Baby's First Halloween

My sweet Baby Baby celebrated her first Halloween today. No candy. She DID get some cinnamon on her breakfast of oatmeal and apples, though. LOVED it!

Elise was a monkey. I'm not crafty; we bought the costume. It was super cute.

We went to our friends' neighborhood, which makes a big production of the Halloween festivities. We didn't trick or treat, but we walked Elise around to see the costumes and the decorated houses. She had a great time.

Maybe I'm just getting old, but I swear that Halloween costumes are getting skimpier and sluttier every year. Last year it was the moms. I saw several middle aged ladies walking around in what I could only assume were the very outfits that lead to their childrens' conceptions. This year it was hands down the teenaged girls.

I kept asking Husband, "Where are their PARENTS?!" Mostly it was little short skirts and thigh-high stockings. Weird sexy Raggedy Ann costumes or whatever. Then we saw this one girl. There is NO WAY her costume didn't come from an adult store. No way. Trick or treat indeed! You look like you're 15 and I CAN SEE YOUR ASS! I don't like Halloween costumes that make me feel like I'm breaking some sort of law just by looking at them.

Elise. You were a cute little monkey for your first Halloween. Strangers oohed and ahhed over your adorableness. If I EVER catch your teeneaged ass hanging out of a Halloween costume, I am going to make you WISH you lived far, far away in a tree in a jungle somewhere. No one will be mistaking MY daughter for the trick on Halloween.

I Can't Remember Baby CPR!

Before Elise was born Husband and I took an infant CPR class. I felt very responsible for doing so. I thought at the time that the class would prepare me for the worst case scenario.

Tonight Elise was eating a delicious dinner of lentils, carrots, and yellow squash. There was texture to her food, but no big pieces.

Elise has started experimenting with her airways. Snorts, screams, sucking air in, blowing air out. It was only a matter of time. I knew when her face started to turn red that she did not have a big enough piece of anything in her mouth to totally obstruct her breathing. I knew that she'd be able to work it out. But it's horrible to see your little baby's eyes tear up as she's coughing and trying to catch a breath.

I gave her a few seconds of coughing, then realized that she needed my help. As I'm unsnapping her straps for the high chair, all I can think is, "I don't remember baby CPR! I don't remember baby CPR! Keep coughing! Don't stop breathing! I don't remember baby CPR!" I leaned her forward and pounded on her back and after a few thumps, she spit a throat-full of food onto the floor. Her coughing sounded different after that and I knew that she was getting more air. She kept coughing for a while and drooling food everywhere.

I think I could have pulled it together if I had to. If she'd have stopped breathing, I think I could have remembered what to do. Plus my phone was right next to me, so I could have called 911 and they'd have given me instructions.

Maybe I'll just go re-read the steps for baby CPR, to be sure that I remember them...

Coconut Milk!

Elise had coconut milk tonight! If she knew what thumbs up meant, she'd have done it.

I mixed some coconut milk in with a serving of sweet potato and some rice cereal. It smelled goooooooood. Made me wish I was having curry for dinner.

I ate a lot of curry and a lot of coconut soup while I was pregnant. Plus I love candy with coconut in it. So, Elise was clearly already familiar with the taste.

I'm thinking banana/mango/coconut for breakfast tomorrow. Oh, man, that sounds good. Elise, you are in for a treat!

I'm going to be sad when she becomes a toddler and gets all picky about her food.

Tune In Tokyo

I guess because they stick out and they're a different color, Elise has developed a fascination with my nipples. Specifically, she's started to grab and pinch them. She'll be nursing, pull off all of a sudden, and then, as if my nipple is just another one of her toys, start playing with one. Great eye-hand coordination, kiddo.

I heard somewhere that nipples are darker than the skin on the breast in order to help the baby find its food source. The contrast is like a bull's eye. Well, Elise has NO trouble finding mine. They feel like they're being used for target practice.

Mango Baby Food

Elise had mango for the first time yesterday. She loved it!

I must admit that I'd never bought a fresh mango before. I'd bought mango already prepared in things like pastries and there's this fruit cocktail that Husband and I love. But never a fresh mango. I asked one of the grocery store workers from the produce section to help me pick a fresh one out. None of them were ripe, but he found me the ripest one he could. In retrospect, I maybe should have let the mango ripen a few more days than I did before preparing it. I didn't know. Like I said, I was new to fresh mangoes. But Elise loved the mango baby food anyway.

Fruits are easy to make into baby food. You either just mash them, or steam them and then mash or puree them. I mean, obviously you can bake apples or peaches or whatever, but you don't have to do it that way. Which is good, because I love making food for Elise but I don't have an infinite amount of time.

One drawer in the freezer is full of Elise's food right now. Just keeping the stores of food up takes a good bit of time. I need to make her more pears right now because she's completely out. Plus she's low on green beans, carrots, oatmeal, and I don't know what else. Ugh. I should put half as much effort into thinking about what I should be eating. I'd be so healthy.

Day Care Nightmare

A little baby died recently at a day care center in my city. From the charges that were filed and the description of the baby's injuries, my guess is that the worker walked away for a second while the baby was on a changing table or something and it rolled off. An accident, but totally preventable. How horrible.

Although I've worked at a day care center, and we've used a couple of different ones for the foster kids, the center where the incident took place was not one that I'm familiar with. Thank goodness.

I went to day care when I was little. I survived. I know that bad things don't usually happen like that. But when I heard about that baby, I couldn't help but feel glad that I am able to stay home with Elise for now. It reminded me of when my lactation consultant told me about how she had to help a mother dry up her milk whose 2 month old baby had died during its FIRST DAY AT DAY CARE. She tells me this as I'm holding my tiny, days-old baby in my arms, crazy hormones still rushing around my post-partum body. If there had been any question about whether I'd go back to work after my maternity leave was over, that would have sealed the deal. Nope. No way. I was prepared to sit on the couch and cradle Elise until she started kindergarten after hearing that.

So check back with me in 5 years. If Elise is being home schooled, you'll know that I've heard one too many my-kid-was-hurt-at-school stories.

She Has Her Daddy's Toes

Now that Elise is getting bigger, some of her features are becoming more distinct. Last night I noticed that she definitely has her Daddy's toes. Mine are fat and curly-- sort of the shape of jelly beans. Elise and Husband have long, straight toes, like stalks of asparagus.

When I was pregnant I would say to Husband, "I hope she gets your feet." And Husband would say, "I hope she gets your boobs." So far so good.

Co-Bathing

I love taking baths with Elise. I'm normally not a bath person. The thought of sitting in a slowly-cooling tub of my own filth usually doesn't do it for me. But under the right circumstances, I can enjoy the occasional bath.

When I was pregnant and feeling really queezy or if Elise was very active in my tummy and it was driving me crazy, a bath would make me feel better. Sometimes I take a bath now if the only time I have to get clean is while Elise is napping and no one else is home. I want to be able to hear her cry, so I don't run the shower, I take a bath instead.

But my favorite reason for a bath is if I'm going to take one with Elise. Babies are slippery when they're wet so I never took a bath with her when she was little. But now that she can sit up it's not so scary. She splashes around like crazy and really loves being in the big tub instead of her baby tub.

Elise has the most beautiful little naked baby body. In a weird way, I'm proud of it. I look at her naked, from head to toe, and think, "Wow. Husband and I created that. She's perfect." I know that as she gets older, the imperfections will start to show. Maybe she'll inherit my baggy knees or bad teeth. Maybe she'll get migraines like Husband. And then when she's much older, she has to watch out for the cardiovascular disease that's common on both sides of my family. But I can't see those things now. I can't see anything but soft, round, cuteness.

When I take that cuteness, smelling like baby soap, and wrap her in a fluffy towel, then look at her sweet little face, still smiling from the fun and excitement of 15 minutes of non-stop splashing, it makes me realize that sitting in a bucket of my own butt-water was totally worth it.

Plum Baby Food

Peeled, chopped, steamed, and pureed Elise some plums today. She liked them. She always likes fruit.

