Teen Mom

So I've been watching the MTV show "Teen Mom." It follows some of the girls from "16 and Pregnant" and shows their lives now that the babies have arrived. I watch it for the same reason that I watched "16 and Pregnant"-- the same reason that people used to watch The Jerry Springer Show-- schadenfreude.

Also, I kind of like trashy reality shows. Not the stuff like "Survivor." That kind of reality show bores me. It has to be more like "Temptation Island" (remember that show???). If I'm going to take the time to sit down and watch tv, I'd either better be learning something or be highly entertained. I don't go in for the mind-numbing I'll-just-watch-whatever's-on-tv kind of existence. Husband and I don't even have basic cable. We watch tv shows on the internet.

So, my apologies in advance, Elise. You will probably never be up to date on the latest, coolest tv programming. But you'll learn how to read, dammit. And draw/paint/play a musical instrument. And you can explain to your friends what it's like to play outside in the dirt and the sun and the fresh air.

Our Wonderful Baby Shower

At the end of December, my mother-in-law and my sister threw us a baby shower. It was perfect. Lots of friends and family were there and we got so much stuff for Elise.

We announced that we're having a girl at the shower, after the presents were opened. We don't mind having gender-specific stuff, but we didn't want ALL pink clothes, blankets, etc. We figured that people would have plenty of time to give Elise girly things after the shower, so we might as well get all of the white, yellow, and green things we can before she arrives.

My dad bought a football and some tools for the baby, as sort of a joke-- but he did think we were having a boy. I'm saving them for her. I'll let Elise decide for herself if she wants to play with them.

After the presents were opened, we played the song Fur Elise and brought out the cake, which we had ordered to read "For Elise" on top. That's how we announced that we're having a girl.

It was a wonderful day.

Fetus Name

Before we knew that the baby is a girl, Husband and I had a "fetus name" that we called her.

We called the baby "Speck."

I liked it because it sounded kind of Mark Twain-y and not overly cutesy or sentimental. I called her "my little speck of baby" when I first found out that I was pregnant and that word just stuck in my mind. Speck.

I thought that I might be superstitious and call the baby Speck throughout the whole pregnancy, only giving her a formal name once she was born. But as soon as I knew I was having a girl, I wanted to call her by the name that Husband and I had picked for her. My reasoning being that I'm helping her learn her name. Really, I just like saying, "Good morning, Elise" when I feel the first movements after I wake up. Or, "That's edamame, Elise," when I eat something that she hasn't tasted yet. Or, "Please move your foot out of my hernia, Elise, before you make Mommy cry."

Also, Husband and I like referring to my tummy as my "Ellie belly"-- because we're definitely willing to be all cutesy and sentimental at this stage in the game.

Linea Negra

I've had a linea negra for a few months now. It's that dark line that pregnant ladies get down the middle of their bellies. My skin is very fair, so my line isn't all that dark, but it IS noticeable. The change in pigmentation is caused by hormones. Mine starts at the top of where my uterus is, goes around the right side of my belly button (no dark pigmentation on the left side for some reason) and proceeds down my belly, past the horizon line. I can't see the underside of my belly anymore, so I'm not quite sure where it ends.

I always thought that linea negras were weird, but now I'm kind of glad for mine. It proves I don't just have a beer belly or extremely unfortunate lipid distribution.

Speaking of...

When I was 19 I had this boss who I swear looked like she was about 6 months pregnant. She wasn't. She had thin legs and arms and everything, but her belly was huge. Not her whole middle-- just her belly. Kind of like those pictures you see of people with basketball-sized tumors in their stomachs.

People were always asking my boss "so when are you due?" And she was NOT nice about it. I mean, seriously-- she looked pregnant! I'm sure it was something that made her self-conscious, but the little old ladies trying to strike up a conversation while they waited for her to check out their movies didn't mean any harm.

I wonder what her belly would look like if she did get pregnant. Oh man. People would be saying "looks like you're having twins!" I totally have to try and find her on some of those social networking sites.

Sometimes when strangers ask me "so when are you due?" a mean part of me wants to pretend that I'm not pregnant. But I get too excited at an opportunity to talk about Elise and I just tell the truth.

Pregnant Lady Crazy Time

I have been soooo emotionally unstable lately. At least I can recognize it and know that I'm being irrational-- but I CANNOT control it.

I always thought that all of that talk about pregnant ladies having wild mood swings and being really weepy referred mostly to women who are, you know, already hyper-emotional and weepy.

Not so, not so.

My hormones are going bonkers. Here's what happened this morning.

