Spanksgiving

This morning on the way to work Husband was joking about spanking our baby.

"We're not going to spank the baby," I said.

"What if it kills another baby?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't know. What's the worst thing a baby could do?"

"Poop in your mouth."

"Oh, it'd definitely get a spanking for that."

"Really though, if your baby poops in your mouth, it's probably at least partly your own fault. I mean, how could that even happen without some sort of help?"

"Yeah. The baby would definitely need an accomplice."

Baby, I know that you have a lot of free time on your hands these days, but I hope you are not masterminding ways to poop in my mouth and/or form a baby crime ring. I have greater expectations of you.

Jittery Feet

Since fairly early on in the pregnancy, I've been getting jittery feet at night. Do you know what I'm talking about? It's when my feet feel kind of tickly all over and it's hard to hold them still. I try putting socks on, wedging them under Husband's butt while he sits down on the couch, rubbing them real hard in the tickly spots... nothing really helps and I just need to wait it out. Thankfully, it's usually gone by the time I'm ready to go to sleep.

I didn't realize that this is a symptom of pregnancy until I saw it in that Victorian-era book that Husband got me. Go figure!

Kick Me When I'm Down

Baby made me cry the other night.

I felt so sick. Queezy, and I was having the grossest acidy burps. I finally got to lie down for the night, and Baby started kicking like crazy. Not sweet little love taps, either. The kid was trying to kick its way out, I'm sure. Baby was flipping all around, kicking my sides, my middle, and up into my guts. It hurt. I was sure I would throw-up, but I didn't. This went on for about 10 minutes. 10 minutes that felt like 10 hours. I was crying, trying to turn into a position that would get Baby to settle down, and trying not to vomit.

Maybe Baby wasn't feeling well, either. We had a rough night, Baby and I.

Rock-a-bye Baby

I've been tired again lately. I read that Baby is supposed to be growing a lot this month. I wonder if that has anything to do with it.

The Victorian Era Makes Me Laugh

A while back, Husband got me an old, crackly, browned, and falling-apart book called Light on Dark Corners; A Complete Sexual Science and a Guide to Purity and Physical Manhood; Advice to Maiden, Wife, and Mother; Love, Courtship and Marriage written by Prof. B.G. Jefferis, M.D., Ph.D and J.L. Nichols, A.M. It was published in 1897. Husband knows I love this kind of stuff.

For a Victorian-era book on sexuality, there are actually some pretty progressive concepts put forth. For example, don't rape your wife. She'll love you more if you don't.

I was flipping through the book last night, wondering what Dr. Jefferis had to say about pregnancy. Some of it is delightfully weird. Causes of miscarriage include excessive sexual intercourse, dancing, eating late suppers, and "fashionable amusements." Also, in order to have beautiful children, pregnant mothers should avoid thinking of ugly people.

Much of the information in the book is enlightening about the time. They didn't have pregnancy tests back then, so there is a section on "Signs and Symptoms of Pregnancy." The first conclusive symptom of pregnancy is when the mother starts to produce pre-milk. Morning sickness and changes in the menstrual cycle could possibly be attributed to other things, but producing milk is a sure-fire sign of a baby on the way. I didn't think of that, but it makes perfect sense.

If I had the time, I would scan in every page of this book before it all rots away.

Monthly Check-up; IUD

Everything looked good at our monthly check-up yesterday. Baby tried to hide from the Doppler machine, as usual. I love my sneaky little baby.

I talked to the midwife for a while about post-pregnancy contraception. I know someone who got pregnant again TWO months after having her first baby. I live in fear of that happening to me.

I don't much enjoy the thought of having to worry about birth control again-- it was so nice to just not care for a while. But since I don't want to be breastfeeding an 8 month old baby while it's stretched across my 6 months pregnant belly, Husband and I have been talking about what we'll do after the baby gets here.

