2009, Year Of The Baby

Husband and I have been working to start our family for years. Last January, I just KNEW that 2009 would be our year. (I expected that we'd get matched for adoption.) I referred to 2009 as "Year of the Baby" in my head, as a way to keep my spirits up about the looooong process that starting a family had become for us. I'd even write "YOTB" on my calendar at work to remind myself that good things would happen this year.

We haven't been matched for adoption yet, but 2009 DID turn out to be our Year of the Baby. What will 2010 be?

Year of New Family.

These Booties Were Made For Walking

I'm trying to get more exercise. Exercising is not easy at this stage of the game, so walking will have to do.

Husband is being very supportive. He walks with me during our breaks at work. Two 15 minute breaks = 30 minutes of exercise. Yay! I'm not totally sedentary.

Last Name Game

I didn't change my last name when I got married. Husband was completely supportive of this decision and it was never even remotely an issue in our relationship. Why should it be?

For some reason, it bothers me when people ask, "Oh, you KEPT your maiden name?" No. I didn't change my last name. There's a small-- but to me, important-- difference. I have the right to choose whether I change my name. It's more common in North American society for women to change their family name upon marriage, but it IS a choice that the woman gets to make. I'm happy for and support any woman who makes the decision to adopt her husband's family name. It just wasn't right for me. But I don't feel like I "kept" something, as my last name was mine and will always be mine; I didn't change my name, that's all.

Sooooo, now Husband and I are having a baby. And we have to figure out what her last name will be.

Husband and I agreed a while ago to both change our last names to a very lovely combination of our two family names. One new name, combined from the sounds of our last names. It seemed like the most progressive thing to do. Our immediate family would all have the same last name, and we'd be honoring our birth families' heritage with out slighting anyone. None of our extended family LOVED the idea, but Husband's dad in particular strongly objected. Our plans for a new last name were eventually laid to rest.

Husband and I still have different last names. And, considering that we both made this baby, and especially considering that I'm carrying her, my family name will be equally represented in her name.

We had originally planned to give her one last name with two words and no hyphen. So, "Smith Jones" for example. I'm not a fan of hyphens. However, I'm realizing that people will just drop the first last name, regardless of the legality, and call her by only "Jones".

I'm starting to think that we should hyphenate. The truth of the matter is, eventually she will go by whatever name or combination of names she prefers. So maybe I shouldn't get so concerned about it. I just need to figure out what we'll put on the birth certificate.

Sugar Water

I'm at a lab right now, getting tested for pregnancy diabetes. It's a routine test where I live.

I had to fast, starting last night. No breakfast this morning. The phlebotomist took my blood, then had me drink a bottle of orange colored sugar water. Now I have to wait for an hour and then get another blood draw.

Baby is NOT happy about having sugar water for breakfast.

The baby is on a food schedule already. If I haven't eaten breakfast by 8:30, lunch by 11:30 or dinner by 6:30, she gets very angry. Kicking and tossing around. If I eat on schedule, she's less active. So demanding! I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing yet. I'll have to figure out how to use it to my advantage once she's born.

Umbilical Hernia

Turns out that my crazy belly button is a result of an umbilical hernia.

The midwife at my checkup yesterday told me about it. She said that I've always had a little hole near my belly button where guts could squish out, but it was just never a problem before. Now that my belly is big, it's more obvious. Fortunately, my guts are behind my baby right now, so they won't squish out while I'm pregnant. The midwife said I might need to get the hernia repaired after the baby is born. We'll just have to wait and see.

Then she said, "But if it turns black and blue, come in right away."

Sure thing.

So I'm sad that I might need "repairing" after the pregnancy. And my belly button will never look the same again. The upside, though, is that when Elise sticks her little elbow into the gaping hole in my abdomen and pops up into my belly button, I can really FEEL her. I can pet her and touch her gently and feel her move. And that's really cool.

Big Momma

The holidays were good to me. Too good. I have gained too much weight this month.

Upon realizing this, I became horribly depressed. I don't want to exercise. I feel tired and lazy and hungry all of the time. I want to sit against a pile of pillows, wrapped in blankets, eat chocolate, and grow a beautiful baby girl. I would get up only to go to the bathroom and to get back massages. And organize the baby clothes.

Thanks a lot holiday cookies, cakes, and other assorted, delicious treats!

New Year's resolution? Make better food choices. I will start in 3 days...

It's The Final Countdown

First day of my third trimester!!!

The Pokey Little Puppy

Last night was horrible. I couldn't sleep.

There's this one spot on my left side that where I can often feel a little baby foot/elbow/knee/whatever. A hard lump of baby poking against my already over-stretched belly. It's uncomfortable at best and down right painful sometimes. Last night, I kept waking up in pain. That little spot felt bruised and Baby had her foot/elbow/knee/whatever firmly lodged in place. She did not want to move.

I tried everything. Changing positions, pressing against both sides of my belly to get her to move, talking to her nicely, taking to her with pain and frustration in my voice. She'd move for a second, and then slide her little baby body right back against my ouch spot.

I've been hurting all day long today. I finally gave up on trying to get her to move when I pressed against the baby bump and she swiftly hit me right back in that bruised spot about 6 times in a row. That REALLY hurt.

Fine, Elise. You win. I just hope I get a callus or something, because 3 more months of painful baby poking might drive me insane.

Looking A Bit Blue

*Warning: I talk about my lady parts in this post.*

So last night I noticed (don't ask) that my lower lady parts were BLUE! What? BLUE!!! Blue, I say!

Actually, it kinda looked like they had been colored with blue magic marker and then I tried to wash it off, but a ghostly shadow of blue remained. Making things look bluish-purple.

Yikes!

Normally, blue skin is a bad sign. "My lady parts are in trouble!" I thought. "They're dying!" But nothing hurt or felt weird. They were just blue. So I went from WTF mode to hey-Husband-check-this-out mode. We both thought it looked crazy.

After a bit of moving around, the blue color started to go away. Got the old circulation going, I guess. Or the baby was pressing against my hoo-hoo artery and then moved. Dunno. But nothing's fallen off yet, so I must be okay.

Merry Christmas and...

We're naming her Elise. :) This picture is from a 3D ultrasound image taken December 16th. I have the best Christmas present ever all wrapped up in my belly. I love her so much.

Holiday Road Trip

Husband and I went home to visit our parents and celebrate the holidays early this year. At 26 weeks, a 6 hour car ride is no fun. My back hurts enough as it is, but being confined to a car for half the day makes it even harder. Going to see family is worth the inconvenience, though. I just don't think I'll be traveling much in my 3rd trimester.

Scientific Method

When we went to get our 19 week ultrasound, the doctor asked us if we wanted to find out if we're having a boy or a girl. We did. So as the technician scanned up between the baby's legs, the doctor said, "If it's a boy, we'll see a little shape like a turtle. If it's a girl, we'll see a clam."

Our baby has a clam.

No Post Yesterday

I was so busy yesterday, I didn't get a chance to make a blog post. Rest assured, Baby Girl, I was talking about you aaaaaaall day long.

Jinxed

It's my own fault. I said I was as healthy as a horse and now I'm sick. Headache, sore throat, congestion, cough, fatigue. Plus, Foster Son was sick last night and kept waking up... meaning I kept waking up... meaning I'm sick AND tired.

My OBGYN's office said I could take a Tylenol, which I did. My head feels a little better.

Blah.

I'm Having A...

a. Baby

b. Girl

c. Panic attack everytime I think about pushing a baby out of my body

d. All of the above


Answer: d!!!

Fun House Mirror

I just don't FEEL as big as I am right now. I'll catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror or the reflection of a window and think, "OMG!!! I had no IDEA!" I've started knocking my belly into things, too, because I'm so unaware of the new outer edges of my body. Pregnant bellies change so quickly, it's hard to get used to it.

Clown Shoes

I've had several people tell me that I will need to get new shoes while I'm pregnant.

Just yesterday, one of Foster Son's teachers said, "Be sure you get you some comfortable shoes! My feet swole up like crazy when I was pregnant!"

I haven't had any foot problems yet. Maybe it's too early.

If I look straight down, I can't see my feet anymore. But I can still lean forward and look around my belly to see them. Kinda weird, having a big ol' belly in the way.

Healthy As A Horse

I've read that pregnant ladies have compromised immune systems. They get sick more quickly and more severely. Not me!

Except for my morning sickness (which more than makes up for it, if you ask me), I've been healthier than ever. Foster Son and Husband both have rotten colds right now. I had a sore throat for one day. One day! And I'm back to feeling alright. I've usually had a winter cold or two by this point in the holiday season. Allergies. Sinus infection. Something. But for the past 6 months I've been as healthy as a horse. Or a crocodile. I hear that crocodiles never get sick.

Thanks, Baby!

No More Placenta Previa!

We had another ultrasound this morning. My placenta has moved up, so I don't have placenta previa anymore. Yay! No scheduled c-section for me! (Hear that baby? You will have a conehead after all!)

The baby was wonderfully healthy, beautiful, and active. Baby stuck its little tongue out at us during the ultrasound. Hee hee! I love you extra for that, Baby!

Baby was in the head-down position during the ultrasound and weighed 1 pound, 11 ounces.

During the procedure, Husband started asking the technician how the ultrasound machine works. By way of explanation, she showed us our baby using the fancy 4-D ultrasound machine. Normally, you have to pay extra to have them use the 4-D machine. We got lucky! We got some great pictures of our baby's face, thanks to Husband.

Oh, god. I'm so in love with you, Baby. Again, as soon as we stepped out the office I just cried and cried. Happy tears. Happy tears of mommy joy.