Husband took Foster Son to school and left me home to finish getting ready, because I was taking an extra long time this morning. After I got dressed, I went to pack our breakfasts and lunches.

I opened the fridge and began looking for breakfast food, but couldn't find much. So I started throwing things out, to clean out the fridge and make sure I wasn't missing something. Anything older than a couple of days got tossed because I decided that it was safest for the baby if I don't eat anything that might be too old.

So, needless to say, there was hardly anything left in the fridge when I was done.

Husband returned home just as I was noticing that my last option for breakfast food-- a box of oatmeal in our cupboard-- had expired.

Husband: Heeeeey... Are you okay?

Me: Yes, I'm just trying to find something to eat for breakfast and... (sudden burst of tears, sobbing, and snotty nose) I DON'T HAVE ANY FOOD FOR BREAKFAST!!!

Husband: Okay! Okay! This is a problem that we can solve! We can fix this! We'll go get some food. It's okay.

Poor Husband. Of course we can go get some food on our way to work. And non-pregnant me would have just asked to stop somewhere before we got to the office. But pregnant me sees any momentary problem with food as a huge crisis. I've cried over food before. I will probably cry over problems with food again before the baby is born.

It's embarrassing and weird to have these sudden, emotional outbursts. Fortunately, I don't have them TOO often and Husband has been very understanding. I'll be glad when my hormones level back out.

Childbirth Class: Cesarians and Epidurals

Last night in our Prepared Childbirth class we talked about managing pain through medication and about Cesarian sections. We watched a video of a c-section, too. (Yuck.)

The instructor said that the current national average for c-section deliveries is around 32% or 33%. My hospital's average is 27% or 28%. I'm glad that my hospital is below the national average, but I wonder if that's still unnecessarily high. Here, all breach babies are born by c-section, for example. Is that necessary? I'm not a OBGYN, so I don't know-- but it seems to me that some breach babies could come out okay, given the chance. I know that it happens elsewhere, anyway.

I was born by c-section. That was back when they knocked the moms out completely. Now, you're awake for it (unless it's an emergency c-section, then they knock you out because that's the quickest way to numb you) and you're numbed from mid-back to your legs. The instructor said that during the procedure you might be able to feel touch and pressure, but no pain.

Personally, I think I'd freak out and totally lose it if I could feel them pulling my baby out of my uterus, even without any pain involved. When I had my wisdom teeth out years ago, I paid $600 extra (and I was brokedy-broke then) to have them give me the sedative stuff that makes you forget the procedure. And they STILL had to give me laughing gas before the procedure started because I was a nervous wreck.

So I don't think that I'd do very well during a c-section.

Elise? Please, please, please don't grow your head bigger than my pelvic opening. Please try to avoid any signs of fetal distress. Just please come out of my vagina, okay? I promise to take you to Disney World as soon as you're old enough to appreciate it if you'll just come out of my vagina. Deal?

Braxton-Hicks Time!

I had my first Braxton-Hicks contractions yesterday! Well, maybe I've had some before, too, but I wasn't sure what was going on until yesterday.

I mentioned before how sometimes Elise stretches out and I can feel a baby butt poking in my side. When she does that, I can feel with my hand right where her little butt is-- there's a hard lump but the rest of my belly is soft. I rub on her butt to try and make her move.

Yesterday, I thought Elise was stretching again. My belly just felt different. Didn't hurt, just felt a little uncomfortable. I tried to find her butt so that I could rub it and encourage her to reposition herself. But my whole belly felt hard. It relaxed after 30 seconds or so. Then, about 5 minutes later, I got that same feeling again. And my whole belly got hard. That's when I realized what was going on.

Of course, this happened at the end of my work day, and on a day when I had to run certain errands after work. They say that if you start to have Braxton-Hicks contractions you should change your activity level to see if they go away. Sit down if you're up moving around or go for a walk if you've been sitting. If you have more than 6 in one hour, you should call your doctor or go to the hospital so that they can make sure that you aren't in early labor.

Well, I was busy. And I couldn't stop what I was doing. I definitely had more than 6 in one hour. I kept telling myself that if they got more intense, THEN I'd consider it an emergency and go to the hospital. But they never did. And by the time I was done doing the things that I had to do, they had tapered off.

Elise must have felt them, too, because toward the end she'd have a little kicking fit after each one was done.

Oooooh. My body's getting ready! 9 more weeks!

If only my abs would feel that rock-hard AFTER the baby arrives.

