Monday Visit with My OBGYN

so, after the ultrasound where clark's weight was predicted to be 9 lbs 6 oz (surprisingly accurate!), i had a meeting with my obgyn doctor that afternoon to discuss the results. i was hoping she'd give me a strong recommendation one way or another as to what we should do about getting him out of my uterus. i knew, however, that she'd most likely present me with the facts and then let me decide what our next step would be. and that's exactly what she did.

i was given the choice of induction and an attempt at vaginal delivery (with the risks being that the baby might get stuck in the birth canal, leading to shoulder dystocia and possibly permanent injury or even death) or an elective c-section, which is major surgery. in reality, i probably could have lobbied to wait a bit longer to see if labor would start naturally, but the thought that clark would keep growing bigger and bigger alarmed me, and anyway i was so uncomfortable that i wanted him out as soon as possible.

i struggled with the decision between induction and c-section. i asked the doctor tons of questions, all of which she answered very honestly. she even admitted that as an obgyn she personally would feel more comfortable performing a c-section because that is a situation that she has more control over than waiting to see if something goes wrong with a vaginal delivery. she also stressed that she wasn't advocating for elective surgery and that her answer to my question was simply a response to dealing with what is mostly known vs what is mostly unknown.

husband admitted a preferance for an elective c-section, although he would support any decision i made.

believe me, it was a very, very, very hard decision. i was so afraid that choosing the induction could result in such a bad outcome that it would be a decision that i regretted for the rest of my life. especially since my sister had to have a c-section recently because her pelvis was too narrow for her baby, and he was under 7 lbs. maybe my pelvis is kind of narrow, too. we are sisters, after all. elise only weighed 6lbs 7 oz... there was nothing to prove that my pelvis could accomodate a 9 1/2 lb baby. that's a big baby for anyone, and i'm a petite person.

i cried and cried over this decision.

but i ultimately decided to trust in my body and believe that either i could do it, or if i couldn't then my body would let us know early on, before something bad happened. i told my obgyn that i wanted to try for a vaginal birth. the induction was scheduled for tuesday morning and my obgyn said that although a midwife would be delivering the baby, she would join us for the final stage of labor, that way she could step in if clark got stuck and some fancy maneuvering was needed.

needless to say, i got very little sleep monday night.

Happy Birthday Clark!!!

clark was born today, october 4th, 2011, at 5:57pm. he weighed 9 lbs 5 oz (!) and was 20 3/4 inches long. delivered vaginally! i did get an epidural, as the pain was intollerable, but he delivered after pushing for only 15 minutes. i only needed 3 stitches! i feel so happy that my pelvis was big enough to accomodate such a large baby! clark has some bruises on his face and one arm, from sliding past my pubic bone, but other than that, we're both doing great.

more details later-- i need to sleep.

Ultrasound Results

The ultrasound tech and doctor estimate Clark's weight at 9 lbs 6 oz. Which means he could be anywhere between 8 lbs 7 oz and 10 lbs 5 oz.

Big baby.

Damn it.

He's bigger than 90% of all newborns. In fact, newborn clothes wont fit him. I don't have gestational diabetes. I'm not a big person at all. I didn't gain an excessive amount of weight during pregnancy. I just grew a giant baby for some reason.

I meet with my OBGYN this afternoon to decide what we're going to do. I've done some research before going in to talk, so I have lots of questions. But I know that the truth of the matter is this: there's no way to predict how labor and delivery might go if we try to do it vaginally. My body may do a great job of delivering a large baby. I might rip all to hell and need lots of repairs to my lady parts. Clark's shoulders might get stuck and he could even die if they can't get him out through my pelvis quickly enough. And of course, a c-section is major surgery. Vaginal delivery and c-section can both possibly lead to complications. There are risks to both me and the baby due to his size, and I'll have to figure out what is safest and best for both of us.

This sucks. I'm honestly mildly devastated at this point. I thought that my second delivery would be easier than my first. So much for my "easy" pregnancy!

The Rest of Friday

During my doctor's visit on Friday I had a lady parts exam and my OBGYN stretched out my cervix a little bit, in an effort to jump start labor. This is the third time that I've had them do this for me-- for the past 3 weeks at each visit I've had the midwives and then my doctor perform this mildly uncomfortable procedure. It supposedly helps some women. Not me, though. No labor.

There's normally a little bit of blood later on in the day, from having them mess with my cervix. Well, on Friday it seemed like sort of a lot of blood. Not gushing out of me or anything, but enough that I said, "Maybe I should go get checked out at the hospital." So I did. I went to the hospital Friday night (Husband and my mother-in-law stayed home with the kiddos, as they were already sleeping). Clark was fine. My contractions weren't close enough together to be official labor, and I was still dilated 4 cm. So they sent me home. The nurse was really cool about it-- all "better safe than sorry! you did the right thing!"

The nurse that I saw kept telling me how "cute" I am. I'm certain that she didn't mean cute as a synonym for attractive, but cute like you call newborn kittens cute-- all helpless looking and kind of pathetic. She even called another nurse over just to look at me. That was weird. I said that it was a very nice thing to hear at 40 weeks pregnant, as I haven't felt anything close to "cute" in a while. Especially by a woman who just had her fingers up my hooha. But I didn't say that part out loud.

Also, while I was in the waiting room, a hospital patient walked by and talked to some of the nurses at the front desk. The nurses had apparently heard about her delivery the other day-- an 11 lb 3 oz baby boy delivered vaginally and delivered very quickly. The nurses kept calling her Superwoman.

Dear Clark, Please don't weigh 11 lbs. I am not Superwoman. Not even close.

Clark-o! (Polo!)

Clark, if you don't come out soon, we're coming in there to get you.

I met with my OBGYN on Friday. (Friday was my due date, FYI.) She's concerned that Clark is maybe too big. I'm going for an ultrasound on Monday to determine if Clark is happy and healthy and to see how big he is. From there we will decide what to do next: emergency baby removal if he's in distress; induce labor if he isn't too big; or plan a c-section if he is threatening to rip me a new one if we try to deliver out the lady parts. I'm scared. I'm sick of being pregnant, but I know now that this delivery probably won't be an easy one. I'd imagined that my second delivery would be easier and smoother than my first, but now that doesn't seem likely. I'm kind of emotional about the whole thing, and I just hope that it won't be as bad as I'm imagining.

My doctor said that I'm dilated 4 cm now. The only thing holding labor up is the baby. She said that maybe he's too big, or maybe he's not in the right position yet. Medical science isn't sure what makes labor start when it does, although the prevailing theory right now is that the baby has some input into that process. It's not just the mom's body that makes labor happen-- the baby is part of the feedback loops that get the whole thing going.

I'm having contractions like crazy. Still losing mucous. Bleeding, even. But no labor. What I imagine is happening is that my body is trying DESPERATELY to make labor start. It keeps sending out the signals to Clark. Contractions begin, my body gets everything ready. But for whatever reason, Clark isn't sending back his part of the signal that will officially start labor. So the contractions fade off and I get all disappointed. I don't know if that's really how it might work or not. That's just how I imagine it. That's what it feels like is going on.

No matter how it's SUPPOSED to work, it's not working for whatever reason and it looks like Clark will end up being forcibly removed from my uterus within the next few days. One way or another, my pregnancy will be over soon. I'll get to hold and kiss my son. And hopefully it will require a minimal number of stitches.

Crazy Day

long day. lots of stuff. too tired to write about it now. still pregnant, though.

If Dreams Could Come True...

I had a dream today where two different dream characters said to me that Clark would be born by the end of the day tomorrow. Is my body trying to tell me something? Is Clark trying to "send me a message"? Probably just wishful thinking. It was a nice thought, though.

Elegant Walrus

Tonight while complaining about STILL being pregnant I told Husband that I have all the grace of a walrus. He said, "An elegant walrus!"

Thanks. I think. Coo coo ka choo.

Trying To Stay Positive

I need to think of the things I am thankful for with regard to this pregnancy because focusing on how uncomfortable I am is getting me nowhere.

1. I am thankful that Clark is healthy.

2. I am thankful that I have not had any emergencies or complications.

3. I am glad that my feet never got swollen, as it happens to so many women. I have kind of ugly feet to begin with, so the thought of them all puffy and red full of pain is just yucky.

4. I am thankful that I have been able to stay home and not work. Having to tell your boss that you're pregnant is stressful, even if he or she takes it well.

5. I'm glad that I've had two successful pregnancies where my babies will have been born healthy and full-term. I know several people who struggle with infertility and/or repeated miscarriages and as much as I complain about how pregnancy sucks, I do recognize how lucky I am to even have the opportunity to complain.

So Close

I thought last night was it. I kept waking up with contractions. Hard ones. Painful ones. I was sure that labor was starting. And then... they faded off like they have so many times before. My body has made so many practice runs for Clark's labor that I must have the world's strongest womb-- when the time comes, I had better just have one massive, powerful contraction and squeeze this baby out with a single push. Otherwise, uterus, you are on my shit list.

I feel like I've been in labor for weeks. I've been enduring really, really uncomfortable and sometimes painful contractions, my pelvis is killing me, and my back is sore non-stop. Not to mention that I can feel every little movement that Clark makes, and this kid clearly wants to stretch his legs out. I keep telling him that if he will just come OUT, he can stretch out all he wants. But he is not interested in what I have to say. He would rather lay on my bladder and hiccup all day long.

Clark I love you. Let me see your little face. I'm so sure that you'll look like your daddy. I can't wait to see if I'm right!

Clark's Baby Shower

I don't think I ever mentioned that Husband's stepmom threw Clark a baby shower a little while ago. It was nice. Since we already have sooooooo much baby stuff, we asked for mostly diapers and wipes, which is what we got. Yay! Clark got a few little outfits and some toys and stuff like that, too. But since I breastfeed and stay at home, the biggest expense of a new baby is managing his rear end.

