Check It Out!

My belly button doesn't look very popped out when I'm laying down. UNTIL I DISCOVERED THAT I CAN DO THIS...

Husband said, "Your oven's on and the dough is rising."

Weird Baby Dream

I had a strange dream last night.

It was set in this post-apocalyptic world where humans were constantly being chased by something big and scary-- something that wants to kill (and maybe eat?) them. I was hugely pregnant, and Husband and I were running through this tunnel, trying to get away from the thing that was chasing us. I realized that there was no way I would escape. I was too big, too slow, and too awkward to get away this time. So I took out a knife and cut the baby out of me. Just sliced my belly open. Husband helped me pull out the baby and then some umbilical cord. We cut the cord and tried to tie the cord in a knot, but Husband pulled it too tight and the knot broke off. So I took a barrette from my hair and clipped it on the cord. The baby was a girl, and she had dark hair. I stroked her cheek with my finger. She was so skinny, because it was too soon for her to be born. I handed her to husband and told him to run. I knew that I couldn't get away, but I wanted Husband to save the baby.

It wasn't a scary dream. I was just doing what I knew had to be done.

More Insurance Drama

So I'm having trouble refilling my anti-nausea prescription again. Unbelievable. Thanks insurance company, I was running out of reasons to cry today.

Not This Again

So, I went without anti-nausea medicine last night. I was queezy and grumpy, but I thought it was a success.

HOWEVER

Puke City this morning. Damn it!

Plus I'm really emotional. My belly is growing. I looked at myself in the mirror this morning and saw a noticable belly even under my clothes. I went to show Husband, kind of happy about it, but when I showed him I burst out crying. Then I cried in the car on the way to work, telling him I feel like the Giving Tree right now.

Oh, dear. Here we go again.

Baby? Is That You?

I felt it again last night! I felt something in my belly. I'm still not convinced that it was the baby, but evidence is mounting.

I was in bed for the night, laying on my back, trying to go to sleep. I felt a little motion in my belly, down low on the left side.

Hellooooooo in there!!! You have made contact, Baby!

My Belly Button Is Out Of Control

It looks ridiculous. Almost popped out. My baby belly seems to have suddenly appeared overnight and even though it's not that big, my belly button is like, "get me out of here!" and is trying to make a break for it.

Tonight has been crazy. I went to refill my prescription for my anti-nausea medicine after work. The pharmacist handed me one pill. Upon inquiry, she told me that I only had one pill left on my refill and my doctor would have to call it in if I wanted more. If you'll recall, it was a huge, days-long hassle to get my prescription filled and covered by insurance the first time. I was devastated tonight, realizing that it would be another fight to get more pills. As we were driving away, I was crying and yelled out to Husband in sincere desperation, "I need my drugs!!!" I was beside myself. Inconsolable.

Then all of the sudden, I said, "I'm just going to try to go without it. I want to get off of these pills anyway." I was done crying and that was that. Husband looked at me sideways, but kept driving without saying anything.

I have been on an emotional roller coaster lately.

So I was laying in bed tonight, fighting off the nausea, rubbing my belly, talking to Husband. I looked down and saw my belly button. It looked hilarious. Kind of poking out but still nestled far enough into its little crater that it's not officially an "outie." I lost it. I laughed, literally, until I cried. It was the funniest thing. Oh, man.

A little while after I had finished laughing, I felt something really strange in my belly. A kick? I don't know!!! It felt like it came from inside my belly and it was definitely in the current uterus area. It almost felt tickley, however it surprised me so much that I didn't process it as a tickle but just something crazy happening inside of me. I know that it's a little early to feel the baby, but it's not impossibly early. I tried to bribe the baby into doing it again by offering it oranges. Baby called my bluff, though. I didn't feel it again but I got up and ate orange slices anyway.

I Was Never Exactly A Swimsuit Model To Begin With

Today one of my coworkers commented (in a friendly and excited way) that I was starting to "get poochie" in my belly.

I have mixed feelings about this.

What A Ham

Last night I was complaining to Husband about how my belly felt like it was stretching. If we were meant to stretch so much, surely there could have been a more practical design.

Me: "Why don't women have accordion bellies?"

Husband: "Because they'd sound funny when they walked?"

Yuck, yuck, yuck. That's why I love him. :)

Baby Law

My first visit to my OBGYN's office was stressful. They had me come in sooner than usual because I was bleeding. Rather than feeling giddy at the thought of seeing my baby for the first time, I was just silently hoping that I was still pregnant and that everything would be okay.