The Dreams That I Don't Have

I've read/heard that a lot of pregnant women have dreams about misplacing or losing their newborn babies. A common theme is that the baby is very, very tiny and they set the baby down somewhere and then they can't find it.

I don't have those kinds of dreams. I don't have many pregnant/baby dreams to begin with, but the ones I do have seem to address my anxiety about the pregnancy itself or about the labor and childbirth, not about being a good mother.

I feel confident that I'll do alright as a mom. I'm a foster mother, I used to work at a preschool, I was already 11 years old when my youngest sister was born. I'm sure I can fumble and bumble my way through motherhood just like everyone else, and both Baby and I will be okay in the end.

The part that really, really scares me is the labor and delivery. I know that most women in modern America survive childbirth and don't suffer many complications-- but that doesn't make it any less scary for me personally. Things can go wrong. I just keep hoping that I don't become one of those exceptional cases where the mother suddenly hemmorages and dies. Or has a heart attack. Or whatever. I know that it's morbid to be thinking those things, but I can't help it. Birth and death, you know? The circle of life.

Also, I hope I don't rip like crazy when the baby comes out. While that scares me less than dying, the thought of needing reconstructive surgery on my lady parts is also legitimately terrifying. Not in a deeply psychological, repressed sexual anxiety way akin to the supposed male fear of castration. I just don't want my vagina to hurt every time I sit down.

I keep reminding myself that whatever will be will be. This baby is coming out, one way or another-- and I just hope that it's a relatively smooth and complication-free process for both of us.

Milk Bath

I woke up in the middle of the night a few nights ago, needing to go to the bathroom. I always wake up once or twice a night because I have to pee. When I wake up, I'm almost always sweaty. But I sweat in specific places. My thighs, and under and between my breasts. Sometimes my belly is sweaty. This particular night, the WHOLE front of my shirt was soaked.

My first thought was, "Crap! I've leaked milk all over the place!" In a split second, I thought all about how the milk was probably soaked into the bed and how it would smell and get all gross if I don't clean it up right away.

As soon as I started to sit up, though, I realized how silly it was to think that I'd leaked all over myself. I'm not making that much milk yet. Not even close.

I was so annoyed at the thought of getting up and having to change the sheets. I've had to change peed-on sheets once or twice, being a foster parent and all. But somehow, cleaning up little kids' bodily fluids seems more okay because I can't expect them to prevent middle-of-the-night accidents. Kids have accidents. That's what they do. I was frustrated, thinking that I'd had an accident that I should have been able to prevent and now I had to get up at 3 a.m. and do laundry.

Anyway, I was just super, super sweaty.

Yuck.

Coupons and Samples

During my signing-up-for-coupons craze, I enrolled in the Proctor and Gamble "Everyday Solutions" program. They send you coupons and samples every month that you have picked off of a list. I guess that each month they feature different products. The list for January had the stuff that I picked, below, plus stuff for Tide laundry soap, Downy fabric softener, and Iams brand dog food and cat food.

I got my first package from Proctor and Gamble the other day. I got 3 tampons, a feminine pad, a pantyliner, some shampoo and some conditioner, plus a $2.00 coupon for Tampax Pearl, a $1.00 coupon for Always feminine pads, a $1.00 coupon for Scope mouthwash, and a $1.00 coupon for Crest toothpaste.

Cool.

Getting free stuff in the mail is always fun.

I signed up at www.pgeverydaysolutions.com

Glad We've Got THAT Figured Out...

Me: Ow!!! I swear, sometimes it feels like she's poking me in 5 or 6 different places at once. If Elise comes out having an extra arm, I won't be surprised.

Husband: What will we do? If she has an extra arm?

M: HUH?!

H: I think that if it's functional, we should let her keep it. But if not, if it just hangs there, then we should get rid of it.

Um, okay.

My Lumps Have Lumps

Sometimes the way that Elise sits in my uterus makes my belly look asymmetrical.

She's head-down, and I think that she's facing my left side. I can often feel her butt and some of her back along the right side of my belly. Her little feet kick me up at the top of my belly on the left side.

About 5 or 6 times a day, Elise sticks her little butt out. I think that what's happening is that she's extending her legs and pressing them against the left side of my body. This allows her to stretch and press her butt HARD against my right side. It's always uncomfortable and sometimes it hurts. I rub her butt to try to make her move, but I think that she's either gotten used to me doing that or she likes it, because she just keeps on stretching until she's done.

You probably couldn't see it from straight on, but from my vantage point, looking down on my belly, when she stretches there's a huge bulge on the right side. I look weird and misshapen. I go from having a smooth beach ball of a belly to a sort of strange egg shape, tilted on it's side.

