that you can make your own wipes by cutting up paper towels and soaking them in a solution of water and mild soap. That's some serious dedication to your baby's butt. I cannot imagine myself at the dining room table with scissors and a roll of paper towels, cutting away for hours. It's seems much cheaper, money-wise and time-wise, to just buy the Wal-mart wipes. Maybe the homemade wipes are more natural or something. Good for all of you ladies and men out there who have the patience to make your own wipes-- I wish I had your dedication. And your inordinant amounts of free time.

I Guess That Did Sound Strange

If I didn't have the ability to surf the Internet on my smartphone, I'd go crazy. As I've mentioned before, when Elise wakes up in the middle of the night, it generally takes about an hour to feed her, burp her, and get her back to sleep. During the night I don't talk to her or play with her-- I want her to know that it's bedtime. But I have to stay awake, which isn't always easy.

I use my phone to make blog posts at 3 in the morning (hence all the typos), or check Facebook, or just bop around on the Internet, going off on weird tangents and looking up seemingly random crap.

This morning I instant messaged Husband, "i learned a lot about cream cheese in the middle of the night last night"

He pointed out how strange that sounded. And in retrospect, I agree.

Elise's Song

A while ago I made up a little song for Elise. I sing it to her every day-- sometimes it helps to calm her.

It's to the tune of "Jesus Loves The Little Children." And it doesn't have the best grammar, but fortunately Elise doesn't know that yet. Or if she does, she appears not to care.

"Mommy loves her little baby
All the babies in the world
Aren't as cute and aren't as sweet
As her little baby Elise
All the babies in the world"

I also sing her the ABC song every day. The rest of the songs that I sing are on rotation, so I don't get bored.

I tried singing "I Will Survive" the other day, but she didn't appreciate my rendition of the 1970s classic. Guess I'll avoid disco for now.

2 Month Check Up

Elise had her 2 month check up at the doctor's office. She measured 22 1/2 inches in height (50th percentile) and weighed 10 pounds and 11 ounces (50th percentile).

She got 3 shots and had to drink some fluid containing a live virus. Her first vaccines. Oh, she screamed when the nurse stuck her. It broke my heart. So I asked the nurse if I could use the room for an extra minute to feed her. Not to give her a meal, just to let her suck for a minute for comfort. The nurse begrudgingly agreed. And you know what? It totally worked. She stopped crying and was fine after just a few seconds of breastfeeding. Mommy knows how to make Baby Baby better.

Elise slept the whole way home and for another couple of hours after that. Deep sleep. I figured that her body was processing the vaccinations and it must be making her tired.

Well, when she woke up she was UNCONSOLABLE. Poor baby. She didn't have a fever or anything, but she clearly felt miserable. I tried feeding her. She would nurse for a minute, unlatch and scream for a minute, nurse for a minute, scream for a minute-- it was so sad. And once I'd get her quieted, if anything changed, I'd move the slightest bit or there'd be a noise, she'd start screaming again.

Now, I have 4 cats, and the youngest (let's call him "Vincent") does not care to hear the baby cry. Usually he'll get up and leave the room if she starts fussing. Sometimes he'll come stand by me and start yowling, too, as if to say to me "DO something, dammit!" And a few times, Vincent's tried to bat at her in an effort to make the noise stop.

Well, as I was instant messaging Husband to ask him to leave work a few minutes early so he could pick up some baby Tylenol, and while Elise was screaming in discomfort, Vincent came over to me, grabbed my forearem firmly in his teeth, and let loose a long, loud yowl. He's not a biter, so this was very strange. He was clearly telling me to make the baby stop crying OR ELSE.

Anyhow, once we gave Elise some Tylenol she was able to go back to sleep for a bit and she woke up acting like her usual cheery self. Poor baby.

I'm not looking forward to her 4 month boosters.

Special Day

May 9th, 2010. My 1st Mother's Day. Elise's 2 month birthday. What a wonderful day!

I had a really, really nice Mother's Day. On Saturday, husband and (Elise and) I went to dinner at one of our favorite restaurants. It was delicious. We got apple, onion, and brie quesadillas for a starter. Then roasted vegetable hummus and chips. And I ordered pasta with spinach, mushrooms, and gorgonzola cheese sauce for my entree. Yum!

