We Love You Just The Way You Are

I had an appointment today with my OBGYN. We got to hear the baby's heart beat again (yay!) and I had the doctor feel a lump in my lower abdomen that has had me concerned. She said that it's probably just an inflamed lymph node, but to watch it and call right away if it gets bigger.

The doctor also talked to us about second trimester screening. She told me that I have the option of getting some blood work done this week. The doctor would take the results of the blood work, and combined with medical history, age, weight, race, etc., determine if my baby is high-risk for 3 different disorders: Down Syndrome, trisomy 18, and neural tube defects. There is no way to treat these disorders in utero or to lower my risk. If I "screen positive" then I would have the option of getting more tests done in order to make a more definite determination about whether the baby has one of these defects.

Husband and I have talked about it and we've decided not to get the testing done.

Here is our reasoning. First, I'm not going to terminate the pregnancy, regardless of the results. If there had been some way to test earlier in the pregnancy and therefore terminate the pregnancy earlier, I'd be all for the testing. But I'd be at least 16 weeks along before any kind of definitive answer could be had about the health of my baby and I'm just not comfortable with terminating the pregnancy at that point. I don't judge any one who does decide to get tested or terminate their pregnancy based on the test results. I completely understand it, intellectually. I support the right for women and their partners to choose what is best for them with regard to this testing. I also know what is right for me, and I wouldn't be able to abort a 16 week old fetus.

Secondly, we don't want the stress of possibly being told that we're at high-risk and then finding out nothing was really wrong. I've read that "most" of the women who are deemed high-risk go on to have babies without the defects that they've been screened for. Meaning that many of the women who are told that their baby might have Down Syndrome (for example) go on to do more testing such as additional blood work, fancy ultrasounds, amniocentisis procedures, etc. and find out that it was all okay to begin with. Yikes! So this test that is supposed to put my mind at ease might actually cause me a ridiculous amount of sadness and anxiety? Uh, no thanks.

Lastly, Husband and I weighed the benefit of being "prepared" in case something was actually wrong. Knowing that we wouldn't terminate the pregnancy, we still had to ask ourselves if we would want to know about any defects in advance of the birth, so that we could start preparing ourselves for a life as parents of a special needs child. This was the hardest part of the decision. Ultimately, we decided that we would rather just enjoy the pregnancy, knowing that the odds are in our favor that everything will be okay. If we find out once the baby is born that there are problems, we will deal with them then.

No matter what, Baby, we love you just the way you are.