DNA Test

Well, I found out today that Henry's presumed father has finally taken his DNA test. Judging from some stuff that was said between Presumed Father and Case Manager, it sounds like even if Presumed Father is in fact Biological Father, he will ask to have his parental rights terminated. You can do that. Just say "I don't want to be a parent anymore. I don't want custody or visits, and don't ask me for child support."

At first I thought how awful it was that a father would do that. Just terminate his rights and not look back. But I realized what a hypocrite I was being. Sexist, really. I believe in a woman's right to decide whether she'll carry a pregnancy and become a mother to a new baby, so it's only fair that I should believe that a man has the right to decide whether he'll be a child's father.

A man can't choose to terminate a woman's pregnancy. He shouldn't have that right. And he shouldn't have the right to essentially hijack a woman's body an make her carry a baby that she doesn't want to birth, either. I understand that there's an imbalance in the rights of the maybe-soon-to-be father and maybe-soon-to-be mother. I don't see any way to correct that imbalance with regard to a pregnancy, though. A woman carries the baby, it's her body, and until the child is viable, her right to decide the fate of the embryo in her belly. If she wants to terminate the pregnancy, she should have the right. But it would be unfair to say that because a woman becomes pregnant and chooses to have the baby, the man is given no choice in his role in that child's life. He should have the right to terminate his parental duties, just as the woman has the right to terminate her parental duties. It's only fair.

Now, I think it's much less okay to say, "Sure, I'll commit to parenting this child," and then later decide that you don't want to accept all of the responsibilities that come with that decision. It's unfair to break a commitment like that. But I really don't know what happened in Henry's case. I don't know the details of his parents' relationship or how Presumed Father felt about fathering a new child. Maybe he was clear with Henry's mom from the start that she was on her own with the baby. Who knows.

I do feel now, though, that if Presumed Father doesn't want to be a part of Henry's life, that is his choice. And the best thing that can happen for Henry is that he is given a chance to move on from this experience. That his is given an opportunity to have a man in his life that is happy to be his father and is ready to stick by him.