Diaper Purchase

Husband and I bought some diapers. Two big boxes-- 336 diapers in all. That should last us about a month or a little more. The diapers are for the 16-22 pound range. But we had a really great coupon, so we didn't want to pass up a good deal.

Yay! I love a bargain.

An Excuse To Eat Cake

Husband and I celebrate three different anniversaries: the day we first started dating again, the day we got married, and the day of our wedding. Today is the three year anniversary of our marriage.

SO LET'S EAT SOME CHOCOLATE CAKE!!!

We're having my sister and her hubby over tonight for chocolate cake dessert. Having a 3 year old at home means that you reduce your stress-level on special days by not venturing into public. Having a pregnant belly means that you celebrate with food.

Three years! And now I'm pregnant! What a happy day.

Light Bright

Baby responds to Husband's laser pointer now!

Our little kitten had been still all morning, and then Husband shined his laser pointer on my belly. BANG! Baby is moving all around.

I read that Baby's eyes are opening this week. What do you see, Baby? Diffused red light? That's a laser pointer. Can you say "lay-zer point-er?"

Newborn Clothes Inventory

Husband and I took an inventory of our newborn baby clothes last night. We have 9 little outfits.

How many outfits does a newborn baby wear each day? Two? Do I not even have a week's worth of clothes? We have 5 onesies (one is longsleeved), a pair of pants, two one piece outfits with footies, and two outfits without footies. Oh, and two little hats.

Don't worry, Baby. You won't go naked. We'll get some more clothes.

Furious

Foster Son intentionally hit me in the stomach tonight with closed fists.

I'm really mad about it. Don't want to talk about it, other than to say it happened. Somehow I managed to hold it together for the most part, but as soon as Husband came over I had to walk away. And stay away for a little bit.

Momma bear. RAWR!!!!

My Grocery Store Loves Me and Baby!

I told you before that I signed up for my local grocery store's baby club thingy. Well, today a package arrived from the grocery store-- we got a BOOK in the mail, and a ton of really good coupons.

The book is, like, a real book. Not a pamphlet of tips on how to keep from failing miserably as a parent. It's over 750 pages long. The kind of thing you would check out from the library or purchase in a bookstore.

And the coupons are serious deals. Some of them are even for free stuff. Just FREE.

Grocery store, you know how to impress a pregnant lady!

Baby Dream: Irresponsible Behavior

Magzilla! You were in my dream last night!

Husband and I were at Magzilla's house-- or what was supposed to be her house in the dream, at least. There was a little party going on. I was mingling and talking to people and then I looked over at Husband and he had Magzilla's camera and he was taking pictures down his pants. He thought it was funny that she would look on her camera later and see pictures of his penis.

I got really mad and grabbed the camera away from him. I was yelling, "That's NOT funny!" as I deleted the pictures. Then I started scrolling through the rest of the pictures to make sure that Husband didn't take more of them at a different time.

Instead of weenie shots, I found pictures of ME... doing flips off of Magzilla's couch! There I was, big belly and all, upside down in the air. There were tons of those pictures. I was mortified. "How could I have done such an irresponsible thing?," I kept thinking. "Was I drunk? I don't feel drunk now. How did this happen???"

I woke up very confused. I think now that "my" flips are just my subconscious thinking about the baby flipping around in my belly. And yesterday was Magzilla's due date, so I must have been thinking about her, too. Silly brain.

Pregnant Ladies Need Extra Pillows

I've realized that the most comfortable way for me to sleep right now requires extra pillows. I like to lie not-quite on my back and not-quite on my side. Sort of a 45 degree angle. So I need a pillow for my head, a pillow behind my back, a pillow under my belly, and ideally I'd also have a pillow between my knees.

Husband let me use one of his pillows last night to help construct the aforementioned sleep-nest and I seriously got better sleep because of it. I'd say that I only woke up 4 times during the night instead of 6. And, hey, that's a huge improvement in my book.

Sleep deprivation makes people crazy, you know. It's a torture tactic. I'm just saying that pregnant ladies are definitely entitled to a few emotional outbursts and/or fits of narcoleptic behavior. And they are also entitled to all of the extra pillows in the house. Without question.

More Coupons

I got some coupons in the mail yesterday from Luvs. Two coupons for $2.50 off any diaper purchase. Not bad. I also got an email news letter from Seventh Generation with printable coupons.

I guess it IS worth it to sign up with these companies. I've started a little coupon box in my kitchen. I feel so domestic.

Random Thought

I wonder at what point in human history having children became more than just "what naturally happens" (or doesn't happen) during a person's lifetime. We have a lot of choices in our society when it comes to making babies. I'm thankful for those choices. But the reason that we have choices is because there is so much social pressure attached to a woman's decision to have children.

Nowadays, so many aspects of human social behavior are involved with the decision to have a baby. Religion often factors in--are you married?, can you use birth control? Does society think you're old enough or too old to have a baby? Do your politics play a part in whether or not you feel you have an option to terminate the pregnancy? Have you had "too many" children, or not enough? Do you choose to have children to help you in some way, like tending to a farm? Are children a status symbol in your society? Do you need a son to pass on your family name or inherit your worth?

I mean, at one point we were just like all the other animals, having sex and making babies, and then kicking them out of the nest as soon as possible. I wonder when children became a decision or an effort or a basis for judgment. When was value attached to the child itself? Children can be a liability just as much as they can be an asset. Especially when resources are rare. Why did our society evolve to try and force the idea that they are always an asset (i.e., don't have an abortion and giving your baby up for adoption means there is something wrong with your ability to be a good parent)?

Random thought.

Love Birds

Husband and I have known each other for over 18 years. We met in 7th grade Language Arts class. It's a wonderful feeling to have known my partner for such a long time. To be so sure about our relationship. To enjoy our friendship every bit as much as I enjoy the romance.

I'm so happy. And I want our baby to know that there is an immeasurable amount of love and joy in our decision to become biological parents. Husband and I can't wait to share our lives with our sweet little babycake.

This morning as we were waking up I said to Husband, "There's a baby in my belly." (It still amazes me.)

"There sure is." He reached over and touched my tummy.

"I love our baby so much."

"So do I."

"I love you so much."

"I love you so much, too."

"Our baby is made from so much love. All of our love."

"It sure is."

Hug, hug, kiss, kiss.

That's a great way to start the morning. I'm so lucky.

Snap, Crackle, and Pop

My lower backbone has been popping like crazy lately. Not the stress-relieving crackling of a good stretch, either. Just about any time I get up from lying down, "CRRRRRRAAAAACK!" right up four or five of my lower vertebrae.

One of my coworkers, remembering his wife's pregnancy years ago, has asked me if my hips have started popping yet. I guess his wife would get crackly hips if she sat down for too long. My hips aren't popping, just my back. I read that pregnant ladies' backs do change to accomodate the baby and the extra weight, so maybe that's what's happening to me.

My belly sure is getting bigger. The baby's supposed to weigh about 1.5 pounds right now. That doesn't sound like much, but carrying it around your waist all day DOES get tiring. Not to mention the amniotic fluid and the giant boobies. It's like carrying weights with you everywhere you go. Gosh. No wonder I'm so tired.

Yep. That's My Bladder.

Baby found my bladder yesterday.

Fortunately, I had JUST gone to the bathroom. It was the strangest feeling, though. In the split second where Baby's litttle foot made contact with my bladder, I thought, "Yikes! I gotta peeeeee!" But since my bladder was empty, as soon as the kick was finished, the sensation went away.

Baby then proceeded to kick my bladder about 10 more times in a row. It made me laugh and laugh. It was like someone was flickering a switch-- you have to pee, no you don't, you have to pee, no you don't...

The day will come, though, when my bladder isn't so empty. I'm a little concerned.

Babymoon

Husband and I took our "babymoon" today. Our last little just-us trip before the baby arrives.

Since we've made a budget and we have a 3 year old foster son who only has visitation with his birth family on certain days, our options for the babymoon were limited. No week-long trip to Hawaii for us. We picked something that wasn't very expensive and that we knew we'd both enjoy.

We took a trip to a cave and took the guided tour. Husband and I both like caves, so it was a lot of fun for us. We also had a nice brunch, just the two of us. Getting to go to a restaurant without our darling 3 year old in tow was SOOO relaxing!

I'm glad we thought to take a babymoon. It was a really nice day.

Got My First Coupon In The Mail

Pampers wins. Of all the places that I signed up with, they were first to send me a coupon in the mail. $2.00 off when you purchase diapers and wipes at the same time. Since we'll clearly be buying both, it sounds like a pretty good deal to me.

I also signed up on the Similac website tonight. We'll see if that one pays off.

Head, Shoulders, Knees or Toes?

Last night while I was lying on my back for a second and rubbing my stomach, I felt as strange, hard lump. A tiny little lump of baby.

"Feel this!" I said to Husband.

We both freaked out. It felt so weird. It was a little elbow or knee or foot or something.

The baby moved it to line up with my belly button. Since there's less muscle and fat in the way in the spot where my belly button is poking out, we could feel the baby lump really well. We petted the baby gently. It was really cool.

You're Getting On My Nerves, Baby

Pregnancy sciatica. Add that one to the list.

Fortunately it only lasted for about 6 hours last night. I feel better this morning.

My lower back had been hurting all day yesterday. I have that spot on my right side that is pretty much always sore, and yesterday it hurt extra. Well, at about 5:00 last night I started feeling that numb, pins-and-needles feeling one gets when their extremities start to fall asleep. The tingles crept down my back and over my butt and spread down my right leg. It didn't officially hurt, but it was uncomfortable. Then, within an hour, I had a shooting pain from the achy spot in my lower back to the back of my knee on my right leg. It was terribly painful when I stood up, and manageably painful when I sat down. I literally couldn't stand up for more than a few minutes.

