Secret Poops

Elise has been secret-pooping a lot lately. When she was smaller, all of her poops were announced by a loud, rumbly mudslide noise. Now, I'll just be going along, ho hum, must be about time for a diaper change, and then I open her diaper and WHAM! Baby Poop City! There were no noises, no faces, no pauses in activity-- does Elise even know that she pooped? Maybe SHE doesn't know. Ugh.

Plus, she's been having poops that smell exactly like vinegar. It's strange. Husband suggested that it might be because I eat a lot of salads with balsamic vinaigrette-- but that's nothing new so I don't know why that would matter now. Either way, PEEEEE-EEEEEEEEW!

I love you, though, my stinky, sneaky vinegar butt.

Baby Baby Song

One cool thing about having kids is that you get to make up lots of silly songs. Or, more accurately, you have an audience for your silliness.

I sing this song to Elise often (sung mostly to the tune of 'You Are My Sunshine'):

You are my baby
My Baby Baby
And Baby Baby, I love you
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
'Til you have a baby, too

Random Thoughts

I'm really tired today. Stupid tired. All I can gather up right now are some random thoughts.

1. Elise's eyes are still blue.

2. I really love breastfeeding. I'm going to miss it when it's over. I'm hoping for at least another 6 months.

3. Elise's hair is filling in more and it's getting lighter. I think it might be blonde for a while. Husband's sister had blonde hair when she was little, so maybe.

4. I still have between 2 and 3 pounds left to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I read somewhere that the the average American woman permanently gains 5 pounds per pregnancy. I've already beat that statistic-- let's see if I can lose the rest.

Tired...

Distracted Eater

As Baby Baby gets older, she is beginning to desire. She is no longer content to be entertained with whatever is placed in front of her. She wants.

This is a good thing because it motivates her. It is motivating her to figure out ways to move her body so that she can get those much longed for objects. She will roll across the room or use her arms to swivel her entire body while she lies on the floor. She grabs at things that she wants and she cries when you take away something that she already had. Elise is interested in more than just eating and sleeping. She is fascinated by the world around her.

In fact, eating often becomes a close second in priority of her interests. Lately, when she eats she will latch and unlatch, latch and unlatch. She hears a noise, she unlatches. She sees a cat, she unlatches. She smells dinner cooking, she unlatches. This happens so often during some feedings that my nipple starts to get sore.

Right now, Elise is tugging desperately at Vincent's fur, trying to pull him closer, and Vincent is looking for a way to escape. Right now she desires the cat. She stopped feeding to turn and grab at him.

Over the next 16 years "oh! a kitty! I want!" will morph into scarier and more complex desires such as "can I borrow the car?" or "will you sign the parental consent form so that I can get a tattoo?" or "now that Bob and I have been dating for 2 months, can you help me get some birth control?" Oh god. Oh god. Deep breaths! Don't think that far ahead.

Yikes! And, BTW Elise, the answer to all of the above is "go ask your father..."

Yay for Skype

Elise gets to see her grandparents and aunts on a somewhat regular basis, thanks to Skype. Skype doesn't always work perfectly-- sometimes the picture is laggy or the sound falters or the call gets dropped-- but overall it's well worth the hassle.

Elise even got to Skype with her future husband tonight. And ooooh, there is no denying that she likes him. She gets all flirty when she sees him, laughing and smiling and bouncing around.

Distances don't seem so long when you can see the people that you're talking to in real time. One day I'll tell Elise about how when I was her age, all we had to talk to people with were telephones. With no cameras! And we had to pay PER MINUTE to talk to people long distance on the phone!

Can you imagine?!

How We Became Foster Parents

About 9 months after our adoption home study was approved, I emailed our case manager to tell her that some stuff in our profile had changed. She set up a time immediately to meet with us and discuss our new circumstances. She said that we needed to update the home study. Looking back, Husband and I joke that we should have known that something was up because our adoptions case manager is NEVER that reasponsive to our needs.