I got to sleep in a bit on the morning of Mother's Day because Foster Son was on an overnight visit with his mom. After I woke up, Husband washed my car. Later on, we went to the mall. We got chocolates, I bought a nursing shirt, and Husband bought me a beautiful necklace made with Elise's birthstone.

I couldn't have asked for a better Mommy's Day!

Baby's First Trip Out of Town

We took Elise on her first trip to another city. It was about a two hour car ride. Yikes, right? She doesn't like riding in the car. Well, I managed to get her to take her pacifier.

She'd been refusing to take the pacifier for the last several car rides. She was having trouble sucking on it, which would only frustrate the situation and upset her more. She kept choking and gagging when I'd give it to her. But after a lot of patience on both of our parts, Elise managed to take the pacifier, which was a big help during the 4 hours she was car-bound.

In preparation for the trip, I researched what kind of sunscreen babies are supposed to wear. Turns out that most sunscreens are full of chemicals, but you can get non-chemical sunscreen if you look for it. Remember that old brand of sunscreen, I think it was called Zinc, that came in white or lots of bright colors and you could put it down your nose or under your eyes? It was opaque. The kind of thing lifeguards use to use. Well, you can still find sunscreen with that zinc stuff in it, but it blends into your skin better and isn't so thick. Since it's non-chemical, you don't have to apply it 30 minutes before you go into the sun-- the zinc literally blocks the sun's rays from your skin so it starts working immediately. And because it is non-chemical, it's not as harsh on your skin.

We got a bottle of Banana Boat brand sensitive skin sunscreen formula that is non-chemical, and it worked just fine. We looked at a bunch of sunscreens supposedly "for babies" but they were full of chemicals. They just had really high SPFs. But I'd rather reapply more often if it means fewer chemicals on Elise's skin. It pays to do your research and not just assume that because something is marketed for babies that it is actually the best choice.

There's so much to think about once you have a baby!

Baby BFFs

We just saw our friends Peg, her boyfriend, and their Baby D. Elise and Baby D are about 5 months apart, so naturally they are baby BFFs. Or at least I assume that to be the case. Elise doesn't actually know any other babies yet, so Baby D is her best friend by default. I'm sure that they'll be swapping clothes, secrets, and advice on avoiding boy-cooties in no time.

It was cute, though, because Elise and Baby D looked at each other a lot and Baby D (who has much more eye/hand coordination than Elise) would reach out and touch Elise.

Why are babies fascinated by other babies? It's as if they can recognize, "Hey! Your head's one fourth of the length of your body, too! We have giant heads together!"

I can't wait until Elise is just a little bit bigger, because then she and Baby D can really play together. That will be so cool.

So Soon?

Why, why, why?

I think I have my period back already. I had really light bleeding for three days.

Damn it!

I thought I would have 9 months of pregnancy plus at least several months of breastfeeding to keep "Aunt Flo" away. But noooooooo. My body is determined to bleed. I had spotting during my pregnancy and despite breastfeeding exclusively AND being on the mini pill, I'm now resuming my menstrual cycle.

WTF?

I thought to myself, "Don't women who breastfeed exclusively usually not get their period for a while?" I'm not using any formula. I'm not even pumping and using bottles. Everytime Elise wants to eat, she goes to my breast. Nature should have kicked in and said, "Oh, I see you already have a baby... no more babies for you! Let's put a hold on ovulation for a while."

I looked it up, to see when breastfeeding moms usually get their period back. I read that women who breatfeed exclusively usually resume their menstrual cycle 6 months to a year after giving birth. But it has been reported that in some cases women have gotten them back as early as 6 weeks. So its not common to get your menstrual cycle back that quickly.

Well, I went a whole 8 weeks.

I said to Husband the other night, "I feel weird. Kind of PMS-y. My tummy feels weird and I feel all emotional for no reason." The next morning, the bleeding started.

Damn it! It's not fair!

Pregnancy Dreams

I had two dreams recently where I was pregnant again.