Have you ever seen any of those "baby calculators" to help you figure out how much a new baby costs? Throw in formula and day care and it's mind boggling. To me at least. And if you don't have health insurance, just forget about it.

My advice: If you want to have a baby, start saving your pennies ASAP-- believe me, it will make everything so much easier in the long run.

Threats!

Elise came over to me yesterday and rubbed my arm. "Boo boo?"

"No. I don't have a boo boo."

She stared into my eyes. Rubbed my arm again. "Boo boo?"

"No, Elise. Mommy doesn't have a--"

And she lunged at me. Fangs bared. Tried to bite my arm right where she was rubbing it. Unbelievable!

39 Week Check Up

I'm soooooo pregnant. Ugh.

Had my 39 week check up today. Clark seems happy to stay right where he is, even though my body is doing its best to kick that baby bird out of my uterus nest. I'm 3 cm dilated, 90% effaced, and thoroughly miserable. My back hurts, my leg nerves keep going bonkers and shooting fiery hate through my body, I have to pee every 30 minutes, and my belly skin is about to rip open like an overripe peach. I have hot flashes, irrationally angry flashes, and crazy flashes where I imagine myself still pregnant at Christmastime.

The dumb thing is, I know that when labor actually starts I'll be all like, "Wait! I'm not ready!"

Being pregnant is really hard work. So is labor. Then you get your baby paycheck with an additional cute bonus and it's worth the 168 hour work weeks.

Two New Words for the Day

In an amusing coincidence, Elise's new words for the day today were "buns" and "lips." Perhaps she was working up the nerve to tell me to kiss her ass. I'll let you know if we get to that point within the next few days...

I try to refer to Elise's butt as her "bottom"-- it seems like one of the least possibly offensive names for a person's rear end. Good for a baby. Never inappropriate. Well, for some reason I called her butt her "buns" today and she just latched right on to that word. How does she do that? She knows just what I don't really want her to repeat and then it becomes her new favorite word. Buns buns buns.

Elise is also starting to make objects possessive. She doesn't quite get that she's supposed to add an "s," but she's got the basic word structure right. As I was folding laundry this evening, she walked up, touched my butt and said, "Mama buns." Yes, Elise, Mama's buns. Then she turned to the side, cocked her hip at me and said, 'E-lee buns!" Yes. Elise's buns.

Who said grammar was boring?

Cry-ola

Yesterday Elise saw my stretchmarks. She touched them gently.

"Color?" (Elise says "color" when she wants me to get her coloring book and crayons out.)

"No. No one colored on Mommy's tummy."

Confused pause. Brain processing. Then...

"Boo boo?"

I don't know why (hormones) but that little exchange made me cry. She thought someone colored on my tummy. Sweet baby Elise.

Henry and Georgia Update

Well, things are really starting to go downhill for Henry and Georgia's mom. She is making some very bad decisions as of late. Continuing to make bad decisions, I should say. For example, she failed to show up for a visit with Henry and Georgia's baby sister, Eve. Then she missed showing up at court when she was supposed to be there for some foster care stuff. And there are other things, too, that I won't go into but believe me that the list of her recent behavior goes from bad to worse.

I don't know what this will mean the next time the court reviews her progress on her case plan. Something tells me that she is still likely to get an extension on completing her case plan in order to give her time to turn her life around. The courts are usually pretty hesitant to terminate parental rights around here, from what I've gathered. But, as I've mentioned before, Henry and Georgia clearly won't be returning to her care any time in the immediate future.

Also, the court has apparently declared Henry's legal biological father as "unknown." This means that unless his mom decides to provide names for Case Manager to research, Case Manager doesn't have to try to keep finding Henry's biological dad. So if Henry's mom doesn't want to provide names then the court is fine with there being no biological dad in the picture for the duration of Henry's case. (When a child comes into the dependency system, case managers are supposed to locate both biological parents whenever possible. They go to great lengths sometimes to find estranged moms and dads. However, the court can always say that the case manager has tried hard enough and a missing parent can't be found, as is the situation here.)

So, now we just wait and see what kinds of decisions the court makes about what should happen next with mom's case plan.

Baby Dreams As Of Late

Because my brain is obsessed with the thought of having this baby, naturally most of my dreams lately are about giving birth. I've had a lot of them. Most notable:

* I gave birth and then promptly fell asleep. I didn't wake up until the next morning. Strange people were in my recovery room-- people who apparently knew me but I didn't have any idea who they were. "Oh, no!" I said. "I didn't feed the baby at all last night!" I was really upset because you're supposed to feed newborns, like, every two hours. "It's okay," some strange lady said. "We fed him for you." I knew they meant that they gave him formula in bottles and I was absolutely devastated that he wasn't breastfed and that I never woke up to take care of him myself. I felt like the first thing I did as Clark's mother was to fail him miserably.

* As I'm going into labor at home, this weird fetus-y, not completely formed dinosaur thing comes out of my lady parts. I start yelling for Husband to call 911 or take me to the emergency room. I am still pregnant with Clark and my contractions are just beginning. I can't imagine how this little beast got inside of me, started to grow, and shared space in my body with my human son. As I'm thinking about all of this, the little dinosaur (which basically looks like it has no skin, just raw muscle and no eyelids) starts to wake up and begins running and jumping around the room. I try to catch it and think that I MUST bring it with me to the hospital so that they can see what happened and hopefully believe me that it came out of my body.

* I go into labor and as I'm walking out of the front door, on my way to the hospital, the trees outside are filled with birds who are literally rejoicing. Like a Disney movie. Birds in the trees rejoicing.

I've Reached My Breaking Point, Apparently

Hello, stretchmarks!

I can only assume they're stretchmarks. They don't look like normal stretchmarks, but what else could they be? They're around my bellybutton. And by "bellybutton" I mean the umbilical hernia that I got with Elise. So, between my two kids I am 100% guaranteed to never wear a bikini again-- a giant outie bellybutton with stretchmarks all around it is not cute or sexy. Maybe I can incorporate it into a Halloween costume somehow... bikini zombie girl? sexy cop with a stomach wound?

Well, So Much For That

Turns out that Henry's presumed father is in no way biologically related to him.

So...

On one hand, yay because Presumed Father didn't want to be a part of his life anyway. On the other hand, now we have to repeat this DNA-testing process who knows how many times until we find out who his real father is. OR, in the alternative, we may never find out.

The next step in establishing paternity for Henry is to see if his mom can provide any other names of possible fathers and then see if those men can be tracked down. If they can be found, the court will order them to take a DNA test. If she can't provide any names or if the men cannot be located, the court can basically say that there is no legal biological father and the state can stop trying to find one.

Wow. So back to square one. Poor Henry.

Elise 18 Month Check Up

Elise had her 18 month check up today. She is 32 inches tall (50th percentile) and 21 lbs 7 oz (15th percentile). Once again, the doctor assured me that her weight is just fine, as she's always been on the thin side.

She had to get three shots today, which included a flu shot. I know from experience that flu shots can hurt. Poor Elisey. She started crying as soon as the nurse and I began to pin her down, though. Oh, it kills me. Kills me. After the shots in her legs she was crying, "Boo boo! Boo boo! B-b-b-boo-boo-boo boo! LEG!!!" Just thinking of it still makes me sad. I tried to explain that these little boo boos would keep her from getting big boo boos later. But, as smart as Elise is, there was no reasoning with her about her leg boo boos. Also, I think she was a bit offended that I participated in the process and let her get hurt. Or maybe I'm projecting my own feelings on to her.

Anyway, some post nap diarrhea (which I feel confident was a result of the shots) and a dose of baby Tylenol and she's a-okay now.

Basically, I Give Up

Dammit, Clark. You win. Fine. Stay there. Fine. But I hope you're in there THINKING about what you're doing to me. Your first words had better be "I love you, Mommy," and none of that "dada" crap, even if it's way easier to say.

Oh, and I've had, like, half a dozen people tell me that the best way to get labor going is to have lots of sex. So, yeah. That's what Daddy and I are doing, just in case you were wondering. And if that makes you uncomfortable or grosses you out, then the only way you're going to make it stop is by getting your labor started yourself. It's up to you.

Long Day

long day. lots of really strong contractions that eventually tapered off to nothingness. tired. and still no baby.

:(

Why am I still pregnant? why why why why why????

One More Cute Thing

I forgot yesterday... Elise calls the blanket she sleeps with her "bucky." So silly and cute to me.

PS- I'm still pregnant. :(

Cute Things Elise Says

* Elise calls Cheerios "yellows," I guess because the box is yellow.

* If Elise does something that she knows is bad, she'll immediately say, "I love you!" Pause. Then, "Happy?" (To which she usually gets a response that goes something like, "I'm happy that you love me. I am NOT happy about your behavior, however.")

* Every night Elise asks to be rocked and sung "Rock-a-bye Baby" by saying, "Bye Baby?" She says it so plaintively that it nearly breaks my heart every time.

* This morning after Elise woke up and I nursed her for a couple of minutes I told her, "Okay. All done. Would you like me to get you a sippy cup with milk?" I'm trying to transition her to having cow's milk instead of breast milk in the mornings. She thought about it for a second and said, "Cookie?" Nice try, Elise.

No Baby Yet

Lots of contractions today. Lots. Usually between 10 and 15 minutes apart. Sometimes I'd have them every few minutes, but they were never strong enough that I thought we should go to the hospital. So we wait. And wait. And wait. No telling when he'll decide to arrive.

Pre-labor for Realz

Baby threat code yellow!!!