The first thing that the receptionist did after checking me in was hand me a pamphlet and a form to sign after reading the pamphlet. I took the papers back to a chair. A brief glance at the pamphlet was all I needed. Basically, it said that if the doctor does something to cause brain or spinal or neurological injuries to your baby, you can't sue the doctor for medical malpractice. My state has a law that you can only be compensated through a specific remedy. I looked at the form I had been given. It wasn't a consent form, just a form confirming that I'd been given the pamphlet. I shoved the pamphlet in my purse without reading it and signed the form.

I didn't even know if my pregnancy was still viable, and they were already handing me papers about what would happen if the doctor squishes my baby's head with forceps when it's being born. I wish they'd have given that pamphlet to me on my way out, rather than compounding my anxiety before I even knew what was going on.

Anyway, I just found the pamphlet in my purse and read it for the first time. No big deal, now that I'm safely past my 1st trimester. The day they handed me the pamphlet, though, I just felt too much stress and sadness to read it.

Getting Thick

It's becoming routine for me to unbutton my pants when I sit down at my desk at work. Even my "fat" jeans squish my belly too much when I sit. I wish I could just wear sweat pants.

Breaking Even

I'm finally back to my pre-pregnancy weight! Week 14 and I've broken even. In all fairness, at least 1/2 pound of that is in additional boobie weight... which I don't mind.

16 and Pregnant

So, now that Octomom is out of the spotlight, I have turned to MTV's "16 and Pregnant" to get my required dose of I-feel-a-little-bit-better-just-knowing-that-other-people-are-more-miserable-than-I-am. 'Cuz at least I'm not 16. And not only did I finish high school, I finished graduate school before I got pregnant. And my baby daddy isn't a jerk.

You can watch full episodes of the show if you click here. Caveat: You'll have to watch about 8 million commercials for Trojan condoms.

In Case Jay-Z Is Reading This Blog...

Dear Jay-Z,

I was just practicing my Kegel exercises to your song "Can I Get A..." and it got me thinking. Have you ever considered producing a pregnancy exercise video with all Jay-Z songs? You could call it 'Jiggle What, Jiggle Who'... wouldn't that be cute?

Look, you're a businessman. I think this is an untapped market. Some of those "ho's" you sing about MUST be getting pregnant, right? Pregnancy yoga is so 2005. Think about it. If M.I.A. can jump around on stage and perform at the Grammys while she's 9 months pregnant, then surely a little choreographed bouncing to "99 Problems" is okay.

As always, thanks for your time.

Love,
M

Sugar & Spice & Everything Nice

I took an online quiz, based on old wives' tales, that is supposed to help determine your baby's sex. Just a fun thing to do. According to the quiz, there's a 75% chance that I'm having a girl.

I Hope That This Is Just An Awkward Phase

I had a short but very sincere cry the other night about how my belly looks. If you see my belly shirtless from the side, I have three lumps. I find this very unattractive, although Husband insists it's barely noticible.

From right under my boobs to a few inches above my belly button is the first lump. I don't know why it stops the way it does, instead of continuing on down my belly. What's there? My diaphragm? The lump is most noticable right after I've eaten and I feel very full. It's as if my food is all backed up in the upper part of my digestive tract.

Then, I have another bump from the bottom of bump #1 to a few inches below my belly button. This is fat. The nice, womanly layer of fat that used to rest along my lower abdomen has migrated up my body and now sits mostly below my belly button. It looks stupid. It makes fat squish over the edge of my pants and it makes my clothes fit funny.

Then I have my uterus bump, which right now basically looks like someone kicked me in the crotch and it got all swollen.

Lump, lump, lump. I hope it all smoothes out soon.

The Benefit of Less Medication

The main benefit to taking my anti-nausea medication only once each day is that I am FAR less constipated than when I was taking it twice a day.

I was seriously starting to feel like a potty training two year old. Many a night, after 20 minutes in the bathroom, I would come out and triumphantly announce to Husband, "I pooped!!!" He would then congratulate me or give me a high five or give me a big, happy hug. The nights where I would tearfully say "I can't poop" were the worst.

Also, I think that the medicine made my mouth taste weird or something. Foods just tasted different and generally bad. I'm having less of that problem now.

I can't wait to be done with this medicine altogether.

I Am Now A "Morning Person"

Day 5 without my morning dose of medicine. Success! I feel pretty good until lunchtime, then I'm queezy for the rest of the day. But in the aggregate, I'm feeling better than I have in months.

It's as if the baby suddenly said, "Hey, this thing you call 'eating' isn't half bad. Living off your stores of fat is boring. I demand cold, juicy oranges!"

Baby Loves Fruit

Fresh fruit doesn't upset my tummy. I crave it now. Especially if it's cold, right out of the refrigerator. Plums and oranges taste especially good to me. And juicy apples.