About a week and a half ago, I dreamed that I was in labor at the hospital. I was in this room that looked sort of like an operating room, laying flat in a bed. A nurse came in with a Jansport backpack over one shoulder (hello, middle school!), set it down on the foot of my bed, and started unpacking it.

She took out a huge butcher's knife. A meat cleaver of some sort. "Am I having a c-section this time?" I asked. "Not necessarily," she said, "we just want to be ready."

Then a couple of nights ago I dreamed that Husband and I were out at dinner with a friend. All of a sudden, I felt a baby kick. It was unmistakeable as to what it was. I grabbed my stomach and glanced over at Husband. He could tell by the look on my face what was going on and he stared back at me, looking slightly horrified.

Jeez, brain, what's with the pregnancy dreams? Can't we just put that behind us for now?

What's So Funny?

Elise laughed again, this time for no apparent reason. She was on the changing table and she just stretched out her legs and giggled. It was super cute.

It's amazing how happy her little laughs make me.

Paci Fail

I tried to give Elise a pacifier in the car again today, but she totally rejected it. She not only rejected it, she acted like I was choking her, gagging and coughing. I wasn't shoving it in her mouth or anything-- it would touch her tongue and she'd freak out, screaming and crying even harder.

I guess I'll try again next time she's having a rough car ride and see if she takes it or if she's decided that she doesn't like pacifiers.

A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words

Ever since Husband's computer crashed a few months ago, I've been obsessed with finding new ways to back up our files. I especially don't want to lose Elise's baby pictures. When I was little, it would take a fire or a flood to destroy all of your family's photos. Now, everything can be deleted with the push of a button. Scary.

So I started a Shutterfly.com account for Elise. I've been uploading pictures to the Internet in order to back them up. It's the best thing I can think of. Of course, we have an external hard drive and all of that, but it will fail eventually, just like the computer. Hopefully, the pictures can exist on the Internet forever. No flood, fire, button pushing, or computer crashing can get rid of Elise's baby pictures now!

Caught In A Mudslide

I finally got pooped on.

I was sitting on the couch with Elise in my lap when she let loose a mudslide. Then I heard myself saying, "Ooooh! That's warm!" just as I realized WHY there was a warm feeling spreading across my lap.

Baby's First Pacifer

Breastfed babies aren't supposed to be given a pacifer until they are at least 1 month old. Elise is almost 8 weeks old, so you can see that I've been struggling with the decision of whether to use a pacifer or not.

I don't come from a culture of pacifier use, so I don't instinctively think baby = pacifier. At the same time, I recognize that sometimes babies need to be soothed and you can't always give them exactly what they want exactly when thay want it.

I don't like it when people give babies pacifiers for every little reason. The baby's crying, so the first thing they reach for is the pacifier. The baby's sleepy, they reach for the pacifier. The baby's happy, they reach for the pacifier. The baby's breathing, so he must want his pacifier.

I believe that pacifiers should be a last resort for when the baby is upset. I think that usually there's something that the baby wants more than the pacifier-- food, a clean diaper, attention, a nap. That's just me, though. I don't want my baby dependent on a pacifier for happiness or to feel normal.

Elise REALLY doesn't like car rides. They stress her out. Sometimes she does okay, but once she gets upset, there's no calming her. And I obviously can't take her out of her seat and hold her while we're riding down the road. So I started to consider using a pacifier for these situations. She gets so stressed out, and I want to be able to...well, PACIFY her.

So I did some research. Basically what I found is that so long as you don't give pacifiers too soon or let the kid keep using them too late, pacifiers are probably okay. They might increase the instances of ear infections, but since I plan to use a pacifier so infrequently and only in specific instances (car rides, out in public when I can't feed her the instant she gets hungry and she's very upset about it) I'm not terribly concerned about her getting extra ear infections.

So today we were stuck in traffic. Bad traffic. And Elise started screaming. I tried singing to her and petting her head, which sometimes works. I tried shushing her. No dice. I decided to try a pacifier for the first time.

I could tell she was confused. She didn't seem to understand why she was sucking but getting no food. However, she didn't spit the pacifier out. She kept grumbling and looking generally miserable, but she wasn't screaming anymore. And eventually she fell asleep. Fitful, angry sleep, but sleep nonetheless.