I'm definitely losing my mucous plug, and now there's blood, too. Pre-labor has officially begun! You start to bleed when your cervix is dilating and little blood vessels begin to rupture. It's not something that you feel. Just "oh! there's blood!" and that's about it. Not everyone has blood from dilating and not everyone even notices losing their mucous plug. I'm glad my body gives me this heads-up.

I felt weird all day today. Everything hurt or was uncomfortable and I was very crabby. I just felt different. I guess there was a lot going on in my body. I only had a few contractions today, but they were definitely stronger than they have been. Right on the border between annoying and slightly painful.

Real labor could start any second now!

(BTW, at this exact point in my pregnancy/delivery experience with Elise-- the night of 37 weeks and 1 day-- she had just been born. I am now officially more pregnant than I have ever been, as I'm still carrying Clark.)

37 Week Check-up

Made it all the way to my 37 week check-up this time! Baby sounded lovely on the heartbeat amplifier doodad. Around 150 beats per minute. My belly measured right on target for 37 weeks.

AND

I am now 2 centimeters dilated! Woohoo! That's more dilated than I was when I went to the hospital for Elise after my water broke. My cervix is about 70% thinned out, also a good sign. And Clark's head is somewhere between stations -2 and -1, meaning that he's starting to move down into my pelvis. The midwife said, "Well, could be anytime now. Whenever he's ready."

I think I'm starting to lose my mucous plug, too.

Technically it could still be weeks before he gets here-- these things don't necessarily mean that the baby is about to pop out-- but I don't think I'll make it to 40 weeks. Strangely, I've had very few Braxton-Hicks contractions tonight, though. Usually I have a lot of them in the evening. The calm before the storm???

Workin' It

Before I contracted pregnant-belly with Elise, I had a professional job. Something that used my graduate degree. I didn't love my job, but I guess I didn't hate it, either. I actually had to use my brain a little bit and that part of it was nice.

Then, once a baby was on the way, Husband and I decided that I'd stay home for a year with Elise. We thought it would be the best thing for her, and honestly I was kinda psyched to be a stay at home mom for a bit. I worked up until the day before Elise was delivered and I quit my job after Elise was born.

After a few months, I started babysitting a couple of days a week. Elise would come with me to play with her baby friend. As the year mark started getting closer, I decided I should look for a slightly more lucrative job-- something I could do that would get me back in the workforce. I applied to teach at a community college and I was offered a job. Pretty cool. I decided not to take it, though, because we'd just gotten some foster kids that were requiring a lot of my time and energy and I wasn't 100% ready to go back to work, especially since it was before my year with Elise was done. I kept babysitting, and that was my only outside-of-the-home work.

Then I got pregnant with Clark. And not long after that, the family I was babysitting for moved. So for a while I didn't do any extra work. I was contacted a few months ago by the lady who had offered me the job at the college and she asked me again if I'd come teach. I was so happy and flattered that she'd asked me back, but it was an offer to teach during the semester that I am due to deliver, so once again I had to decline.

All of this time out of the workforce has made me feel a little weird. I mean, I have real skillz but all I do all day is sing the ABC song and read "Goodnight Moon." There is nothing I'd rather do than take care of my babies... but at the same time, I don't feel like that's ALL I want to do, either. I need something for ME.

I decided to sell some of my books online. I have a pretty sizable collection of books, many of which I got in college. If I didn't read them then (when my grade depended on it), I reasoned that I probably wouldn't read them now. I sold a few and then I started trying my hand at buying books cheap and reselling them for a small profit. I've been doing this for a few weeks now and I've had a very modest success at it. It actually takes some know-how and I'm learning how to make good choices when I buy used books and price them for resale. Mostly, this is just something that's fun for me. It keeps me busy, gives me something to do, and makes me feel like I have a real hobby. And if I can make enough money to pay our Netflix bill each month, or fill up the gas tank in my car, or save some money for a family vacation, then even better.

Also, I recently applied to and was offered a position blogging for a website dealing with adoption. It doesn't pay. Well... they give you a free subscription to their magazine, which isn't nothing, I guess. But mostly I want to have the experience of blogging for someone else. I felt like it was a good opportunity to get some writing experience. And I'm only required to post once per month, so I can totally swing it.

Anyway, that's what I do for "work" now. #1) I'm a Mommy to four babies-- two foster kids, one biological kid, and one kid in my belly. #2) I'm learning how to resell books-- not a long-term career goal, but something fun to do for now. #3) I'm gaining experience as a writer by blogging for a media company.

One day I might go back to my graduate-degree oriented career. Or I might teach. Or maybe I'll find something else I'd rather do. Don't know right now. Now that Clark's on the way, I guess I have about a year to figure it all out, while I stay at home and give him the same time and attention that I gave Elise when she was born.

More of the Same

Lots of contractions today-- they're maybe even getting a bit stronger-- but nothing major going on. Still haven't lost my mucous plug. No amniotic fluid leaking. I just pee about every 30 minutes now, as my bladder is clearly a lovely pillow for Baby Clark's noggin.

Elise is starting to get all clingy and jealous of the time I spend with anyone besides her. I wonder if she knows a new baby is coming.

Nothing Yet

I had a few contractions this morning, but they eventually died down. Some more tonight, but nothing regular. So no one sound the baby alarm. I'm just in the very beginning warm up stages, from what I can tell. No labor yet.

My leg has been KILLING me tonight, though. Those zaps of nerve pain have been going off non-stop. My leg is just sore in general now, from all of the little nerves firing off so often. Sucks. And my back has been really painful, too. I think the back pain might be because Clark's settling lower in my pelvis.

Counting down the days!

Squeeze

Lots of contractions again today. Right now they're becoming fairly consistent at around 30 minutes apart. They were all over the place earlier today-- just a few minutes apart to a few hours apart. But they're falling into a little bit of a pattern right now. We'll just wait and see, I guess. See how tomorrow goes.

I think we're pretty well packed for the hospital. Cleared the camera so we can take lots of pictures and packed extra batteries. Everyone has a bag ready to go. I also bought some cake mix and frosting a few weeks ago for Clark's first birthday cake (not the one year old birthday, but the birth day birthday), so we're all ready for the baby party.

We can't wait to see you Clark! Come out and meet your crazy family!

All the Things I Keep Forgetting to Mention

* That shooting, horrible, paralyzing, pregnancy-related leg pain that I mentioned before has switched legs. It used to be in my left leg, but then about a week ago it switched to my right leg. I guess Clark changed his position or something. How has he managed to hit those nerves on both sides of my body? That must be some special talent. Or he has a gigantic head. Oh man. Please let it be a special talent and not a gigantic head.

* Elise's favorite animal for a long time was the owl. She still loves owls, but kangaroos are starting to win her over. She talks about them all the time. The other day she asked if Husband is a kangaroo. "Daddy kaloo?" No. Daddy is not a kangaroo. The next day, she declared herself a kangaroo. "E-lee kalooooooo!" She was very happy about this decision.

* It's becoming obvious that Henry and Georgia won't be returning to their mother anytime in the immediate future. And the state agency and the kids' guardian ad litem (GAL) might start pushing for their mother's parental rights to be terminated. We'll just have to wait and see how everything goes, but several recent conversations that I've had with Case Manager and GAL lead me to believe that they are definitely considering possibilities other than their mother successfully completing her case plan.

Doing the Math

At the ultrasounds that we've had for Clark, he's consistently measured about a week smaller than what the date of my last period says he should be measuring. The midwives, nurses, doctors, etc. all say that the ultrasounds are only SO accurate and there's a certain margin of error for measuring the baby and so my due date was never adjusted for that slight discrepancy. My due date continues to be based on the date of my last period.

Elise always measured EXACTLY to the day what a fetus of her gestation should measure. Maybe Clark is just a different baby and so he measures differently. Or maybe he really was conceived a week later than my last period would indicate. There's no real telling when conception occurs, it can vary by days or even weeks-- that's why doctors give you a due date based on your last period. It's a mystery what goes on in a lady's fallopian tubes and just exactly what the timing of everything is.

Anyhow, I've decided that I'd like Clark to wait until I'm 38 weeks along before he decides to be born. That way, even if he IS a week younger than we expect, he'll still be born at 37 weeks gestation, which is officially full term. Then I won't be so worried about him when I go into labor.

Hear that, Clark? September 16th or later, please.

Latest Check-up

I had my 36 week check-up recently. Clark is still head down. Yay for that. Heart sounded good, my belly measured right on target. The midwife (this time I saw the one who delivered Elise) said I'm 1 centimeter dilated, but my cervix is still thick. So probably no baby this week. Of course, you never know. But I think I'll make it until my next check-up.

With Elise, my water broke before my 37 week check up. She was born at 37 weeks and 1 day gestation, but I hadn't had my 37 week check-up yet. Once you hit 36 weeks, my OBGYN's office has you come in every week until delivery. Now all of the lady parts exams begin. I think they'll be checking my cervix every time I go in from now on. Beginning at 36 weeks, people start shoving things up in you until the baby shoves its way out of you. And let me just tell you... for some reason all of these midwives seem to be trying to reach for my gallbladder or something-- they shove their hands right up in there in what feels like the least delicate way possible. And evidently none of the midwives have long, graceful, piano player's fingers because they seem to have trouble reaching whatever it is they're trying to touch. How far back can my cervix possibly be located?

Of course the pre-baby exams are nothing compared to the exams they perform while you're in labor. Just imagine having the most painful charlie horse of your life (times 10), which extends from your ribcage to your knees, while someone jabs around wrist-deep in your lady parts. That's what the exams in the early part of labor feel like. Then once things really get going and you're pushing the baby out, it feels like... well, I once heard the feeling of labor equated to how it must feel to "shit a rocking chair." And that is honestly the most accurate way it can possibly be described. Perfect. Spot on. I'm not even joking in the least. Having a baby feels like you're pooping out some huge, awkward piece of furniture.

