I have had many unusual encounters with strangers who discover that I am a foster or adoptive parent and then tell me some REALLY personal stuff about themselves. I guess they feel that I will be somehow more sympathetic or understanding or knowledgeable about their circumstance. Perhaps they don't meet many people who they feel might be able to relate to their own life story. I have had complete and total strangers tell me:
* His older brother adopted him after his parents died.
* She lost custody of her oldest three kids because she was in and out of jail and making lots of bad decisions. She now has custody of her two youngest kids, and she gets to see the oldest three regularly.
* She lost custody of her son because she is homeless and has a drug problem. She's pregnant now.
* She became pregnant after she was raped. She put that daughter up for adoption because her rapist was threatening to hurt her and her family if she didn't do it. It was a closed adoption. It was years ago, but she still thinks about her daughter all of the time.
* Husband and wife have been waiting over four years for a match for an international adoption. They're losing hope that it will ever happen.
* His youngest two siblings were placed in foster care and later adopted. He never heard from them again.
Seriously, what do you say to those things? Those deeply personal things? I just try to be supportive. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It must have been terrible," or "That must have been really hard. I'm glad to hear that things are getting better for you" are becoming my standard lines. How bizarre that I even have standard lines for this kind of encounter. This I-don't-know-you-but-I'm-laying-bare-my-deepest-sadness-and-regret kind of encounter.
I do hear happy stories, too. People who smile and say, "I'M adopted! I love seeing other families like mine. Good for you guys!" Honestly, those are mostly younger women. Teenagers and 20-somethings. I like those kinds of encounters best.
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