I explained to the midwife that birth control pills make me crazy. She said that means I can't use the patch or the ring, either, because they all have estrogen in them. She said that there is a "mini pill" that doesn't have estrogen in it. So no craziness or other bad side effects. The downside is that it's less effective and you have to take it at the EXACT same time every day. The shot also doesn't have estrogen, but it lasts for 3 months, so if you have bad side effects you can't just discontinue the medication.

Then the midwife talked to Husband and me about some intrauterine devices. They can stick it in during an office visit and it can last up to 5 years (or longer, depending on the brand you choose). It's over 99% effective in preventing pregnancy. You don't have remember to take a pill every day or go get shots. IUDs make your periods lighter and maybe even stop altogether. You can even choose between IUDs that release hormones and those that don't.

The down side? It costs $750 and my insurance won't cover it. Bastards. Husband and I are still considering it, though.

Thanks A Lot, Evolution

I read that humans are the only animals known to get morning sickness. Scientists don't know why that is. They can hypothesize reasons for why morning sickness might be beneficial to a pregnant lady and her baby, but they're not so sure as to why only humans get morning sickness.

I wonder when that started, in terms of the evolutionary process. Was evolution like, "Hold on. These cave ladies are eating waaaaaaay too much rotten food. It's time to make this species adverse to some of the crap they eat when they're pregnant, or there's going to be serious trouble"?

I'm so glad I'm done with the worst part of my morning sickness. Yay for the second trimester!

Phat Momma

(Bet you haven't seen "phat" in a while, huh? Since the mid-90s, maybe?)

I've put on 10 pounds (over my pre-pregnancy weight) so far. Not bad. Considering that the baby weighs about 1 pound right now, my boobs have added at least another pound, and I'm filling up with amniotic fluid and extra blood, I'd say that I'm pretty much on track. If I keep gaining one pound per week until the baby arrives, I'll have gained 28 pounds. That's within the normal range. Even though it sounds like a lot, I know that I'll lose about half of it as soon as the baby is born.

Don't worry, Baby. I'll make sure you're nice and plump by the time you arrive.

Waisting Away

I still have the tiniest bit of a waist left. If you look at me dead-on, you can see a bit of inward curve above my hips. It won't last long, though. My body is taking on a new kind of womanly shape. At 22 weeks, my belly is overshadowing what I was once told are "perfect childbearing hips" (ugh!).

So what if I no longer look sexy when I do a hula dance in my underwear? It's funny as all get out. And at this stage in the game, humor is much more important than sex appeal. (At least that's what I'm telling myself.)

Belly Button Redux

This one grosses even ME out a little bit.

The One Symptom I Haven't Gotten Yet

I'm probably going to jinx myself.

But I complain too much, so:

One good thing about my pregnancy so far is that I haven't had any pregnancy-related acne. My skin has stayed pretty much the same the whole time.

Thank you, Baby, for giving me a break on this one!

Aaaaaaah! Pregnancy Massage!

I got my pregnancy massage today. It was great. This was the second (professional) massage I've ever gotten. Husband and I did a couples massage about a year ago for some sort of anniversary or something. I made Husband come in the room with me today... I don't know why, but I felt better having him there.

I thought that I'd need to have the massage lying on my side, since I can't lay on my stomach anymore. But there was this big foam pillow contraption on top of the regular massage table that had a depression for my belly. So I lied down on my stomach, with my face in that doughnut shaped pillow thing that lets you stare at the floor. It felt strangely good to be able to lie on my stomach again. The baby, however, seemed a bit confused by it. First, baby kicked a bunch at my left side, and realizing that there was a firm pillow there, moved to my right side to check it out. Baby seemed concerned that there was something firm on that side, too, and kicked over there for a while. Then Baby started kicking at the middle. There was less resistance in the middle because my hips were supporting most of the weight against the pillow and my belly was dangling, so I got fewer kicks and Baby settled into a comfortable position.

I'm not very good at getting massages. I can't really relax. I'm too self-conscious. It feels slightly awkward, having a stranger rub on my bare skin. I kept thinking things like "I hope I didn't miss any spots when I was shaving" and "I hope my feet don't smell." I had to remind myself over and over "you're not on a date, this man is being paid to touch you." And I'm sure he's encountered hairier, smellier, cellulite-ier people than me.