So the pacifier was successful, I think.

Now I just have to keep myself in check and make sure that I'm not tempted to rely on it everytime we get in the car. I really don't ever want to have to break a "binky habit."

Big Girl

Elise is growing so fast. Or at least it seems that way to me. She's officially outgrown most of her newborn clothes (she can still wear some of the pants) and she's been out of newborn diapers for almost a month now.

She was about 6 and 1/2 pounds when she was born and she was able to wear newborn diapers for one month. It was perfect because we had 1 month's supply of newborn size. Just about the time Husband said to me "I think these are getting too small" we only had a few more days worth of those diapers left. If she'd been much bigger when she was born, we'd have had extra diapers leftover. On that note, I wouldn't advise expectant parents to stock up on newborn diapers-- there's no telling how big your baby will be when it's born.

Elise's little newborn clothes are too small, as well. She's wearing size 0-3 now. I've been packing up the newborn clothes, saving them in case we get a newborn foster child sometime.

They grow up so fast!

Looking Forward to Next Time

Just so you know, Elise slept in 1 and 1/2 hour bursts last night. No glorious 4 hour rest periods for Mommy.

I'm surprised at how well I can function on such little sleep. I don't really nap in the daytime. I'm just not very good at it. And anyway, Elise always knows when I'm sleeping during the day and wakes up within 15 minutes. So I've stopped trying. It just frustrates me and makes me feel more tired.

My exercise bike arrived, so now that I'll be able to exercise more, I'm hoping that the sleep that I do get is deeper and more productive sleep. I always sleep better when I'm in shape.

By the way, I totally love my new exercise bike, but putting it together was ridiculous. It was the coming together of every joke about how much it sucks to sit at home and assemble a toy/shelf/whatever just arrived in a box. The directions didn't match the diagrams, the directions completely left out a rather important step that I had to figure out on my own, and I needed extra tools to get the job done. Good thing I have a graduate degree AND I went to art school for a bit, because I needed all of my skills at interpreting both the written word and poorly rendered drawings.

My Name Is Mud

Elise is very gassy. Often when she poops, there is a noise like a large amount of wet earth and rock has freed itself from the side of a mountain. Husband and I refer to this as a "mudslide." We'll be sitting there, hear several seconds of rumbling from Elise's behind, and then shout "MUDSLIDE!" at each other.

Now, instead of the drawn out noise of a mudslide, there is also a single, violent burst of poopy noise-- the mud bomb.

Either way, WATCH OUT!

Oh, Joyous Day!

Elise just slept for four hours straight!!!

This is the first time in 7 weeks that I've gotten 4 consecutive hours of sleep. At first, I was literally getting 4 hours of sleep TOTAL each night. Her habit lately has been: sleep 3 hours, wake for an hour, sleep an hour and a half, wake for an hour, sleep an hour, wake up (and then it's time for me to get up and feed the cats).

I can't even explain how exciting this is.

Tonight at a foster parent meeting, I was talking to the foster mom of an 8 week old (Elise is 7 weeks old) and she asked me, "Is she sleeping through the night yet?" "Oh no. 3 hours is the longest she'll sleep." "He started sleeping through last week!" she beamed. She said it like we were having a contest and her baby had just won. Congratulations, lady. Formula-fed babies sleep longer at a stretch because formula is heavier in their tummies and they feel fuller longer. You aren't a better mother and you don't have a better baby-- you just don't breastfeed. Sheesh!

I have so much energy right now. My body is like, "It's time to get up now, right? You just got 4 hours of sleep, so it must be time to get up. I think you just overslept." I hope I can get myself back to sleep when the baby falls asleep again.

Giggles

When Elise laughed the other day, I thought it might have just been a fluke. Not so! I got her to laugh again last night. She did a better job of it this time, too, and didn't choke on her spit.

She's becoming so alert and involved when she's awake. Its awesome. She still sleeps a lot, but when she's awake she's actually becoming fun to play with. Interactive. I love it!

This Round's On Me

Today I had my first beer since I found out I was pregnant. Well, half a beer. Husband and I split one.

We had a Lindeman's framboise lambic, which is a raspberry flavored beer. It's goooooood.