Basically the first thing she says when she shows up that she really came over to talk to us about foster parenting. Husband and I had NOT planned to be foster parents. Not part of our goal. Just match us for adoption, thank you very much. But our case manager presented it as a way that would increase our chances of getting an adoption match. Not only would it give us some parenting experience (which is a bonus on your home study), but when kids in the foster care system become available for adoption, first they look for relatives, then if no relatives can/will adopt the child, they ask the foster parents if they want to adopt. Non-relatives who aren't foster parents are the last people they turn to for adoption.

Our case manager said, "Your house is all set up for a child. Why not help a kid out while you wait to get matched?"

Husband and I talked it over and eventually agreed to do it. More paperwork, more inspections, more background checks, etc, etc. There's twice as much stuff to do to get licensed for foster care as there is to get approved for adoption. It's a looooong process. But we eventually got licensed for two children, boys or girls, ages 0-3. When we got relicensed recently, we changed our age range to 0-5 years old.

We've had 5 kids in our home in a little over a year since we've been licensed. I'll tell you about them some time. Two of them were with us before I got pregnant, but Elise has met 3 of the kids.

It's been pretty crazy, being a foster parent. Definitely not for everybody. Probably not a good idea for most people. Then again, being a parent to their own biological child isn't a good idea for some people. Hence the need for foster parents.

The Stuff

I said stuff was going on the other day. Well. Husband and I were being considered as potential adoptive parents for a sibling group of three. Husband and I had a LOT to talk about. Very long, very emotional night. One of the kids is 12 years old, which is well outside of the age range that we initially felt prepared to deal with.

Ultimately, we decided to wait and see if we got matched and then wait to hear more about the kids' history before we made a final decision. Turned out that one of the kids has an issue that we are not able to deal with right now. So, we never had to make the really hard decision of "can we accept three kids, including a 12 year old, into our family at this time in our lives."

I still feel drained from that whole experience. And I think that, while both Husband and I are anxious to get matched for adoption, we feel that in retrospect things worked out for the best in this situation.

Guacamole? Success!

I found the simplest and easiest recipe possible for guacamole, tried it out, and managed to delight Husband's highly selective tastebuds. Victory!

So it looks like Elise's 6 month old happy-birthday-and-here's-your-first-solid-food celebration will be Mexican themed. She'll have avocado, we'll have nachos, I'll play our cd of salsa music (Husband and I took some salsa lessons together back in the day) and we'll make lots of Dora the Explorer references, even though Elise is too young to get them.

I suppose that Elise's extra long name (two middle names and a hyphenated last name) is sort of in the Latin tradition. Also, when we used to swaddle her, she looked like a little burrito. Oh! And I craved 7 layer burritos when I was pregnant! So Elise's ties to the Latin community are tenuous at best, but not completely non-existent. I was baptized in the Catholic church. That should count for something.

Okay, Elise. How does sangria milk sound?

More Later

Stuff. But I don't want to talk about it right now.

Green Bean Puree

Made my baby some green bean baby food today. I had some frozen organic green beans, so I steamed them in the microwave and then put them in the blender. Now they're in the freezer, waiting for Elise to start eating solids.

The homemade green bean baby food looks so bright green and smells so fresh! It's not like the slightly off-color, bland mush that I think of when I think about jarred baby food. I'm sure that baby food is better now than when my sister and my cousins were babies. You can even get organic baby food at the grocery store, and I've started seeing baby food in the freezer section, too. Baby food revolution!

Oh! I think I mentioned that I want avocado to be Elise's first solid food. Well, I got this idea that on Elise's 6 month birthday, she would eat her first bite of avocado and Husband and I would eat some sort of avocado dessert. As if we were sharing a special birthday treat.

Well. I found this recipe for fudge that uses avocado. I was thrilled! Fortunately, I had the foresight to try the recipe out before Elise's birthday-thingy. To me, it tastes like regular fudge. You can occasionally taste a little bit of something different... but I would never say, "Is there avocado in this fudge? What's going on here?" Husband, however, did not like the fudge.

:(

So, I guess we're having chips and guacamole. Unless I ruin that recipe, too.

Book for Baby Baby

I got Elise her first soft, squishy, fabric book today. You know, one of those books for babies that are made out of cloth. I figured that she'd like it because she would be able to easily handle it.

