Friday, September 2, 2011

Latest Check-up

I had my 36 week check-up recently. Clark is still head down. Yay for that. Heart sounded good, my belly measured right on target. The midwife (this time I saw the one who delivered Elise) said I'm 1 centimeter dilated, but my cervix is still thick. So probably no baby this week. Of course, you never know. But I think I'll make it until my next check-up.

With Elise, my water broke before my 37 week check up. She was born at 37 weeks and 1 day gestation, but I hadn't had my 37 week check-up yet. Once you hit 36 weeks, my OBGYN's office has you come in every week until delivery. Now all of the lady parts exams begin. I think they'll be checking my cervix every time I go in from now on. Beginning at 36 weeks, people start shoving things up in you until the baby shoves its way out of you. And let me just tell you... for some reason all of these midwives seem to be trying to reach for my gallbladder or something-- they shove their hands right up in there in what feels like the least delicate way possible. And evidently none of the midwives have long, graceful, piano player's fingers because they seem to have trouble reaching whatever it is they're trying to touch. How far back can my cervix possibly be located?

Of course the pre-baby exams are nothing compared to the exams they perform while you're in labor. Just imagine having the most painful charlie horse of your life (times 10), which extends from your ribcage to your knees, while someone jabs around wrist-deep in your lady parts. That's what the exams in the early part of labor feel like. Then once things really get going and you're pushing the baby out, it feels like... well, I once heard the feeling of labor equated to how it must feel to "shit a rocking chair." And that is honestly the most accurate way it can possibly be described. Perfect. Spot on. I'm not even joking in the least. Having a baby feels like you're pooping out some huge, awkward piece of furniture.

Ahhh. Looking forward to it, Clark!


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