Other things that kept going through my head during the massage:

1. These are the softest man hands I have ever felt in my life. If they weren't so big, I'd think I was being rubbed down by a young girl.

2. Oh my god. I just drooled onto the floor. (This happened twice. I'd start to relax a little bit and then gravity would take over. I don't think anyone noticed.)

3. Don't fart. Don't fart. Don't fart.

I wanted the guy to rub my butt, but I didn't think that I should ask. He might have taken it the wrong way. Or Husband might have, since he was sitting right there. I think it would have helped ease the pain in my lower back, though. My lower back still hurts, but my shoulders feel awesome. It was well worth it. Thanks again, Husband!

Lucky Baby

We had a Thanksgiving luncheon at work yesterday. Everyone who came to lunch got a raffle ticket and the CEO of the company drew tickets and gave away prizes. As the tickets were being passed out, I jokingly said to the CEO, who knows that I'm pregnant, "Hey! Don't I get TWO tickets?" He laughed and gave me another ticket.

THEN MY EXTRA TICKET WON A PRIZE!!! Baby won its first prize!

We got a gift certificate to the grocery store that we shop at, so Baby will indeed benefit from the prize. Yay, Baby!

I Keep Signing Up

I'm out of control. Now I've signed up for coupons/special offers/etc. on the websites for Earth's Best baby food, Playtex, Johnson's, and Gerber.

I wonder if this will be worth it.

Yogurt

You know how it's pretty much universally recognized that toddlers like yogurt? I wonder if that's because pregnant ladies eat a lot of yogurt. I think that I eat more of it now than I ever have before in my life. I didn't like yogurt when I was a kid-- and my mom had trouble with dairy products upsetting her stomach when she was pregnant. Ah, ha! She probably didn't eat yogurt when she was pregnant with me!

Well, Baby, you are going to LOVE you some yogurt once you're born.

I like Rachel's brand yogurt. It has interesting flavors. Baby is swimming in some pomegranate- blueberry yogurt juice this morning. Yum!

Sign Me Up!

I've started signing up for all of the "baby clubs" that I can find. A lot of companies let you register on their website and they'll send you coupons and free samples and stuff like that. Why not, right? Babies are expensive.

I've signed up with my local supermarket, Huggies diapers, Luvs diapers, Pampers diapers, Enfamil, and Seventh Generation so far. I'm pretty sure that my mailbox will soon be overflowing with junk mail, but hey-- I can sort the coupons from the junk.

My Babiest Birthday Ever

Thanks to Husband, I have a pregnancy massage scheduled for this weekend. AND Husband rented me a Doppler thingy to listen to the baby's heartbeat at home whenever we want!

You can buy devices from Target and maternity stores that let you listen to your baby's heartbeat, but you have to be really far along for them to work-- like, 7 months into your pregnancy. Husband found out, though, that you can rent good quality Dopplers (like they use in the OBGYNs office) at a monthly rate.

We just happened to be home for lunch when the FedEx guy showed up with the device. Yay! Of course, we tried it out. Baby cracks me up, kicking at anything that touches my belly. (Well, anything but Husband's hand. I swear, Baby knows when its Husband's hand on my belly and immediately stops kicking.)

Thank you, Husband, for my wonderful presents!

Almost Viable

I think that the absolute worst thing that I've had to deal with during my pregnancy is the bleeding. I love my baby so much and the thought of not getting to hold it in my arms is devastating.

The bleeding has sent me rushing to the doctor's office several times, and even resulted in the emergency room incorrectly telling me that I'd miscarried. It's been rough. And I'm still having off-and-on trouble.

Soon, though, my baby will have reached the point of viability. That means that if something starts to go terribly wrong, the hospital can deliver the baby and they will try to save its life. If something went wrong today, they would say that there is nothing they can do and they would let the baby die. (I don't say that in an accusatory way-- there probably isn't much they could do to save it.)