Ahhh. Looking forward to it, Clark!

Husband Is Ready To Go

Husband's hospital bag is packed. Aside from his phone charger, spare change, mp3 player, etc, which all permanently live in his ever present man-bag, he packed the following:

*2 pairs of underwear
*2 pairs of socks
*2 tshirts
*sweatpants
*shorts
*pajama pants
*sweater (in case I want the room turned down really cold)
*a rolly massager thingy
*my handheld fan with a spritzing bottle attached (which I used an awful lot when I was having Elise-- I got soooooo hot)
*some cherry lifesavers in case I want something to make my mouth taste good
*toiletries

He'll also pack his swimming trunks when the time comes, but we're using them now because Husband takes Henry to swim lessons. The swimming trunks are for Husband to get in the whirlpool bathtub with me, if I want. The nurses don't mind seeing naked pregnant ladies, but they don't want to see a husband wiener while they're monitoring my labor.

Okay. I'm the only one that needs to pack. You know how they tell you on airplanes that in case of emergency the adults should put on their oxygen masks first, then put them on the kids? You can't help other people until you help yourself first? I suck at that.

I Wish I Could Hibernate

I feel like a big, fat bear that wants to hunker down for a loooooooooong winter's nap. My body is huge and all it wants to do is eat and rest until the baby gets here. I would literally lay on the couch all day if I could.

But I can't.

I'm busy from morning til night with Eliseypoo. There's no extra rest time when you have a 17 month old. I HAVE started taking regular afternoon naps, though, when Elise naps. Forget cleaning the house. I need to save up my energy for pushing out a baby soon.

Stuff and More Stuff

* Still having Braxton-Hicks contractions, though not as many as that one day. Just a few here and there.

* I never got that dark line down my belly during this pregnancy, the way I did with Elise. The linea nigra. That's weird, huh? Didn't have nearly as much morning sickness, either, so I guess my hormone levels are just different this time.

* Elise bit the holy hell out of my stomach yesterday. It looks like a blood blister where she bit me, with bright red blood pooled underneath the skin. It hurt SO BAD when she did it. So bad. I screamed. Then I cried. And she just went about her business, as if nothing had happened. Later on she saw the bruise and asked, "Meow?" I told her, "No, Elise. A cat didn't do that. YOU did that. You bit Mommy. I was sad." Now she points at it and says, "Elise?"

I'm Over It

Okay. I've finally hit that brick wall known as "the last few weeks of pregnancy." I'm over it. Done. Get this kid out of me. I'm uncomfortable 100% of the time now. My body aches, I'm constantly having contractions, I'm getting queezy every time I eat, I'm overly emotional, and I'm sleep deprived. I want to drink a beer, exercise for longer than 2 minutes without feeling winded because a baby is pressing on my lungs, and bend freely at the waist.

I will gladly get up off my fat butt every two hours for the next month and feed a screaming, slobbering newborn in exchange for losing just 15 of these jiggly, thigh-rubbing pounds. I want to sleep on my stomach, comfortably clip my own toenails, and get up off the couch without rocking back and forth 3 or 4 times to build up momentum.

Please come out soon, Clark, or Mommy will go crazy.

The Beginning of the End

I have been having Braxton-Hicks contractions all day long. Literally. All day long. In the 15 or so hours that I've been awake, I've had over 40 contractions. They're coming in waves. I wont have any for a while, then I'll get a bunch of them just a few minutes apart, and then they'll dissipate over time. I do the things they tell you to do in order to stop the false labor contractions-- walk around, drink water, pee-- and eventually they go away for a while.

I was having so many contractions this morning that I got really upset. It's too early for Clark to come. He's not ready yet. I'm only 35 weeks along. My contractions were getting closer together and I got scared. Fortunately, the contractions never developed a solid pattern. They were never consistently 5 minutes apart or anything like that. They might be 7 minutes apart, then 5 minutes, then 9 minutes, then 4 minutes. There was no consistency. So I ended up feeling confident that I wasn't actually in labor yet.

Yet.

My belly looks lower today, too. Husband noticed it as well. And I feel a lot more pressure on my pelvis. I've had to pee about 8 million times today. (That's only a SLIGHT exaggeration, I assure you.) Husband says that my body is starting to push that baby down and getting ready to push him out. I agree.

Get ready, baby Clark! Your birthday is coming up soon!

Me Time

Elise has started saying "me." Today she told me "me pee pee" and that she wanted "me car" (the toy car she had been playing with). She's also doing an awesome job of learning to recognize letters of the alphabet by sight. She gets some things confused, like she'll call an "F" an "E" or a "V" a "Y"... but I think those are reasonable mistakes.

This is how Elise sings the alphabet song: "A B C D D D E lumma numma peeee lumma numma pee coo coo T T T T." Lumma numma pee is LMNOP and coo is Q, by the way. A stranger heard her singing it at the library the other day and said, "Oh! She's singing her ABC's!" So if other people can recognize it, she must be doing okay.

Clark's Hospital Bag

Clark's stuff is all packed for the hospital! I packed him a going home outfit (hat, onesie, pants with feet), a sleeper, two receiving blankets, a warm blanket, two burp cloths, and a few diapers. The hospital here sends you home with some diapers and wipes, but I wanted to pack a few of my own just in case.

Now all of the kids are ready to rock. Husband and I just have to pack our stuff up. I'm 35 weeks along now. Better get on it!!!

Help! Help!

I took Elise to the library for a little while today and when it was time to leave Elise didn't want to go. She started fussing and crying and arching her back as I tried to get her strapped into her stroller. And then all of a sudden she starts yelling,

"HELP!!! HELP!!! HELP!!!"

In the middle of the library. As if I was kidnapping her or hurting her in some way. Good god. What am I in for next?

Foster Babies Update

Well. Henry and Georgia's mom, who has otherwise been doing a great job of completing the tasks on her case plan, has recently made some poor decisions. Don't bother asking, I won't tell you what they are specifically. I believe it is important to keep as much of Henry and Georgia's information as private as possible, even from people I know and love and trust. Not anything against my family and friends, it's just that I feel like a lot of what happens and what has happened in the past is for Henry and Georgia to tell people if they want to when they're older, not for me to tell.

Anyway, so what do these new revelations about the kids' mom mean to me as their foster mother? It means, realistically, that their mom will probably get an extension on her case plan. Rather than making a final decision any time soon about whether or not the kids go back home with her, the court will most likely give her more time to get her act together. The court will probably say, "Yes. You've messed up. Yes. You've had lots of time to get your life together. But, yes. You can have a little more time. Now don't mess up again. I really, really mean it this time."

Ugh.

Also, Henry's presumed father has apparently finally turned in his paperwork to get the DNA test processed. Yay! So we're waiting on the results from that. We'll see what happens...

Knock On Wood

No stretch marks yet. 34 1/2 weeks. Will I make it through two pregnancies with no stretch marks?! Did I just jinx myself? Keeping my fingers crossed.

Vampire Baby

Elise bit me so hard today that it left a pretty serious mark and a bruise. She's been out of control with the biting lately. I don't know what to do about it. She laughs if I yell at her. She doesn't care if I push her away and ignore her. She's in this awful phase right now. It's exhausting.

Sleeping Without Elise, Pregnancy Pain

It was sad last night not hearing Elise's little breaths as I tried to fall asleep. I missed her.

She was fine, though. Slept through the night. In fact, she slept in late today. About 45 minutes later than usual. And she woke up in a wonderful mood. Stood up and said, "Gigi?!?!" as she looked over at Georgia just waking up in her crib on the other side of the room. Happy baby.

I wish I could sleep through the night. I wake up two or three times every night to pee. Every couple of hours. And just getting in and out of bed is a gigantic pain in the everything. My lower back hurts, my hips hurt, my belly hurts. I'm definitely drawing closer and closer to that get-this-baby-out-of-me phase that happens at the end of pregnancy.

Today I had at least 10 instances of Clark lying on that nerve that makes excruciating pain shoot down my upper inner thigh. It was awful. Tears. It's like how I imagine getting a non-lethal dose of electricity must feel. Just all of a sudden ZAAAAAAAAP!!! down my leg and I can't walk until it goes away.

So I have emotional pains and physical pains right now. Changes. Babies coming and going. Lots of pregnancy hormones making everything seem more dramatic and sensational than it really is. These next few weeks (months, really) will be crazy. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

Night Night

We've moved Elise into the same bedroom as Georgia. She will no longer be sleeping in our room.

I'm sad.

We were moving and rearranging furniture earlier and I started crying. I don't know why, exactly. I'm just so used to having Elise close to me. Elise saw me crying and got concerned. Husband said, "It's okay Elise. Mommy's fine. In fact, she'll probably cry at every milestone you pass in your life." Yes. I probably will.

After the furniture was moved and she saw her bed in the room with Georgia's bed, Elise asked, "Night night?" We explained that she'd be sleeping with Georgia from now on. "Gigi night night?" She seemed to understand.

At bedtime I nursed her in my bedroom like usual, because I wanted to keep as much of her nighttime routine the same as possible. When we were done, she slid off the bed and ran to the door of her new bedroom. She was ready. She was fine. No fussing. No confusion. It couldn't have gone smoother.

Except for my own crazy sadness.

Sometimes change is hard.

Thanks, Placenta!

With Elise, my placenta was really low and near my cervix and I had lots of bleeding during the pregnancy because of it. Then I got my umbilical hernia, and as Elise got bigger in my belly she started to hang her elbow out of it, as if she was some sort of New York cabbie hanging her elbow out of her car window. This could be very painful sometimes.

With Clark, my placenta is on the front of my uterus and it seems to be blocking my hernia. I haven't felt any baby parts pressing out of my belly hole. No pressure to make the hernia rip wider. I'm really thankful for that. I had some anxiety early on in the pregnancy about what would happen to my hernia once the baby got big. But somehow it just worked out perfectly for me.