I am a beer drinker. I enjoy the occasional mixed drink-- usually a cape cod or a rum and pineapple or an amaretto stone sour-- and I can drink a glass of wine if I'm trying to look more sophisticated than I really am. But mostly I prefer the taste of beer. So I had been looking forward to today for quite some time.

My diet didn't change much once I found out about the baby in my belly. I don't eat meat, so I didn't have to avoid cold cuts. I don't eat fish, so I could still eat my sweet potato sushi rolls without any fears. I don't smoke. But alcohol was out the window.

Now that Elise is here, I have a little more freedom regarding what I can choose to ingest. Breastfeeding still imposes a lot of restrictions, but fewer than when you're pregnant. I can't get drunk, but I can have a beer right after a feeding, so that the alcohol is out of my system by the time the baby is hungry again.

Sorry, Elise, no beer boobies.

Cervical Answers

So, I noticed the other day that my cervix feels different. I figured that there's probably nothing WRONG with it, since I just got an exam at my OBGYN's office and the midwife specifically said, "Great! Everything's back in place where it should be and healing just fine." But as I mentioned before with regard to my lady parts, there's a new "normal" after you have a baby.

So a quick Google search revealed that a woman's cervix IS different after a vaginal birth. Before birth, the opening of the cervix is a little round hole. After birth, it's a slit. Who knew?!

Seriously, why isn't there a chart or a spread sheet that they give pregnant ladies listing all of the changes that will happen to their bodies because of pregnancy and delivery? Dear pregnant lady, don't be surprised if you permanently go up a shoe size, if you never lose that last 5 pounds, if your hoo-hoo looks different, if your cervix has changed shape..."

Actually, the midwife did say one thing about my cervix as she was performing the pap smear during my exam last Tuesday. She said that my cervix was off to one side now. "Really? Will it stay like that?" I asked. "Maybe. But it's no big deal if it does. It won't effect your ability to get pregnant or have another vaginal delivery."

Gee, thanks.

Jury Doody

I knew this baby would be good for something.

I just got called for jury duty for the first time ever in my life. I'm 31 years old, and I'd never been called for jury duty until the other day. I got a card in the mail telling me when to report.

Crap, I thought, how's this going to work? Maybe I should start breastfeeding during jury selection and see if that influences their decision.

But then I read everything on the card I'd received and discovered that because I'd just had a baby, I could be automatically excused. Woo hoo!

I sent the card back in with an explanation of why I can't appear, and within a couple of days I got a letter excusing me from jury duty.

Justice was served.

Laugh and the World Laughs With You

The day before yesterday, Elise gave me her first social smile. She'd already smiled many, many times-- for gas, in her sleep, whatever. But the day before yesterday was the first time she smiled in response to something.

Then yesterday, Elise gave me her first laugh.

She woke up from a mid-morning nap super happy. She was smiling and cooing and looking generally delighted with just being awake. So I reached over and started tickling her tummy. She laughed. I don't think I was really tickling her, but just that she liked the extra attention.

She wasn't very good at laughing. She laughed for a second, then choked on her spit. It was so cute, though. I can't wait for her next laugh.

40 Days and 40 Nights

Okay, 42. I had my 6 week postpartum check-up yesterday. Everything's looking pretty good.

My umbilical hernia is healing and I didn't need a referral to a specialist to talk about surgery right now. I might in the future if it doesn't keep healing or if it gets worse. But it's doing okay for now. My belly button does NOT look how it used to. I sort of have an innie/outie where it doesn't pop all the way out, but it isn't all the way in, either. No bikinis for me. But my intestines aren't pouring out of my body and that's what's important.

I got the green light for exercising. My abdominal muscles have come back together and so long as I don't over do it before my hernia finishes healing, I can work out again. Yay!

No more "pelvic rest," either. My lady parts are recovered enough to start practicing babymaking once more.

I asked the midwife if my lady parts would ever look the same again. Basically, she said no. Right now, I barely recognize myself down there. It looks like something has forced itself out of my birth canal-- which it has. She has. And everything's different. The midwife said it will continue to get better and look more and more like what I'm used to, but it will probably never look completely how it did before the baby.