This morning when I woke up, I had little feet lumps at the top of my belly. Husband tickled them by drumming his fingers against the lumps and Elise started kicking. Definitely feet.

The lumps wouldn't be so bad if it didn't feel like my skin was stretching so much to accomodate Elise's intrauterine yoga routine. I'm on the road to Stretchmark City, I'm sure of it. One day I'll tell Elise her birth story and then one by one point out all of my stretchmarks and explain their origin. "Here is where you jammed your bony little baby butt against my side..."

Hospital Tour

Tuesday night Husband and I went on a tour of the labor and delivery area of our local hospital, offered by our childbirth preparation class. Looks alright. Jacuzzi tubs in all of the rooms, really cool beds, birthing balls, etc.

It made this whole experience feel just that much more real. Which kind of freaked me out. I couldn't stop thinking, "I'll be in one of these rooms in 10 weeks. Pushing a baby out of my body. Hooked up to IVs and monitors. Screaming. Waiting to hold my baby for the first time."

Oh my god. My blood pressure is going up just thinking about it. Deep breaths! Relaxation breathing! Relaxation breathing!!!

There's one thing that's kind of cute that the hospital does for new moms. After you leave your delivery room to go to your recovery room, you get wheeled past this little button on a wall that you get to ring, sort of like a doorbell. It plays a song throughout the hospital, letting everyone know that a baby's been born.

Aaawwwwwww.

3rd Trimester Road Trip

I had to travel for work today. I drove 2 1/2 hours to a nearby city to conduct a conference. That doesn't sound like a very long car trip... unless you're 7 months pregnant. Sitting still for too long destroys my back. Every time I got out of the car I hobbled my first 5 or 6 steps, gripping my back and wincing in pain.

Plus, I wore high heels today. I can't fit into my suits anymore, so I felt extra pressure to look nice. In retrospect, I think I just looked comical, with pointy little shoes and a great big belly. I only lost my balance three times. Wobbles, not falls. None of my wobbles were in public, so, fortunately, the slight boost that wearing nice shoes gave my self-esteem was not mitigated by an embarrassing wiggling incident. That said, I will be not be putting high heels on again for AT LEAST another 3 months. Good Lord! Who wants to see a pregnant lady on stilts, anyway?

Bottoms Up!

My 30 week check-up went well yesterday. While I was there, I asked the midwife if she could tell what position the baby is in. The midwife poked and squeezed at my belly and told me that Elise is head down and will probably stay that way. Yay!

I told Foster Son that the baby is upside down in my belly, thinking that he would find it amusing.

"She's UPSIDE DOWN?!? On her HEAD? We have to help her sit on her bottom!"

Here's the thing. Foster Son often gets reminded to sit on his bottom while he's on the couch, because he's forever doing headstands against the seat while he watches TV. I kind of forgot that he might think of the baby being upside down as a cause for concern. Since I don't plan to explain vaginal birth to a 3 year old, it was time to think fast.

"It's okay if she's not sitting on her bottom right now. She's just a little baby and she doesn't understand."

"But she's doing a headstand. Let's help her put her bottom down."

"Um... the doctor said it's okay. That's how little babies grow inside of their mommies. When she comes out, we'll help her sit the right way."

Parenting a toddler sometimes feels like nothing more than a secret contest to tell the best little white lie humanly possible.

Getting Closer

I have finished 30 weeks as of today. 3/4 done! 10 more weeks to go...

Weeble Wobble

I have been so off-balance lately. I fall back over when I try to stand up, I can't turn quickly or carry things that weigh more than my purse without feeling unsteady.

One of the things that surprised me earlier in the pregnancy was how soon the off-balance feeling starts. Early in my 2nd trimester, before I was even showing much, I started to get really off-centered. But then I read that as your uterus is growing and your guts start getting rearranged, your center of balance changes. There's an adjustment period. And sure enough, within a few weeks I was relatively stable again.

Now, my center of balance has changed because I have a big old basketball-sized baby lump projecting from my midsection. I don't think that I'll recover from this bout of wobbles until my dear little counterweight arrives.

Until then, I shall use all available hand rails and always walk near a wall. Because believe me, getting up off of the floor is no easy task.

Baby Dream: Dark Hair

I had a dream last night that I had the baby. I don't remember much about what happened. I just remember holding her and thinking, "She's bigger than I expected. How did she come out of me?" And then I noticed that she had dark brown hair. Lots of it. And I thought, "I KNEW that she'd have dark hair!"