I want to let her taste every interesting fruit I see. I just don't know when it's safe to introduce most of it. It's easy to find information about when the best time to introduce bananas to a baby's diet is, but star fruit and lychee are trickier. I'm sure I can figure it out if I look hard enough, but that makes it more difficult to be spontaneous at the grocery store.

When Bo lived with us, I often enjoyed giving him new fruits to try. He loved fruit and he'd already tasted most of the basics, but I always liked giving him something such as kiwi and then seeing his face go from a look of skepticism to one of pure joy.

Elise doesn't really get delighted by food yet. I know she likes something because she'll eat it very fast and she'll hold her mouth open for the next bite. I guess that's what adults do, too. You like something so you keep eating it. That's why the peach cobbler ice cream in my freezer is nearly gone.

Babies Movie

We watched the movie "Babies" tonight. The documentary that follows 4 different babies living in different parts of the world. It was interesting. You see the similarities and differences in how babies are raised in 4 unique cultures. And the babies are all adorable, of course.

Elise was very tuned in to the baby noises in the movie. She's at that age where she's especially interested in other babies. Elise didn't care to stare at the TV, but she did react to the sounds the babies would make.

"Babies"-- the movie for babies.

Yawn

I am a sleeeeeeepy mommy. Elise hasn't been sleeping well the past couple of nights, and I've been breaking all the rules by picking her up in the middle of the night and putting her in bed with me. Feeding her. Whatever she wants. I'm too tired to care. Babies want consistency, but mommies NEED sleep.

Elise got her second flu shot yesterday (babies have to get two flu shots at least 30 days apart the first time they're vaccinated) and I wonder if that has had anything to do with her weird sleeping habits yesterday and today. It seems like she's sleeping longer during the day, but less at night.

Elise's sleeping habits are forever changing. As soon as I think I've figured out her routine, she changes it. Lately, we lie down at 8pm, and it takes her up to an hour to fall asleep. Then she wakes up around 11pm and fusses for a long while. She wakes up at about 2:30am to eat, and again at about 5:30am. She goes back to sleep for a bit, then we're up for the day around 7am. She used to sleep straight through for long stretches, but she's up every few hours now. I don't know why. It's practically like having a newborn again.

Of course, now that I wrote that all down, it's bound to change.

Lentil Baby Food

Elise had lentils for the first time tonight. I cooked some today and ran them through the blender with extra water to thin them out. We have a LOT of lentils right now.

At first it didn't look like Elise would like them. But I think it was the texture throwing her off, and after 5 or 6 bites she got used to it. Pureed lentils are still a bit chunky and gritty. Kids are funny about textures. But when you think about it, Elise has already tasted all of these flavors before in my amniotic fluid and breastmilk. It's the texture of each solid food that's new to her.

Once I mixed in some peas and carrots, she was good to go. That's a real meal-- lentils, peas and carrots. Her food actually smelled really good tonight.

Oh! Last night I decided to do an experiment. I gave Elise some sips of water from my glass. Just to see what she would do. She drank them really well. But then she started biting the glass, scratching her teeth back and forth. It sounded like nails on a chalkboard. Good lord! What a noise. Back to the boobie for you, young lady!

Finger Foods Update

So far, Elise has had solid chunks of banana, avocado, and (steamed) apple. She hasn't figured out how to feed herself yet. Even when I put the food in her hand, she doesn't bring it to her mouth. Everything else goes in her mouth, but not the food.

She mashes the chunks of fruit with her little gums. It's so cute to see her chew. She's doing quite well at chewing up the food before she swallows it. No major choking episodes yet. She gags more on barley than she does on the chunks of fruit.

Elise is a good eater and always has been. We've never had any food issues with her. I hope that as she grows, she stays open to trying new tastes and has a healthy appetite for nutritious foods.

Adoption Recruitment Event

I got an email a few weeks ago about an event where prospective adoptive parents can meet kids in the foster care system who have already had their parental rights terminated and who are waiting to be adopted. I had heard about these kind of events before, but Husband and I had never attended one. We decided to go see what it was all about.

The event was held in a family-style arcade. First, the prospective adoptive parents went to an orientation. The organizations putting on the event told us about themselves, then we got a quick FAQ presentation about how the day would unfold. One of the speakers talked about how some of the older kids in attendance had been to these events many, many times and didn't want to go to them any more because they were tired of being disappointed and feeling like no one wants them. At the time, I let those words wash over me and tried not to think about them too hard. Now, they haunt me and make me want to cry. I can't even begin to imagine that feeling. They've already suffered terrible abuse and then they are made to feel like they aren't good enough to have a permanent, loving family. Ouch! My heart!

Each adoptive family was put into one of three groups, and the waiting children were divided into three groups by age. Little kids, tweens, and teenagers. The families "visited" with each age group and participated in ice breaker games that got the adults and children interacting with each other. The event coordinators did a really good job with this part of the day.

After that, everyone was given some free passes to play video games. It was another opportunity to interact with the kids. Afterward, they served lunch before the event ended.

We talked with a lot of kids-- mostly older kids, actually. We've inquired about a few of them. Who knows. Right now I'm still reeling from the emotions I have at seeing so many kids waiting for a chance at unconditional love and permanancy.

Baby Sleepover

Elise spent the night at her baby boyfriend's house for the first time on Friday. Don't worry-- they were thoroughly chaperoned. No hanky panky. No monkey business. Although we did catch Elise slobbering on Andy's sock today, that's not a euphamism. She really was just chewing on his sock.

We had a really busy weekend visiting friends, visiting family, and attending an adoptive parent recruitment event. I'll tell you about the event later. I'm really worn out from the weekend. The point of the event was for potential adoptive parents to meet children who are ready to be adopted and see if there is any connection. It was very well done. I'm glad we went.

It's waaaaaaay past Elise's bedtime right now, and she's still bouncing off the walls. I think that all of the excitement from this weekend has thrown her schedule off. I have a feeling that it will be a loooooooong night...

Long Day & Elises's First Peas

Today was a very busy day. I'll tell you all about it later. When I'm more alert.

Also, Elise had peas for the first time today. Went better than I expected. She made a few faces but she didn't reject them.

Oh, lordy, I'm tired. Good night, moon!

Our First Foster Daughter

Our first foster daughter, Cecelia, arrived about two weeks after Bo did and she stayed with us for a month. Her parents' rights were already terminated and she was waiting to be matched for adoption. When the state agengy called us about taking Cecelia into our home as a foster child, they suggested that this would be a good opportunity for us, because as her foster parents we would be considered as a potential match for her adoption. It wasn't until later, when she was matched with another family, that we learned that this other family had known about her and been sort of "pre-matched" with her for years. Husband and I felt like we had been tricked, even though we still would have taken her in as our foster child even if they had been completely honest and told us that there was no way we'd be matched with her. Why lie?

Cecelia had been living with a foster family for years, and then right before she was going to get matched with a new family for adoption, something happend in her foster family and they needed to move her to a new home. (It had nothing to do with her, by the way.) That family that they already knew Cecelia would go to for adoption wasn't a licensed foster family, so she couldn't go live with them until the official matching took place. Bureaucratic red tape. So we were sort of a transitional, month-long foster family for Cecelia.

Cecelia was really nice-- VERY well behaved. She was a bit whiny and used her tears to manipulate situations, but what little kid doesn't? She and Bo were both 3 years old when they were together living with us, although Cecelia was 8 months older than Bo. And she was a good deal bigger than him.

I think they both liked having a playmate. Bo got kind of confused when Cecelia started transitioning to her new adoptive family. He didn't understand why she got to go hang out with new people and he couldn't go, too. Bo talked about her for a long time after she left. We told Cecelia's new family that we would love to do play dates and let the kids hang out, but the new people weren't into it. Based on stuff we heard from other people, the new family was trying to break ties with as many people from Cecelia's past as possible-- kind of pretending that she had no history before she joined their family. I personally don't think that's very healthy for Cecelia, but it's not up to me. I hope she's doing well.