I love you, my sweet little fruit bat.

My Days of Independence Are Over

If you do the math, the baby making apparently occurred on or near the 4th of July.

Fireworks, indeed!!!

Finally! A Bigger Bra!

Perhaps this shouldn't feel like some sort of exciting milestone to me, but I am thrilled to finally need a bigger bra. My old bras still fit, sort of, but I'm starting to spill over and they don't feel as comfortable. I don't think I'm up a whole cup size-- maybe half of one. So I got a sports bra that sort of has cups and is very comfortable. Jiggling hurts when you're all sore from growing, anyway, so a sports bra is ideal.

I also got a couple of tank tops that are long-waisted, to wear under my t-shirts and for an additional layer in the wintertime. I don't want my shirt accidentally riding up and exposing my belly or hips, so a long undershirt helps me feel more secure.

I guess that if you like clothes shopping, expanding your wardrobe is another perk of pregnancy.

Hello Second Trimester!

I have completed 13 full weeks as of today! I'm officially in my second trimester. Yay!

Here's to hoping my morning sickess keeps getting better. I'm looking forward to feeling the baby move and officially looking pregnant (as opposed to just looking bloated).

Baby Burps

I have never burped so much in my life.

I remember reading something on the Internet a while ago that was written by a lady who was concerned about becoming pregnant. She said that she was thinking so much about possibly being pregnant that she convinced herself that a burping fit she had was a sure sign that she'd conceived. I thought that was crazy. "Burping? Like THAT would be a sign of pregnancy," I thought to myself.

Ha!

Now I understand.

Experiment

I was feeling pretty good this morning, so I decided not to take my anti-nausea medicine. And I think that it was okay for the most part. I mean, I still felt queezy sometimes, but I feel queezy even when I take the medicine, so I think that the experiment was basically a success.

I have my worst morning sickness at night, so I decided to still take my evening dose of medicine. Ironically, I feel incredibly sick now. On the verge of throwing up. So, it's either a really good thing that I took the medicine because I'd be much worse off if I didn't OR the medicine itself makes me feel kind of sick.

Belly Button

Mother Nature knew what she was doing when I got pregnant in the summertime. That means that my belly will be big in the cold months.

I just pushed my fingers against the edge of my belly button to make it pop out, the way it will when my belly pops. NOT a pretty sight. I would not be one of those cute pregnant ladies rockin' a hot little bikini and displaying my prenant belly at the beach. It is for the best that my belly button will be under wraps until after the baby arrives.

Strangely, my belly button already looks a little different. It looks... wider. I used to have this funny protrusion, part of the way my skin healed when I was a baby and my umbilical cord was cut, I guess. And now it's not really there. And I can't stick my finger in so far, because my belly button's not so deep. But I can wiggle it around more because it's been stretched.

Maybe my belly button will pop out sooner than I expect. Oh no!

( I just showed my belly button to Husband and he noticed the differences right away.)

Like I Said, My Oven Is On

I wonder if this often happens to other people. I haven't heard about it before, but I haven't really researched it, either.

Before I got pregnant, my normal I'm-not-sick body temperature was 97.7. Since I've been pregnant, it has stayed about 1 degree higher. 98.7 is well within the acceptable range and 1 degree does not count as a fever, so there's no real problem, per se. I'm just "running hot" now.

The first few weeks after I found out I was pregnant, my temperature would sometimes go as high as 99.5. I told my doctor about it and she said that was no cause for concern. Only worry if it goes over 100 degrees.

I wonder if my temperature will go back to 97.7 after the baby gets here.

If Only It Were Going To Be This Easy

Jen sent me this (from White Ninja Comics):

A Word of Advice

Another note to acquaintences (not friends or family who are telling me their own pregnancy stories, which I actually want to hear):

Look. If you are going to inquire as to how I'm feeling (a common question to ask pregnant ladies), and then in the course of our conversation learn about my difficulties with morning sickness, do not say to me, "Well, I never had ANY morning sickness!" unless you are going to follow up with something like, "...but I gained 80 pounds during my pregnancy!" Or, "...but my stretch marks are still hideous!" Or, "...but being in labor for 3 days is no walk in the park, either."

It's really hard for me to smile and congratulate you on your easy pregnancy when I'm holding back the urge to vomit.

Running Out of Room

I'm starting to feel a little squished inside of my own body. Especially after I eat. I end up feeling stuffed, even though I'm eating smaller portions than I used to. I know that your digestion slows when you're pregnant because of the hormones, plus I'm constipated... but since I've noticed my uterus expanding, I swear that my "stuffed" feeling has gotten worse.