I always dream that Elise's hair is dark. I wonder if it really is. It could literally be any color, if you look at my family and Husband's family. It'll be a surprise!

Wisdom of the Yoginis

About 10 years ago, a couple of my friends and I occasionally took this yoga class at a women's center in the town where we lived. The class was taught by a 91 year old woman and attended mostly by women in their 60s and 70s.

One day, the women descended upon us. "Do you have kids?" "Have you thought about having kids?" "When do you think you'll want to start your family?" None of us had children and the thought wasn't even remotely in any of our 20 year old heads.

The Ladies of the Yoga Class, however, began a debate amongst themselves. The class was pretty well divided in half between one faction, which believed whole-heartedly in having children young so that you could have enough energy and enthusiasm to raise your children, and another faction of wait-until-you're-older believers, who valued the added wisdom and financial security that a few extra years that pre-baby production could bring.

It was actually a rather heated debate.

So I'll be 31 when Elise is born. Waiting was the right thing for me. Husband and I know each other so well, have had so many experiences together, have done so many fun things, and had a life together that has been uniquely ours and just between the two of us for so long. Having this baby feels like a new adventure in an already wonderfully complex and fulfilling relationship.

But I don't think I would immediately council someone that they should wait. Hearing those ladies talk made me realize that there are advantages to both starting your family young and to waiting until you're older. Everyone has different priorities.

Silly old ladies. You'd have thought that they were arguing over religion or something. I guess that in some ways they were-- becoming a parent impacts your life, your philosophy, your connection to other people just as much as religion does. And each of those ladies were convinced that they'd chosen the "right" path on their mommyhood journey. They wanted to make believers of us.

I've found my own personal baby nirvana. And I can't wait to meet my little Buddha.

Nesting

The master bathroom has never been cleaner. I'm officially nesting.

There's so much to do before the baby gets here!!!...

We Got Our Stroller!

The stroller that we ordered arrived yesterday. Yay!

Husband picked it out. It's an Uppababy brand umbrella stroller. Super light weight, but very sturdy. I think that the model is called the G-Luxe or something like that. Husband picked red for the color.

It can hold up to 40 lbs, so our 3 1/2 year old foster son could still use it!

I like it. It looks nice.

Momma Hiccups

For the past couple of weeks, every morning when I wake up I have between 2 and 4 hiccups. Hiccup, hiccup, hiccup... and it's over. The baby must be lying against my diaphragm or something. I guess I move and the pressure against my diaphragm changes, my body adjusts with a few hiccups, and then I can go on with my day.

Baby Names

I am a name nerd. I LOVE names, always have. I can sit and just read lists of names. I like learning the origin of names and finding out why people chose the names that they did for their children. It's fascinating to me.

So here is a list of names of babies that I know of that have been born within the last year or so. Friends and family members' babies, acquaintances' babies, babies of the friends of friends, whatever. Basically, just the names of people from real life and not wacky celebrities. These are Elise's peers:

Abigail, Constantine, Deanna, Elora, Emmett, Finn, Leila, Lily, Mikey, Oliver, Sylas, Vivienne

I love it!

Vains

I knew that pregnant breasts get all veiny as they grow bigger. I didn't expect that my belly would, too. My torso is crisscrossed with blue lines. I look like one of those big, fold-out road maps from the days of yore. Remember those? Before GPS.

My Little Bunny

I've been doing kick counts lately. Toward the end of your pregnancy, you're supposed to take a count of your baby's kicks twice a day. Not having enough fetal activity is a sign of distress. To do the kick count, you eat something and then go sit or lie down. You're supposed to feel at least 10 kicks/jabs/rolls/wiggles within an hour. You can stop once you count 10.

This morning Elise did her kick count in 3 minutes.

She's so active. I feel her all of the time. And she responds to touch now. If I rub my tummy, she moves. She still kicks me a lot. So I've been calling her my little bunny. Maybe she'll be born on Easter.

Elise has lots of great potential birthdays. If she wants to come early, she could be born on St. Patrick's Day or her Daddy's birthday. Her due date (the 29th) is the start of Passover. Then there's April Fools Day. Or if she holds out until the 4th of April, she can be my little Easter bunny.

I think she'll wait until Easter.

Second Childbirth Class

Husband and I went to our second childbirth class last night. No talk about God this time. (Yay!)

Elise kicked me throughout the whole class. Which was funny because we were learning about pain management and we had to keep taking our own pulse rate, but mine was way up because I was getting kicked in the dinner and it was making me queezy.