I got pregnant with Elise right around the time Cecelia was transitioning out of our house. So Elise never met Cecelia and I doubt Cecelia ever found out that I'd had a baby. Aurelius, our first foster son, and Cecelia are the only foster siblings that Elise didn't meet. We have pictures of them, and Elise will see them some day. All of our kids have been really cute. I guess we got lucky that way.

Really, I feel lucky overall. Especially after seeing what the kids in foster care go through, getting bounced around and losing ties and connections as they are shuffled from one place to the next. Nobody's life is perfect right? But my childhood looks positively magical compared to they stories I hear on a regular basis as a foster parent. I read Cecelia's case file and while I can't tell you any of the details, let me just tell you that as fucked up as Cecelia's early childhood was, it was 100 times better than what happened to her own mother. So just think about that. Her mother, who was horribly abused, tried to do better for her daughter than what she went through and it STILL wasn't safe and good enough for her to keep her child. That's the kind of thing that makes me want to cry.

That's the kind of thing that makes me want to do the absolute best for my children that I possibly can. I know that Elise (and any other children that come into our family) may not appreciate it for a long time. Maybe not until she has her own kids. Or maybe not ever. But to me, loving my children isn't about lots of toys and cute clothes and trips to McDonald's and Disney World. Some of my foster kids had all of that stuff before they were taken away from their parents. Loving my children is about making them feel safe and loved every second of the day. Raising them to be good people, who are kind and loving to others. As long as my babies have kind hearts and know that no matter where they are and no matter what they're doing, their mother loves them and will be there for them if they need her, then I'll feel like I did a good job as a parent.

Dinner Nap

For two nights in a row now Elise has fallen asleep while eating dinner. Is there something in the barley? Is eating becoming hard work for her? One minute she's chewing away, then next thing you know, her mouth is open, her eyes are shut, and her head is cocked to one side.

Baby narcolepsy is adorable.

Barley Baby Food

Barley. Mixed results.

I made the barley baby food last night by putting some uncooked barley in my coffee grinder and turning it to powder before I cooked it. But here's the deal. The cooked barley powder still puffs up quite a bit. So its texture was sort of like a mushier version of couscous. Lots of little puffy bits.

We gave it to Elise tonight, hoping the texture didn't totally turn her off. The first few bites were plain barley, and Elise had trouble keeping the food in her mouth. The little bits just slipped around in her baby drool and some got swallowed and some fell out. So then we added the barley to some avocado and sweet potato mix, and the rest of the food held the barley together and she could swallow all of it. So it worked in the end, but plain barley wasn't going to cut it.

Now we've given Elise all of the easy-on-the-stomach grains: rice, oatmeal, and barley. So far so good. I'm just waiting to see what those little beads of barley look like coming out the other end...

Finger Foods!

Elise started finger foods tonight. We gave her little chopped up pieces of banana. She didn't actually feed herself-- they were too slippery for her to pick up. But I fed her pieces off MY finger and she chewed them with her little gums.

She made a horrible face at tasting the first piece of banana. Twisted her head and straightened her back, but no arm flapping. She's had banana many times before (mashed up), so I thought her reaction was strange. At first I thought, "Oh, she's not ready for this." But then I saw her chewing. She ate the piece of banana. So I gave her more. She did fine after the first few bites.

Also today, Elise watched Husband eat lunch with this weird intensity. Then she started chomping her jaws and smacking her lips. So we're going to start her on small lunches. We're thinking finger food lunches. We'll offer Elise some more banana pieces tomorrow at lunchtime. See how that goes.

And I Was Worried About the Teeth...

I was so worried that Elise would start biting my nipples once she got her teeth in. Boy, were my fears misplaced. She's been PINCHING me!

It really hurts. Elise grabs at my breast as she's feeding and squeezes and pinches. I've tried moving her hands away, giving her my shirt or my bra or my hand to hold, telling her "no," and yelling "ouch" so she knows it hurts me. She's very persistent and just goes right back to pinching no matter what I do.

I actually noticed a bruise this morning. I'm not kidding-- she's hurting me! I think my strategy will be to just keep taking her hand away and saying firmly, "That hurts Mommy." Hopefully she'll either figure out that I'm not happy with what she's doing or she'll get past this phase.

From erogenous zone to lunch boxes to punching bags... thank you for your service, boobies.

She's Doing Everything Big Today

Elise is ready to get on with her life. Today she tried very hard to be older than she is.

Screw crawling. She's pulling up on EVERYTHING. She wants to walk. Most dangerous is her obsession with her laundry basket. Today she was pulling up on it, standing there holding the edge and pulling clothes out one by one. But her balance isn't that great yet. Sometimes she would fall backward and land on her butt. Sometimes she would fall forward as she bent at the waist and bop her forehead on the edge of the basket. Fortunately, no tumbles INTO the basket. I kept waiting for that to happen.

Then at dinner she wanted extra food. First she ate a serving of carrots and a serving of green beans mixed together. Her two least favorite foods. But she ate them all. Then I gave her a serving of butternut squash, her very favorite-- you should see how fast she can eat it because it's really amazing. Three servings of food for dinner is her norm, and then she's usually done. But tonight, after finishing her squash, she held her little baby bird mouth open and waited for more. And waited. So I fixed her another serving of squash and she ate it all.

But she kept spitting up right before bed, and even though she'd nursed several times since dinner, the spit up was all orange like the squash. So I fed her too much. Oops. Maybe she's not ready for a whole fourth serving. Maybe a little rice cereal in with her dinner or something like that, to add some more calories but not feed her too much.

She's a big girl. And now she's trying to grow up even faster. Slow down, Baby Baby! Mommy can't keep up with you!

The Carrot Dance

I steamed and pureed some carrots for my little baby bunny today. She ate almost all of her serving, but it was kind of rough going. She'd occasionally make faces and do a little "carrot dance," which consisted of her straightening her back, whipping her head to the side, and flapping her arms.

Elise never gagged like she did with the green beans, but she clearly finds the taste of carrots to be all but overwhelming. I remember HATING cooked carrots as a child. Raw was okay, but cooked grossed me out. In retrospect, I don't know if it was the texture or the taste. But I'm not surprised that Elise was a little freaked out by her carrot baby food.

In other news, Brother-In-Law shaved Husband's hair into a mohawk today. It looks pretty awesome. One day Elise will see pictures and say, "Dad had a MOHAWK when I was a baby?!" I can't wait.

Happy 7 Months, Baby Baby!

Seven months old today! My perfect little baby. I can still calm her when she cries by singing "Hush Little Baby" and she still smells like baby soap and milk. But she's growing fast. Crawling. And she's been able to go from lying on her belly to a sitting up position for about a week now. She's learning how to pull herself up, almost onto her feet. And she talks and talks and makes all of these great sounds.

Elise is my heart.

Nuts!

My sister is having a boy!

Oh, she could have had her pick from piles and piles of baby girl clothes. I have a much smaller selection of gender-neutral onesies and pjs. But my sister and Elise's little baby cousin are welcome to whatever we have, of course.

Baby clothes don't get much use-- babies grow so fast. There are very few exceptions to the rule that all of Elise's old clothes still look brand new.

This will be the first boy that has descended from my parents. I have two sisters, then I had a girl. Weird. A boy. I hope he's effeminate and gentlemanly.

Baby Menu

Now that Elise has a good number of foods that she's tried (she had pureed baked white potato tonight for the first time, by the way), I've started to make her a weekly menu. I want to make sure that she gets a good variety of foods. Also, it helps me plan for what foods I need to make more of that week.

I make sure that Elise has at least one fruit, one vegetable, and one grain every day. She usually gets two different foods for breakfast and three different foods for dinner. So, for example, she might have banana and oatmeal mixed together for breakfast and then for dinner have butternut squash mixed with apple and a side of green beans. The next day will be entirely different foods.

I'm careful to only mix together the foods that I actually think would taste good mixed together. So no pear and yellow squash stirred up in the same cup, although they might be served together during the same meal. I've seen adults mix baby foods together in combinations that I know for a fact they wouldn't eat themselves. Babies have taste buds, people!

So far, no serious complaints about my cooking.

Cry Baby Cry

Elise did not sleep well last night. I'm blaming this on the teething. Don't know if that's true or not. I just know that I'm tired. And I hope that tonight is a better night.