Six small meals each day, instead of three big ones. That's what the experts recommend. I'm working up to that. I usually have breakfast (which I didn't used to eat before I got pregnant), a few crackers mid-morning, lunch, a bag of 100-calorie popcorn, dinner, and sometimes a snack after dinner depending on how queezy I am. Oh, and usually a Jolly Rancher candy or two during work. I don't know why, but I'm kind of craving them now. I hadn't had them for probably 10 years, and then one night I was struck with the desire for watermellon Jolly Rancher candy. Weird.

One In The Oven

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!

So the shirt didn't turn out to be the right color. But I don't care. It still works. And no one would have gotten the joke, anyway.

Flu Shot

Foster Son, Husband, and I just got our 2009-2010 influenza vaccines. I've never had one before, but now that I'm pregnant, it is apparently the prudent thing to do. Goodness knows that I've been sick enough already during this pregnancy-- I'll take any preventative measures that I can to make sure that I'm as healthy as possible from here on out.

World's Best Baby Daddy

Along with single-handedly taking care of Foster Son while I'm sick, rubbing my feet when I ask, and slathering me with cocoa butter every night, Husband did a bang-up job of surprising me with flowers and cake for our anniversary today.

Husband and I celebrate 3 anniversaries each year. September 14th is one of them.

Husband calls my office this afternoon. "I'm taking Friend to the grocery store. Need anything?" Friend is 8 months pregnant, so it made sense he would offer to drive her, gentleman that he is. "A gallon of water and some saltine crackers." Husband shows up in my office a little later with the crackers and water. Then walks out, and comes back in with a bunch of flowers and the most delicious cupcake that I've ever eaten in my life. Chocolate with fudge icing and a raspberry filling.

Dingdong that I am, I didn't even realize at first why he was giving me these gifts. It wasn't until I saw the icing message written on the cupcake that I realized what was going on. So I'm the spouse that forgot our anniversary, not some stereotypically forgetful husband. I'll blame it on the pregnancy. They say pregnant women sometimes become forgetful. I have placenta brain.

Yesterday Was Grandparents Day

Without getting into a political and/or religious debate, let me just say that I'm not entirely sure that it counts yet, BUT, belated happy Grandparents Day to my parents and inlaws.

12 Weeks

Almost done with my first trimester! Yay! Baby is about 3 inches long right now, half of which is its big ol' noggin.

Too Much Information

I won't go into the details, as I'm sure that most of you who read this don't want me to (Hi, Dad!) BUT, in the interest of accurate reporting and of remembering all of the details of my pregnancy, I must say at least this much. My lower lady parts are starting to look a little different. Nothing crazy or dramatic. I'm just paying extra close attention to my body these days, because the changes that are happening are so amazing.

No More Spotting

I think I'm done spotting. I haven't had any bleeding for a few weeks. I guess that it only lasted for the first couple of months for me, although I've heard that some women have it last their whole pregnancy.

I'm glad that its over. It's unnerving to see blood when you're pregnant. I kept worrying that something might be wrong.

Plus, I felt sort of cheated out of one of the few perks of early pregnancy-- no period. Bigger boobs and no period are the two best things about the first 3 months, as far as I can tell. Consolation prizes for enduring the nausea and extreme tiredness.

So, my nausea is subsiding, I feel slightly less tired, I'm not bleeding anymore, and my boobs look awesome. I'm finally starting to enjoy this experience!

We Have A Diaper Bag

Another thing that we have already is a diaper bag. Step-sister gave one to us along with the baby furniture she let us have. Its big and black with lots of pockets-- just the kind of bag I'd have picked out for myself. So we don't need a new one. It even came with one of those fold-up mats you can lay the baby on when you change it out in public somewhere.

In fact, we're using the diaper bag today, as even 3 year olds occasionally require you to tote an inordinant amout of supplies around.

Mind Your Own Beeswax

I've read that people say weird/rude things to pregnant ladies, maybe not realizing how offensive what they're saying is. Its already begun for me, as far as I'm concerned.

"Were you trying?"

Look. If you're my family or my friend-- basically someone I've already talked to about sex-- then okay. I'm not a super private person, so I don't mind you asking that question. If you are my coworker from a different department whom I've never talked to before, but you wanted to come congratulate me DONT ASK SUCH A PERSONAL QUESTION! "Hi, you don't know me, but congratulations, and by the way were you and your husband just having sex for fun, or did you have a goal in mind? Were you having more sex than usual in order to make a baby? Or were you just caught up in the moment and careless one night?"

None of your business. I'm pregnant now and I'm apparently not having an abortion, so end of story. What do you want me to say? "No, we weren't trying. Wow was that night a mistake!" Or "Yeah. We've been having sex every night for the past six months. We've been through the whole Kama Sutra twice!"