This second class was more informative for me than the first. We learned a few breathing techniques, then we had to hold ice cubes in our hands and try to figure out what breathing technique helped manage the discomfort best. I prefer a patterned breathing of one slow, big breath followed by 4 short breaths. Husband learned how to coach me to stay in that pattern. (Husband has really pretty eyes, so eye contact with him is extra wonderful. *Gush.*)

We also learned about different positions for labor and delivery. None of them are very flattering, let me tell you.

What else? Oh, we watched a video that talked about all of this stuff plus other relaxation techniques like massage, visualization, hydrotherapy, etc, etc.

At one point in the video they were talking about how the labor partner should help calm the mother down when she gets off track and starts freaking out. They showed a lady during labor (real, not re-enacted) who suddenly yelled, "Ow! Somebody help me!!!" I totally teared up. The rest of the class laughed. Heartless jerks. Whatever. They'll be there soon enough.

10 1/2 more weeks. Yikes!!!

Labor Day Songs

I'm starting to compile a list of songs to listen to while I'm in labor. I'm trying to pick songs that will motivate and inspire me, or songs that have some special significance to me, or songs that apply to the situation. I don't want to listen to every single song that I like because some of them are sort of sad and I don't want to hear that kind of thing during labor.

I have about 12 songs picked out so far. Maybe I'll post the songs that I've picked once I have a more complete list.

Belly Band Broke

My "belly band"-- that stretchy tube of material that I wear over my unbuttoned and unzipped non-maternity pants-- is breaking. It's unravelling. I'm so disappointed. I only have 11 weeks left and I don't want to buy a new one.

I followed the washing instructions and I never put it in the dryer. But I opened the washing machine the other day and it's stringy little elastic threads were all wound around the rest of my clothes, unravelling every which way.

I bought the Motherhood Maternity brand. It was good while it lasted, but I would recommend trying a different brand. One that is perhaps more durable.

Pregnancy Dream: Crack Addict

In my dream last night I woke up in a bedroom very much like my bedroom now. There was a stranger asleep in the bed with me, one on the floor, and I could hear someone awake in the bathroom. My first thought was that I needed to smoke some more crack.

As I got out of bed, I realized that I was pregnant. I got very upset about the fact that I was smoking crack while I was pregnant and I felt just terrible about it. I picked up a crack rock, glass pipe, and lighter that had been laying next to me on the bed and went into the bathroom.

There was a blonde girl in the bathroom-- someone from my real life that I knew a long time ago and who did have a drug problem-- and I handed her the stuff I had gathered up.

"Take this. I can't do it anymore. I'm pregnant," I said.

She looked at me like I was insane. My belly was big in the dream like it is now. "You've BEEN smoking it. And you've BEEN pregnant for a while."

"Well, it's better to quit now than to keep doing it."

I hurried out of the bathroom and I was trying to leave the bedroom when my dream ended.

I've never smoked crack in real life, by the way. Just a strange dream. Probably inspired by the fact that I'm a foster parent and I hear all kinds of terrible stories about what parents do to their children, born and unborn.

Built For Speed

Tonight Foster Son said to me, "Your baby's name is Elise. But I'm going to call her Race Car."

The funny thing is, there's a sports car called a Lotus Elise. Check it out:



Now, I'm not a "car person." If someone asked me what kind of car I wish I had, I would probably say something like, "the most reliable and fuel efficient car that I could afford." I barely know the different car companies, much less specific models. And I am almost never, ever impressed with fancy, expensive cars.

The Lotus Elise looks pretty cool, though.

Maybe one day Elise will ask, "Mommy? How did you pick my name?" And I will lie and say, "Oh. Well, you were conceived on the hood of a Lotus Elise." Or I could be funny and say it was in the back seat.

Baby Songs

Friday at work, I was listening to a pandora.com radio station that I had created made of baby music. Well, I was playing it for Elise. I had one of my computer speakers up against my belly, so she could hear.

After a little while an nice song came on... it was actually something off of Lisa Loeb's children's album. I can't remember the song. But the right side of my belly started to hurt. I thought that I must be leaning against the speaker, so I sat back a bit and took the speaker away from my belly. But my belly still ached. The pressure was coming from the inside of my belly, not the outside. Elise had moved over against the speaker and pressed up against it. She liked the song!

After the song was over, she moved away. A few more songs played, and they were okay but nothing great. Then she moved over against the speaker again when some song that incorporates the "she sells seashells by the seashore" rhyme was playing. She sat against the speaker for the whole song, then moved away when it was done. She liked that one, too!