Considering the problems that I've had and that I've already been told once that I've miscarried, I'm a little paranoid about the possibility of losing my baby. Not obsessive or anything like that. It doesn't keep me up at night. But when I start to bleed it's very upsetting-- even though I know now that the bleeding I'm experiencing is probably no big deal (delicate cervix, low lying placenta, etc.). So reaching the point of viability will feel like a major milestone to me. I recognize that just because the baby is viable doesn't mean it will actually survive if something goes wrong... but at least they'll be able to try to save it, and that's more than what I've got right now.

Baby Dream: No Cats Allowed

My dream last night:

I went to the hospital to deliver my baby. As I was checking in, I asked the lady behind the counter how many people I could have in the delivery room.

"You can have 5 guests. But one of them has to be a dog. So 4 people, and 1 dog."

I only have cats. So I replied, "Can I bring my cat instead?"

"No, sorry. It's dogs only."

I was very disappointed.

Pregnancy Symptom: Charlie Horse

I woke up in the middle of the night last night with a painful cramp in my right calf. The kind of pain that makes you sit up and yell something like, "Jesus F---ing CHRIST!" before you even know you're awake and without regard for your sleeping husband or the 3 year old sleeping one room away. I flexed my foot and rolled my ankle and hobbled around my bedroom for a bit until the intensity of the pain subsided enough to let me get back to sleep. I'm still slightly sore today.

I looked up leg cramps in my pregnant lady book this morning. And guess what? Oh, joy! They are a common problem for pregnant women during their second and third trimesters. Because as I said before, everything painful or gross or bad that can happen to a woman's body is a symptom of pregnancy.

"M'boys Can Swim!"

I asked Husband last night if he secretly felt some sort of macho pride in having gotten me pregnant. My husband isn't the stereotypically macho type-- he doesn't watch sports, drink beer, walk around with his shirt off every chance he gets, kick dogs, or whatever. I was expecting him to say something like, "I was just happy."

Instead: "Yeah!"

So I pressed the issue. "Do you think that's just because of where we are in our life right now? Because we're ready for a baby? Or is it some sort of quality inherent in most men? Like, if we were 17 and I got pregnant, would there still be a part of you that felt manly for having knocked me up?" He said that underneath the panic and confusion at the thought of becoming a teenaged father, he'd have still felt a macho pride about the situation.

Huh. Interesting.

I wonder if women ever feel something akin to that. Something like, "Yes! My ovaries rock!" I didn't. I thought to myself, "Well, here we go!" I felt that a process was just beginning. I didn't feel a sense of accomplishment because I felt like I still had so much more work to do. Husband's job in the baby making process was pretty much finished back on July 4th, but I'm committed to seeing this all the way through-- I must feed my little parasite, carry it around, and share every second of my time and all of my energy with it. Husband does a fantastic job of taking care of ME, but I'm taking care of Baby alone right now.

I'm glad that Husband feels a sense of macho pride, though. It's cute. (Is that an emasculating thing to say? I hope not.)

My Present From Baby

For my birthday, Baby is kicking me hard enough that I can see my stomach move. It's pretty cool.

I Was Born 31 Years Ago Today

It's my happy birthday! And I have the best present ever wrapped up in my belly :)

It's strange how a person's priorities change as they grow up and then have children. (Or at least, I would HOPE your priorities would change as you mature.) When I was little, my birthday was all about what presents I would get, or what my birthday party would be like. This year, I'm so happy and I've had such a wonderful birthday because I got to see all of my family yesterday, I have an amazing husband, I love being a foster parent and my foster children have all been wonderful, I'm pregnant with a healthy baby, all of my pets (even my diabetic cat) are doing well... everything is going good and I feel so fortunate.

Plus, I think that Husband is going to get me a pregnancy massage for my birthday. (YESSSSSSS!)

Pain In The (Belly) Butt(on)

The past few days, my belly button has been sticking out so hard that it hurts. Or the muscles around it hurt. Or something. I guess my belly is growing again.