She loves it.

As all baby items have a gimmick, the gimmick of this book is that it has lots of little ribbony tags. Apparently babies love tags. Elise is no exception.

I was at the bookstore with Elise and my sister, and my sister bought her fetus a book, too. One of those board books for babies. It has animals and the pictures are high contrast, which newborn babies love.

We're going to raise a couple of book-loving reading machines.

Other People's Birth Stories: Overheard

I heard two of the instructors talking at the foster kids' day care the other day.

First Lady: Well, I had my baby in my car.

Second lady: In your CAR?!

1: Yeah. It was crazy.

2: Where was your car?

1: In the parking lot.

2: The parking lot of what?

1: The hospital!

2: Oh, girl. You made it all the way to the hospital, then you had your baby in the parking lot?

1: I couldn't wait!

2: Oh, girl.

That is insane-- giving birth to your baby in the hospital parking lot. Oh man.

I'd feel compelled to give that kid a middle name of Parker.

Hot Hot Hot

Poor Baby Baby. She's sick today. Fever. 101 degrees. Baby Tylenol helps, but I can tell that she feels poopy. She's slept more than usual today and she's had mildly cranky spells.

Its hard to see your baby be sick.

Oh, but speaking of being sick, this morning Elise got sick aaaaaalllllllll over my side of the bed. She woke up around 7 a.m. screaming. Very unlike her-- she is the quintessential morning person. She had already been in our bed for about an hour at that point because she got up around 6:00 for a feeding. Well, she's crying like crazy, so I figure it must be gas. She's not a fussy baby and so when Elise yells like that a giant fart and some relieved-sounding baby coos usually aren't far behind. I was rubbing her tummy and exercising her little legs, when all of a sudden... BLEEEEEEEHGGGHHHH! Puke everywhere. I turn her onto her side so she doesn't choke, but she's still going so I pick her up and tilt her forward. By the time she's done, I'm sitting in a puddle of baby vommit.

Good morning to you, too, my little milk geyser.

So hopefully Elise feels healthier tomorrow. Or at least maybe we can start the day off better.

Our House Is On the Market

We want to sell our house so that we can move closer to our families. We want Elise to grow up near her grandparents and her aunts and uncles and cousins.

We had someone come look at the house tonight. But it was HORRIBLE timing. We'd just finished eating dinner, so there were dishes in the sink and laundry to be folded and the cats were running around begging to be fed. And, of course, we had about 5 minutes notice. Aaaaargh. I'm trying to just focus on "yay, someone looked at the house" and not "well, that was a disaster."

Husband and I think that Elise will have more opportunities for good schooling if we lived closer to where we grew up. And the scenery is nicer there. And we still have friends who live in the area.

We know that the housing market is crummy right now, but we're keeping our fingers crossed. And with any luck, we'll be able to move before Elise starts kindergarten.

Baby's First TV Show

In the first month after Elise was born, Husband and I watched seasons 1 through 5 of "Weeds" on Netflix. Which maybe isn't the most motherly of television viewing options, but then I read that one of the actors was the movie voice of the Disney character Nemo and I felt less guilty.

Rubber Ducky, You're the One

Elise and I took our first bath together. It was great. She splashed her hands and kicked her feet. I guess that the bath tub is the biggest body of water that she's ever been in. How exciting!

I like my baths and showers steamy hot. So hot that Husband can't stand it, which is why we don't take a whole lot of showers together. We compromise on the temperature and then both of us end up miserable-- he's too hot and I'm too cold. BUT, for Baby Baby I sat in a tub of what might as well have been ice water, just so I could hold her while I washed her little head and scrubbed her little toes.

She didn't even poo in the tub! Yay!

Uni-baby

Once again, Elise is an only child. The foster kids left today; they're going to live with a relative.

Husband and I decided to celebrate our victory over 3-kids-younger-than-2-years-old by going out to dinner tonight. While the foster kids were with us, our only outings as a whole family were to the grocery store, Wal-mart, or the day care. For real. We were hoping to work up to something more impressive, like the mall or a park, but we were going in baby steps.