Were you trying? Ugh.

Feeling Pretty Good Today

It's amazing what a couple of days without crippling nausea can do for one's overall outlook on life!

Bulgier Bulge

My uterus is growing!

Before, my bulge was only just above my pubic bone. Now it's spread more into my lower abdomen. Okay. If this were my hips and lower lady parts: (Y), the bulge is up just past the top of the y now. Someone who doesn't know my body probably wouldn't recognize it. But to Husband and me, it's dramatic.

I've been getting pains and pulls and aches in my lower abdomen (particularly on my right side) for weeks. They just happen randomly. They usually aren't that bad, but every once in a while I'll stand up and it hurts enough to make me say "aaaaaaaah!" and hunch my body over in an effort to re-shorten whatever it is that feels like just got pulled. The pains go away pretty quickly, though. Baby is just making room in there, I guess. Sometimes my lower back hurts, and a couple of times I got this weird pain where it feels like someone inside my belly is pulling back as hard as they can on my belly button. It's uncomfortable, but the belly button one always makes me laugh, just for the mental image I get.

Fargo

A few weeks ago, when I was really, really sick I decided one night to watch a movie. "I want a movie that will let me forget all about being pregnant," I said to myself. I looked through our DVD collection. "Ah! Fargo!" I love Steve Buscemi, so I put it on, completly forgetting that the movie's heroine is a pregnant lady. (How could I have forgotten that?)

I watched it anyway. And I was glad that I did, because the pregnant lady saves the day and so I thought to myself "There should be more movies that show pregnant ladies as strong, empowered characters and not just clumsy, awkward, emotional wrecks." Yay for Fargo for being pro-pregnant ladies.

That said, I kinda want to watch Rosemary's Baby again...

Told Foster Son Last Night

We took Foster Son (FS) to a restaurant last night, which is always an exciting adventure in his 3 year old brain, in order to make sure that he has the most plesant experience possible while we break the news to him about my pregnancy.

Me: We have something really exciting to tell you!

FS: What? Um. Does the straw go in here?

Me: Yeah, it does. Well, our exciting news is... are you listening? (FS looks away from his cup and up at me.) ... I have a baby in my tummy!

FS: No.

Me: I do! There's a baby in my tummy right now!

Blank stare. And then suddenly it clicks and FS smiles.

FS: Can I SEEEEEEEE it?!?

Me: Not yet, it's too tiny. It needs to grow more first. Right now it's in my tummy growing.

FS: It's small? How small?

I hold my index fingers about 2 1/2 inches apart.

FS: That's a tiny baby!

FS took it very well after that. He decided that he has two babies in his tummy, even though we tried to explain that only girls can have babies.

Now he wants to hug my middle instead of my neck. :)

Suburban Angst

I've always thought that this song ("Shop Vac" by Jonathan Coulton) is funny. But now there is just a little bit of nervous laughter mixed in.




...If you need me
I'll be downstairs
With the shop vac
You can call but I probably won't hear you
Because it's loud with the shop vac on
But you'll be OK
Cause you'll be upstairs
With the TV
You can cry and I probably won't hear you
Because it`s loud with the shop vac on...

Swish-Swish, Swish-Swish

We just heard your heartbeat, Baby! Amazing! I cried.

I keep spying on you. Looking at you with ultrasounds and listening to your heart. But is it really spying if you are inside my own body? I don't think that there is a reasonable expectation of privacy if you have taken up residence in my uterus.

So I will not apologize.

As long as you are in MY uterus, you will play by MY rules, Baby! Don't make me pull this car over! Now cut that out or I'll give you a real reason to cry!

Do I sound like a Mom yet?

Oh, wait...

GO TO YOUR WOMB AND STAY THERE UNTIL I TELL YOU THAT YOU CAN COME OUT!

That Shirt Is So 1984

The past few weeks, I've been mildly obsessed with the idea of recreating Mahoney's "ONE IN THE OVEN" shirt from Police Academy. Well, last night Husband found a create-your-own-shirt website that has a similar style of t-shirt to the one Mahoney wears. We made and ordered "ONE IN THE OVEN"!!! I'm so excited. I can't wait to get it in the mail, cut off the sleeves and bottom, and wear it everywhere.

I go back and forth about whether I should get some cut off jeans to complete the ensemble. Will people even get the joke? I don't exactly look like Steve Guttenberg. I might just end up looking like a crazy redneck, in my sleeveless pregnancy t-shirt. Ah, who cares?...

Baby Dream: Decorating the Nursery

The bedroom in our house that will most likely become the baby's nursery is painted purple. On Saturday night I had a dream that I was talking to Husband about how to decorate it.