I asked Husband to rub my leg and back for a while, but that didn't help. Then I tried squishing on the baby to make it move, since I figured that the baby must somehow be responsible. No dice. At least I feel better this morning. I read that some ladies have sciatica for months during their pregnancy, and that sometimes it even lasts after the birth.

Dream: Oh Yeah, I'm Pregnant

I had a dream the other night that I was walking around a mall with this really attractive Chinese guy named Chung. We were flirting, and I wasn't being subtle at all about my intentions. As we rode up and down the escalators (what's that you say, Dr. Freud?) I was asking Chung to tell me his favorite way to kiss (etc., etc... I won't repeat all of my shamefully forward questions).

Then I suddenly remembered that I'm married. "That's okay," I thought to myself, "I only want to have sex with Chung."

During my dreams, I'm often highly aware of the fact that I'm dreaming. Here, I rationalized that my dream Husband must be off somewhere doing the same thing with some hot, Asian girl. And so my flirtation with Chung must be okay. I'm usually not one to let guilt stand in the way of my dream sex.

But after I remembered that I'm married, I also remembered that I'm pregnant. That was too much for my subconscious to rationalize away-- I woke up.

Call me in a few months, Chung!

Baby Bop

Since Baby's been able hear, I've been playing music for him/her. I like to put pandora.com on my computer at work and sit one of my computer speakers against my belly. Sometimes the baby kicks when the music is on, but I really don't know if the kicking is a response to the sounds or if it's just playtime in Mommy's belly regardless.

Mostly I play classical music. Partly because that seems like the best kind of music for a fetus to listen to, and partly because I have trouble concentrating at work if I hear lyrics. I read all day, so having extra words bouncing around in my head while I try to concentrate is very distracting.

I hope you like Vivaldi, Baby! (I do!)

In The Middle Of The Night

There was a brief time, after my hormones calmed down from the first trimester and before the baby was big enough to squish my bladder, when I didn't have to get up in the middle of the night to pee. Those were the days.

Not that I've slept through the night since I've been pregnant. Don't get me wrong. First it was the night sweats that would wake me. (Fortunately, those are gone for now. Those first trimester hormones really did a number on me.) Then came the waking up at 2 a.m. to pee. And now I wake up whenever I have to turn over. Turning over in bed is no easy task when you're pregnant. I'm not even that big yet, but I can't flop around in my sleep like I used to, so I wake up instead. And my middle-of-the-night urges to go to the bathroom are back again, as Baby is clearly using my bladder as an ottoman. Between the peeing and the shifting of positions, I wake up at least 5 or 6 times every night.

I guess that my body is just trying to get me ready for the interrupted sleep that I will experience once Baby arrives.

Baby, I Got Your Money

Planning for Baby has meant making a lot of financial decisions. The closer my due date gets, the harder Husband and I have been working to make sure that our money is in order.

Shortly after we found out that I was pregnant, we started living almost exclusively on Husband's pay check. This has helped us save money. It has been surprisingly easy for us to live on a reduced income. Fewer restaurant meals, less shopping, fewer trips to the movie theatre, less travel... but it hasn't devastated our lifestyle. I'm SOOOOO glad we decided to save money this way. On one hand, Husband and I are disappointed in ourselves for not doing it sooner-- we could have paid off so much debt!-- but on the other hand, we were living it up before babies and foster kids came into our lives, and that's okay, too.

We also made a budget recently. Like, a real budget. One we have to stick to. I've made budgets before, but they were always more of an excercise in my philosophical musings on the ideal way to spend money and not something that I had to live by. Now, we have a set amount each month for groceries and that is that.

We've been paying down some debt (those interest payments and service charges sure do add up!) and talking about investing in CDs. We're making sure Baby will have everything it needs, including a pre-paid college plan.

I feel so grown up.

Shake It

If Baby gives me a good kick, my whole belly shakes now.

I tried to show Husband last night, but he didn't get to see. I swear that the baby can sense Husband's presence and then finds it amusing to immediately cease all movement. As my own dad pointed out, there are only so many games the kid can play while in the womb, so "hide from Daddy" is about all Baby has for entertainment right now.

That, and sitting on my bladder. I swear, I had to pee at least 5 times in a row before I got into bed last night.

Spanksgiving

This morning on the way to work Husband was joking about spanking our baby.

"We're not going to spank the baby," I said.

"What if it kills another baby?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know. What's the worst thing a baby could do?"

"Poop in your mouth."

"Oh, it'd definitely get a spanking for that."

"Really though, if your baby poops in your mouth, it's probably at least partly your own fault. I mean, how could that even happen without some sort of help?"

"Yeah. The baby would definitely need an accomplice."

Baby, I know that you have a lot of free time on your hands these days, but I hope you are not masterminding ways to poop in my mouth and/or form a baby crime ring. I have greater expectations of you.

Jittery Feet

Since fairly early on in the pregnancy, I've been getting jittery feet at night. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's when my feet feel kind of tickly all over and it's hard to hold them still. I try putting socks on, wedging them under Husband's butt while he sits down on the couch, rubbing them real hard in the tickly spots... nothing really helps and I just need to wait it out. Thankfully, it's usually gone by the time I'm ready to go to sleep.

I didn't realize that this is a symptom of pregnancy until I saw it in that Victorian-era book that Husband got me. Go figure!

Kick Me When I'm Down

Baby made me cry the other night.

I felt so sick. Queezy, and I was having the grossest acidy burps. I finally got to lie down for the night, and Baby started kicking like crazy. Not sweet little love taps, either. The kid was trying to kick its way out, I'm sure. Baby was flipping all around, kicking my sides, my middle, and up into my guts. It hurt. I was sure I would throw-up, but I didn't. This went on for about 10 minutes. 10 minutes that felt like 10 hours. I was crying, trying to turn into a position that would get Baby to settle down, and trying not to vomit.

Maybe Baby wasn't feeling well, either. We had a rough night, Baby and I.

Rock-a-bye Baby

I've been tired again lately. I read that Baby is supposed to be growing a lot this month. I wonder if that has anything to do with it.

The Victorian Era Makes Me Laugh

A while back, Husband got me an old, crackly, browned, and falling-apart book called Light on Dark Corners; A Complete Sexual Science and a Guide to Purity and Physical Manhood; Advice to Maiden, Wife, and Mother; Love, Courtship and Marriage written by Prof. B.G. Jefferis, M.D., Ph.D and J.L. Nichols, A.M. It was published in 1897. Husband knows I love this kind of stuff.

For a Victorian-era book on sexuality, there are actually some pretty progressive concepts put forth. For example, don't rape your wife. She'll love you more if you don't.

I was flipping through the book last night, wondering what Dr. Jefferis had to say about pregnancy. Some of it is delightfully weird. Causes of miscarriage include excessive sexual intercourse, dancing, eating late suppers, and "fashionable amusements." Also, in order to have beautiful children, pregnant mothers should avoid thinking of ugly people.

Much of the information in the book is enlightening about the time. They didn't have pregnancy tests back then, so there is a section on "Signs and Symptoms of Pregnancy." The first conclusive symptom of pregnancy is when the mother starts to produce pre-milk. Morning sickness and changes in the menstrual cycle could possibly be attributed to other things, but producing milk is a sure-fire sign of a baby on the way. I didn't think of that, but it makes perfect sense.

If I had the time, I would scan in every page of this book before it all rots away.

Monthly Check-up; IUD

Everything looked good at our monthly check-up yesterday. Baby tried to hide from the Doppler machine, as usual. I love my sneaky little baby.

I talked to the midwife for a while about post-pregnancy contraception. I know someone who got pregnant again TWO months after having her first baby. I live in fear of that happening to me.

I don't much enjoy the thought of having to worry about birth control again-- it was so nice to just not care for a while. But since I don't want to be breastfeeding an 8 month old baby while it's stretched across my 6 months pregnant belly, Husband and I have been talking about what we'll do after the baby gets here.

I explained to the midwife that birth control pills make me crazy. She said that means I can't use the patch or the ring, either, because they all have estrogen in them. She said that there is a "mini pill" that doesn't have estrogen in it. So no craziness or other bad side effects. The downside is that it's less effective and you have to take it at the EXACT same time every day. The shot also doesn't have estrogen, but it lasts for 3 months, so if you have bad side effects you can't just discontinue the medication.

Then the midwife talked to Husband and me about some intrauterine devices. They can stick it in during an office visit and it can last up to 5 years (or longer, depending on the brand you choose). It's over 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. You don't have remember to take a pill every day or go get shots. IUDs make your periods lighter and maybe even stop altogether. You can even choose between IUDs that release hormones and those that don't.

The down side? It costs $750 and my insurance won't cover it. Bastards. Husband and I are still considering it, though.

Thanks A Lot, Evolution

I read that humans are the only animals known to get morning sickness. Scientists don't know why that is. They can hypothesize reasons for why morning sickness might be beneficial to a pregnant lady and her baby, but they're not so sure as to why only humans get morning sickness.

I wonder when that started, in terms of the evolutionary process. Was evolution like, "Hold on. These cave ladies are eating waaaaaaay too much rotten food. It's time to make this species adverse to some of the crap they eat when they're pregnant, or there's going to be serious trouble"?

I'm so glad I'm done with the worst part of my morning sickness. Yay for the second trimester!

Phat Momma

(Bet you haven't seen "phat" in a while, huh? Since the mid-90s, maybe?)

I've put on 10 pounds (over my pre-pregnancy weight) so far. Not bad. Considering that the baby weighs about 1 pound right now, my boobs have added at least another pound, and I'm filling up with amniotic fluid and extra blood, I'd say that I'm pretty much on track. If I keep gaining one pound per week until the baby arrives, I'll have gained 28 pounds. That's within the normal range. Even though it sounds like a lot, I know that I'll lose about half of it as soon as the baby is born.