We went to our favorite Chinese restaurant (where the staff all cooed over Elise and the owner told me what a good baby she is) and then to a book store. Ah, real world... I missed you so much.

Babies Have Soft Feet

Me: (rubbing baby feet on my cheeks) Elise's feet are so soft! They've never been walked on.

Husband: I was thinking that just the other day.

M: Really?

H: Makes you want to grow that soft skin in a vat and then make a bed sheet out of it or something.

Oh, science. Please don't ever let technology catch up to my husband's creepy imagination.

Home Study THIS

Once Husband and I decided that our path to adoption would be through the state foster care system, we had to do a WHOLE bunch of stuff to get approved to be adoptive parents. We had to take all of these classes and then have a home study done where a case manager checked out our house and also asked all about our marriage, our childhoods, etc, etc. We had to get fingerprinted and have background checks done. We had to get referrals from friends and family saying that we're decent people. Getting all of this stuff done took forever, partly because I was still in school at the time and partly because everything takes forever when you're dealing with a state agency.

Elise has the benefit of having her parents thoroughly checked out and approved to be parents before she was ever born. Not many kids get to say that!

We got approved to be adoptive parents at the end of August 2008. Now we wait for a match. Husband and I want to be matched with a relatively healthy child, age 5 or younger. So it's taking a long time because that's what everyone wants. We've gotten fairly far in the selection process on several occasions, but different things have happened to put obstacles in our way.

You know, even though I waited a long time to be a mommy, now that Elise is here, I know that she is sooooo worth the wait. I would wait another 10 years if I had to in order to get her just as she is. And so I know that when we finally get the chance to adopt, Husband and I will feel like it was worth the wait and all of the hassle that will have lead up to that moment. It's hard to be patient while you're still actually waiting-- but I know I'll be glad for it in the end.

Elise Sat Up By Herself!

Yay! Another important step in babyhood. Today I sat Elise up, took my hands away, and she didn't topple over. She leaned forward onto her little baby hands and sat there smiling. She looked like a human triangle. A little baby scalene.

She's so cool.

Baby Boobies

Elise had little breast buds when she was born. Did I tell you about this already? I forget.

Girls know what breast buds are. They're like these little disk things under your nipples that hurt like a motherf-er when you hit them on the edge of your desk while leaning forward to pass a note during 5th grade Earth Science class. They're the start of lady boobies.

Well, newborns can have them, too. Boys or girls. They get them because of their mother's hormones. Elise had her baby boobies for a while. A month or two. She doesn't have them anymore.

I read that some babies even lactate. Holy cow! Feed yourself, kid! Mommy's going back to bed...

Choosing Which Kind of Adoption

The summer after my second year of grad school, Husband and I agreed that it was time to start planning our family. Actually, what probably really happened is that I cried, begged, pleaded, and acted mildly insane for so long that Husband realized that life with kids would be less stressful than life with a baby-crazy wife. But I choose not to remember it that way.

We started researching adoption options. There are three basic kinds of adoption, as I see it. There's foreign adoption, domestic private adoption, and domestic adoption through the state foster care system. We weighed the pros and cons of each, insofar as we could tell what the pros and cons were. The truth of the matter is, this stuff is complicated and until you go through the process you just can't understand all of the nuances, no matter how much research you do.

Here's how we broke it down when were deciding which path to adoption was best for us:

* foreign adoption: pros= you can get matched with a baby; cons= hella expensive, sometimes the country or orphanage lies about the age or health of the child, adopting from Asia has turned into some weird yuppie thing to do and we don't want our kid thinking they were chosen as an accessory to our priviledged white lifestyle

* domestic private adoption: pros= you can get matched with a baby; cons= expensive, birth mothers can back out at the last second

* adoption through the state: pros= free of cost; cons= could take a really long time in order to get matched with a healthy infant

Husband and I decided to adopt through the state, as we were in no rush to get matched for adoption right away. It's turned out to be an even longer process than we expected, but we're still committed to adopting through the foster care system.

Chomp!

I've been letting Elise smell my food lately. Putting it right under her nose, hoping to start getting her interested in eating. She must be smelling it. I don't know. She doesn't usually react in any way.