"We can just make a night scene on the wall. We can paint a yellow man-in-the-moon and some white stars. That way, it won't matter if we have a boy or a girl."

"That's stupid. You just thought of that," Dream Husband said. As if it mattered when I thought of it.

Husband doesn't talk to me that way, so I guess that was just my inner-critic being represented by Dream Husband. I kind of like the idea now that I'm awake, though. Perhaps we'll consider a Starry Night theme.

More Accurately Called "Evening Sickness"

Third night in a row of post-dinner puking. This time, I only had to THINK about brushing my teeth. I gagged, started coughing, and then that was it.

I still haven't gained all of my weight back. I assumed that some of my weight loss would be "water weight" and it would be quickly replaced once I could keep fluids down. But I only weighed 109.4 this morning-- still a long way off from 115 lbs. It's weird to weigh less, but be too thick for some of my clothes. Baby, you are turning my world upside down!

Baby Registry

I'm out of control. I'm only 11 weeks along, but Husband and I started a baby regisrty last night.

As foster parents, we figure that even if something bad happens with our biological baby, we'll still eventually need stuff for foster babies. Our mothers are already buying us stuff anyway (thanks Moms!), so we might as well start picking out things that we want.

We've registered at Target.com. We picked out a few clothing items (gender neutral, of course), and we'll start researching the necessary "baby hardware" soon.

Also, I bought some maternity jeans on Saturday. Although I'm not really showing yet, I'm definitely getting thicker. I can't comfortably wear a lot of my clothes. I've already given one of my sisters a pile of clothes, figuring that if I won't be able to wear them for over a year, I really don't need them. I tried those maternity jeans on and they were soooo comfortable. I bought them, and a non-maternity t-shirt that's fitted but kind of long (hoping it will still cover my belly when it gets big).

Repeat Performance

Threw up again last night. :(

The past two nights, I felt really queezy, but I didn't actually throw up until I was brushing my teeth. I can't not brush my teeth! Or CAN I? Oral hygene vs. morning sickness... the jury's still out.

I Threw Up Last Night

At least I'm only throwing up, like, once a week instead of four or five times a day. (I'm trying to think positive...)

This time it was probably my fault, really. I got ahead of myself. Husband and I went to dinner with Foster Son's relative after Foster Son had a visitation yesterday. I was already feeling queezy, but Relative has never invited us to dinner before and so I felt obligated to go. Relative is a nice person, and I'm hoping that once Foster Son goes back to live with his family, the family will still let us have contact with him or at least give us occasional updates. So I really want to be friends with Relative.

We went to a country-cookin' type of place for dinner, and I ordered some fried okra. I should have known better, but I love fried okra so much. When I threw up last night, the only thing that came up was fried okra. So I'm sure that it was the grease that did it.

Lesson learned.

We Already Have A Crib

Husband and I are licensed to foster childen ages 0 to 3. In order to get our license, we had to get a crib and a car seat, in case we were placed with a baby right away. Husband's step-sister had a daughter who had outgrown her crib. Yay! We were the lucky recipients of Step-sister's baby furniture.

Our foster son is too big for a crib, so this works out perfectly. We won't need to get another one.

Visible Crotch Bulge!

Husband could see the bulge above my pubic bone today! This is so exciting.

I wish I were a marsupial. I wish that right about now the baby would crawl out of my hoo-hoo, up my belly, and into a pouch on my abdomen. That would make this experience go so much more smoothly. Kangaroos have all the luck.

Last Post About Ringworm

I never did give the final ringworm update. The Lotrimin Ultra worked perfectly and I have been ringworm free for some time. Glad that's over!

The Nightgown, Per Your Request

Notice how they don't even have a model wearing it? The nightgown looks about 1,000 times better laying flat than it does draped over my body.

One day my child will read this blog and see this picture and then say, "Oh my god. Mom got that nightgown 25 years ago. She's still wearing it. She just answered her door in that nightgown." I'm sure of it.

Counting Sheep

Aside from just the sweating, I wake up a lot during the night now. I used to be a pretty solid sleeper. Now I get up at least once each night to pee (and I don't even have a baby sitting on my bladder yet!) and I wake wake up countless other times to toss and turn. I'm not exaggerating when I say I woke up no less than 10 times last night.

One of those times I woke up laughing. I do that several times a year. I feel sort of bad about it because it always wakes Husband up and scares him, but it really is a great feeling to have a dream that's so silly I actually laugh out loud even though I'm sound asleep. Of course, my own laughing wakes me up from my dream. Husband says that it doesn't sound like a regular laugh and he can never tell if I'm laughing or crying, and that's why he gets concerned.