Don't worry, Baby. I'll make sure you're nice and plump by the time you arrive.

Waisting Away

I still have the tiniest bit of a waist left. If you look at me dead-on, you can see a bit of inward curve above my hips. It won't last long, though. My body is taking on a new kind of womanly shape. At 22 weeks, my belly is overshadowing what I was once told are "perfect childbearing hips" (ugh!).

So what if I no longer look sexy when I do a hula dance in my underwear? It's funny as all get out. And at this stage in the game, humor is much more important than sex appeal. (At least that's what I'm telling myself.)

Belly Button Redux

This one grosses even ME out a little bit.

The One Symptom I Haven't Gotten Yet

I'm probably going to jinx myself.

But I complain too much, so:

One good thing about my pregnancy so far is that I haven't had any pregnancy-related acne. My skin has stayed pretty much the same the whole time.

Thank you, Baby, for giving me a break on this one!

Aaaaaaah! Pregnancy Massage!

I got my pregnancy massage today. It was great. This was the second (professional) massage I've ever gotten. Husband and I did a couples massage about a year ago for some sort of anniversary or something. I made Husband come in the room with me today... I don't know why, but I felt better having him there.

I thought that I'd need to have the massage lying on my side, since I can't lay on my stomach anymore. But there was this big foam pillow contraption on top of the regular massage table that had a depression for my belly. So I lied down on my stomach, with my face in that doughnut shaped pillow thing that lets you stare at the floor. It felt strangely good to be able to lie on my stomach again. The baby, however, seemed a bit confused by it. First, baby kicked a bunch at my left side, and realizing that there was a firm pillow there, moved to my right side to check it out. Baby seemed concerned that there was something firm on that side, too, and kicked over there for a while. Then Baby started kicking at the middle. There was less resistance in the middle because my hips were supporting most of the weight against the pillow and my belly was dangling, so I got fewer kicks and Baby settled into a comfortable position.

I'm not very good at getting massages. I can't really relax. I'm too self-conscious. It feels slightly awkward, having a stranger rub on my bare skin. I kept thinking things like "I hope I didn't miss any spots when I was shaving" and "I hope my feet don't smell." I had to remind myself over and over "you're not on a date, this man is being paid to touch you." And I'm sure he's encountered hairier, smellier, cellulite-ier people than me.

Other things that kept going through my head during the massage:

1. These are the softest man hands I have ever felt in my life. If they weren't so big, I'd think I was being rubbed down by a young girl.

2. Oh my god. I just drooled onto the floor. (This happened twice. I'd start to relax a little bit and then gravity would take over. I don't think anyone noticed.)

3. Don't fart. Don't fart. Don't fart.

I wanted the guy to rub my butt, but I didn't think that I should ask. He might have taken it the wrong way. Or Husband might have, since he was sitting right there. I think it would have helped ease the pain in my lower back, though. My lower back still hurts, but my shoulders feel awesome. It was well worth it. Thanks again, Husband!

Lucky Baby

We had a Thanksgiving luncheon at work yesterday. Everyone who came to lunch got a raffle ticket and the CEO of the company drew tickets and gave away prizes. As the tickets were being passed out, I jokingly said to the CEO, who knows that I'm pregnant, "Hey! Don't I get TWO tickets?" He laughed and gave me another ticket.

THEN MY EXTRA TICKET WON A PRIZE!!! Baby won its first prize!

We got a gift certificate to the grocery store that we shop at, so Baby will indeed benefit from the prize. Yay, Baby!

I Keep Signing Up

I'm out of control. Now I've signed up for coupons/special offers/etc. on the websites for Earth's Best baby food, Playtex, Johnson's, and Gerber.

I wonder if this will be worth it.

Yogurt

You know how it's pretty much universally recognized that toddlers like yogurt? I wonder if that's because pregnant ladies eat a lot of yogurt. I think that I eat more of it now than I ever have before in my life. I didn't like yogurt when I was a kid-- and my mom had trouble with dairy products upsetting her stomach when she was pregnant. Ah, ha! She probably didn't eat yogurt when she was pregnant with me!

Well, Baby, you are going to LOVE you some yogurt once you're born.

I like Rachel's brand yogurt. It has interesting flavors. Baby is swimming in some pomegranate- blueberry yogurt juice this morning. Yum!

Sign Me Up!

I've started signing up for all of the "baby clubs" that I can find. A lot of companies let you register on their website and they'll send you coupons and free samples and stuff like that. Why not, right? Babies are expensive.

I've signed up with my local supermarket, Huggies diapers, Luvs diapers, Pampers diapers, Enfamil, and Seventh Generation so far. I'm pretty sure that my mailbox will soon be overflowing with junk mail, but hey-- I can sort the coupons from the junk.

My Babiest Birthday Ever

Thanks to Husband, I have a pregnancy massage scheduled for this weekend. AND Husband rented me a Doppler thingy to listen to the baby's heartbeat at home whenever we want!

You can buy devices from Target and maternity stores that let you listen to your baby's heartbeat, but you have to be really far along for them to work-- like, 7 months into your pregnancy. Husband found out, though, that you can rent good quality Dopplers (like they use in the OBGYNs office) at a monthly rate.

We just happened to be home for lunch when the FedEx guy showed up with the device. Yay! Of course, we tried it out. Baby cracks me up, kicking at anything that touches my belly. (Well, anything but Husband's hand. I swear, Baby knows when its Husband's hand on my belly and immediately stops kicking.)

Thank you, Husband, for my wonderful presents!

Almost Viable

I think that the absolute worst thing that I've had to deal with during my pregnancy is the bleeding. I love my baby so much and the thought of not getting to hold it in my arms is devastating.

The bleeding has sent me rushing to the doctor's office several times, and even resulted in the emergency room incorrectly telling me that I'd miscarried. It's been rough. And I'm still having off-and-on trouble.

Soon, though, my baby will have reached the point of viability. That means that if something starts to go terribly wrong, the hospital can deliver the baby and they will try to save its life. If something went wrong today, they would say that there is nothing they can do and they would let the baby die. (I don't say that in an accusatory way-- there probably isn't much they could do to save it.)

Considering the problems that I've had and that I've already been told once that I've miscarried, I'm a little paranoid about the possibility of losing my baby. Not obsessive or anything like that. It doesn't keep me up at night. But when I start to bleed it's very upsetting-- even though I know now that the bleeding I'm experiencing is probably no big deal (delicate cervix, low lying placenta, etc.). So reaching the point of viability will feel like a major milestone to me. I recognize that just because the baby is viable doesn't mean it will actually survive if something goes wrong... but at least they'll be able to try to save it, and that's more than what I've got right now.

Baby Dream: No Cats Allowed

My dream last night:

I went to the hospital to deliver my baby. As I was checking in, I asked the lady behind the counter how many people I could have in the delivery room.

"You can have 5 guests. But one of them has to be a dog. So 4 people, and 1 dog."

I only have cats. So I replied, "Can I bring my cat instead?"

"No, sorry. It's dogs only."

I was very disappointed.

Pregnancy Symptom: Charlie Horse

I woke up in the middle of the night last night with a painful cramp in my right calf. The kind of pain that makes you sit up and yell something like, "Jesus F---ing CHRIST!" before you even know you're awake and without regard for your sleeping husband or the 3 year old sleeping one room away. I flexed my foot and rolled my ankle and hobbled around my bedroom for a bit until the intensity of the pain subsided enough to let me get back to sleep. I'm still slightly sore today.

I looked up leg cramps in my pregnant lady book this morning. And guess what? Oh, joy! They are a common problem for pregnant women during their second and third trimesters. Because as I said before, everything painful or gross or bad that can happen to a woman's body is a symptom of pregnancy.

"M'boys Can Swim!"

I asked Husband last night if he secretly felt some sort of macho pride in having gotten me pregnant. My husband isn't the stereotypically macho type-- he doesn't watch sports, drink beer, walk around with his shirt off every chance he gets, kick dogs, or whatever. I was expecting him to say something like, "I was just happy."

Instead: "Yeah!"

So I pressed the issue. "Do you think that's just because of where we are in our life right now? Because we're ready for a baby? Or is it some sort of quality inherent in most men? Like, if we were 17 and I got pregnant, would there still be a part of you that felt manly for having knocked me up?" He said that underneath the panic and confusion at the thought of becoming a teenaged father, he'd have still felt a macho pride about the situation.

Huh. Interesting.

I wonder if women ever feel something akin to that. Something like, "Yes! My ovaries rock!" I didn't. I thought to myself, "Well, here we go!" I felt that a process was just beginning. I didn't feel a sense of accomplishment because I felt like I still had so much more work to do. Husband's job in the baby making process was pretty much finished back on July 4th, but I'm committed to seeing this all the way through-- I must feed my little parasite, carry it around, and share every second of my time and all of my energy with it. Husband does a fantastic job of taking care of ME, but I'm taking care of Baby alone right now.

I'm glad that Husband feels a sense of macho pride, though. It's cute. (Is that an emasculating thing to say? I hope not.)

My Present From Baby

For my birthday, Baby is kicking me hard enough that I can see my stomach move. It's pretty cool.

I Was Born 31 Years Ago Today

It's my happy birthday! And I have the best present ever wrapped up in my belly :)

It's strange how a person's priorities change as they grow up and then have children. (Or at least, I would HOPE your priorities would change as you mature.) When I was little, my birthday was all about what presents I would get, or what my birthday party would be like. This year, I'm so happy and I've had such a wonderful birthday because I got to see all of my family yesterday, I have an amazing husband, I love being a foster parent and my foster children have all been wonderful, I'm pregnant with a healthy baby, all of my pets (even my diabetic cat) are doing well... everything is going good and I feel so fortunate.