I love that Elise went over to listen to the music. That's pretty awesome. And they were good songs, too. My baby girl has good taste!

I have a cool baby.

Baby Dream: Two Belly Buttons

I can't remember all of my baby dream last night, but I remember two specific parts about it. I had two belly buttons. My regular one that sticks way out because of my umbilical hernia, and one below it that went waaaaaay in. I remember seeing the second belly button and being shocked by it and thinking, "I wonder if this will go away after the baby is born."

The second thing that I remember is that at one point the baby was kicking and stretching and I looked at my belly and even though it was my regular opaque skin, I could see the outline of hands and feet. My skin was stretching really far, like it was made of plastic, and I could see all of the baby parts pressed against it.

I think I was dreaming about belly buttons because I'm concerned about my hernia. And I think I was dreaming about the stretchy belly because now that Elise is getting bigger, I'm feeling fewer kicks and more elbows and knees pressing against my skin.

Rock-A-Bye Baby

We got our rocker last night! Yay! We ordered a glider rocking chair from amazon.com a couple of weeks ago and it arived around 9:00 last night. Too late to put it together. But I'm so excited.

That's the only furniture we've really had to buy. We already had a crib and dresser and all of that stuff. So this rocking chair feels like a big, exciting purchase to me.

I don't even remember what color it is. That's silly. Opening the box will be even more fun now, since there will be a surprise!

Dog Belly

I call my stomach my "dog belly." Husband doesn't like this. I don't mean it in a bad way. It just looks like a dog belly to me. The little hairs on my stomach have spread farther apart as my belly has grown and now they sort of stick up, making my belly look hairier. Plus my belly skin looks very pink sometimes. You know how dog bellies look, with less fur on the underside and pink skin showing through? That's me!

Plus I like it when Husband rubs my belly. Sometimes it makes my right leg shake real fast... just kidding! I do like belly rubs, though.

I occasionally refer to my big, heavy preggers boobies as "porn star boobs." Husband doesn't complain about THAT. :)

Middle Of The Night Freak Out

Two nights ago I woke up around 2:00am lying practically on my belly. "This can't be good!" I thought and quickly rolled over onto my side. When I turned, I felt the baby slide across my stomach. No kicks or wiggles, just a huge sliding feeling. I waited a few seconds. No movement. So I freaked out.

"I killed the baby! I smushed her! I crushed the life out of my baby!"

I started jiggling my belly and asking if she was okay. Eventually she moved a little. I told myself that she is clearly still alive and probably undamaged. It took a while, but I convinced myself that she had just been sleeping and that if I had really been smushing her, she'd have started kicking and that would have woken me up.

If she comes out with one side of her head flattened, though, I'll feel at least partially responsible.

Started Childbirth Classes

Husband and I went to our first Childbirth Preparation Class last night. It was okay. The only new thing I really learned about is what happens if you go into pre-term labor.

The instructor seemed nice enough, but I wish she'd stop saying things like, "...and that's God's way of preparing you for (whatever)." I mean, a class like this is obviously going to be a diverse group of people. It just seems sort of rude (to me) to assume that everyone there is on the same page spiritually.

I'm not particularly religious, but I try not to get annoyed when people talk to me as if they are assuming that I am. I just choose to hear what I want to hear. The first few times the instructor said something was "God's way" of doing whatever, I reinterpreted it to mean, "...and that's just nature's way..." or "...that's just your body's way..." But she said it a few too many times and I couldn't unhear GOD GOD GOD. I'm not in church, lady. You're talking to me about my cervix dilating wide enough to squeeze a human being out of my body. I want SCIENCE on my side during this process. Everyone in my family waiting out in the lobby can be crossing their fingers and saying prayers, but the people who are staring at my vagina and telling me to push had better have some cold, hard facts supporting their decisions.

I know that the instructor was just trying to explain things in a way that everyone could understand, but to me, making things more vague by explaining them as "God's way" doesn't put my mind at ease.

Next class we learn about positions for childbirth and breathing techniques. Hopefully, God's way of delivering babies is relatively comfortable and pain-free.

Sciatica: From Hypothesis to Theory

Okay. I'm sure of it now. There is a direct correlation between when Husband and I spend "adult time" together and when my pregnancy sciatica shows up.

DAMN IT!!!

So for an hour's worth of pleasure, I suffer the consequences of a day's worth of pain.