In my dream last night, Peter Pan and Wendy were walking through a forest. All of a sudden Captain Hook jumped out at them, but his sword was a giant, multi-colored popsicle. Peter Pan quickly produced a popsicle sword in response and they started to duel. After a few seconds, Wendy got caught in the middle of their sword fight, and as the two popsicles were flying toward her head, her reaction was to open her mouth and eat them. She swallowed both popsicle swords, and Peter Pan and Captain Hook were left holding nothing but popsicle sticks. Wendy realized what she had done and gasped, causing a massive amount of red, orange, and yellow popsicle to fall out of her mouth. It sounds stupid now, but it was HILARIOUS in my dream. Next thing I know, Husband is cradling my head, "are you okay?" and I'm laughing so hard that I can't talk.

Anyway, last night was a pretty good night. I baked muffins and listened to music and danced with Husband and Foster Son in the living room. Big improvement over being virtually bedridden. Yay!

The First of My Maternity Clothes

Husband bought me my first pregnant-wear a few weeks ago. A new nightgown. Ever since I got pregnant, I sweat like crazy when I sleep. This is very strange for me because I used to complain that Husband keeps the house too cold at night. Now I joke that my "oven is on" and I'm radiating heat like crazy.

I picked out a nightgown that only menopausal women or pregnant ladies would appreciate. Its very unattractive (but then again, who am I trying to impress-- I'm already pregnant). The nightgown is really thin, stiff cotton (not stretchy) with no sleeves. Ugly floral pattern. I got it a little big, hoping I can wear it throughout my pregnancy. Since we're foster parents, sleeping naked is not an option. But this nightgown is the next closest thing to no-clothes that I could find.

I still get a little sweaty, but the nightgown has made a big improvement. Thanks, Husband!

It's not fair!

Despite my fancy anti-nausea medicine, I threw up last night. I was having those gross, acidy, vomit-in-your-mouth burps all evening. Then when I got in the shower, the heat or the water pounding on me must have been too much. I was so disappointed.

I hope it was just a fluke. I hope that you can't become immune to this anti-nausea medicine.

The Day I Was Told I Miscarried

It's taken me a while to write this post, because it was a crummy experience. But this is the last of the "what happened before I started blogging" posts, so I might as well just get it over with.

Recap: I took a home pregnancy test on Tuesday, July 21st and it was positive. I went to the doctor on Wednesday, July 22nd and she confirmed my pregnancy.

Thursday morning (July 23rd) around 9:00 am, I went to the bathroom at work. There was bright red blood. I freaked out. I called Husband, who works at the same company that I do, told him there was a problem and to meet me in our car. I ran to the car and tried to call my doctor on my cell phone, but no one was answering. Husband met me in the car where I told him what was happening. By that time I was crying, so he called the emergency clinic that is part of our insurance company. The lady on the phone said "Well, I have a 2:00 opening... or you can go to the emergency room." I realize now that it would have been better just to wait for the 2:00 appointment. Or to wait and get in touch with my regular doctor. But I didn't know what to do at the time and I thought that what was happening was surely an emergency.

One thing that people kept asking as we were making phone calls and getting checked in to the emergency room was, "How much blood was there? A lot?" To me, any amount at that time seemed like a lot. Nobody asked me, "Was it heavier than a period?" or "Were there cramps?" or any of the other questions that would have indicated a real problem. They just asked me "was it a lot?" and I had no way of knowing what that meant.

Husband took me to the emergency room. They checked me in and had me pee into a cup. I called my doctor again and asked for the results of the quantitative blood test that I had taken the day before. My hormone level was at 82. Basically, this means that I was definitely pregnant, but VERY early in my pregnancy. I told them in the emergency room that I had just found out the day before that I was pregnant. I called my doctor and asked for that number because I figured that they would give me another blood test at the emergency room, to see if my hormone levels were going up or down.

Eventually they gave me a little room in the emergency room. People trooped in and out, not providing me much information and all of them giving me sad puppy eyes, like they were very sorry for me. Eventually a nurse came in a told me that they would be taking blood. "Can you use the butterfly needle thing on me? I bruise really easily and sometimes that helps," I said. (I don't know if it really helps or not, but I honestly believe that once I've said that and requested a special needle, they at least pay more attention to how they stick me.) "Oh, we're going to give you an IV," the nurse said. "Why? What will be in it?" I asked. "Oh, well when women have miscarriages they usually loose a lot of blood. It's to keep you hydrated." "But we don't know if I've had one yet." "It's just a precaution. It can't hurt." I refused the IV. The nurse looked annoyed and wrote very hard on my paperwork that I would not have an IV. A different nurse came in a took my blood.