Please, please, please let labor go as smoothly as everything else has during this pregnancy. 6 more weeks...

Baby Hiccups

Clark has been getting hiccups lately. Usually at night. I actually like the way baby-in-my-belly hiccups feel. It's a soft, rhythmic thumping, like a heartbeat. Really, that's exactly what it feels like-- as if all of a sudden I can feel my heart beating in my tummy.

Clark Belly; Baby Dream

My belly is starting to look like a sack stuffed full of a large, wiggling animal. Which is what it is, I guess. I can see Clark's movements across my belly all the time now. My belly gets deformed and lumpy when he kicks his feet or moves his knees or whatever's going on in there. 6 1/2 more weeks?!?!? I can't believe he still has to more growing to do.

I dreamed the night before last that my mucus plug was starting to come out. When that happens you can still be weeks away from labor, but if I recall correctly, with Elise my labor started within a few days. So in the dream, I knew that Clark would be arriving soon. I was relieved and scared at the same time. Probably how I'll feel in real life.

Thank YOU

Elise started saying "thank you" today at appropriate times, like when I hand her a sippy cup. (More like "tank ooo" but I know what she means.) Don't know why. I didn't work on that one with her. She just has good manners, I guess. She's real big on "please," too.

Something tells me this will not be a long term occurrence. But it's nice for now, while she's 17 months old.

Elise the Scratching Post and Other Notes

* Elise got scratched by two of our cats today. Two separate incidents. She pretty much deserved the first one. Our big fluffy boy cat, Vincent, really does tolerate her much much much better than one would have guessed given his normal disposition. He puts up with a lot of crap from Elise. But today she smooshed him to the ground and then tried to roll him over by grabbing fistfuls of fluff and pulling. He flailed around on his back, claws out, and scratched her face.

Later on, she was kind of harassing our I-don't-take-shit-from-anyone girl cat, Toesie. So Toesie swatted Elise's hand and scratched it. Honestly, Toesie could have done much worse-- Elise's face was probably an easier target-- so we all just called it even and left it at that.

* Elise learns new words practically every day. I can't keep up with her vocabulary anymore. Some of her favorite things to say as of late include: "star" when she sees star shaped things, asking for help by saying "help," if something gets in her eye she rubs it and says "got boogie" (eye boogies, I guess?), and she talks about owls all of the time because they're her favorite animal right now. Elise loooooves to point out what color things are; she can identify red, blue, green, yellow, pink, purple, brown, and black. She also likes telling me if people are boys or girls. She knows the gender of everyone in our family. Sometimes she gets it wrong with strangers, which is going to end up being embarrassing sooner or later, I just know it.

* After 4 weeks of swim lessons and despite the massive amount of zinc sunscreen I slathered all over her entire body every single day, Elise's skin is now darker than mine has probably ever been. I thought she had my complexion, but I guess I was wrong.

* Every day in swim lessons, the instructor and I tried to get Elise to blow bubbles in the water. Elise would laugh and drink the water. She did not seem to understand what we wanted AT ALL. None of the babies in the class really understood, in all fairness, and the instructor said that usually only one kid in each class ever figures out how to blow bubbles. It's a kind of advanced concept at that age, I guess.

Well, last night in the bath tub Elise puts her mouth in the water and blows an endless stream of bubbles. Then does it again. And again. Yay, Elise, for figuring it out! I just wish the instructor could have seen her doing it. I also wish she'd have done it in sort of clean chlorinated water, instead of dirty butt water from the bath tub. Oh well.

Tired, Blankets

I'm so tired today. I've been really tired lately in general. Is Clark growing? My body is just so awkward now that everything feels like a tremendous effort. I feel like a sloth-- slow and clumsy.

I think I finished washing all of Clark's blankets. I washed all of our receiving blankets and the few others that we have for him. I had Husband pick out some blankets to take with us to the hospital for the day that we get to bring Clark home. We're ready to swaddle you, little babu!

The Initial Proof

Just found this picture of my first positive pregnancy test with Clark, taken 1-28-11. Why do I document this stuff? I guess it's just really exciting to me.

See how faint the line is in that first window? My first test with Elise was like that, too. I was really early in the pregnancy. If anything shows up at all, it means you're gonna be a momma because a lady's body doesn't make pregnancy hormones unless you're pregnant. So even though that little blue line was super-faint, I knew right away that I was having another baby.

Know what's funny? Look at the color of the lines on Clark's pregnancy test. Now click here and look at the lines on Elise's first pregnancy test. Blue for Clark and pink for Elise. Isn't that silly? Just a coincidence-- different brands of tests--- but I think it's kind of funny.

New Pregnancy Symptom

i have a new pregnancy symptom that i never got with elise. this is all you, clark!

all of a sudden, out of nowhere (though usually while i'm standing or walking) i get a sharp and very painful feeling in my upper, inner thigh. nerve pain. i have to sit down as quickly as possible when it happens. it's not the kind of pain you can work through. it's intense.

i read online where other pregnant women described and discussed similar problems. people were suggesting that it has to do with the position of the baby's head, maybe pressing on some nerve somewhere. makes sense to me. if that's what it is, i'm thankful that clark never wants to rest his head on my crotch nerve for too long, because the pain usually goes away within 5 minutes or so. it just reeeeeeeally sucks while it's happening.

i get lots of nerve pains with my pregnancies-- sciatica, sex butt, now this. babies, i love you, but you get on my nerves.

Booboo Teeth

Elise was Grumpy McGrumpersons today. Temper tantrums for no reason. Or so I thought.

After a temper tantrum over the fact that I tied a bandana around her head after she asked me to but then apparently immediately decided that she in fact did NOT want me tie it around her head, she shoved her finger in her mouth and yelled, "Teeeeeeeeth!"

"Yes. You have teeth."

Then Elise pointed to the back of her mouth. "Booboo!"

Sure enough, she has her third molar coming in, right where she pointed. Poor baby. It's so nice that she's starting to be able to communicate what she needs and what's bothering her. Makes my life sooooooo much easier. Her's too, I would imagine.

Pool All Gone

Elise had her last swim lesson today. I tried to prep her for the inevitable end by talking about how it was her last lesson, how we'd say "bye bye, pool," and so on. At the end of class today, Elise was beside herself. Very upset. Threw a fit. Maybe she understood.

On the car ride home, she kept mentioning the pool. She never does that. It was clearly on her mind.

At one point, she was looking out the window. "All gone."

"What's all gone, Elise?" I asked.

Long pause. Still staring out the window.

"Pool."

So sad.

What Lies Beyond the Belly

Today I stubbed my toe. My toenail cracked from side to side and also from top to bottom. Blood ran out from under my toenail. And you know what? My belly is too big for me to be able to comfortably bend over and closely examine the damage. So I basically said f--- it, it'll heal on it's own.

Check back in a month to see if I end up needing to get it amputated because I developed some gross infection.

Lots of Contractions

lots of contractions today. they're getting stronger, too. whew! they wear me out! imagine a giant muscle in some part of your body (minds out of the gutter, people) exercising all day long. i guess my body is getting ready for delivery day...

Kids Hospital Bag

Husband and I have been working on packing a bag for Elise, Henry, and Georgia in case they need to come to the hospital with us when I go into labor with Clark.

In an ideal world, I will gradually begin having contractions and I'll know "This is it!" I'll have time to call family to come into town and they'll arrive, ready to watch some toddlers, before I have to leave for the hospital. But I know from experience that labor is not always like that. My water broke with Elise and so we had to go to the hospital straight away. If that happens again, we're taking the kiddos with us until family can arrive. Which means we need to have a bag ready just for them, knowing that they could be stuck at the hospital with us for hours and hours.

The bag is mostly packed. Here's what we're bringing:

1. A few DVDs. There's a DVD player in all of the birthing rooms, so we're bringing some Sesame Street and a couple of other kiddie shows and movies along with us. I don't know if TV will hold their attention at all, but it's worth a shot.

2. Enough diapers for each child for 24 hours, and a pack of wipes.

3. A snack.

4. Sippy cups. I don't want to deal with kids spilling crap everywhere while I'm in labor.

5. Pajamas for each child.

6. A change of clothes for each child.

7. A few toys.

All of that will fit into one tote bag. We're also going to fold up and bring Elise's pack&play. I figure that the girls can both sit and play in it (to help keep them contained) or sleep in it, and Henry can sleep on the foldout couch that comes in each birthing room.

I really hope that we don't have to bring the kids to the hospital, but it does feel good to know that we have a plan, just in case.

Floater

Elise floated all by herself at her last swim lesson!!! I'm so proud of her. The instructor calls Elise a little fish. She is. Three weeks of lessons and she's floating. Amazing!

Baby Butterfly

elise said the cutest thing today.

she calls most any insect she sees a "buggah buggah." she knows a few kinds of bugs-- spider, ant, bee-- but pretty much anything else she encounters is a buggah buggah. well, lately she's become fascinated with butterflies. she's been calling them "flies." good. close. today, though, as we were loading the kids into the car, elise saw georgia's butterfly story book next to her seat and asked to see it by saying, "buggahfly?"

buggahfly! elise! you're killing me!

Charlie Horse #1

got my first charlie horse of this pregnancy last night. i woke up yelling "ooooowwwww! it hurts!" which, of course, woke up husband. he's grabbing at me, saying "what can i do? what can i do?" and i'm batting his hands away, trying to bend my toes backward to stretch my calf muscle out, and all i can think is "this is what my uterus is going to feel like in a few weeks when i go into labor." oh dear. here we go again.

Gearing Up

OBGYN appointment today-- everything's good. Clark is in the head-down position. I'm 32 weeks along now. It's nearly go time.