Elise's First Pears

Elise had pears for the first time yesterday. She liked them. No major response, good or bad.

Every time she has a new fruit her tummy goes into overdrive and she poops with just about every diaper change. Then she adjusts and it's on to the next new food.

Elise's Baby Boyfriend had papaya the other day. I don't think Elise is ready for anything that fancy yet. She has a kind of delicate stomach. Especially with regard to fruit. Maybe in a month or two. We'll have to work up to papaya.

Lightening Up

I weighed myself last night and (drum roll please!) I AM BACK TO MY PRE-PREGNANCY WEIGHT!!!

Just under 7 months. I could have done it a lot quicker, if I'd really watched what I ate and was better about exercising. But whatever. I feel lucky that most of the weight came off on its own.

Of course, my body doesn't look the same. I might weigh what I used to, but my hips are forever slightly wider, everything is jiggly and untoned, and my abs could use some serious work. So it's time to start toning up. Weights, crunches, push ups, in addition to our regular walks.

Having a baby really takes a toll on a woman's body. My advice to anyone thinking about getting pregnant is to get in shape first. Easier pregnancy, easier delivery, easier recovery. If Husband and I ever decide to try for another biological baby, you can bet that I'm training for that event like it's a marathon.

Head Banger

Now that Elise can scoot around on the floor, her little head is in constant jeopardy. She falls to one side or the other as she tries to crawl and sit up. And most dangerous of all is her new-found ability to pull her upper body off the ground by grabbing hold of furniture or a person.

Just yesterday, she crawled over to her dresser, walked her hands up the drawers until she was in a position like she was kneeling... and then lost her balance and fell headlong into the dresser and bumped her head. Boy did she howl after that. Poor baby!

We had to lower her bassinet, too, because she started to pull up on the sides. Now she sleeps in the regular playpen part. I tried putting her in her crib the other day during a daytime nap, but she rolls around so much and kept hitting her little noggin on the wooden bars. So the playpen is fine for now, as she can't hurt herself on the mesh sides.

Maybe I should get her a football helmet for Christmas, to keep her tiny head safe.

Jogging Stroller

We bought a jogging stroller yesterday. Husband and I were dropping stuff off at Goodwill and saw a great deal on a jogging stroller, so we decided to get it. Husband and I actually used to run, before I got preggers, so maybe we'll be able to get back into it. Very exciting.

We're still doing well with our goal of walking for exercise. We walk about 4 times a week, and we've just increased the distance to 2 miles per trip.

Not only do Husband and I want to get into better shape, we want Elise to think of exercise as a regular part of life. Something you do out of habit. We went on walks a lot with Bo while he was living with us, too. We want our kids to think of an evening walk as something that's nice and relaxing, and so we show Elise by example and make it a part of her routine as often as possible.

I want Elise to be healthy and strong. I try to do everything I can think of to make sure that she has as many advantages as possible. I quit working so that she wouldn't have to go to day care. I breastfeed, make all of her food, read to her every day. I can't forget that she's observing, too. Learning patterns. Developing a sense of what's normal and comfortable to her. It may seem like taking walks every night is mostly for me right now, but I think that in the long run they will benefit Elise, too.

Maybe one day when I'm old she'll return the favor and check me out of the nursing home every once in a while to wheel me up and down the street. "Hear the dog barking, Ma? That's a doggie! Ruff! Ruff!"

Once Bitten

First boobie bite.

Probably my fault, in all fairness. We were out in public and I was trying to pull a blanket out of Elise's mouth and stick my nipple in real quick. I think she was trying to bite the blanket and not my boob, BUT it hurt either way.

Has a child ever bit his or her mother's nipple clean off? Normally that would be the kind of think I'd google, but really, I don't think I actually want to know the answer to that question.

Also, I saw another lady breast feeding in public today. I just don't see it very often. I was happy. I wanted to give her a high five or something, but it probably wasn't an appropriate time for that.

Busy Day

We were very busy today, Elise and I. Got up early, Elise had some nanacado for breakfast, then we met a baby and mommy friend for a walk. Elise likes taking walks and often narrates the entire event as it unfolds.

Later on, we had someone come look at the house. Although they stayed for a decent amount of time to look around, I can tell that they are not our buyers. I have a certain idea in my head of what our buyers will be like, and the people today are not it.

After that, Elise had her first taste of butternut squash. Loved it. She ate her first serving really fast. Then I gave her some more mixed with green beans, which she liked also, but toward the end her toofies started to hurt and she got very upset. Poor baby. A teething ring and some Orajel helped, but ultimately she just needed to sleep it off with a nap.

Right before bed, Elise did some fantastic crawling. Her skillz improve every day. It's really amazing to see. You can practically watch her muscles growing.

And that was our day. Now Elise is asleep, so I'm going to go watch a movie.

Elise's Morning Song

Every morning I sing Elise a wake up good morning song. I've been doing it for a while. I love how she almost always laughs or smiles when I sing it to her. She starts her day off with a happy attitude; she hardly ever wakes up crying.

To the tune of "Happy Birthday" I sing:

Good morning to you!
Good morning to you!
Good morning sweet baby,
Good morning to you!

One day Elise will be a teenager and I'll go in her room and sing her that song to wake her up for school and she'll tell me to shut up and roll over and put the pillow over her head. But for now, my Baby Baby enjoys our silly morning ritual and so do I.

Third Time's a Charm!

You'll never guess what Elise ate for dinner tonight. Green beans!

After her first two tastes (and rejections) of green beans, I thought it was practically a lost cause. I mean, she REALLY hated them. But I figured that it couldn't hurt to try again, so tonight I mixed in lots of rice cereal and milk and offered her some greenie beanies.

Chomp!

Ate 'em right up! Then I made her some more, mixed with yellow squash.

Chomp!

So, it just took a few tries. Yay for Baby Baby!

Also, she started eating oatmeal yesterday. I made Elise some baby oatmeal by taking whole grain rolled oats (not the quick cook or instant kind, but the regular old-fashioned oatmeal) and turned it to powder in my coffee grinder. That way, when I cooked it there were no big chunks. You just have to stir, stir, stir to avoid clumps while it's cooking.

Elise likes oatmeal! She's such a good eater.

Chomp

How do I know that Elise is still my Baby Beastie? Because when she bit my finger the other day and I yelled, "OUCH!!!" she laughed. Evil. (Of course, that's what I get for putting my finger in her mouth to feel her teeth.)

Tooth #2

Elise's second tooth is already making an appearance. Two teeth, just like that. Both are bottom front.

Everyone, please say a little prayer for my nipples. Thank you.

Our Second Foster Son

Our second foster son, "Bo," is Foster Son from earlier posts. He is the foster child that has been with us the longest. Aurelius was with us for one week, but Bo was with us for one year. Bo was a part of our family. He went to all of our events-- holidays, wedding receptions, baby showers. He was with us for my entire pregnancy and the first couple of months of Elise's life. We miss him.

Bo was often very difficult. He could be so good and sweet, or completely out of control. He yelled, hit, spit, kicked, threw things-- you name it. He was 3 years old, so even at his worst he was fairly easily contained. But it was a huge emotional stress on us when Bo was being bad.

His behavior improved dramatically while he was with us because we were strict, consistent, and gave him lots of postitve reinforcement. Husband and I learned so much from our experience with Bo. We refined our parenting techniques and learned how to work together.

Bo was a really funny kid, and what I remember most about him now that he's gone are some of the funny things that he's said. Like the time he insisted that I show him where we put the batteries in for the chair at the dinner table. He refused to believe that chairs don't use batteries.

Bo went back to live with his mother at the end of the year with us. She got her life straightened out and was able to get him back. That's the best thing that can happen for a foster kid. I hope that Bo's mom's life stays on the right path. I hope that he gets to grow up with the stability and positive influences that he deserves. That all kids deserve.

The Swarm

Today when we were out Elise got swarmed by three little girls. They looked 7, 8, and 9-ish. The girls wanted to "pet" the baby. And they did. They pet her hair and her arms and they lifted up her dress and looked at her belly.

