Take It All Off

I got a hair cut yesterday. This is how it played out:

Hairdresser: So! What are we doing with your hair today?

Me: I want you to cut it all off.

(Everyone else in the room stops and looks over at me. My hair was pretty long-ish and very thick.)

H: (nervous laughter, then she grabs my hair at about shoulder-length) So maybe up to here?

M: Nope. All off. Like... I don't know what you call it... a pixie cut?

H: Really?

M: I've got three kids and I'm pregnant. I don't have time for hair. Honestly, there's only a 50% chance that I even brushed my hair this morning. I seriously don't remember. So I want my hair as short as possible.

H: (more nervous laughter) Okay, then! (Messes with my hair for a second.) So where do you think you'll put your part? Right or left side?

M: No, really. I need to be able to roll out of bed, put on some pants, and go. There will be no part.

She cut my hair once, then had to cut it shorter right away again because it was still too long.

H: So when your hair goes from long to short, it can kind of go into shock and it gets poofier than it normally will be. Your hair might be poofy for a week or two. But you can fix that with product-- like, some heavy hair gel or something to weigh it down.

M: I promise you that I will not have time to style my hair with product. If we just cut it a bit shorter, will it look less poofy?

H: Yeah. We can cut it down some more...

So now I look like a 10 year old boy. But a happy, less headache-y 10 year old boy. With a pregnant belly.