Plus, I think that Husband is going to get me a pregnancy massage for my birthday. (YESSSSSSS!)

Pain In The (Belly) Butt(on)

The past few days, my belly button has been sticking out so hard that it hurts. Or the muscles around it hurt. Or something. I guess my belly is growing again.

Baby Dream: See-through Belly

Last night I dreamed that I was lying in bed with Husband. It wasn't my real bed, but it was my bed in the dream. This big, four poster deal with lots of pillows and under-stuffed comforters. The baby was kicking, so I lifted up my shirt, wondering if we could see the movements yet.

The baby kicked, and when its little foot was pressed against my belly, we could see it. Sort of like that foggy glass that people have in shower stalls-- you can't really see anything unless it's pressed right up against it. The foot looked weird, sort of like a hamster foot, and I told myself that the baby was still forming and didn't have much fat yet so not to worry.

The baby turned and we could see its face. It had a little piggy nose, but I thought that that might just be because its face was pressed against my belly as it was moving, dragging the nose upward. That's what I was hoping, anyway.

It was a strange dream, watching the baby move around inside of me like that. Maybe I'm just anxious for my next ultrasound.

Crossing State Lines

I took Baby on its first trip to a different state this past Wednesday. I had to travel for work. I was a little nervous to be taking a 5 1/2 hour car ride alone, but we did alright. I made sure to make regular stops to get out and stretch my legs.

My back is terribly sore from driving there and back. Plus, I got horrible sleep at the hotel. Overall, though, the trip went smoother than I expected. Minimal nausea, no problems during the conference I conducted, no wardrobe malfunctions with my suit and the belly band holding up my unzipped pants.

I'm so glad to be back home.

Due Date

Did I ever say my due date? It's March 29th.

Colostrum

There were yellow stains inside my white bra last night. Why does this pre-milk stuff have to look like some kind of infection?

Pregnancy Headaches

I'm not prone to getting headaches. I hardly ever have one, and when I do there is usually an obvious reason, like my hair has been pulled back all day.

Or I'm pregnant.

The headaches were much more common in my first trimester, but I still get one every once in a while. Mostly when I feel really queezy. I'm not one to take lots of over-the-counter medicine, so I usually just lay down for a while if my head hurts. Fortunately, my headaches have never been too painful.

I'm not sure what makes headaches a symptom of pregnancy. The hormones? The increased blood flow? The stress? Whatever it is, babies give their mommies headaches before they're even born.

Yum Yum Gimme Some

I just read that my amniotic fluid is flavored with what I eat each day, and that by now Baby can taste the fluid that it is gulping in my womb. My baby will become accustomed to the flavors of the food I eat during the rest of my pregnancy.

I went to the fair yesterday. Hope you liked your liquid funnel cake, Baby!

20 Weeks!

I'm half way there! 20 weeks down, 20 more to go!

It seems so close and so far away at the same time.

Registries

Husband and I are finally done with our registries. We're registered at Target and Babies R Us. We tried to keep the prices reasonable, and we were fairly discriminant about what we registered for. There is a TON of crap out there, meant to suck new parents in to thinking that it will make their lives easier or their babies happier, but in reality I suspect that most of these things are a total waste of money.

I mean, OMG, what would I do if I were out on a car ride and my baby had a poopy diaper but the wipes in my diaper bag were slightly cold to the touch? How awful for Baby! I totally need a wipes warmer with a car cigarette lighter adapter...

Ugh.

My thought process when registering for baby items went like this: 1) am I required by law to have it?, 2) would my grandmas have had it for their babies?, 3) if it wasn't something that my grandmas would have had, would they have breathed a big sigh of relief had it been available to them?

[edit]

Having Kids Around When You're Pregnant

Husband and I are foster parents. Right now, we have one 3 year old placed with us, and he has been here since before the pregnancy.

Last night, Foster Son came down with a fever. It got up to about 102.6. Husband and I were up until after 1:00 am with him, since he couldn't sleep and kept waking up.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm tired a lot? And I feel at least slightly sick pretty much all of the time? I felt horrible for Foster Son, and Husband and I did everything we could for him. There was a part of me, though, that just wanted to lock myself in my bedroom and put ear plugs in. I didn't want to get sick. I wanted to go to bed. I'm pretty sure that every parent eventually feels this on some level when their kids are ill, and I'd bet money that pregnant ladies who already have small children feel this more often and more passionately than they would care to admit.

Of course, my selfish impulses were overwhelmed by my love for Foster Son. He climbed into our bed for a while, we rubbed his back, gave him medicine and cold washcloths on his forehead, and sat with him on his bed until he fell asleep for good.

I tried to send Baby telepathic messages, "I hope you don't feel that I am putting you at risk. It's just that you aren't the only person I'm responsible for right now, and I have to do my best at taking care of both of you. I'll go straight to the doctor if my temperature starts to rise. Don't worry, Baby, everything will be okay."

Having kids around when you're pregnant has so many positives and negatives. What could be cuter than when Foster Son kisses my belly? And what could be worse than being woken up at 5:00 am to Foster Son "whispering" in my ear, "Are you AWAAAAAAAAAAAKE? Wake up! I want some cereal! CEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL!"

To Each His Own, I Suppose

I just Googled "movies pregnant" or something like that, and WOW there is a lot of pregnancy porn in the world. How naïve of me to think that I would be presented with lists of mainstream movies featuring pregnant characters.

Here's the deal. Pornography doesn't bother me in the least. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, who am I to judge? I won't get into a big, long conversation here about my opinions regarding the arguments centered around the exploitation/objectification of women or how some members of society have an unhealthy addiction to this kind of entertainment. Basically, I believe in the rights provided by the First Amendment. And it just so happens that our founding fathers have inadvertently afforded me and my fellow Americans the ability to find a plethora of pregnancy porn on the worldwide web. So be it.

HOWEVER

I find pregnancy porn really sad and depressing and not sexy at all. A pregnant woman who has unprotected sex with a stranger is putting not only herself but also her baby at risk. And that's just awful. Then, to compound the situation, the women featured in these movies have agreed to take a (probably) small amount of money in exchange for allowing the incident to be recorded and published on the Internet. Oh, it's so sad to me! It's kind of like seeing a pregnant woman smoking a cigarette-- I feel really confused by it and unable to understand how that lady can have so little regard for the life inside of her and for her responsibility as a mother.

Can you imagine what it would be like to find out that your mom made an adult movie while you were in her belly? I think my brain would explode. Then again, these ladies are probably on a certain path in life that is just full of bad decisions, so maybe it wouldn't be that surprising to some people to learn that kind of information about their dear mama.

I'm sure there must be some pornography out there featuring a pregnant woman that wouldn't make me feel grossed out. Maybe some amateur stuff featuring real couples. I mean, okay, some people are exhibitionists. That's maybe unusual but it's better than what I imagine the situation is for these ladies featured in the movies that popped up during my Google search.

Thanks, Google. Now I feel uncomfortable. No more Google for me today.

Another Movie With A Pregnant Character

Husband and I watched "Lars and the Real Girl" a couple of nights ago. One of the main characters is pregnant.

The pregnancy is relevant to the plot, but it isn't a huge part of what's going on. There's no dramatic labor scene, no baby at the end of the movie. I was glad for that. I liked that the pregnancy was just a normal part of what was going on, sort of like in " Fargo."

If I were still in school I would write a paper on the treatment of pregnancy in dark comedy movies. Having done no research, other than watching "Fargo" and "Lars and the Real Girl," I would argue that while many of the events that take place in dark comedies seem extraordinary, thus creating the comedic situation, pregnancy is often treated as a completely normal and almost unremarkable situation. This is contrary to other genres of moviemaking, where the fact that a character is pregnant often gets a lot of attention or the aspects of pregnancy are exaggerated for the sake of comic relief.

Maybe I'm wrong about that. Like I said, I'm basing this on two movies.

More Blood, Another Doctor's Visit

Yesterday right before lunch, I went to the bathroom to pee. When I was done, I wiped myself and there was this mess of brown blood and mucous. I sighed deeply. Not this again. Then I wiped myself a second time and there was bright red blood.

Last time I had bright red blood there was a reason, you'll recall. This time the blood seemed to have happened completely unprovoked. I called my OBGYN's office.

"Hi. I think I just need someone to reassure me that this is no big deal..." I said, and then explained the situation. "You need to come in. Right away, okay?" the nurse tells me.

So then I REALLY freak out.

Husband drove me to the OBGYN's. We were both scared.

We got to see the same midwife that I saw on my last visit. She's so nice and reassuring.

First she used the Doppler to listen for the heartbeat. She couldn't find it at first, and I'm pretty sure MY heart wasn't beating during those seconds before she found the baby.

The baby sounded fine, so she checked my cervix. It was closed and "still nice and thick and long" so she told us that there was probably no problem. She said that ladies who have a sensitive cervix like I do can start bleeding for no apparent reason (even if the cervix hasn't been "disturbed" like it was last time I was bleeding).

Then the midwife reviewed my ultrasound results and saw that I am at risk for placenta previa. She said that the blood could be from that, too. Between my sensitive cervix and my low-lying placenta, she said that she was nearly certain that everything would be okay.

Then she put us on pelvic rest again. For the next 6 weeks!!!!!!!

Husband couldn't resist asking, "I get what you mean when you say pelvic rest, but what EXACTLY can't we do?" She said, "No penetration. Some people say no sex of any kind. In theory, if she has an orgasm, the contractions could disturb her cervix or even her placenta and start the bleeding again. But I think that just no intercourse is okay."