It's not fair. First, two rounds of "pelvic rest," and now this. What a joke. It's as if my body is saying, "Remember the last time you had totally normal sex? Well, you conceived a baby. And you are going to f___ing pay for that. Not just at the end either-- oh, no. You will pay during all nine months. Uncontrollable vomiting! Sweating like a pig! Farts galore! No more sex! And THEN the baby will rip you a new one! You'll never let a weenie near you again! Muh wah ha ha! Muh wah ha ha!"

Or that's what it seems like, anyway.

Pump It Up

Got my breast pump in the mail the other day. Woo hoo!

My plan is to breastfeed exclusively and on-demand for as long as possible. Of course, the outcome of my attempt to breastfeed is not completely within my control. I might not make enough milk, the baby might not do well breastfeeding, I might find breastfeeding intollerably painful. We'll see. So I bought an inexpensive but well-rated breast pump just in case. I figure that I'll eventually want to express milk to mix with cereal or whatever anyway, so my $35 pump will get some use no matter what.

Husband seemed a little disappointed when I explained that I want to breastfeed exclusively and not use bottles if I can avoid it. "But how will I help when the baby wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to eat?" I suggested that he could change extra diapers to compensate. Helping with the baby became less appealing at that point. But I know Husband will help out however he can.

Re-evaluating The Sudafed Thing

So I googled "Sudafed pregnancy category" or something like that and found out that Sudafed is in pregnancy category C. Which basically means that studies have shown that the medication messes up animal fetuses, but there haven't been any adequate studies done on humans to know for sure if human fetuses will be adversely effected.

Ummm...

I decided to stop taking the Sudafed.

I'll just use saline spray to clean out my sinuses for now, and hope that works.

Taking Sudafed While Pregnant

I'm congested. Not REAL badly, but I have pressure in my ears. When I was little, I got ear infections all of the time, and one of my eardrums even ruptured once. It was gross. Like snot pouring out of my ear.

So I'm very keen to prevent infections now, knowing how predisposed to them I am. My OBGYN's office said that I can take Sudafed. I want to clear up the congestion in my ears before it becomes an infection and I need to take antibiotics.

At the grocery store's pharmacy yesterday I had to ask which Sudafed I could take. There are several different types. I was told I could only take the regular Sudafed. Not Sudafed PE or Sudafed 24-hour or whatever. So I got the regular kind and I hope it works.

Baby's First Hiccups

The two most common questions I get asked regarding my pregnancy are "how are you feeling?" and "has the baby had hiccups yet?" Until today, my little jumping bean had been hiccup-free.

Yesterday my family had lunch with Peg's family and while we were talking about baby stuff, Peg told me what the baby hiccups feel like. I'm glad she did because I might not have known what was going on otherwise.

After lunch today, I was lying down for a nap. I started to feel what was almost like a heartbeat in my tummy. It was too slow for a heartbeat, but it was rhythmic like one. Tiny little baby movements. It only lasted for a few minutes. Elise had hiccups! Hee hee.

Under My Skin

Two nights ago I was lying on my side in bed. The baby was kicking around and trying to get comfortable. I guess because of the counter-pressure of the mattress, when Elise started to kick and move against the side of my belly that was against the bed, it felt REALLY weird. It felt like little bugs crawling around under my skin. It totally creeped me out.

Blast From The Past

I just found the picture that I took of my first positive pregnancy test (taken on July 21st, 2009).



I ended up taking, like, 12 pregnancy tests in all, mostly because of the little you-just-had-a-miscarriage incident at my local ER. I took a lot of pregnancy tests as a result of that fiasco. But as you can see, the first positive pregnancy test was really faint and I wasn't sure that I was even really pregnant. I took another one the next morning, before I called my doctor to make an appointment. I'm glad that they have those "yes" or "no" tests now, to remove all doubt. Maybe I should have started out with one of those... but Husband and I had a fun adventure that first day, not knowing for sure if we had a baby on the way and waiting for the doctor to confirm our happy news.

Happy New Year-My-Baby-Will-Be-Born

Happy 2010!

This is the first new year that Husband and I have a family. We became foster parents last May and I got pregnant in July. Now we want to start our own family traditions for the holidays, beginning with New Year's Day.

Neither Husband or I had New Year's Day traditions in our families growing up. Other than maybe sleeping in after a late night of TV watching.

We've decided to start two new year's day traditions. First, we'll bake cookies together as a family. Get the new year off to a sweet start. And then every year I'd like to take a family photo, as a way to watch how our family grows and changes from year to year.

Nothing fancy, but cookies and a family photo will become our way to celebrate... and maybe one day Elise will carry those traditions on to her own family.