Baby Dream: See-through Belly

Last night I dreamed that I was lying in bed with Husband. It wasn't my real bed, but it was my bed in the dream. This big, four poster deal with lots of pillows and under-stuffed comforters. The baby was kicking, so I lifted up my shirt, wondering if we could see the movements yet.

The baby kicked, and when its little foot was pressed against my belly, we could see it. Sort of like that foggy glass that people have in shower stalls-- you can't really see anything unless it's pressed right up against it. The foot looked weird, sort of like a hamster foot, and I told myself that the baby was still forming and didn't have much fat yet so not to worry.

The baby turned and we could see its face. It had a little piggy nose, but I thought that that might just be because its face was pressed against my belly as it was moving, dragging the nose upward. That's what I was hoping, anyway.

It was a strange dream, watching the baby move around inside of me like that. Maybe I'm just anxious for my next ultrasound.

Crossing State Lines

I took Baby on its first trip to a different state this past Wednesday. I had to travel for work. I was a little nervous to be taking a 5 1/2 hour car ride alone, but we did alright. I made sure to make regular stops to get out and stretch my legs.

My back is terribly sore from driving there and back. Plus, I got horrible sleep at the hotel. Overall, though, the trip went smoother than I expected. Minimal nausea, no problems during the conference I conducted, no wardrobe malfunctions with my suit and the belly band holding up my unzipped pants.

I'm so glad to be back home.

Due Date

Did I ever say my due date? It's March 29th.

Colostrum

There were yellow stains inside my white bra last night. Why does this pre-milk stuff have to look like some kind of infection?

Pregnancy Headaches

I'm not prone to getting headaches. I hardly ever have one, and when I do there is usually an obvious reason, like my hair has been pulled back all day.

Or I'm pregnant.

The headaches were much more common in my first trimester, but I still get one every once in a while. Mostly when I feel really queezy. I'm not one to take lots of over-the-counter medicine, so I usually just lay down for a while if my head hurts. Fortunately, my headaches have never been too painful.

I'm not sure what makes headaches a symptom of pregnancy. The hormones? The increased blood flow? The stress? Whatever it is, babies give their mommies headaches before they're even born.

Yum Yum Gimme Some

I just read that my amniotic fluid is flavored with what I eat each day, and that by now Baby can taste the fluid that it is gulping in my womb. My baby will become accustomed to the flavors of the food I eat during the rest of my pregnancy.

I went to the fair yesterday. Hope you liked your liquid funnel cake, Baby!

20 Weeks!

I'm half way there! 20 weeks down, 20 more to go!

It seems so close and so far away at the same time.

Registries

Husband and I are finally done with our registries. We're registered at Target and Babies R Us. We tried to keep the prices reasonable, and we were fairly discriminant about what we registered for. There is a TON of crap out there, meant to suck new parents in to thinking that it will make their lives easier or their babies happier, but in reality I suspect that most of these things are a total waste of money.

I mean, OMG, what would I do if I were out on a car ride and my baby had a poopy diaper but the wipes in my diaper bag were slightly cold to the touch? How awful for Baby! I totally need a wipes warmer with a car cigarette lighter adapter...

Ugh.

My thought process when registering for baby items went like this: 1) am I required by law to have it?, 2) would my grandmas have had it for their babies?, 3) if it wasn't something that my grandmas would have had, would they have breathed a big sigh of relief had it been available to them?

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Having Kids Around When You're Pregnant

Husband and I are foster parents. Right now, we have one 3 year old placed with us, and he has been here since before the pregnancy.

Last night, Foster Son came down with a fever. It got up to about 102.6. Husband and I were up until after 1:00 am with him, since he couldn't sleep and kept waking up.