So, Baby, you scared the bejeezus out of me, then got me banned from sex for 6 weeks. I will always love you no matter what... But maybe you could try to make this a little easier on me?

No Crazy Cravings For Me-- At Least Not Yet

Pregnant women can crave eating some pretty weird, non-food items. I've been lucky so far. The only things I've had cravings for have been regular foods that I would have eaten before my pregnancy. I haven't even wanted any strange combinations of foods, like pickles and ice cream. If anything, fewer foods are appealing to me now than before.

Mostly I crave sweets. (If you believe the old wives' tale, that means we're having a girl!) I've craved ice cream, oranges, Jolly Rancher candies, peanut M&Ms, and Hershey's with almonds. I've also craved bean burritos with sour cream and guacamole, and sometimes I crave eggs and cheese together.

I used to work with a lady who told me once that during all three of her pregnancies she would eat toilet paper. She'd lock herself in the bathroom and just eat toilet paper until she felt satisfied. And one of my coworkers told me yesterday that his aunt would eat red clay.

I've read online about a lot of weird cravings-- chalk, dirt, the desire to chew on leather, the desire to constantly smell bleach. Some women talked about their cravings for certain food combinations, like pizza with mustard on it.

I'm so glad that I haven't felt compelled to eat anything unusual. But if I am, I'll let you know!

Baby Is Beautiful!!!

We had our second trimester ultrasound yesterday! We know the baby's gender, but we're keeping it secret for now. :)

The ultrasound machine is amazing. They could not only look inside my belly, but they could take measurements (including baby's weight-- 9 ounces), color code blood flow in the heart, and do lots of other complicated things I didn't understand.

The baby is perfectly healthy. Heart, brain, spine, kidneys, everything looked good according to the doctor and the technician. Yay! (Side note: The night before last, I was standing outside of the car, waiting for Husband to get Foster Son out of his car seat. I looked up between the trees in our yard at a little patch of sky, and despite the light pollution, I could see two stars. I thought to myself, "I haven't seen a shooting star in about 10 years. Last time I saw one was when I took an astronomy class and we had to drive out to the country where you can actually see the sky at night and draw our own star charts." And just then a really bright shooting star went flying by that little patch of sky and faded out! So I made a wish that the baby is healthy. I don't really believe in wishing on stars or that there was any real significance to that experience... but it felt cool and special that I happened to be looking at just the right spot in the sky and that I could indulge myself and make a wish for my baby.)

They did see one problem during the ultrasound, though. The doctor told me that my placenta is very low right now and that I'm at risk for placenta previa. That means that I might have to have a c-section when the big day comes. They are going to monitor me and see if my placenta rises as my uterus grows. I have to go back for another ultrasound in 6 weeks. As bad as this might sound, I was secretly happy that I'll get to see the baby again before it's born.

I managed to keep it together during the procedure, but as soon as we walked out of the office I started crying. I cried in the elevator, through the parking garage, and during most of the car ride. Tears of absolute joy. The baby is healthy, beautiful, and so incredibly REAL-- it was overwhelming.

Fertility Goddess

At risk of sounding like a Cathy cartoon, I hate dressing rooms. They always depress me. I see myself from unusual angles, the lighting is generally unflattering, and I'm so short that hardly anything ever fits me right.

This past Saturday, when I was trying on those new maternity pants, I caught a glimpse from behind of my now-slightly-broader butt . I turned to the side and looked at my belly. I stood in my underwear and looked at my pregnant body from every conceivable angle. And you know what? I loved it. I was by no means a picture of virginal youth or modern-media-inspired sexiness. But I looked so womanly. In a real way.

It was liberating to look at myself and know that in my present condition I am so far removed from the underfed, oversexed 18 year old college girls that traipse around my city that no one would even think to compare me to them. I'm allowed to have a big butt and round belly right now, and no one would criticize me for it. I could look at my thighs and think, "Well, they shouldn't be stick-thin right now. I'm pregnant!"

I realize, of course, that ideally I would never feel that I need permission to look curvy. Ideally, I could laugh at the image of female sexuality that 85% of America buys into, and just always be happy with myself. But you can't have grown up during the 80s and expect it to have no effect on your aesthetics.

I hope that at the end of this pregnancy I still don't give a crap about what society says is beautiful with regard to the female form. I hope that I can look at my saggy belly and find it beautiful because it just carried my baby for 9 months. I don't know if I will. I'm not there yet. But I DO love my body right now. I love my fat ass and my round tummy and my fuller face and my jiggly thighs. So suck on that, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

If The Belt Fits, Wear It

I got some new maternity pants yesterday. Instead of a panel of stretchy material in the tummy region, there is elastic on the sides and the pants sit a little low, mostly under my belly. I thought I'd give this design a try. Something different.

When your belly gets round, the crotch of your pants start to look all weird and baggy. Any pants. But my new pants were the worst, since they are just a little big to begin with. I decided to put on a belt to pull the pants a little tighter and un-sag the crotch.

But none of my belts fit anymore. The two ends of the belts barely meet, much less do they buckle.

Why didn't I realize that my belts won't fit?

I'm wearing one of Husband's belts now.

Skin Tags?!?!

So it turns out that SKIN TAGS are a common skin problem during pregnancy.

What's next? Maggots crawling out of my ears? I guess the farting, vomiting, headaches, back pains, yellow fluid leaking out of my boobs, and a bloody cervix wasn't enough for you, Mother Nature?

Let me just save anyone reading this blog the $15 that it costs to buy one of those books about pregnancy and give you the Cliffs Notes summary. Anything gross and unpleasant that can happen to a woman's body is a normal part of pregnancy.

Damn it.

Baby's First Halloween

I made a really half-hearted attempt to dress up for Halloween last night. We took Foster Son trick-or-treating, so I felt I should wear SOMETHING sort of costume-y. I put on black legggings, a black t-shirt, and this headband with cat ears that I've had forever. No makeup, no drawn on cat whiskers, no tail.

Foster Son was a firefighter. He looked super cute. And, you know, I didn't want to steal the show. (Just kidding. But I DID see these totally slutty moms dressed like "policewomen." I put that in quotes because I'm pretty sure that fishnets aren't part of the regulated uniform in any community within the United States.)

So, for Baby's first Halloween he or she was a pregnant cat's unborn kitten. Yay!

Excuse Me

I read a week or two ago that the baby can hear noises outside of the womb and even be startled by them.

Last night I farted loudly and the baby started kicking. Oops. Excuse me, Baby.

I'm Melting

I leak a lot, as a pregnant lady.

I cry more. I'm not taking allergy medicine during my pregnancy, so sometimes my eyes water or my nose runs. My mouth waters for food sometimes. I've started producing colostrum. Pregnant ladies produce vaginal discharge, to provide extra protection from infection and bacteria for the baby.

It seems like fluid is coming out of just about every opening in my body. No wonder I drink so much water now.

Kicking The Habit

This is day three without using any anti-nausea meds. I'm queezy, but I haven't vomited. YES!!!!

I think that I'm in the clear. I'm so glad to be done with the medicine. I'm just being careful about what I eat and when I eat it and I'm using the Sea Bands when I get really queezy. I lay down when I need to.

Anti-nausea meds, you will always have a place in my heart. And my medicine cabinet, until this pregnancy is over.

Except I'm Not Made Of Latex

I feel like a balloon that is slowly but steadily being blown up.

Last night my stomach skin felt like it was being stretched. It was uncomfortable. Most of the stomach stretchy feelings that I've had so far have been in my muscles. The way my tummy aches makes me say to Husband, "My uterus is growning again." But this feeling of my skin stretching is just weird.

I got worried last night, thinking, "I must be about to get stretch marks." And then in an irrational fit brought on by exhaustion, I thought, "Or maybe my skin will just split right open. The baby will hatch out of my belly like a chick out of an egg. Has that ever happened? I bet it has. I should Google it. Wait. Do I really want to know? Probably not. I should just go to sleep."

Turns Out I Was Wrong

Even when Husband and I decided to stop trying to avoid pregnancy, I never thought that I'd actually get pregnant.

It seems silly to say that now, of course. But you know how there are some things that you just can't imagine happening to you? They're incomprehensible. Like, I can IMAGINE myself winning the lottery, even though I don't play. But I can't wrap my brain around the idea of what it would really be like to be a bank robber. Its not in my nature. Its not something I could picture myself doing.

I used to have the same sort of incomprehensible feeling regarding pregnancy. I've always wanted a family. But having a family and pushing infants through my pelvis aren't necessarily the same thing to me. I didn't think that my body would venture to undertake that challenge.

I mean, I'm 30. Just about everyone I know who has kids got pregnant accidentally. I sort of figured that if I hadn't gotten knocked up by now, it was because my body wasn't interested in getting pregnant. And I was fine with that.

To be honest, sometimes I still wonder if my body is really meant for pregnancy. Given my horrible morning sickness, I've thought on more than one occasion "maybe the reason that I never really wanted to get pregnant is because I'm just not cut out for it." The farther along that I get, though, the more surprised I am at the changes in my body and the way it's preparing and caring for the baby.

Its hard to imagine NOT being pregnant right now. Those little kicks that I feel seriously make my day. I'm really glad that Husband and I waited for as long as we did, but now feels like the perfect time to have a baby. Even though being pregnant is still sort of surreal-- I wake up almost every morning and am taken slightly aback with the realization that there's a baby growing inside of me-- I wouldn't change it for anything.