Little girls are weird. Was I weird like that? Probably not. I was around littler kids often enough that I don't remember being fascinated by them. In fact, I probably had the opposite reaction. More of a "hide before someone makes me change its diaper or look after it" sort of reaction.

One thing that I hear a lot from little girls is, "I like your baby!" It's equal parts cute and strange. I think what they usually mean is more along the lines of "I like that there is a baby right here for me to look at" and has not so much to do with Elise as an individual. I like your baby. Do they look at other babies and think, "I don't like that one"?

Today, Elise was asleep in her stroller and a little boy coming the other direction said, "That baby's not real." His mom assured him that Elise is a real baby. But she DOES look like a little doll when she's sleeping. I can see where the confusion came from.

Elise Is Riding the Chew-Chew Train to Toofie-town!

Baby's first tooth!

I thought teething would be worse. Maybe it gets worse. Maybe her other teeth will be more painful. But this first one didn't seem like much of a big deal at all. The past few nights Elise has been waking up around 11pm, fussing a bit, and then after I feed her, going back to sleep for the night. I broke my "no feedings between 9pm and 5am" policy because I could tell that something was really bothering her. I thought that maybe she was going through a growth spurt or maybe she had a mild sickness. Nope! She was teething!

So today after Elise's afternoon nap, I felt along her gums on a whim and discovered the hard little bump of an erupted tooth. Bottom right front.

God, she's growing up so fast.

I love her so much.

Oh, also today, Elise had her first serving of yellow squash. She liked it well enough and ate it all. Yellow squash is pretty watery after it's been frozen, so I had to thicken it up with some rice cereal. She's such a good eater!

Now that she's having two meals a day, she's starting to breastfeed a little less. My boobies feel fuller now, as they are trying to adjust to less demand. It's slightly uncomfortable sometimes. Not so bad as the engorged feeling that I had when my milk was first coming in, but I can tell that my body is changing yet again to accomodate my baby's needs.

I just hope she doesn't start biting my boobies.

The Tale of Elisey Baby

Today I read Elise "The Tale of Peter Rabbit" by Beatrix Potter. While I think the message (listen to your mother) was lost her, she did love the pictures.

Elise has 30-some books. That sounds like a good amount until you realize that it takes about 5 minutes to read most of them. "The Rainbow Fish" starts to lose its charm at the 500th reading.

I've been reading magazine articles and websites to her. Trying to expose her to new words. I think that's a better plan than those Baby Einstein videos.

Baby's First Breakfast

Elise had her first breakfast this morning. She's a really good eater, so Husband and I decided we'd start giving her two meals a day.

I made her some rice cereal with breastmilk. Cereal seems like an appropriate breakfast food, right? She gobbled it up. She didn't eat as much as she does at dinnertime, but I kind of expected that would be the case.

My freezer is filling up with baby food. It's definitely time to start giving her more meals, otherwise I'll run out of space for my mommy food.

Post-Pregnant Body and Elise's Favorite Baby Food

One pound to go until I'm back to my pre-pregnant weight! Woo hoo! Six and a half months after delivery and only one pound to go. I'm sure it would have come off a lot quicker if I exercised more regularly... but I'm happy that the weight came off either way.

Husband and I have committed to regular walks around the neighborhood as of late. It's nice how the neighbors coo over Elise.

I still have a bit of a dark line above my belly button. I don't think that's going away. And my umbilical hernia still isn't healed.

But did I mention ONE pound!? And that's probably all breastmilk. That's what I'm telling myself, anyhow.

Oh, and also, Elise has a new favorite baby food. Apples and bananas mixed together. She gobbled it. Super loved it.

Do you know that song "I love to eat, eat, eat apples and bananas..."? That was Elise's dinner song tonight.

Today I made Elise some butternut squash baby food. I cut a squash in half lenghtwise, scooped out the seeds, put it in a baking pan with a couple of inches of water in the bottom and with the cut part facing down, and baked it at 400 degrees for about 45 minutes. Then I scooped out the "meat" and pureed it. It smelled good. I hope she likes it when it's time to give it to her.

I don't think anything will compare to those apples and bananas, though.

Baby's First Applesauce

Elise ate her first applesauce today. Yum yum yum. She made a face at first, but then she ate it right up. Who doesn't like applesauce?

I like my applesauce cold. I remember the first time it was served to me warm. I was elementary school aged and we were at a restaurant-- I think it was some kind of steakhouse type of place. I ordered applesauce and it was brought heated up and it BLEW MY MIND. Why would anyone want to heat it, I'd wondered. I thought it was gross. I didn't eat it.

I heated Elise's applesauce tonight. Does that make me some sort of hypocrite? Probably. I'll make up for it when you're bigger, Elisey-poo, by sprinkling lots of cinnamon in and serving it ice-cold. Yum yum yum.

You Must Think I Was Born Yesterday

Elise was not so easily fooled by stirring some sweet potato in with her green beans. Even when there was a LOT more sweet potato than green bean, Elise acted like we'd just tried to feed her a spoonful of dog poo.

Oh well. We'll try again later.

Future Husband, Green Beans, Crawling

Today was a big day for Baby Baby. Not only did she spend the day playing with her future husband, but she ate green beans for the first time and she crawled for the first time ever.

Green beans were a big thumbs down. She literally gagged. I read that you have to introduce foods 4 or 5 times before kids will like some flavors, so we'll try again soon. Maybe we'll give her green beans and sweet potatoes mixed together tomorrow. For tonight we just let her have some nanacado instead.

I think Elise was showing off for her Baby Husband when she started crawling today. She only gave one little shuffle at a time, but she did it twice so it wasn't just a fluke. So exciting!

Love At First Sight

Elise met her future husband in person for the first time today. I think it went well. They even held hands. :)

Spill Contained

I managed to avoid a BP spill today! I had to change several diapers in a fairly short period of time, but no baby poo escaped. Yay!

The second I noticed Elise pausing during playtime, I thought, "Here it comes!" Then she got this look on her face like she was trying to solve a really hard math problem, so I snatched her up and she farted the whole way to the changing table.

When I opened her diaper it looked like someone had spooned mashed sweet potatoes down her pants. Seriously. It looked the exact same as it did going in. Did her body even process it? It was like she was one of those baby dolls that you feed water and two seconds later the water leaks into the diaper. Straight through. Except that the last time she'd eaten solid food was, like, 18 hours before that-- so I guess her body did SOMETHING with all of that food.

I changed her diaper, dressed her, then repeated a few minutes afterward. Several algebraic equations later Elise was done and I didn't even have to rinse out any onesies or wipe poo off of anyone's elbows today.

The Latest

Elise is averaging one BP spill per day. I hope this ends soon. Today it not only exploded out the top of her diaper, it ran down her leg and puddled on the floor. Nasty.

Tonight while Elise was eating dinner she said "da da da da da da..." Very exciting. Husband heard her, too.

What else? My sister's baby is flopping all around in her tummy. My brother-in-law even felt the baby kick today. I think she's about 18 weeks along now. Both of us felt our babies moving around kind of early. A small trade off for all of that horrible morning sickness.

Mommy's Little Sweet Potato

Elise had sweet potato for the first time tonight. She liked it! She even blew sweet potato spit all over Daddy, she was so happy and having so much fun.

I made a lot of sweet potato baby food because I figured Elise would like it. I think that most babies like sweet potato.

I took 5 sweet potatoes, washed them, poked them with a fork, wrapped them in tin foil, and baked them at 400 degrees for about 50 minutes. When they were done, I took off the skins and pureed them. I froze most of the puree, but for the bit Elise had tonight, I thinned it with breast milk.