Have I ever mentioned that I'm tired a lot? And I feel at least slightly sick pretty much all of the time? I felt horrible for Foster Son, and Husband and I did everything we could for him. There was a part of me, though, that just wanted to lock myself in my bedroom and put ear plugs in. I didn't want to get sick. I wanted to go to bed. I'm pretty sure that every parent eventually feels this on some level when their kids are ill, and I'd bet money that pregnant ladies who already have small children feel this more often and more passionately than they would care to admit.

Of course, my selfish impulses were overwhelmed by my love for Foster Son. He climbed into our bed for a while, we rubbed his back, gave him medicine and cold washcloths on his forehead, and sat with him on his bed until he fell asleep for good.

I tried to send Baby telepathic messages, "I hope you don't feel that I am putting you at risk. It's just that you aren't the only person I'm responsible for right now, and I have to do my best at taking care of both of you. I'll go straight to the doctor if my temperature starts to rise. Don't worry, Baby, everything will be okay."

Having kids around when you're pregnant has so many positives and negatives. What could be cuter than when Foster Son kisses my belly? And what could be worse than being woken up at 5:00 am to Foster Son "whispering" in my ear, "Are you AWAAAAAAAAAAAKE? Wake up! I want some cereal! CEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAL!"

To Each His Own, I Suppose

I just Googled "movies pregnant" or something like that, and WOW there is a lot of pregnancy porn in the world. How naïve of me to think that I would be presented with lists of mainstream movies featuring pregnant characters.

Here's the deal. Pornography doesn't bother me in the least. As long as everyone involved is a consenting adult, who am I to judge? I won't get into a big, long conversation here about my opinions regarding the arguments centered around the exploitation/objectification of women or how some members of society have an unhealthy addiction to this kind of entertainment. Basically, I believe in the rights provided by the First Amendment. And it just so happens that our founding fathers have inadvertently afforded me and my fellow Americans the ability to find a plethora of pregnancy porn on the worldwide web. So be it.

HOWEVER

I find pregnancy porn really sad and depressing and not sexy at all. A pregnant woman who has unprotected sex with a stranger is putting not only herself but also her baby at risk. And that's just awful. Then, to compound the situation, the women featured in these movies have agreed to take a (probably) small amount of money in exchange for allowing the incident to be recorded and published on the Internet. Oh, it's so sad to me! It's kind of like seeing a pregnant woman smoking a cigarette-- I feel really confused by it and unable to understand how that lady can have so little regard for the life inside of her and for her responsibility as a mother.

Can you imagine what it would be like to find out that your mom made an adult movie while you were in her belly? I think my brain would explode. Then again, these ladies are probably on a certain path in life that is just full of bad decisions, so maybe it wouldn't be that surprising to some people to learn that kind of information about their dear mama.

I'm sure there must be some pornography out there featuring a pregnant woman that wouldn't make me feel grossed out. Maybe some amateur stuff featuring real couples. I mean, okay, some people are exhibitionists. That's maybe unusual but it's better than what I imagine the situation is for these ladies featured in the movies that popped up during my Google search.

Thanks, Google. Now I feel uncomfortable. No more Google for me today.

Another Movie With A Pregnant Character

Husband and I watched "Lars and the Real Girl" a couple of nights ago. One of the main characters is pregnant.

The pregnancy is relevant to the plot, but it isn't a huge part of what's going on. There's no dramatic labor scene, no baby at the end of the movie. I was glad for that. I liked that the pregnancy was just a normal part of what was going on, sort of like in " Fargo."

If I were still in school I would write a paper on the treatment of pregnancy in dark comedy movies. Having done no research, other than watching "Fargo" and "Lars and the Real Girl," I would argue that while many of the events that take place in dark comedies seem extraordinary, thus creating the comedic situation, pregnancy is often treated as a completely normal and almost unremarkable situation. This is contrary to other genres of moviemaking, where the fact that a character is pregnant often gets a lot of attention or the aspects of pregnancy are exaggerated for the sake of comic relief.

Maybe I'm wrong about that. Like I said, I'm basing this on two movies.