I've washed the cover to Elise's old infant carrier car seat. What is now Clark's car seat. That's one good thing about having kids close together-- you have all of the baby gear you need. I'm so glad we don't have to go buy that stuff all over again. It's novel to pick those things out the first time but if I had to go shopping for for strollers and car seats and crib sheets and all of that right now, it would feel like a hassle. The first time I was pregnant was exciting because everything was new. This time is good because I get to relax and enjoy the pregnancy in and of itself.

This weekend we'll install the bases to the car seats, one in my car and one on the van. That's the most important thing, having the car seat ready to go. Then next week I'll probably start washing baby clothes, packing bags, organizing closets... generally trying to keep myself busy and keep from thinking about going through labor all over again.

Names

Elise can say everyone's name in our house now! She's been doing this for a couple of days. She says Mama and Dada, of course. She calls Henry something very close to what his real name is... I guess "Henna" would be the equivalent for bloggy purposes. And she calls Georgia by a nickname, what would equate to "Gigi." She calls Clark "Car" and usually points at my belly when she says his name.

Elise can also say her own name ("Eee-leee"). She recognizes herself in the mirror and in pictures and can point to herself when you ask her where Elise is.

Elise has been asking "Dada?" during the day for weeks now. I tell her "Daddy's at work" and she seems satisfied with that. Now she asks about everyone, which I think is really cool because it shows that she thinks about Henry and Georgia even when they aren't here with us.

Today after her nap, Elise asked if everyone else had gone night-night, too. "Gigi night-night?" "Henna night-night?" "Car night-night?" She didn't ask about Husband or me. I guess she realizes that the adults don't have time to take naps.

So cute, Elise!

Geee-aahhhh, geeee-ohhh!

When Elise is happy (you give her a food she likes, she sees something that looks cool to her, whatever) she says: geeeee-AAHHH, geeeee-OHHHH! She's been doing this for a few months. It's one of her own made-up words, like how "by-ah?" means "what is that?"

I love it.

Japanese Saying

Today while I was at the bookstore with Elise, I ended up chatting with a couple who is from Japan. They were there with their baby son and we were all in the kiddie section together. The mother, noticing my (huge) belly asked me if I knew what gender the next baby would be. I told her I'm having a boy.

"Oh, you're very lucky to have a girl first and then a boy!" the husband said.

"I think so too. I like it that way."

"There's a saying in Japan that it is lucky to have a girl first and then have a boy," the wife went on. "One of each with a girl first."

"Because it's good to have a older sister for the boy to look up to?" I asked.

"Not just that," she said, "but girls are stronger. Physically stronger. From birth. They have to be because they end up carrying the babies later. Their bodies are strong. They are easier to raise and they don't get sick as often as boys. It is much easier for the mother to have a girl first."

Interesting, Japan.

Toddler Waldorf Salad

I had a bunch of apples recently and I wanted to use some of them up before they went bad. Didn't want to make applesauce. I wanted to try something new. Somehow I settled on Waldorf salad, which I've never made before, but only requires chopping and mixing so I felt confident that I could do it successfully.

The original recipe calls for mayonnaise and celery and stuff that I wasn't sure the kiddos would like, so I decided to modify it. Actually, yogurt is a common substitution for the mayonnaise, and that got me thinking about other substitutions I could make. Here is my new recipe for Toddler Waldorf Salad:

Whisk together 6 tablespoons vanilla yogurt (I used Yo Baby brand) and 2 tablespoons lemon juice. Then add 2 chopped granny smith apples, 1 chopped pear (instead of celery), a couple of handfuls of quartered red grapes (Waldorf salad usually has raisins, but you can use grapes, too), and some crushed walnuts. I bought a bag of chopped walnuts and then crushed them smaller myself. Stir it all up, chill it in the fridge for a bit, and that's that.

Elise loved it. Kept asking for more and more. Henry wasn't too fond of the lemon flavor, so he didn't eat much. And Georgia will eat anything. But I enjoyed the flavor-- I would make it for myself. It's really just a stirred up fruit and yogurt parfait, I guess.

Yum.

Henry Update

Here's what's going on with Henry lately:

* When Henry went for a checkup recently, his primary care doctor said that his ears looked perfectly okay. No infection, no fluid behind the ear drums. Soooooo... Henry will not be referred to a new ear, nose, and throat specialist at this time. No ear tubes for now. Primary Care Doc said that we'll just wait and see if Henry gets recurring infections again during the next cold season, and if he does, THEN he'll make a referral to a specialist. There's no point in sending him to a new specialist right now because the specialist will look in his ears and won't see anything wrong. Henry might have even outgrown his ear problem and he may not need tubes at all. Only time will tell.

* Still waiting on the evaluation for autism. I spoke to someone about it recently and she said that based on a checklist that Husband and I filled out, Henry definitely has some "red flags" but he also has a lot of areas in his development that look normal. The fact that his potential autism symptoms have been slowly getting better (less autism-y) also complicates their ability to diagnose him. So the place that will be evaluating him is trying to get in touch with his school and talk to his teachers about their daily observations of Henry's behavior. I'm just waiting to hear back about whether they want to do more evaluations with him or not.

* Potential Father still hasn't provided the necessary paperwork for the DNA test to be processed. Still don't know for sure who Henry's dad is.

It seems like everything that needs to be done for Henry happens at a snail's pace. The ear tubes waited for so long that he doesn't need them anymore. The autism evaluation is taking forever. The DNA test still hasn't been run. His mom is doing pretty well working through her case plan, but she isn't doing everything perfectly-- it's too difficult to tell at this point if she'll be successful in completing all of her tasks and able to regain custody of Henry. There are all of these unanswered questions. I'm just glad he's too young to know what's going on-- imagine trying to explain this mess to a 10 year old.

Recurring Dream

i have this recurring bad dream that husband and i have gone out of the house somewhere -- dinner or a movie-- and the dream always starts when we're on our way home. i suddenly realize that we've left the kids home by themselves while we went out. i start freaking out, and husband says to relax, that they're sleeping and since they always sleep through the night they'll be fine.

and they always are. the point of the dream is never that the kids have been hurt by our neglect, simply that we made an incredibly poor choice. i feel guilty and worried that someone will find out about what we've done.

i've had this dream for years, since we've become foster parents. i guess every parent worries that they've made mistakes or been selfish or whatever it is that my dream is focused on. i don't sit around worrying about this stuff, but i guess it's in my subconscious somewhere.

silly dream.

Boobie Food Update

Okay. We're down to two feedings per 24 hours. The reason that I'm pushing to change Elise's feeding habits is that I'm starting to have Braxton-Hicks contractions every time I nurse her. I'm concerned that it will eventually send me into early labor. Bad news. Trying to avoid that.

I still feed Elise right before bedtime, but I've changed her 5:30am feeding to 6:15 and then she gets a sippy cup full of cow's milk when she wakes up for the day. Also, I'm cutting both of her feedings short rather than letting her decide when she's done nursing. This has not met without resistance, mind you. But it's going better than I thought it would.

I don't take Elise out of her bed until 6:15, instead reminding her if she wakes up early that it's time for night-night. She cries but she lays back down pretty quickly. Then at 6:15 Husband picks her up and puts her in our bed, she nurses for a bit, and then I tell her "all done" and make her unlatch. For the most part, she goes back to sleep for another hour or so. I just let her sleep with us. When she wakes up for the day she asks for milk and pulls at my shirt, but I say, "Would you like your sippy?" Elise always says no and shakes her head, maybe cries a bit, then asks for milk again. I tell her that she can come with me and get a sippy with milk if she wants, and then she climbs over me and wiggles out of bed, taking off down the hall toward the kitchen.

This is working well for us so far. It's silly maybe, but I don't know if I'm ready to stop breastfeeding Elise completely. It makes me feel sad when I think about it. At the same time, I have to protect Clark. I'm hoping that I can find a point where I can cut back enough that I don't get the contractions anymore, but don't have to completely stop breastfeeding Elise, either. This is a work in progress.

Runaway Baby

Elise's new trick is to suddenly take off running while we're out in public. I am in no condition to sprint after a 16 month old. Today at the library she ran away numerous times. I tried everything. I chased her and scolded her. I ducked around a corner and waited for her to get freaked out when she didn't see me following her. I tried to engage her attention and remind her over and over again to "stay with Mommy." Nothing worked. She'd get a glint in her eye and zip out of my grasp before I could do anything to stop her.

Finally, I ended up pulling some kind of groin muscle when I had to literally jump up and chase after her. I'm still quite sore hours later. What do you do for a pulled crotch tendon? Nothing, I guess. Cry about it. Ugh. Do they make baby shackles?

Pregnancy Update

Man, this pregnancy has been smooooooooth sailing. Compared to Elise, anyway. My back hurts a lot now-- often and with increasing intensity. I wake up at least 3 or 4 times each night (usually more often) to pee or roll over or wipe sweat from between my boobs and off the back of my neck. There's the "sex butt." And I've been getting queezy lately, especially after Clark is particularly active. But mostly I feel okay. I'm 30 weeks along, and even if I have to wait another 11 weeks to meet my little boy I'll probably make it through this last trimester with a lot more grace and serenity than I did the first time around.

Georgia's 1st Pee in the Potty

This morning Georgia woke up with a dry diaper. Very unusual for her. So we put her on the little potty chair... AND SHE WENT POTTY! She was very proud of herself and we gave her lots of praise. Even Henry and Elise clapped for her and smiled at her. Positive reinforcement works wonders with little kids. Hopefully she'll use the potty again some time soon, but I'm sure it will be hit and miss for a long time. We're pretty low pressure when it comes to potty training.