Now, there's something very strange that happens with kids' faces and certain light colored foods. I've observed this with the foster kids, too. After a meal, all little kids need to be wiped down, hands and face. With foods like spaghetti sauce, you can see perfectly where the mess is. Foods like sweet potato, you wipe and wipe and under artificial lighting it looks like you got it all. Then you take the kid outside into the sunlight and BAM! Suddenly you can see little smears of food still rimming the nostrils, wiped through the eyebrows, dabbed on the earlobes. When this happens I get all self-conscious and think that I look like a horrible mother. My baby looks messy and not properly cared for. If it's just a little bit of food I do the whole lick my finger and rub spit on the kid's face bit. But if it's a lot of food, I stop short of cleaning the kid's face like a momma cat and just get to baby wipes or a sink as quickly as possible, feeling slightly mortified the whole way there.


Obviously, this happened tonight. We went out after dinner and as I was taking her out of the car I was like, "Oh my god. Elise's nostrils are orange." So, lesson learned, sweet potato mess can sneak up on you.

Come On Baby, Do the Locomotion

Elise is SO close to crawling. She can get up on her hands and knees. She can move her arms forward. She can move her legs forward. She just hasn't figured out yet how to do it all together.

She'll get up on her hands and knees and rock back and forth, back and forth. Sometimes she'll roll over onto a stuffed animal and when she gets up on her hands and knees the animal is underneath of her. Then she starts rocking and it looks like she's some little dog, humping its own toy. It's pretty funny.

It's amazing how much babies change in just 6 months. From helpless blob to shameless toy humper. Crazy.

Kiss-iversary

Husband and I celebrated 8 years of togetherness tonight. 8 years!

We went (with Elise, of course) to the Melting Pot restaurant. In all my 31 years, despite the many high school proms, graduations, nice dates, etc that I experienced, I'd never been to a Melting Pot. It was really nice. Husband even had flowers put on the table for when we arrived.

Quote of the evening: "Bring me your funniest prostitute!" I refuse to give any context. Just know that it was said.

Spoke Too Soon

We had another BP (baby poo) spill this morning. I guess the rice cereal only delayed the inevitable.

Well, her little digestive system will figure it out eventually. I had no idea how much solid food would impact my sweet Beastie. :(

Rice Cereal

Baby Baby had her first rice cereal tonight. She LOVED it. I even had to make extra because she was still hungry after her first serving.

Bananas are probably her least favorite of the foods she's tried so far. She hasn't rejected anything, but it takes her longest to eat the bananas. Baby Baby is much more enthusiastic about avocado and rice cereal.

I want to give her tummy a little break from the bananas, anyhow. Tomorrow she'll try avocado and rice cereal together. I think that those massive butt explosions WERE from the bananas. No butt explosion tonight.

She pooped in the potty tonight and they were like tiny little people poops. Not runny like baby poops. That rice cereal sure firmed things up. Weird.

Two For Two

Second massive butt explosion in two days. Poo everywhere. I'm glad that we're doing rice cereal tomorrow, because that's supposed to slow things down a bit. If not, we'll have to call up BP and ask them exactly how that whole "top kill" thing was meant to work. We've got a major leak in the poop chute and no formal contingency plan for such an event.

Banana Farts

Bananas are making Elise fart.

I read that as babies are eating new foods, it can take their digestive systems a little while to get all of the good bacteria and whatnot built up. They can be "sensitive" to some foods for a while, as everything is developing. Bananas have a lot of carbohydrates, which can lead to a lot of farts.

I fed Elise nanacado again tonight, but I made it with more 'cado than 'nana so that her tummy could have a little bit of a break but still be exposed to the banana. She had one major shit-up-the-back poo after dinner but other than that, her tummy seems to be dealing with the banana better tonight than last night.

Part of me feels almost bad, giving her food and messing everything up in her tummy. Can't she just drink breast milk until she's, like, three years old and can have a semi-rational conversation and understand that I'm not trying to screw up her day or make her feel sick?

She loves eating, though. Gobbles it right down. She's probably actually unphased by all of the extra pooping and extra farting. I'm probably over-analysing it. Here's me: "Oh my god! Poor baby! Non-stop farting! And how is it even possible that she had that much poop IN her?! She must feel awful! This is terrible! TERRIBLE!" And here is what Elise is probably thinking: "Aaahhhhhhhhh! That felt good!"

Banana Baby Food

Elise had bananas for the first time yesterday. I mashed some banana up with breast milk. She didn't take to it quite as quickly as the avocado. Kind of made a face at first. But then she ate just fine. I think that the bananas had a stronger, sweeter smell and taste than the avocado so maybe that's why she reacted differently.

Tonight she had avocado-banana-milk mush. She seemed to like it well enough. Ate a lot. So now she has 3 meal options: banana, avocado, or nanacado. Every new food we add will open up exponentially more options for her. How exciting! Math AND food!

Husband likes that she's eating solid food now because that means that he can help feed her. Thus far, I've been her only food supply and we haven't had any need to use bottles, so she just drinks from the spigot, so to speak. But with the solids, Husband sits and feeds her while I get grown up dinner together. It's nice. He gets baby bonding time and I get to be responsible for no one but myself for a little bit. Everyone wins.

6 Month Check-up

Elise had her 6 month check-up today. 4 shots in her thighs and 1 dose of yucky tasting vaccine in her mouth. Poor baby. It just kills me the way she cries so hard that she turns red and shakes when they give her the shots.

She did better this time than she did for her 2 month and 4 month shots, though. She didn't need any baby Tylenol. She woke up from her post-doctor's office nap pretty fussy, but she nursed and then she was okay. Big girl!

Today she was 15 lbs 9 oz (45th percentile) and 25 1/2 inches long (45th percentile).

6 Months Old!

As your Daddy said today, "Happy half birthday Elise!!!"

I can't believe how much she's changed in six months. My little Beastie. My Baby Baby. She's still absolutely perfect.

It sounds so trite, but it really is true that you have no idea how much you're capable of loving someone until you have kids. It's different than any other kind of love and it's a million times deeper.

I love being Elise's mommy.

If I ever got a neck tattoo, it would be of "Elise" witten over and over again in the shape of a heart and there would be a drawing of a little cartoon monster baby beastie inside the heart with a goofy tongue-hanging-out smile like Elise does. THAT is how much I love Elise. Hardcore neck tattoo love. Grrrrr.

Baby Baby Update

Elise is a wonderful eater. Loves loves loves avacado. Tomorrow she'll try banana. I read that bananas constipate some babies, so I'll have to be on my guard. The avocado makes her extra poopy, so maybe if I mix avocado and banana they'll cancel each other out. Yep. I'm sure that's the way it will work out in real life.

I didn't mention it before, but Elise's trip to the dairy farm was her first time out of state. Elise has been in TWO states now. I know that she's too young to remember this trip, but I really hope to be able to take her lots of different places as she grows older. I love to travel and I hope she will, too. Also, I still owe her a trip to Disney, which I promised her in an earlier blog post if she would come out of my vagina. She kept her end of the bargain so I will keep mine.

What else? Oh! She's learned how to wah-wah. That's what I call it. She goes "aaaaaaahhhhhh," makes her hands into little fists, and then punches herself in the mouth so that the sound becomes "waaaah waaaah waaaah." Previously, I would flutter my hand over her mouth, but now she can do it on her own.

Elise is so awesome. I can't believe that she'll be 6 months old tomorrow!

Our First Foster Child

We had our first foster care placement during May 2009, before I got pregnant. It was a respite care placement-- the little boy was only with us for 1 week while his regular foster mom went out of town.

I can't use the foster kids' real names, so I'll make up names for them. I'll name them like hurricanes, each one getting the next letter of the alphabet. And I'll pick names that I like but will never get to use on my own children, for whatever reason.

So the first little dude I will call Aurelius. He was beautiful. And cute as a button. Aurelius was 11 months old when he came to stay with us. Great baby-- slept through the night, good eater, happy. He was a really good first foster care placement for us. We knew exactly how long he would be with us, and it was a short time, so we didn't get too attached but we still had to learn to say goodbye.

Aurelius went to day care and the first day we went to pick him up, I was given a slip that said his snot was green that day and he couldn't come back to school for two days. Might give the other kids an infection or whatever. Damn it! First day of being a foster parent and I have to call out of work the next day! Fortunately, that was on a Thurday so I only had to miss Friday and not a second day of work, too.