Tonight I put a piece of popcorn under her nose and she tried to bite it. Tried to bite it!

She's just about ready for solids!

5 Months!

Happy 5 months, sweet Beastie! Where does the time go? It seems like only yesterday that I was running into the hospital at 1 a.m. with a towel wrapped around my waist, leaving puddles of amniotic fluid in my wake. I couldn't WAIT to meet you! And now you're here and I love everything about you. I love your little face and your elbow dimples and the chubbiness of your little thighs. I love your giggle that kind of sounds like you're crying, and I love how sometimes when you're rolling over on the floor you exert yourself too hard and you fart really loud. I love how when you're happy you sqeal with the sound and intensity of a stuck pig-- especially when we're in public and especially at a restaurant. I love how you smile every time I sing your special song. I love how you look into my eyes when I'm breastfeeding you. I love how you're mine.

Another Crap Day

Sucky day # 2, thanks to the foster care system-- and I didn't even begin to deal with my foster daughter's medical insurance issues. Good lord. It's a good thing I'm not working right now because I would not be able to deal with all of this waiting around for the various state departments to get their shit together while I try to keep my foster kids healthy and receiving all of the services that they deserve. Trying to get everything straightened out for these kids has become a full-time job.

The upside? Another comment from a stranger about what a happy, sweet baby Elise is. She just smiles at everyone. Makes friends wherever she goes. I had a 13 year old boy cooing over her and tickling her toes today. She melts the hearts of even the the most angsty and antisocial segments of the population. That's the power and the majesty of Baby Baby.

Another Elise!!!

So. This girl that I had one class with my first year of graduate school-- a friend of a friend sort of person-- and who, consequently, is one of my "friends" on a social networking website has just given birth to a little girl AND NAMED HER ELISE.

Okay. If I walked into a party (this is a fantasy, of course, because with three babies you don't WALK anywhere-- you sort of slide-drag-shuffle-stumble) and someone was wearing the same dress that I had on, I would not be like, "Oh my god, I'm mortified." I'd be like, "Thank god some one else liked that dress, too... I feel validated." Plus, I'm sure that my boobs would look better in the dress anyway, because I AM breastfeeding after all. But that's not the point. Same dress, cool, whatever. But name your baby the same wonderful baby name that I picked out for my own perfect baby? I want to claw your eyes out.

Maybe I'm exaggerating.

Not really, though.

I picked "Elise" in part because it's a name that's cool but not trendy. And if other people start using it, it will be trendy. Ugh! How awful would it be to have been, like, six months ahead of the "Madison" explosion?

Even though my Elise is the best Elise, I want to stop other Elises altogether. One Elise per social networking circle, please. One Elise per school district. One Elise per office building.

Follow my made up baby naming rules, people!

Reinventing the Wheel

Elise has realized that she can get to wherever she wants to go by rolling back to front to back to front across the floor. Tonight she rolled under the bed in her room and played with the bed spread that was hanging down.

So that's it. She will forever be asserting her independence. Rolling away from me. Breaking my heart.

Some Days Are Better Than Others

Today sucked.

I'm sick. But I'm a mom, so I have things to do.

One of those things was take my foster daughter to the doctor. Here, foster kids are supposed to be seen by a doctor within 48 hours of coming into care. We've had our new foster babies for over a week now. We were able to get the 3 month old to a doctor, but my foster daughter's insurance stuff is all messed up. I've been working on getting this problem straightened out since day one. Finally, I make an appointment at what I thought was the only doctor in the whole frickin' state who is able to see her. I get her ready first thing this morning and drive her (and Elise) to some rinkydink town over an hour away, only to be told upon our arrival that her messed up insurance messed up again and they can't accept the messed up insurance at the doctor's office.

In all fairness, the people at the doctor's office were super, super nice. It was not their fault.

I sat in the waiting room with a bored 22 month old and an even more bored Elise and proceeded to make phone call after phone call. Apparently no one who works for the state is obligated to come into work on Fridays. Bastards. No one who answered any of my phone calls could help me.