More Blood, Another Doctor's Visit

Yesterday right before lunch, I went to the bathroom to pee. When I was done, I wiped myself and there was this mess of brown blood and mucous. I sighed deeply. Not this again. Then I wiped myself a second time and there was bright red blood.

Last time I had bright red blood there was a reason, you'll recall. This time the blood seemed to have happened completely unprovoked. I called my OBGYN's office.

"Hi. I think I just need someone to reassure me that this is no big deal..." I said, and then explained the situation. "You need to come in. Right away, okay?" the nurse tells me.

So then I REALLY freak out.

Husband drove me to the OBGYN's. We were both scared.

We got to see the same midwife that I saw on my last visit. She's so nice and reassuring.

First she used the Doppler to listen for the heartbeat. She couldn't find it at first, and I'm pretty sure MY heart wasn't beating during those seconds before she found the baby.

The baby sounded fine, so she checked my cervix. It was closed and "still nice and thick and long" so she told us that there was probably no problem. She said that ladies who have a sensitive cervix like I do can start bleeding for no apparent reason (even if the cervix hasn't been "disturbed" like it was last time I was bleeding).

Then the midwife reviewed my ultrasound results and saw that I am at risk for placenta previa. She said that the blood could be from that, too. Between my sensitive cervix and my low-lying placenta, she said that she was nearly certain that everything would be okay.

Then she put us on pelvic rest again. For the next 6 weeks!!!!!!!

Husband couldn't resist asking, "I get what you mean when you say pelvic rest, but what EXACTLY can't we do?" She said, "No penetration. Some people say no sex of any kind. In theory, if she has an orgasm, the contractions could disturb her cervix or even her placenta and start the bleeding again. But I think that just no intercourse is okay."

So, Baby, you scared the bejeezus out of me, then got me banned from sex for 6 weeks. I will always love you no matter what... But maybe you could try to make this a little easier on me?

No Crazy Cravings For Me-- At Least Not Yet

Pregnant women can crave eating some pretty weird, non-food items. I've been lucky so far. The only things I've had cravings for have been regular foods that I would have eaten before my pregnancy. I haven't even wanted any strange combinations of foods, like pickles and ice cream. If anything, fewer foods are appealing to me now than before.

Mostly I crave sweets. (If you believe the old wives' tale, that means we're having a girl!) I've craved ice cream, oranges, Jolly Rancher candies, peanut M&Ms, and Hershey's with almonds. I've also craved bean burritos with sour cream and guacamole, and sometimes I crave eggs and cheese together.

I used to work with a lady who told me once that during all three of her pregnancies she would eat toilet paper. She'd lock herself in the bathroom and just eat toilet paper until she felt satisfied. And one of my coworkers told me yesterday that his aunt would eat red clay.

I've read online about a lot of weird cravings-- chalk, dirt, the desire to chew on leather, the desire to constantly smell bleach. Some women talked about their cravings for certain food combinations, like pizza with mustard on it.

I'm so glad that I haven't felt compelled to eat anything unusual. But if I am, I'll let you know!

Baby Is Beautiful!!!

We had our second trimester ultrasound yesterday! We know the baby's gender, but we're keeping it secret for now. :)

The ultrasound machine is amazing. They could not only look inside my belly, but they could take measurements (including baby's weight-- 9 ounces), color code blood flow in the heart, and do lots of other complicated things I didn't understand.

The baby is perfectly healthy. Heart, brain, spine, kidneys, everything looked good according to the doctor and the technician. Yay! (Side note: The night before last, I was standing outside of the car, waiting for Husband to get Foster Son out of his car seat. I looked up between the trees in our yard at a little patch of sky, and despite the light pollution, I could see two stars. I thought to myself, "I haven't seen a shooting star in about 10 years. Last time I saw one was when I took an astronomy class and we had to drive out to the country where you can actually see the sky at night and draw our own star charts." And just then a really bright shooting star went flying by that little patch of sky and faded out! So I made a wish that the baby is healthy. I don't really believe in wishing on stars or that there was any real significance to that experience... but it felt cool and special that I happened to be looking at just the right spot in the sky and that I could indulge myself and make a wish for my baby.)