During the week that he was with us, Aurelius decided to let go of furniture and start walking. That was cool. I think that the cats inspired him to want to move around faster.

We still think about the little guy. We bumped into him and his foster mom a few times at different foster parent meetings and functions. Last we heard, a cousin was going to adopt him. We heard that at Christmas-time and the last time we saw his foster mom, a few months ago, Aurelius wasn't with her. So I hope the adoption worked out for him.

Aurelius was our first chance to parent together. It was fun. Husband and I make a good team.

Avocado Poops

Elise had her first post-solid-food poop this morning. It was in the toilet (yay for EC!), so I didn't get to see it up close. It DID seem a bit more solid than normal, though. Husband changed her first poopy diaper today and he said that he could smell avocado. Avocado poops!

She had more avocado for dinner tonight. Still loving it. She ate a little bit more than yesterday.

Then after dinner Elise had a major poo that leaked out her diaper and all over Husband's pants. I heard him yelling in the living room while I was in the kitchen cooking-- curry, nonetheless. Curry and baby poo can look a LOT alike, given the proper context. Incidents like this lead me to believe that perhaps Elise has a highly developed sense of potty humor.

Solids!

Elise ate her first solid food today!

Husband, Elise, and I met up with some family and went to a botanical garden and then had lunch. We decided to celebrate Elise's 6 month birthday a few days early so that more people could join in. I mixed breast milk with mashed up avocado and Elise ate like a champ. She sucked it right off the spoon and went back for more. And more. And more.

She ate more than I thought she would. She did such a good job! She seemed to like the avocado and I think that mixing it with milk helped the taste seem familiar to her.

Soooo, she'll have avocado with dinner for the next three nights, then we'll try banana. And then I can make banana-avocado-milk mush! This is so exciting!

She hasn't pooed since she ate. Will it be different? Green like the avocado? I don't know! I'll report back...

Spoons, Goats, Tattoos

I've been letting Elise hold and bite on baby spoons, to get her used to them before her first solid-food feeding. She loooooooves them.

So then I got the bright idea of putting some breast milk on a spoon, to see what she does. She drank it off the spoon, but then held the milk at the front of her mouth and looked at me like, "Now what?!" She swallowed it eventually. Silly girl.

Solids should be interesting.

Oh! Also, I milked a goat today. Husband, Elise, and I went to a dairy farm and I got to milk a goat. Different than hand expressing breast milk, in case you were wondering.

The highlight of the dairy farm trip, though, was seeing this hipster, who was there with his wife and child, turn and reveal his hammer and sickle NECK TATTOO. That is some serious devotion to the good ol' USSR. Good god. I thought I was there to see the animals... turns out that the people were just as interesting to look at.

Horseshoes and Hand Grenades

Another almost-match for adoption. This time Husband vetoed it. I'm sad. So close. So close.

Baked Potato Baby Food

Another attempt at mommy-made baby food. We had baked potatoes for dinner tonight, so I threw an extra tater in the oven and saved it for Elise.

Not sure how well this will turn out. I took the skin (my favorite part!) off of Elise's potato and put it in the blender with some freshly expressed breast milk. I read that you can't refreeze breast milk ever for any reason, so I couldn't use any of the milk I already had in the freezer to make the potatoes since I would be freezing the pureed potatoes for later. Anyway, the texture of the pureed baked potato was weird-- kind if thick-- so when I thaw it, I think that I'll have to mix it with a lot more milk. Or some water. But I'll probably use milk since white potatoes are already kind of lacking in the vitamins and nutrients department.

Husband didn't understand at first why I would even WANT to make Elise white potato baby food. White potatoes just aren't as good for you as lots of other vegetables. But 1) I want Elise to be exposed to all kinds of healthy food and 2) I was already making us potatoes, so I might as well make her some, too.

I left the butter, sour cream, and fake bacon strips out, though. Sorry, Elise.

Yellow Squash Baby Food

Made some yellow squash baby food tonight. I consider this the least successful of my baby food ventures so far.

I took two yellow squash and peeled them, sliced them, steamed them, and put them through my baby food hand grinder. I peeled them because I read that the peel is hardest for babies to digest and that they might have trouble with it until they are about 8 months old. I'm sure that the peel must be where most of the vitamins and nutrients are... I'll leave the peel on next yellow squash baby food batch.

Two yellow squash doesn't make very much baby food, FYI. That is another failing of my work tonight. I'll use at least 4 squash to make a batch of baby food in the future.

I'm trying to learn to enjoy the process of the things that I do and not just the end result. I think I'll be happier if I can learn to enjoy the process, too. So, with that in mind, it's OKAY that the squash didn't turn out quite as I expected. I LEARNED from the experience and everything will be even BETTER next time. (Blah blah blah bullshit bullshit... I hate it when things aren't perfect the first time through and I am often discouraged from doing it again if the result is too different from my expectations... BUT! sometimes you have to trick yourself into a better way of thinking. And I will keep lying to myself about how much I enjoy the process of making baby food for as long as necessary... or until Elise is on to finger foods.)

So, we've got applesauce, green beans, yellow squash, avocado and banana can be mashed up on the spot, and the rice cereal we have is instant. I want to make carrots, too, but I read that they don't freeze well, so I'll have to make those within a few days of feeding them to Elise. That should be about a month's worth of variety.

Next, Elise gets to EAT all of my great food!

Secret Poops

Elise has been secret-pooping a lot lately. When she was smaller, all of her poops were announced by a loud, rumbly mudslide noise. Now, I'll just be going along, ho hum, must be about time for a diaper change, and then I open her diaper and WHAM! Baby Poop City! There were no noises, no faces, no pauses in activity-- does Elise even know that she pooped? Maybe SHE doesn't know. Ugh.

Plus, she's been having poops that smell exactly like vinegar. It's strange. Husband suggested that it might be because I eat a lot of salads with balsamic vinaigrette-- but that's nothing new so I don't know why that would matter now. Either way, PEEEEE-EEEEEEEEW!

I love you, though, my stinky, sneaky vinegar butt.

Baby Baby Song

One cool thing about having kids is that you get to make up lots of silly songs. Or, more accurately, you have an audience for your silliness.

I sing this song to Elise often (sung mostly to the tune of 'You Are My Sunshine'):

You are my baby
My Baby Baby
And Baby Baby, I love you
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
'Til you have a baby, too

Random Thoughts

I'm really tired today. Stupid tired. All I can gather up right now are some random thoughts.

1. Elise's eyes are still blue.

2. I really love breastfeeding. I'm going to miss it when it's over. I'm hoping for at least another 6 months.

3. Elise's hair is filling in more and it's getting lighter. I think it might be blonde for a while. Husband's sister had blonde hair when she was little, so maybe.

4. I still have between 2 and 3 pounds left to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I read somewhere that the the average American woman permanently gains 5 pounds per pregnancy. I've already beat that statistic-- let's see if I can lose the rest.

Tired...

Distracted Eater

As Baby Baby gets older, she is beginning to desire. She is no longer content to be entertained with whatever is placed in front of her. She wants.

This is a good thing because it motivates her. It is motivating her to figure out ways to move her body so that she can get those much longed for objects. She will roll across the room or use her arms to swivel her entire body while she lies on the floor. She grabs at things that she wants and she cries when you take away something that she already had. Elise is interested in more than just eating and sleeping. She is fascinated by the world around her.

In fact, eating often becomes a close second in priority of her interests. Lately, when she eats she will latch and unlatch, latch and unlatch. She hears a noise, she unlatches. She sees a cat, she unlatches. She smells dinner cooking, she unlatches. This happens so often during some feedings that my nipple starts to get sore.

Right now, Elise is tugging desperately at Vincent's fur, trying to pull him closer, and Vincent is looking for a way to escape. Right now she desires the cat. She stopped feeding to turn and grab at him.

Over the next 16 years "oh! a kitty! I want!" will morph into scarier and more complex desires such as "can I borrow the car?" or "will you sign the parental consent form so that I can get a tattoo?" or "now that Bob and I have been dating for 2 months, can you help me get some birth control?" Oh god. Oh god. Deep breaths! Don't think that far ahead.