So finally, after a brief and hopefully somewhat quiet sob or two, I asked the doctor if they would just see my foster daughter anyway and let me pay for the visit out of my own pocket. They said yes and even reduced the price for me.

Then I realized that I forgot some of the paperwork I needed to bring with me. I had to call Husband and have him run home to get it and fax it to the doctor's office. It was a mess.

Did I mention that I feel like shit? Sore throat, swollen tonsils, sniffles, and a pounding headache.

So, I'm glad that today's over. Done. I'll deal with this insurance crap on Monday.

(The ladies at the doctor's office commented on what a good baby Elise is, so quiet and sweet. She is a good baby. I'm lucky. The ladies also commented on how much happier my foster daughter seemed compared to the last few visits she had made there with her mother. That made me feel good, like I was doing a good job caring for her. Every cloud has a silver lining, right?)

The Beginning

Since I was a teenager, there were two things about me that any potential long-term partner needed to know. 1) I would not ever be changing my last name (unless my partner's last name was being changed, too), and 2) I planned to eventually adopt a child.

I've wanted to adopt since I was about 14 years old. There are adoptees in my family, but that's not why. The idea really clicked with me one day when I was being driven home from babysitting by the baby's father. We were talking about our siblings and the guy told me about his brother, adopted from Vietnam.

The father told me about how he was old enough to remember when his brother was adopted. How he remembers meeting him for the first time at the airport. And how it felt like he was always a part of their family and he couldn't imagine life without his little brother.

I knew from then on that I was meant to grow my family through adoption. When Husband and I talked about it, he admitted that adoption isn't something that he'd have sought on his own, but he was open to the idea.

Husband and I know that we want at least one more child. We became foster parents with the hope of adopting.

We'll get to adopt eventually-- just got to be patient.

Busy Yesterday/ Umbilical Hernia Update

If I hadn't been so busy yesterday, here's what I would have posted about:

My umbilical hernia still isn't completely healed. It isn't bothering me though, and it doesn't look crazy. My intestines aren't sitting in my lap or anything. So, whatevs. I'll just deal with it. My belly button will never look the same again. Oh well.

If someone said, "In exchange for the most perfect baby in the world, you must stretch out your belly button," I would say, "Umm... you're a weird genie... but it's a deal!"

More Baby Names

Here are a few more real-life babies that I know of:

Brayden, David, Juliet, Kayla, Richard, Sunny, Victoria, War

Also, I saw a Natalya at the doctor's office.

I read the other day that names from the "Twilight" series of books have shot way up the name popularity charts. So we'll have to wait and see how many Cullens there are in Elise's kindergarten class.

Finding A Routine

Since the new babies have arrived, Elise's routines have been shot to hell. Sleep patterns, feeding patterns, EC-- everything is out of whack. Husband and I are trying to get a good routine going, but it takes some effort. Kids love routines, right? But it still takes a 2 year old some getting used to if she's never had a solid routine before.

One of the things I've struggled with as a foster parent who has a biological child is wondering whether I'm being unfair to my own baby. In my heart I know that Elise is being very well taken care of. And I want her to grow up to be a loving and compassionate person. Someone who understands that love is the most important thing in the world. And someone who wants to help other living things grow and overcome adversity. I don't want to turn her off to these ideas because she felt forced into sharing her parents or felt neglected by us.

But seriously, lots of kids have siblings. Few people in the world get ALL of their parents' attention all of the time. This isn't so different from what it would be like if Elise had a brother and a sister, other than the fact that it was a sudden change, not a 9 month build-up.

Our family changes over time more than most families do. Hopefully eventually we'll be able to adopt and then there will be a bit more stability for Elise, for us, and for our adopted foster children.

Baby Baby Has A Heart of Gold

I've told Elise every day since the new babies have arrived, "You are such a sweet girl for sharing your Mommy and Daddy with other babies whose Mommy and Daddy can't take care of them right now."

Elise has done well. She's been very good.

It's taken some adjusting to. Simple things are suddenly difficult with three babies in the mix. Husband and I ventured out today with all 3 of the kids. It went over just fine.

It's hard, but I think we can do this.