At the Pool

Today was a big day for baby Elisey! She actually let her swim instructor pass her the ball during swim lessons!!! She started the ball passing exercise afraid of the ball, like always, but after a few rounds with the other babies Elise decided she wanted to play with the ball, too, and reached for it. When the instructor passed it to her, she hit it back just like she was supposed to. Very exciting! I wonder if she'll play with it again at her next lesson. I hope she's getting over her phobia.

Once the lesson was over, Elise and I got out of the pool and walked toward our bag. Along the way Elise saw a puddle of water on the pool deck. She stopped, pointed at the puddle and then shouted, "PEE PEE!!! PEE PEE!!!" People nearby laughed. Oh, Elise. Why do you always want to talk about pee and vulvas when we're in public?

Yesterday and Today

no post yesterday. i was up late. i wasn't writing about the kids but i was talking about them, so that should count for something.

our van broke. it needs a new transmission. there's been a lot of added stress in my life over the last couple of days. it's time for me to take a deep breath, sort through some things in my head, and regroup. everybody needs that every once in a while.

Yep

today was quite a day. more later. it's late. i need to sleep.

Bad Dream

* sometimes my phone lets me use capital letters and sometimes it doesn't. i don't know what's going on. *

i had a dream last night that elise was kidnapped by some person who was (in the dream) an acquaintance of mine. it was actually a couple who kidnapped her, and the woman kept elise in hiding while the man went about his day, trying to look like nothing suspicious was going on. i kept approaching the man, begging him in every way i could think of to give elise back.

i remember saying things like, "please, she's still breastfeeding. she needs me. i need her." and, "i'll get you any amount of money you want, just please bring her back." and, in a desperate moment, "i'll fuck you. i'll let you get me pregnant. you can have your own baby and give mine back." sometimes the man would cry, seeing how upset i was, but he would never agree to give her back to me.

it was an extremely stressful dream. terrible. i woke up in a panic. ugh.

Pool!

Elise has started swim lessons and she LOVES LOVES LOVES them. Super happy baby in the pool. "Pool" is her new favorite word, by the way.

I get to the pool a little bit early so we have some time in the water before class starts. She likes that. Time to just play and splash, although I try to make her do some of the stuff we practice in class like kicking and dunking her in the water. Elise enjoys all of it... EXCEPT the part of class where the instructor passes a ball back and forth. The idea is to get the kids reaching out in the water toward something. The ball kind of has the opposite effect on Elise, though, so the instructor uses a different toy just for her. It's funny-- there's so much stuff that we do that makes the other kids cry, like dunking the babies in the water or laying them on their backs to try and float, but the ONLY thing that makes Elise cry is that stupid ball.

I wonder if she'll still like swimming when she's older. I can swim but I've never been a very strong swimmer, so I hope for her that she's better at it than I am.

The Drip

Damn.

I was hoping that since I'm still breastfeeding, my boobs would just know how to handle the new baby's milk. That I wouldn't have to go through the leaky phase again, where unless they're strapped in to a bra, milk is dripping everywhere.

No dice. I'm starting to lactate for no apparent reason again.

I make massive amounts of milk. I'm going to have no problem feeding two babies... and even if I were going to have twins, I'm positive that I'd still be okay. I should be selling this stuff. Seriously. Since I've started breastfeeding, I've never not had milk in my breasts. I can feel the amount in there going down when Elise nurses, but I've never run out. They say to nurse a baby on one breast until it's empty and then switch sides-- getting empty has never ever happened to me. Even at 16 months (which is a pretty big baby), Elise will sometimes nurse for over 30 minutes at night and it's all on one breast. And I could still pump more out after she's done.

I could make Elise switch sides so that she nurses from both breasts during every feeding, but she'll still drink the same amount of milk, so my milk production won't be any less. She'll just be nursing from both sides each time she feeds. So I stick to one boob. I started feeding her on just one side at a time in the very beginning because I was over-producing milk and she wasn't getting enough of the fatty hindmilk if I switched her half way through a feeding, so my lactation consultant told me to keep her on just one breast for each feeding. It helped. And we've never stopped doing it that way.

I wonder what my boobs will look like when I'm done breastfeeding. Oh god. I'm not going to think about that.

Sleep and Breastfeeding Update

So, at 16 months, this is where Elise stands with regard to her sleeping and breastfeeding schedule. Elise breastfeeds 3 times in a 24 hour period, all of it revolving around her nighttime routines. She nurses right before she goes to sleep for the night, then she wakes up around 5:30 and nurses but she goes back to sleep again, then she nurses when she wakes up for the day. Elise throws a big fit if I try to make her have breakfast instead of nursing and I haven't stuck to my guns yet about cutting out the morning breastfeeding. But that will be next.

Elise goes to bed around 8:00... 8:15... 8:30, depending on when we get all of the kids ready to go to sleep. She sleeps straight through until 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning, nurses, and goes back to sleep for about an hour. She wakes up around 7:00-ish for the day. Elise still prefers to take a morning and an afternoon nap if possible, but our schedule doesn't always allow for that. If she gets two naps, she sleeps from about 9:30 until 11:00, then about 1:30 until 2:30. If she only gets an afternoon nap, she'll sleep for about 2 hours after lunch.

I'm happy with our routines right now, although I plan to cut back on that morning feeding soon.

Thankful

I met a lady and her daughter today and the lady told me that her daughter was born at 26 weeks gestation. Wowzers. I had already suspected that the little girl was delayed before the lady said anything, but after she told me that, I felt pretty certain that my suspicions were correct. Really premature babies like that little girl can have all KINDS of problems. Heart, lungs, eyes, speech development, gastrointestinal development-- pretty much anything can be effected.

My sister knows someone who has had 3 kids born very prematurely. One of the babies didn't make it. So sad. Something with that lady's body just makes those kids come out before they're ready.

I'm thankful that I don't have those sorts of problems. As difficult as the last few months of pregnancy can be, I'm grateful that Elise was only 3 weeks early. And I'm hopeful that Clark gets to cook until he's ready, too.

29 weeks down-- a maximum of 12 more to go!

Here's a link to a piece I heard on NPR today about women electing to schedule their deliveries weeks before their due date: click here

I Am Unraveling

The back popping has started. I got it with Elise, too. When I walk around now, more often than not, my lower backbone starts popping. At first it's annoying, but if I walk for awhile it becomes uncomfortable. I think that everything is just spreading and separating for baby Clark-- which makes me even more certain that my hipbone pain is because of those hormonal changes that make pregnant ladies' bones get all loosey goosey.

Where's Baby Clark?

* If you ask Elise where baby Clark is, she points at my tummy. So cute. She can point out everyone in the family: Mommy, Daddy, Henry, Georgia, Clark, and herself.

* My hips are killing me. I don't know what Clark is doing in there, but it is clearly destroying my hipbones. I woke up around 4:30 last night in excruciating pain. Like, I started crying it hurt so much. Hopefully my hips are just stretching out now to accommodate childbirth and I'll be that much ahead of the game when it comes time to actually push.

Bye Bye, Pee Pee!

Elise keeps making wonderful little baby sentences. Now, whenever we flush the toilet after Elise goes to the bathroom she waves into the toilet bowl and yells, "Bye bye, pee pee!" or "Bye bye, poo poo!" Cute at home... a little bit embarrassing in public.

And a few nights ago while she was nursing, she unlatched, looked into my eyes and said, "Bye bye baby poo poo." I have no idea what that meant. Sometimes I really do wonder what she's trying to communicate.

Big Foots

All of the kids have gone up a shoe size again; they all got new shoes the other day. Henry was really not into shoe shopping and didn't want to try any shoes on and clearly wanted to keep his old shoes. The girls, though, loved getting new shoes. How silly and gender stereotype-y.

Payin' It Forward

I read today that daughters of mothers that had really bad morning sickness are 3 times more likely than the average woman to get really bad morning sickness, too. Sorry in advance, Elise. Maybe since I didn't get such bad morning sickness with Clark, Elise has a chance of not getting very sick. Or maybe by the time Elise has babies (if she decides that's what she wants to do), there will be better medicine or better remedies for morning sickness. Either way, Elise, you were absolutely worth it, but I certainly don't wish it on you.

Bye Bye Evil Santa

Remember Evil Santa? The ear, nose, and throat doctor that Henry was referred to? The one that creeped me out? Well, I got a call the other day from someone who is involved in the kids' case and this person was like, "Henry's ENT doctor is Evil Santa?! I can't believe he still has his license! Can you switch his doctor?" And then an explanation for why Evil Santa is a lousy doctor.

Wow.

I was already considering asking for a referral to another doctor since Evil Santa has had our paperwork for MONTHS and he is simply not filling it out, and now even his receptionist isn't returning my calls in any kind of a timely manner. But based on the advice of this other person, I asked Henry's primary care physician right away for a referral to another doctor.

Guess that just goes to show that my mommy intuition was right. Evil Santa IS scary.

What You Talkin Bout?

Elise is learning so much so quickly. She's talking nonstop now. A lot of it is sweet little baby babble, but she's becoming very effective at communicating her desires, too.

Elise knows that if she asks "please" then her odds of getting what she wants increase dramatically. So she says it a lot. And now she's using two or three words together, remembering to ask please first. Today Elise asked, "Please apple?" for some applesauce. It took me a minute to figure out just what she wanted, but it made sense once I figured it out because there is a picture of apples on the little fruit cups. And she's been asking, "Please more Dada?" to get Husband to come back in the room at bedtime and give her another kiss. How could anyone resist that?

She's all about body parts lately, too. You only have to tell her something once now and if she's interested, she remembers. She knows all kinds of body parts-- neck, elbow (she calls it her "elmo"), arm ("arma"), nipple, bottom, teeth, cheeks, chin. Oh, and she calls her tummy her "tucka." Not sure where that came from.