Bloody Hell

CAVEAT: This might be too much information for some of ya'll. The point of this blog is to honestly document what goes on during my pregnancy, as I'm sure that I'll forget a lot of this stuff if it's not written down. But the thing about being pregnant and trying to write about the experience is that you can't really avoid talking about boobs, blood, sex, poop, and all of the totally normal, natural things that have become inappropriate to discuss in polite society. I talk about them a lot. And this is a post that involves blood and sex. FYI.

I'm bleeding again. So I went to the doctor today, a week before my next appointment was scheduled. Here's what happened.

At the end of last week, Husband and I were doing what married people do. And then all of a sudden there was all of this red blood. So we stopped and I did some research to see if this was a problem. I mean, when you're pregnant, any time you see blood coming from your lady parts it's scary.

I read that pregnant ladies will often have a sensitive cervix and blood during intercourse isn't a big deal. I also read that you can have some brown, leftover blood for a couple of days afterward.

Okay. Cool.

Well, it's been about 5 days since the aforementioned incident. And I'm still bleeding brown blood. In fact, there was more blood today than any of the previous days. And the baby wasn't kicking this morning after breakfast, as it usually does. So I casually said to myself, "I'll just call my nurse and talk to her and she'll say it's no big deal and I'll feel better and that will be that." I called and left a message. And two and a half hours later no one had called me back. Meanwhile, I've worked it all up in my head and totally freaked myself out and I was desperate to talk to someone at my OBGYN's office.

I called again and was put through to a different nurse, not my regular one. She said that I should be seen today, in case my cervix was thinning. Yikes! I'm not even sure that I know what that means, but it wasn't exactly the reassurance that everything is totally normal that I was expecting to hear.

Husband and I went in to my OBGYN's office and met with a midwife. She was supercool. I apologized that my feet were probably smelly and that I didn't shave my legs, but explained that I didn't think I'd be coming in today and that if I had known I would have been more prepared. She laughed. In reality, I wanted to say, "I feel embarrassed that my lady parts are all gross, and by the way I haven't shaved my bikini line since I was in here a month ago," but I think that she got my meaning when I told her that I'd have worn different shoes, given the opportunity.

First, we listened to the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler thingy. The baby kept wiggling away from her and she had to chase it up and down my belly. Then the baby started kicking the device. I wasn't surprised by the kicks, since Baby kicks at my waistband all of the time, but the midwife thought it was pretty funny. She said, "You DO have an active baby!"

After the heartbeat, she gave me an internal exam. She said that she saw the brown blood and took a sample so that she could look at it under a microscope. (Eeeew!) She felt my cervix and said that it's nice and thick and it isn't opening when she pushes on it. She said that all of this was a good sign. The midwife left with my "sample" to make sure that she didn't see any signs of infection or whatever.

SO. The midwife came back and told us that sometimes a lady's body just hangs on to the blood for a while, and that it could possibly leak out of her body at a later time. She thinks that the brown blood was just leftover from the day we last (*ahem*) disturbed my cervix, and that it just took 5 days for the majority of it to leak out. She said that I should be on "pelvic rest" for the next 5 days, by which time the brown blood will probably be gone.

(PELVIC REST? Really? I mean, I know what she was getting at, but "pelvic rest"? ...I wonder if Elvis ever had to go on pelvic rest...)

I'm so relieved that everything was okay. And that I don't have to shave my bikini line any time soon.

No More Tummy Time

I tried to lay on the floor on my stomach last night while Foster Son and I read "Good Night, Gorilla" before bedtime. He was laying on his belly and I thought that I would stretch out and lay there, too.

Ha!

It felt like I was laying on a cantaloupe. Or a uterus the size of a cantaloupe, anyway. I ended up on my side.

I Guess You've Got To Wear Mommy Panties Before You Wear Granny Panties

For some reason, I assumed that I would be able to keep wearing my regular underwear throughout the pregnancy. I thought that I could just let it rest below my belly and it would be fine. Turns out that I was wrong.

My old underwear still fits (some pairs better than others), but it's less comfortable. And right now, anything that I can do to alleviate any amount of discomfort is worth doing. This past Saturday, I got a few pairs of undies in the next size up. They're baggy in the bottom, but underwear doesn't come in half sizes, so they will have to do.

The new panties are insanely unflattering. Good bye sexy lingerie, hello cotton mommy panties!

Paper Dolls

So, I had this weird habit for a while. Each week, I would read about how big the baby was supposed to be. Then I would measure the length out on a piece of paper, draw what I imagined the baby's body would look like, and cut out the drawing with some scissors. I would marvel at the size of the baby and hold the paper cut-out up to my belly so that I could imagine the baby inside of me.

I feel a little silly about it now. But before I could feel the baby move, that was a way for me to connect with it.

Got Milk!

My first little bit of pre-milk came out last night. Just a few fractions of some drops, but it was cool. I thought, "Wow, my body is amazing! It's getting ready to feed a baby!" Husband thought it was pretty awesome, too.

The stuff that comes out before the real milk is called colostrum. It's a golden yellow color and it's thicker than milk. I rubbed some between my fingers and it has a consistency more like lotion than water.

It wasn't enough colostrum to leak out and cause a mess. I'm not looking forward to those days. But since I will eventually be a 24-hour all-you-can-eat baby buffet, I guess those days are coming.

Baby, meet Daddy. Daddy, this is Baby.

Husband felt the baby kick today. It wasn't a particularly hard kick, but I felt it from the inside and he felt it on the outside, so Baby and Husband have finally met. :)

Husband said that what he felt was really light. I don't think that it was quite what he was expecting. But I'm still not that far along yet-- the kicks will get stronger.

I'm so glad that Husband felt our baby move!

Outie

I used to have an innie belly button. Now, it's about 75% an outie. It pops out more right after I've eaten.

My inner belly button skin is so soft. Its barely ever been touched, and it's never been rubbed by clothing or baked in the sun. It's like baby skin. Of course, NOW I can't stop touching it because it feels so nice. I will have a hard, calloused outie before long. But in the meanwhile, I shall keep petting my belly button and wondering if that is how Baby's skin will feel.

Baby Doesn't Like My Fashion Sense

Over the past few days, the baby has been consistently kicking at my waitband or places like the zipper where my pants bunch.

I am sorry, Baby, but I must wear clothes. At home, I can put my pajama pants below my belly and pull my shirt up over my belly so that you can get air and light and have completely unrestricted movement. But when I am in public I must obey the laws of the state and of common decency. I do not want to spend your college fund money on court costs and/or fines related to charges for indecent exposure. One day, about two and a half years from now, you will begin to understand why people must wear pants outside. Until then, please just trust me on this one.

Hands On

I felt the baby kick with my hands yesterday. I felt it on the outside of my belly. It was very faint, and I knew just what to be feeling for and where to feel, but it was definitely there.

Maybe Husband will get to feel the baby kick soon! He's very excited.

HwhatNwhat?

Got my swine flu shot yesterday. Arm's still a little sore. Better than having swine flu, though.

Foster Son got a shot, too. Husband couldn't get one yet because right now in my area they're only vaccinating people in high risk categories (pregnant ladies, children, health care workers). The shot was free, though. That was nice.

I still can't tell if all this fuss being made about swine flu is being blown out of proportion or what. But it's better to be safe than sorry.

Not Everyone Enjoys Pregnancy

A coworker told me yesterday that labor was easy for her because she hated being pregnant and when the labor started she was so relieved to have a clear end in sight. She said that having a goal to work toward and knowing that her discomfort would be over soon made the actual labor the easy part of pregnancy for her.

It was nice to hear someone speak honestly about not enjoying their pregnancy. Being pregnant is hard work, and while I'm sure that a lot of women honestly enjoy being pregnant, I think it's perfectly normal to dislike the experience, too. Women shouldn't be made to feel bad or less womanly for saying that pregnancy was a bad time in their life.

I can understand what my coworker was saying about being glad that there was an end in sight. When my bad morning sickness started, before I got the anti-nausea medicine, I would just cry and cry because I didn't know if it would last a few weeks or a few months or all 9 months. At least when you have a stomach virus, you know that you'll be better within a week or so. But I was throwing up everything I ate, I was SO hungry, and I had no idea if I'd get to eat a decent meal and keep it down anytime before the baby was born. It was very upsetting. Thank goodness for my medicine, or I might have ended up not only dehydrated and under-nourished, but very depressed.

Me And You, And You And Me

I didn't feel the baby move very much yesterday. Just a couple of quick taps. It's weird, but not feeling the baby made me feel kind of... lonely.

I miss you, Baby.

Shaken Baby Syndrome

Yesterday at the health department, I was handed a stack of pamphlets, which I immediately shoved into my purse. I just reached in my bag and pulled out one at random. It's about Shaken Baby Syndrome.

Now, I'm no expert on Shaken Baby Syndrome, but I think it can be effectively summed up like this: if you shake your baby violently, its little brain can bang around inside of its little skull and cause permanent damage. People usually shake their babies real hard when they're frustrated that the baby won't stop crying. What I don't get is this: if a baby's been screaming for hours what makes one think that giving it a good shake is the best way to shut it up? If I shook a screaming kid and it suddenly stopped crying, I believe that my first thought would be, "Oh crap, I just broke something important."

It's sad to think that people need to be educated on this point. That the health department needs to print out flyers that literally say, "If your baby is crying, think about how much you love it before you react." Of course, these are the kids that end up in the foster care system, as Shaken Baby Syndrome is one of the more common kinds of physical abuse perpetrated against infants. Maybe they should hand those pamphlets out in the maternity ward of the hospital, too.

Baby Bath

Foster Son is so funny.

He's heard me talking with Husband about planning our baby shower. We explained to FS that a baby shower is what you call a party for the baby, before the baby is born. I told you that FS says that he's pregnant, too, and he talks about his baby as if it were real. Well, this morning FS says, "My baby's gonna have a baby bath. I'll take a baby shower, though."