"You just can't push a baby out of your vagina and expect it to look exactly how it did before you got pregnant."

So, no more closeups while I'm filming my amateur pornos. Just kidding. My point is, who cares, right? It's a mark of mommyhood. One that no one but me and my husband will see. I have mourned the passing of my former lady parts and I am at peace with the new me.

Anyway, I got a prescription for the mini pill (birth control pill that doesn't contain estrogen). I still reeeeeeeeally want an IUD, but we're going to try the mini pill for now. The downside is that you have to take the pill at the same exact time every day or it doesn't work, and I have a horrible memory for that kind of remember-to-do-this-precisely-on-time sort of thing. So I'll be setting an alarm on my phone and hoping that prompts me to take the pill on time. Otherwise, hello Elise #2! (Grandmas and Grandpas, DO NOT JINX ME INTO HAVING ANOTHER BABY!!!)

Biiiiiiiicycle, Biiiiiiicycle

Husband and I ordered a stationary bike. I have 10 pounds to lose before I'm back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I figure that I can ride the bike while Elise sleeps during the day. I need exercise.

I'm Starting To Take It Personally

You know how sometimes babies pee when you take off their diapers to change them? The cold air hits their tiny baby private parts and WHEEEE! Away they go!

Well, lately, Elise has been using me for target practice. She peed on my arm on Friday. I didn't even know girls could pee up into the air as high as she did. Then tonight, she waited and waited and just as I was reaching across the changing table, she took careful aim and soaked my outstretched hand.

So, good for you, my little sniper. You may currently lack eye/hand coordination, but you make up for it with eye/bladder coordination.

Post-natal Vitamins

Since I'm breastfeeding, I have continued to take my prenatal vitamins. I just assumed that that's what you're supposed to do.

At Elise's recent doctor's appointment, I asked her doctor if I should keep taking my prenatal vitamins, or if there's something better for breastfeeding moms. He said that prenatal vitamins are fine, and that any multivitamin would really be okay.

Confession: Turns out that I'm maybe a little sexist. When he said that any multivitamin would be okay, I was immediately skeptical. What does HE know about breastfeeding, I thought to myself. Totally unfair of me. But that was my initial reaction.

I Wish I Would Have Looked

There was a big mirror in the labor and delivery room. I could have watched Elise being born. Now, I wish I would have looked. At the time, however, it seemed like a bad idea.

First of all, it seemed a little impractical. I was squeezing my eyes shut tight with every push, so I wouldn't have seen much anyway. But aside from that, I was terribly afraid that I'd see something go wrong. That I'd watch my vagina rip open or something. I was in so much pain, I didn't know exactly what was going on down there and I didn't want to.

But now that I know everything turned out okay, I wish I could have seen her be born.

Baby I Got Yer Money

Who said having a baby has to ruin your finances? Since we've found out that I was pregnant, Husband and I have been very, very, ridiculously financially responsible. And as of last night, we paid off our last credit card. Woo hoo!

I just celebrated with a stack of Chips Ahoy cookies.

Water Bed

Elise's stupid diaper leaked last night while I was feeding her. I was laying down while I was breastfeeding, so she was laying next to me on the bed. My sheets were soaked. It sucked.

Driving In My Automo-squeal

For the past few days, Elise yells and cries for the duration of any car ride. I thought car rides are supposed to put babies to sleep. She just hates being strapped into her seat. She hates not being held and cuddled.

Hush Little Baby

Elise doesn't sleep for very long at night. Never has. For a while, she was only sleeping for roughly a half hour at a time. That was exhausting. Then, for about the past week, her routine was that she would sleep for an hour to an hour and a half, then be awake for an hour, and repeat that cycle throughout the night.

But things are looking up-- she slept for a 2 hour and 45 minute stretch last night! That's a new nighttime record. I'm hoping for a repeat performance tonight. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Ba-donka-donk

I fit into an old pair of pre-pregnancy jeans today! GRANTED, they were my "fat" jeans. And GRANTED, I can barely button them. And GRANTED, I have a muffin top aaaaaaall the way around the top of my jeans. But progress is progress.

1 Month!

Elise is one month old today. I can't believe that it's been a month already.