They did see one problem during the ultrasound, though. The doctor told me that my placenta is very low right now and that I'm at risk for placenta previa. That means that I might have to have a c-section when the big day comes. They are going to monitor me and see if my placenta rises as my uterus grows. I have to go back for another ultrasound in 6 weeks. As bad as this might sound, I was secretly happy that I'll get to see the baby again before it's born.

I managed to keep it together during the procedure, but as soon as we walked out of the office I started crying. I cried in the elevator, through the parking garage, and during most of the car ride. Tears of absolute joy. The baby is healthy, beautiful, and so incredibly REAL-- it was overwhelming.

Fertility Goddess

At risk of sounding like a Cathy cartoon, I hate dressing rooms. They always depress me. I see myself from unusual angles, the lighting is generally unflattering, and I'm so short that hardly anything ever fits me right.

This past Saturday, when I was trying on those new maternity pants, I caught a glimpse from behind of my now-slightly-broader butt . I turned to the side and looked at my belly. I stood in my underwear and looked at my pregnant body from every conceivable angle. And you know what? I loved it. I was by no means a picture of virginal youth or modern-media-inspired sexiness. But I looked so womanly. In a real way.

It was liberating to look at myself and know that in my present condition I am so far removed from the underfed, oversexed 18 year old college girls that traipse around my city that no one would even think to compare me to them. I'm allowed to have a big butt and round belly right now, and no one would criticize me for it. I could look at my thighs and think, "Well, they shouldn't be stick-thin right now. I'm pregnant!"

I realize, of course, that ideally I would never feel that I need permission to look curvy. Ideally, I could laugh at the image of female sexuality that 85% of America buys into, and just always be happy with myself. But you can't have grown up during the 80s and expect it to have no effect on your aesthetics.

I hope that at the end of this pregnancy I still don't give a crap about what society says is beautiful with regard to the female form. I hope that I can look at my saggy belly and find it beautiful because it just carried my baby for 9 months. I don't know if I will. I'm not there yet. But I DO love my body right now. I love my fat ass and my round tummy and my fuller face and my jiggly thighs. So suck on that, Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

If The Belt Fits, Wear It

I got some new maternity pants yesterday. Instead of a panel of stretchy material in the tummy region, there is elastic on the sides and the pants sit a little low, mostly under my belly. I thought I'd give this design a try. Something different.

When your belly gets round, the crotch of your pants start to look all weird and baggy. Any pants. But my new pants were the worst, since they are just a little big to begin with. I decided to put on a belt to pull the pants a little tighter and un-sag the crotch.

But none of my belts fit anymore. The two ends of the belts barely meet, much less do they buckle.

Why didn't I realize that my belts won't fit?

I'm wearing one of Husband's belts now.

Skin Tags?!?!

So it turns out that SKIN TAGS are a common skin problem during pregnancy.

What's next? Maggots crawling out of my ears? I guess the farting, vomiting, headaches, back pains, yellow fluid leaking out of my boobs, and a bloody cervix wasn't enough for you, Mother Nature?

Let me just save anyone reading this blog the $15 that it costs to buy one of those books about pregnancy and give you the Cliffs Notes summary. Anything gross and unpleasant that can happen to a woman's body is a normal part of pregnancy.

Damn it.

Baby's First Halloween

I made a really half-hearted attempt to dress up for Halloween last night. We took Foster Son trick-or-treating, so I felt I should wear SOMETHING sort of costume-y. I put on black legggings, a black t-shirt, and this headband with cat ears that I've had forever. No makeup, no drawn on cat whiskers, no tail.

Foster Son was a firefighter. He looked super cute. And, you know, I didn't want to steal the show. (Just kidding. But I DID see these totally slutty moms dressed like "policewomen." I put that in quotes because I'm pretty sure that fishnets aren't part of the regulated uniform in any community within the United States.)

So, for Baby's first Halloween he or she was a pregnant cat's unborn kitten. Yay!