Ask And Ye Shall Receive

I spoke to a lady from my local health department today, to see what kind of services are offered for expectant mothers. I signed up for a bunch of free classes. Infant CPR, classes about the experience of childbirth, classes about caring for a newborn, and breastfeeding classes.

The thing is, so many services are available if you just know where to look for them. A lot people don't know where to look, though. Or don't want to take the time to figure it out.

Years ago I worked at a video store. This mother and her 18 year old daughter would come in a lot. The daughter got pregnant, and after a few months the mother was visibly upset about the situation. The mother told me that she was happy about the pregnancy, but she was upset that her daughter wasn't getting prenatal care. The daughter, who had moved in with her boyfriend as soon as she got pregnant, didn't have insurance and so she simply wasn't going to a doctor. The mother said that this bothered her a lot because one of her other children had been diagnosed in utero with a heart condition and it was because she was getting good prenatal care that the baby got the medical attention it needed to survive the pregnancy. The mother understood the importance of prenatal care, and kept begging her daughter to sign up for government assistance so that she could see a doctor. The daughter ended up miscarrying before she had a chance to sign up for assistance. Help was available, but the daughter didn't want to take the time to go down to the government office and fill out some paperwork. Sad.

5 1/2 Inches

The baby, head to rump, is about 5 1/2 inches right now. Isn't that the average length of an adult's erect penis? I think it is. It all comes full circle.

The baby was really, really active yesterday. It was kicking all day long. Husband and I went and saw a movie (Where the Wild Things Are) and it was pretty loud. I think the baby actually got scared and/or annoyed a couple of times.

Dreaming of Twins

I dreamt the other night that I had twins. Girls. With dark hair. I was trying to think of what to name them.

I'm sure I'm not having twins. I've had one ultrasound and heard the heartbeat twice and nothing has indicated that there could be more than one baby in there.

Silly dream.

Baby's First Pommegranate

Tonight I ate pommegranate for the first time during my pregnancy. Baby's first pommegranate. Yay! I just read, too, that the baby is about the size of a pommegranate right now. What a co-inky-dink!

It's been said that if a mother eats a variety of healthy foods during her pregnancy, the child is more likely to want to eat those same healthy foods as it grows into a toddler. Same thing with sweets, fatty foods, and junk food. Hmmm. So my baby will like oranges, spaghetti, Sour Patch Kids, salad with ginger dressing, Indian food, vegetable soup, ice cream, bean burritos, and granola bars. I can live with that.

Wiggle Worm

I feel the baby moving around every day now. It's an active little guy (or gal) and I was lucky to start feeling the movements so early.

Baby did a tap dance in my belly after lunch toady. I love it! I'm sure that eventually the kicks will become annoying or uncomfortable, but right now they're so soft and sweet that I smile every time I feel them.

We All Scream For Ice Cream

Dairy products are starting to upset my stomach. I had some yogurt yesterday morning and it made me feel queezy. Then I had some ice cream yesterday evening and it REALLY did a number on my tummy.

So long, ice cream. See you next year. :(

My Choice Of Prenatal Healthcare Providers

I don't know if I've fully explained this before in another post, so let me clarify.

The practice where I get my prenatal care has both OBGYNs and midwives (and nurses that work in the office). Every patient is assigned an OBGYN and the patients meet with their OBGYN several times throughout the pregnancy. The OBGYNs make the decisions regarding medication and that sort of thing. So my OBGYN had to prescribe the anti-nausea medicine for me-- a midwife didn't do it.

The patients also get to meet with each of the midwives during their pregnancy. When it's time to have the baby, whichever midwife is on call arrives at the hospital and helps you deliver it. If there are complications or you need a c-section, your assigned OBGYN delivers the baby.

I like this setup. It's kind of the best of both worlds, in my opinion. If the birth goes smoothly, I'd prefer to have a midwife help me deliver. Childbirth is a natural process and blah blah blah (yes, I've watched The Business of Being Born by Ricki Lake, why do you ask?) so why have a doctor there if one isn't needed? At the same time, if I DO need medical intervention, I already know my doctor and trust her.

Win-win!

Weight For Me!

I'm finally gaining weight! I read yesterday that 5 to 10 pounds is an acceptable amount of weight to gain by the 16th week. I've not gained that much yet. But I'm working on it.

I'm just trying to enjoy this phase of the pregnancy, when my boobs are still bigger than my stomach.

Before I Was Pregnant

I quit taking birth control pills over two years ago. They were making me crazy.

I've been on several different kinds of birth control pills in the course of my reproductive lifetime. With each kind, I would use it for a long time and then it would slowly start having bad side effects. With the first one, I started having breakthrough bleeding, where I would bleed even when it wasn't time for my period. With the last one, for about two weeks every month I was an emotional wreck. Its hard to figure out what's going on when you're just FEELING out of sorts and don't have any physical symptoms to point you in a certain direction. But I started to suspect that it was the birth control pills. I talked to Husband about it and we decided that it would be best for me to stop taking them.

I researched the "calendar method"-- because what married couple wants to use condoms all of the time? I didn't go so far as to take my resting body temperature every morning to see when I was ovulating, but I did make a little calendar and write down when my period started and ended. I kept track of my cycle and monitored symptoms like mood, breast tenderness, and cervical mucous. I got to know the rhythms of my body quite well.

I'm very thankful that I did this for so long and got to know what to expect of my body, because it helped me realize that I was pregnant. Like I said before, I had a bit of bleeding at first, and a less observant woman might have mistaken this spotting for her period. I noticed, though, that lots of things seemed different that month with regard to my normal cycles, and so I decided to take a pregnancy test, just in case. Turns out that my instinct was right.

As bad as my morning sickness is, I'd never be one of those ladies that didn't find out she was pregnant until she was, like, six months along. BUT I could have fairly easily missed that first month. How sad to miss out on a whole month of pregnancy! And I would have been drinking the occasional beer or three in the meantime, completely unaware of the baby inside of me. Yikes!

So, little Baby, this is the story of how we met, you and I. Mommy's aversion to birth control pills and two obsessive years of tracking her menstrual cycle eventually lead her and Daddy to say, "This is silly. Let's just see what happens." So we stopped trying to avoid pregnancy and just relaxed and enjoyed our time together. And then the best thing in world happened, Baby-- YOU!

Oh, So THAT'S My Uterus

I have a strange pregnancy symptom that's been going on for over a month now. About 75% of the times that I sneeze, it makes my uterus hurt. As I sneeze my stomach muscles tighten a little, and then POW, it's like my uterus just lit up. I can feel my uterus in its entirety-- front, back, sides. The pain only lasts for a second, but it's intense. If I push on my stomach as I sneeze, it isn't as bad... I just have to start the pressure before the sneeze starts, and I don't always know when I'm going to sneeze.

Of course, I have seasonal allergies.

Is That A Comment On My Cooking?

After dinner today, Baby had a little kicking fit.

I swear. Everyone's a critic.

We Already Have A High Chair

We bought a high chair that converts to a booster seat when our current foster son came to stay with us. He didn't use it for very long, so the high chair is like new.

Kickypoo

I felt the baby kick 3 different times yesterday. :)

Happy Labor Day, Peg!

Just got word that our friend Peg had her baby! She was induced last night. That's all I know so far.

CONGRATS!!!!

Baby, Can You Hear Me?

The baby's ear bones are now in place. So maybe it can hear me when I talk and sing! (And cry and say cuss words and have sex...)

The article that I was reading about the ear bones said to start thinking of your lullaby selection now, because studies show that babies recognize the songs that their mothers sang to them when they were still in the womb. That got me thinking. What songs do I sing a lot? Husband and I sing the Witch Doctor song (by Alvin and the Chipmunks) with Foster Son every few days. Also, when foster son starts complaining "I want, I want" we sing You Can't Always Get What You Want (by the Rolling Stones). Foster Son knows that song quite well. We sing Day-O (the banana song) or Our House (by Crosby, Stills, Nash, & Young) if Foster Son asks where we're going and we're on our way back home.

Also, a lot of times I'll hear a word that will remind me of a song, so I'll start singing it. For example, Foster Son might say, "I like trains," and next thing I know I'm singing Folsom Prison Blues. I don't know if the words "I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die" are lullaby material, though.

Perhaps I should update my repertoire.

Knock, Knock... Who's There?

I felt the baby move.

I've felt a few little pokes here and there since that first night-- they've been coming a few days apart. The one I felt on my way to lunch today was definitely, no doubt about it, baby kicks. It made me jump.

I can't even explain how cool it is to feel the baby move around inside of me. :)

Pregnant Hair and Nails

I'm lucky. My hair has always been thick and quick-growing. More than once, I've had a hairdresser say to me, "I should charge you for TWO hair cuts... look at all this hair!"

I've read that between pregnancy hormones and prenatal vitamins, many women notice their hair becoming thicker, healthier, and growing faster. I can't say that I've noticed a difference in my own hair.

I also read that many women lose a lot of hair after they give birth, as their homones change again. Scary amounts of hair. Am-I-going-to-go-bald-? amounts of hair. (It all balances out eventually, though.) I'm hoping that since my hair doesn't seem to be changing during pregnancy, it won't change after pregnancy, either. I've got a ways to go before I'm bald, but still... clumps of hair falling out in the shower would concern me nonetheless.

I Guess I Walk Differently Now

This morning my 3 year old foster son said, "You walk like this now." He proceeded to walk across my bedroom with his hips held very straight, his body leaned back (I think to make it look like his stomach was sticking out), and his arms swinging back and forth.

"Oh yeah? Is that different than how I used to walk?"

"Yeah! You walk like this." He walked around my room, giggling, until it was time to leave for school.