She had a well-child check-up today at her doctor's office. She weighed in at 8 pounds, 13 ounces and measured 21 and 1/4 inches long. That's the 45th percentile for weight and the 50th percentile for length. Officially no longer a Baby Baby. Now she's a totally average baby.

One month!

Oh, I love her.

Package From Enfamil

Got a package in the mail today from Enfamil, the formula company. There was a big container of powdered formula and four $5 coupons. Not bad. I guess signing up on their website is worth the trouble.

We don't use formula for Elise, but as foster parents, there's no telling when/if it might come in handy.

Breastfeeding Learning Curve

During my pregnancy I was very determined to breastfeed once the baby arrived, and I assumed that breastfeeding is something that comes naturally. That it's maybe a bit uncomfortable at first, but babies know how to eat, boobs automatically make milk, and what could the mom possibly do to mess up the breastfeeding process? Turns out, there's a lot more to breastfeeding than I originally thought.

At the hospital, I was getting conflicting information from the nurses, the lactation consultants, and my own body. Tired from labor and sleep deprived, I thought that I was incorrectly remembering what people were telling me-- that I kept doing things wrong, rather than realizing that different people were telling me different things. Things that sometimes directly contradicted what someone else had told me. I found out later that the nurses at my hospital are not required to have any formal training in breastfeeding, so many nurses are simply giving what they think is good advice, based on their own personal experience. And it's not always right.

On top of that confusion, the lactation consultants were having me pump my breast milk to "encourage my milk supply to come in." I realize now that my milk was coming in just fine. Elise was eating well, but the lactation consultants scared me into thinking that she wasn't and that if I didn't pump, my breasts wouldn't be stimulated enough to make the amount of milk that she'd need as she got bigger.

I wish I'd have paid attention to what was really going on. The hospital's lactation consultants were having me use this big, electric, hospital-grade breast pump... and telling me that I should rent it for when I went home with the baby. They were telling me that I would need to keep pumping and that the hand-pump that I had already bought wouldn't be as good as the electric one I could rent from them. That makes no sense to me now. But at the time, I believed them.

The first day or two of breastfeeding were hard, not only because I was being told that Elise wasn't eating enough (again, I don't believe that to be true now) but because my nipples got hurt from the way Elise was feeding. Little blood vessels in my nipples burst and it became very painful when Elise would feed. I continued breastfeeding her anyway. The nurses and lactation consultants kept trying to figure out what was going on, but Elise was making a good latch onto my breast most of the time, so they could never see what the problem was to help correct it.

On top of that, when my real milk started coming in and my breasts were sore from filling up I was encouraged to pump to relieve the pressure, but really it was overstimulating my breasts. Now, because of this bad advice, I make too much milk and I'm having to work at readjusting my body to make less milk.

One of our friends gave us a gift of two visits with a lactation consultant that works for a different company that the one hired by my local hospital. And this lactation consultant has been very good. Helped me a lot. I don't pump anymore, since there's no need for it right now. The new lactation consultant showed me how to hand-express milk, for when I need to relieve a little bit of pressure because the baby hasn't eaten in a while. Hand expressing won't stimulate my breasts as much, which is good because right now I want to encourage my breasts to make less milk.

Overproducing milk is hard on the baby, too. If there's too much milk, the baby ends up drinking mostly fore-milk, which is heavy in lactose, and not enough hind-milk, which is heavy in protein. Too much fore-milk upsets the baby's tummy, making her very gassy, making her spit-up a lot, and causing other problems.

Now that my milk supply is starting to adjust to the right amount for Elise, she and I are both a lot happier. I see why some people give up on breastfeeding (as opposed to making a conscious choice to quit for other reasons). I was very determined to make it work for us, and I'm grateful for the extra help that we got from the good lactation consultant.

Yay for boobie food!

Family Guy: Escaping the Womb

Just the Two of Us

Husband started back to the office yesterday. He had taken 2 weeks of vacation, then worked half-days from home for 1 week, then worked full-days from home for 1 week. Now he's back at work and it's just me and Baby Baby during the day.

I'm sure that eventually I'll figure out a routine or a schedule, but I'm taking it slow at first. Mostly just sitting around holding her, feeding her, changing her diapers. Kissing her face.