After a little while the first nurse came back. "Well, your pregnancy test was negative." "From the blood?" I asked. "From the urine sample." "What does that mean? I'm not pregnant anymore? I had a miscarriage?" "Yes. I'm sorry." I cried and cried. Too sad to talk about it, Husband and I texted our families the news. Mine said something like: At the emergency room. Miscarriage. So long little guy. :(

The nurse told me that they were diagnosing the situation as a "complete miscarriage," meaning that the baby is gone and they do not have to do a "dilation and curettage" where they scrape your insides out to make sure that no baby parts are left behind. (If they had done the "d&c" they would have aborted my healthy baby!)

One of the nice male orderlies went to another building and got me a bereavement package. They sent me home from the emergency room.

Husband and I were so sad.

On the way home, I said to Husband, "Its not that I don't trust them. But I've taken a couple of pregnancy tests at home and seen the positive result with my own eyes. I think it would be closure for me to take another test and see the negative result with my own eyes. Can we stop and get another test?" Husband understood and stopped and got a digital pregnancy test. We figured that the test at the hospital must be very fancy and so we should get a fancy test, too.

When we got home I took the test. It said "pregnant."

I was upset. This was not the closure that I was hoping for. Husband called the emergency room nurse. First she implied that we did the test wrong. Husband explained that we took a digital one and that you can't read it too soon or too late. It just tells you the result. Then the nurse said that my hormone levels might be right on the borderline of what would read pregnant or not pregnant. She said that the levels will keep going down and within a day or two a pregnancy test will read negative for sure. Husband asked if they could just check the hormone levels in the blood that they took so we could compare them to the hormone levels the day before. The nurse said the blood was not put into the "correct color vial" and so they could not check my hormone levels with that blood sample. She said I could come back to the ER and have more blood drawn, if I wanted, and they could check my levels then. I declined. I was not about to go back there.

I went out and bought the cheapest, crappiest, least sensitive tests I could find. I figured that the less sensitive ones would show negative sooner. I took another pregnancy test that night, right before bed and after drinking a lot of water (so as to dilute my urine). It still said positive. Husband and I agreed that if my tests were still positive by Monday morning, I would go to my doctor. I went to bed very confused.

The next morning I got up and took another pregnancy test. Instead of having to wait 3 minutes for a faint line to appear, a bright pink line showed up almost instantly. I woke Husband up. "I think I might still be pregnant. Or something weird is going on. It was positive right away. I think I should go to the doctor. I can't wait until Monday." We were very hopeful.

I called my doctor's office, told a nurse what had happened, and asked if she could give me the paperwork I need to go get my blood drawn again and have my hormone levels checked. She said she could. I raced to my doctors office. When I got there, there were only two nurses on duty. "Why don't you go ahead and give us a urine sample, before we send you down there?" one of the nurses said. "Okay, but I've already had, like, 3 glasses of water this morning. I don't know if my urine will be too diluted." "We'll try it anyway," she said.

I gave them the urine sample and since no one else was in the office, the nurses invited me back to watch the test with them. They dropped the urine on the test strip and it instantly turned positive. "Girl! You go get that bloodwork done right away. You're pregnant. I'm so sorry that happened to you at the ER. You were probably just having break-through bleeding." They gave me the paperwork for my blood test and I went straight to the lab.

All day long, my family kept calling and texting me, asking if I was okay. I kept telling them that I was fine, and they didn't believe me. "Its okay to be sad, you know." I was pretty sure that I was still pregnant, but until I had absolute confirmation, I didn't want to let them know that anything was going on. They had already been told one day that I was pregnant, then the next day that I was not. I didn't want to keep going back and forth with the pregnancy news. One of my sisters said afterward, "I thought you were in some kind of total denial. You sounded so normal on the phone. I told Mom and Dad that something was wrong with you."

The results came back later that day, and my hormone levels were up to 134. "You are still pregnant. Everything is fine," the nurse told me over the phone.

Husband and I were so happy! We got to call everyone again and tell them for the second time that I'm pregnant.

Some Days Are Bad Days

Yesterday was a bad day. I started feeling sick about 1/2 way through the day. By the time I got home, I had to go straight to bed. I got up to eat some dinner, but the barbecue sauce on Husband's plate disgusted me so much that I couldn't finish eating. Weird, because I usually love barbecue sauce.

My sense of smell is out of control. I had to ask Husband to spit out his gum yesterday because of the minty smell. And I switched my toothpaste weeks ago to a children's strawberry flavor because the mint flavor kept making me gag. Any strong smell instantly overpowers me, and even if it doesn't make me feel sick, its just too much to deal with.

How do pregnant ladies with small children do it? The mere thought of poopy diapers or that smell of sour milk when they throw up makes me want to gag.