Elise is still obsessed with her vulva. The other day at the library she had to go potty. The whole way to the restroom, from one end of the kids' section to the other, she'd take a few steps, grab her crotch, yell "VAAVAA!" and then repeat the process. Embarrassing.

Oh, and she points out her toe booboo about 10 times a day. She calls it her "bubba" and she'll point to it, say "bubba," and then make a sad face. Poor baby.

She's a pretty cool kid.

Nickname

Clark already has nicknames. I can't help but give my babies sweet little names, and just because you aren't born yet doesn't make you immune. I like to call Clark "Clark Bables" (rhymes with Clark Gable, but emphasis on the "babe" sound).

I love that little guy.

Baby Jackass

You know that show "Jackass" with the guys that do silly stunts and someone usually ends up getting hurt? My kids are working on a baby version of that show, I think. They love to each put their blankets over their heads so that they can't see, then run around the room together. They knock into each other, the furniture, the walls. They fall down and laugh and laugh. Unless they get hurt, then they cry for a second and get back up and do it again.

If one of them sees another putting a blanket on, they all have to do it. I try to act as referee, directing the kids away from edges of dressers and bookshelves. Eventually, it becomes too much and I make them stop, which then makes the kids sad and mad. I tell them, "You just got those baby teeth-- I don't want you to knock them out already!" But they don't understand.

Also, Elise likes to tackle and baby wrestle Henry. Even though he weighs half again as much as she does (Henry ~ 30 lbs, Elise ~ 20 lbs), Henry just falls to the ground and squirms and cries while Elise tries to pin him like some sort of greco-roman wrestler. It's really funny to watch and the last time she did it I laughed so hard I peed my pants a little. For real. I mean, we pull Elise right off of him, but she's quick and very determined and it looks hysterical, given their size difference.

Crazy babies.

BTW

* elise bit the crap out of my nipple again today. i'm starting to wonder if our breast feeding days are numbered :(

* my new phone won't let me use capital letters on my blogging website. wtf, phone! i'll have to figure this out later.

* henry is going to be evaluated for autism. i don't believe he's on the spectrum, but it doesn't hurt to have him checked out. i'd rather he get evaluated and they say he doesn't have it than not get him evaluated and miss out on getting important services.

Today Has Been Better

So far, so good! Don't want to jinx myself as the day isn't over, but nothing too bad has happened today.

We've resolved SOME of the kitchen sink leaking problem... looks like we really will need to call a plumber to get it fixed all the way but we're no longer at code-orange shut-off-the-water-to-the-sink-before-we-have-a-disaster level anymore.

Elise has contracted Georgia's rash-- the one we took Georgia to the ER for a few days ago. But since we know what the illness is and that there's no treatment for it, it's kind of no big deal. I'm sorry that Elise is sick, but she doesn't notice the rash so she isn't suffering because of it.

I had an appointment at the OBGYN's today. After all of the crappedy-crap I've dealt with over the last few days, I was fully expecting to be told that I have gestational diabetes. Nope. Glucose test came back fine.

I've only gained 2 pounds over the past month, which is good because I gained 9 pounds the month before that. I wish I could say that I've been watching my portion sizes or exercising more, but that's not the case at all. I think that my body just does what it needs to do when it needs to do it while I'm pregnant. So I don't gain a steady pound per week-- sometimes I gain more and sometimes I gain less. Whatever. I was able to lose my baby weight with Elise in a reasonable amount of time, so I'm waaaaaaaaay less stressed about weight gain with Clark. I kind of don't care. And since Husband seems to think pregnant bellies are cute/sexy/whatever, I have even less incentive to stress myself out about it.

My belly measured right at where it should be for a lady who is 28 weeks along. So, despite how I feel, I am not giving birth to a baby elephant. That's good to know.

Yep. Today has been okay. Keeping my fingers crossed.

Elise's First Big Booboo

Welcome to my retelling of Craptastic Day #4. The fourth consecutive craptastic day in this series.

:(

So, I was taking a shower with Elise this afternoon. Elise loooooooves the water, which is really nice because I can take a shower and she just plays at my feet. I'm happy and she's happy and it's great. Today she took a full can of shaving cream off the ledge and was driving it around on the floor of the bathtub like a car. When I was done showering, I told her "clean up time!" and she went to put the can back on the ledge, as if she was putting a toy away. Well, the can fell and dropped straight down on her pinky toe.

Blood everywhere.

I know that water makes blood look even worse than it is because it thins the blood out but it still looks very red. Regardless, this was a lot of blood coming out of her tiny toe. So, Elise is screaming, I jump out of the shower holding the baby, both of us dripping wet and Elise dripping blood everywhere (on the floor, on her potty chair, on the wall) and run to the hall closet where I grab a clean dish towel. I hold her with her foot in the air, wrapped in the towel, applying pressure.

But my mind is racing. What do I do first? Ice? Tylenol? Get us dressed? I went and got her old teething rings from the freezer to put on her foot, but she was having none of that. I called Husband and told him to come home right away, and then I tried to get us dressed.

I was trying desperately to keep Elise from standing up. I couldn't tell how deep the cut was, but her toe was swelling like crazy and bleeding and generally looking pretty bad. I didn't want her to make the injury any worse. It was hard to put a diaper on her and then try to dress myself-- all while holding her foot in the air, above her head. That's all I could really think to do, apply pressure and hold her foot in the air.

Finally Husband came home and by that point Elise wasn't screaming any more and was even somewhat consolable. So we decided that she PROBABLY didn't need to go to the emergency room. We tried to call her doctor to see what the nurse suggested, but the office was still on lunch break. Then Husband called the urgent care clinic that we use. The nurse was like, "does she need stitches?" Um. We have no idea. She's hurt. That's all we know. So they gave us an appointment for a few hours later and told us to give her some Tylenol and wrap the toe in a bandage until then.

Somewhere in the middle of all of this, my slippery wet shower hands dropped my phone on the kitchen floor for the one billionth time since I bought my cell phone... but THIS was the time my phone decided to break. Like, that's it. No more phone.

So. Husband goes back to work and Elise takes a nap until her urgent care appointment.

Then, on the way to the urgent care center I get lost. But I have no phone. So I can't call and tell them I'm running late or ask for directions. I can't use my phone's GPS. I just have to drive around until I find the damn place. OF ALL DAYS!!!

Finally I get to the urgent care center and they're still willing to see Elise even though I'm late. The doctor put some doctor-style super glue on Elise's toe to close it up (it was still oozing) and put this little strip of stuff over the glue that makes a kind of hard bandage. Elise was not happy about the procedure, but I was sure happy that she didn't need stitches. What an ordeal that would have been!

Elise is fine now. Doesn't even notice her booboo anymore. I went after dinner and got a new phone. So now if I go into labor I can actually call Husband or if I get lost I can call for directions. And thank goodness this stupid day is over.

No more stupid days, please. I'm at my limit. Four is enough.

I Give Up

Now there's a leak under our kitchen sink.

What next? :(

Craptastic Day, the Sequel

Soooo, yesterday was bad. Worse than today, I'll admit.

BUT

Today Husband had to take Georgia to the ER. She suddenly broke out in these little bumps all over her groin, feet, tummy, and legs. Raised bumps. And since it's a holiday, there was no place to take her BUT the ER. I spoke to the after-hours nurse from her doctor's office-- hoping she'd say to just watch her and take her to the doctor tomorrow or something-- but I was told, "it could be the start of anything... take her to the ER to be sure." Dammit dammit dammit.

End result was that she has some kind of virus. Nothing that can be done. No medicine or anything. It just has to run its course. It's no more dangerous than any other common childhood illness, but it looks kinda crazy with all the little bumps everywhere. The bumps don't seem to be itchy or bothersome. Georgia doesn't notice them. So I guess it's no big deal. Other than she's going to have to stay home for a day or two from day care. And of course, the other kids will catch it eventually and probably Husband and me, too. Dammit dammit dammit.

While Husband was gone with Georgia, the new fridge arrived. This required a lot of pre-fridge-arrival cleaning and post-fridge-arrival cleaning. Not so easy while being home alone with Elise and Henry and a belly full of Clark.

This wasn't the relaxing 4th of July weekend I had envisioned. Oh well.

Everything Old Is New Again

Craptastic day.

Had to buy a new refrigerator today. Because ours broke. And also a new microwave. Because ours has been slowly breaking. Big purchases that I'm not expecting are stressful. Not to mention having everything in our fridge spoil.

Then this afternoon Elise intentionally bit my nipple so hard that I involuntarily screamed. In pain. She proceeded to clamp down like a damn pit bull, and I was yelling and literally trying to pry open her jaw when she decided to let go. I found myself crying afterward and saying things to her like, "Why would you hurt me like that?" As if she was going to answer.

Also, Henry was all about testing boundaries today. He was being a total meanie. Basically, everything was just awful today.

Things could be worse. It's all relative. I know this. But right now I just need to wallow in self-pity.

More sadness for me-- I can't even have a beer to console myself. :(

Graduation!

Georgia is done with therapy!

Now that she's walking and talking more, her therapist said that she no longer needs assistance. She's still a bit behind in her speech development, but not so behind that she needs services at this point.

Yay! We're so proud of her!

Glucose Test

I took my pregnancy glucose test yesterday to see if I have baby-induced diabetes. I think I talked about it with Elise, but basically you fast starting at midnight the night before, then go to the lab in the morning, give blood, drink a sugar drink, and give blood again an hour later.

The fasting sucks, especially when you're pregnant and breastfeeding. I NEED breakfast. NEED it. That stupid Koolaid-- or whatever it is that they make you drink-- tasted so good because I was half-starved. I wanted to ask for another one.

I'll get my results at my next OBGYN visit. Unless they call me sooner with bad news, I guess.