Raising a Healthy Eater

Just found a good resource for figuring out ways to raise a healthy eater. The state of Florida has a website, www.freshfromfloridakids.com, that provides tips to help parents develop good eating habits in their young children. There are lots of recipes on the website-- from baby food to family meals. And if you're a Florida resident (or if you know someone in Florida who doesn't mind you using their mailbox) then you can receive a "healthy eating kit," which appears to consist of a tote bag, a recipe book, and other assorted eating-related items.

5 Days At the Hospital

After Elise was born, we had to stay at the hospital for 5 days, instead of the expected 2 days that my hospital requires for a vaginal delivery. We had to stay longer because both Elise and I had elevated white blood cell counts. Infections. Neither of us had any other signs of infection-- no symptoms or signs of what the infection could be-- but the doctors didn't want it to get any worse, so we were both given rounds of antibiotics to make sure we were healthy when we left the hospital.

They gave both of us our antibiotics intravenously. That meant that I had to keep an IV in for 3 days, and poor Baby Baby had an IV for 5 days. Her little arm was taped to a board that kept it straight, with the IV near the inside of her elbow. It broke my heart. I'm glad that she won't remember what that was like.

My doctor actually wanted me to stay in the hospital as a patient for 4 days instead of 3, to keep receiving antibiotics. But my IV infiltrated on the second day and they had to put a new one in. When an IV infiltrates, the blood vein kind of gives out somehow and the fluid from the IV just starts leaking into the surrounding tissue. So I started to get this painful lump on my arm and they had to stop the IV and give me a new one in my other arm. That lump of fluid-y tissue HURTS. And I was already annoyed about having the IV in the first place, so having to get a second one really upset me.

On the third day my second IV infiltrated. I refused to let them put in a third IV. My white blood cell count was a lot better and the doctor was going to give me oral antibiotics anyway, so I told the midwife that I wanted to forgo the fourth day of IV antibiotics, since they were only having me do a forth day because Elise wasn't going to get discharged until the fifth day and they figured that they might as well give me an extra day of IV antibiotics just to be safe. I was happy to have the IVs out, but then I had painful fluid-y lumps on both arms, due to the two IV infiltrations.

Then, on the 4th day, Elise was given a spinal tap. The doctors wanted to make sure that she didn't have meningitis. If she did, she'd have had to stay in the hospital for 14 days. Otherwise, 5 days worth of antibiotics was determined to be enough. The test came back negative for meningitis, thank goodness.

I was discharged on the third day, but Husband and I were allowed to stay at the hospital in our same room until Elise was discharged on the fifth day. At my hospital, if you have a baby that's receiving medication there, the parents can stay in a room (as if it were a hotel room) so as to be close to the baby. They call it "nesting." I think that's really nice. So I still got to breastfeed her every two hours and change her diapers and know everything that was going on.

It was so nice to finally have her discharged on the fifth day. Take her home. Start our home life with a brand new baby. A healthy baby and a healthy momma.

Grandma Shower

My mother's coworkers threw her a grandma shower and my mom brought us the gifts this weekend. Elise got lots of great stuff! We're so lucky that so many people want to celebrate our beautiful baby's arrival.

Baby Baby

I call Elise "Baby Baby," as in "you are a tiny little version of a baby." She was so small when she was born, and she still is small. People comment on it all of the time. Just yesterday at the grocery store, one of the cashiers that we used to see a lot when I was pregnant came up to us to see the baby.

"She's so small! How big is she?"

"Just a little over 7 pounds right now."

"Oh, see my daughter had my first grandbaby 7 months ago, but she was never that tiny. She was 9 and 1/2 pounds when she was born..."

Baby Baby is growing fast and soon she won't be a baby baby anymore. But I'll probably still call her Baby Baby for a while-- it's become a habit.

Advice, If You Want To Get Pregnant

For anyone considering becoming pregnant, the best piece of advice I can give you is to make sure that you have good insurance.

The hospital sent us some statements letting us know what it was billing my insurance company. Our total cost to have Elise would have come to over $17,000-- instead, we're paying $250. I wonder how much more it would have cost if I'd had an epidural. Or a c-section.