Yikes! And, BTW Elise, the answer to all of the above is "go ask your father..."

Yay for Skype

Elise gets to see her grandparents and aunts on a somewhat regular basis, thanks to Skype. Skype doesn't always work perfectly-- sometimes the picture is laggy or the sound falters or the call gets dropped-- but overall it's well worth the hassle.

Elise even got to Skype with her future husband tonight. And ooooh, there is no denying that she likes him. She gets all flirty when she sees him, laughing and smiling and bouncing around.

Distances don't seem so long when you can see the people that you're talking to in real time. One day I'll tell Elise about how when I was her age, all we had to talk to people with were telephones. With no cameras! And we had to pay PER MINUTE to talk to people long distance on the phone!

Can you imagine?!

How We Became Foster Parents

About 9 months after our adoption home study was approved, I emailed our case manager to tell her that some stuff in our profile had changed. She set up a time immediately to meet with us and discuss our new circumstances. She said that we needed to update the home study. Looking back, Husband and I joke that we should have known that something was up because our adoptions case manager is NEVER that reasponsive to our needs.

Basically the first thing she says when she shows up that she really came over to talk to us about foster parenting. Husband and I had NOT planned to be foster parents. Not part of our goal. Just match us for adoption, thank you very much. But our case manager presented it as a way that would increase our chances of getting an adoption match. Not only would it give us some parenting experience (which is a bonus on your home study), but when kids in the foster care system become available for adoption, first they look for relatives, then if no relatives can/will adopt the child, they ask the foster parents if they want to adopt. Non-relatives who aren't foster parents are the last people they turn to for adoption.

Our case manager said, "Your house is all set up for a child. Why not help a kid out while you wait to get matched?"

Husband and I talked it over and eventually agreed to do it. More paperwork, more inspections, more background checks, etc, etc. There's twice as much stuff to do to get licensed for foster care as there is to get approved for adoption. It's a looooong process. But we eventually got licensed for two children, boys or girls, ages 0-3. When we got relicensed recently, we changed our age range to 0-5 years old.

We've had 5 kids in our home in a little over a year since we've been licensed. I'll tell you about them some time. Two of them were with us before I got pregnant, but Elise has met 3 of the kids.

It's been pretty crazy, being a foster parent. Definitely not for everybody. Probably not a good idea for most people. Then again, being a parent to their own biological child isn't a good idea for some people. Hence the need for foster parents.

The Stuff

I said stuff was going on the other day. Well. Husband and I were being considered as potential adoptive parents for a sibling group of three. Husband and I had a LOT to talk about. Very long, very emotional night. One of the kids is 12 years old, which is well outside of the age range that we initially felt prepared to deal with.

Ultimately, we decided to wait and see if we got matched and then wait to hear more about the kids' history before we made a final decision. Turned out that one of the kids has an issue that we are not able to deal with right now. So, we never had to make the really hard decision of "can we accept three kids, including a 12 year old, into our family at this time in our lives."

I still feel drained from that whole experience. And I think that, while both Husband and I are anxious to get matched for adoption, we feel that in retrospect things worked out for the best in this situation.

Guacamole? Success!

I found the simplest and easiest recipe possible for guacamole, tried it out, and managed to delight Husband's highly selective tastebuds. Victory!

So it looks like Elise's 6 month old happy-birthday-and-here's-your-first-solid-food celebration will be Mexican themed. She'll have avocado, we'll have nachos, I'll play our cd of salsa music (Husband and I took some salsa lessons together back in the day) and we'll make lots of Dora the Explorer references, even though Elise is too young to get them.

I suppose that Elise's extra long name (two middle names and a hyphenated last name) is sort of in the Latin tradition. Also, when we used to swaddle her, she looked like a little burrito. Oh! And I craved 7 layer burritos when I was pregnant! So Elise's ties to the Latin community are tenuous at best, but not completely non-existent. I was baptized in the Catholic church. That should count for something.

Okay, Elise. How does sangria milk sound?

More Later

Stuff. But I don't want to talk about it right now.

Green Bean Puree

Made my baby some green bean baby food today. I had some frozen organic green beans, so I steamed them in the microwave and then put them in the blender. Now they're in the freezer, waiting for Elise to start eating solids.

The homemade green bean baby food looks so bright green and smells so fresh! It's not like the slightly off-color, bland mush that I think of when I think about jarred baby food. I'm sure that baby food is better now than when my sister and my cousins were babies. You can even get organic baby food at the grocery store, and I've started seeing baby food in the freezer section, too. Baby food revolution!

Oh! I think I mentioned that I want avocado to be Elise's first solid food. Well, I got this idea that on Elise's 6 month birthday, she would eat her first bite of avocado and Husband and I would eat some sort of avocado dessert. As if we were sharing a special birthday treat.

Well. I found this recipe for fudge that uses avocado. I was thrilled! Fortunately, I had the foresight to try the recipe out before Elise's birthday-thingy. To me, it tastes like regular fudge. You can occasionally taste a little bit of something different... but I would never say, "Is there avocado in this fudge? What's going on here?" Husband, however, did not like the fudge.

:(

So, I guess we're having chips and guacamole. Unless I ruin that recipe, too.

Book for Baby Baby

I got Elise her first soft, squishy, fabric book today. You know, one of those books for babies that are made out of cloth. I figured that she'd like it because she would be able to easily handle it.

She loves it.

As all baby items have a gimmick, the gimmick of this book is that it has lots of little ribbony tags. Apparently babies love tags. Elise is no exception.

I was at the bookstore with Elise and my sister, and my sister bought her fetus a book, too. One of those board books for babies. It has animals and the pictures are high contrast, which newborn babies love.

We're going to raise a couple of book-loving reading machines.

Other People's Birth Stories: Overheard

I heard two of the instructors talking at the foster kids' day care the other day.

First Lady: Well, I had my baby in my car.

Second lady: In your CAR?!

1: Yeah. It was crazy.

2: Where was your car?

1: In the parking lot.

2: The parking lot of what?

1: The hospital!

2: Oh, girl. You made it all the way to the hospital, then you had your baby in the parking lot?

1: I couldn't wait!

2: Oh, girl.

That is insane-- giving birth to your baby in the hospital parking lot. Oh man.

I'd feel compelled to give that kid a middle name of Parker.

Hot Hot Hot

Poor Baby Baby. She's sick today. Fever. 101 degrees. Baby Tylenol helps, but I can tell that she feels poopy. She's slept more than usual today and she's had mildly cranky spells.

Its hard to see your baby be sick.

Oh, but speaking of being sick, this morning Elise got sick aaaaaalllllllll over my side of the bed. She woke up around 7 a.m. screaming. Very unlike her-- she is the quintessential morning person. She had already been in our bed for about an hour at that point because she got up around 6:00 for a feeding. Well, she's crying like crazy, so I figure it must be gas. She's not a fussy baby and so when Elise yells like that a giant fart and some relieved-sounding baby coos usually aren't far behind. I was rubbing her tummy and exercising her little legs, when all of a sudden... BLEEEEEEEHGGGHHHH! Puke everywhere. I turn her onto her side so she doesn't choke, but she's still going so I pick her up and tilt her forward. By the time she's done, I'm sitting in a puddle of baby vommit.

Good morning to you, too, my little milk geyser.

So hopefully Elise feels healthier tomorrow. Or at least maybe we can start the day off better.

Our House Is On the Market

We want to sell our house so that we can move closer to our families. We want Elise to grow up near her grandparents and her aunts and uncles and cousins.

We had someone come look at the house tonight. But it was HORRIBLE timing. We'd just finished eating dinner, so there were dishes in the sink and laundry to be folded and the cats were running around begging to be fed. And, of course, we had about 5 minutes notice. Aaaaargh. I'm trying to just focus on "yay, someone looked at the house" and not "well, that was a disaster."

Husband and I think that Elise will have more opportunities for good schooling if we lived closer to where we grew up. And the scenery is nicer there. And we still have friends who live in the area.

We know that the housing market is crummy right now, but we're keeping our fingers crossed. And with any luck, we'll be able to move before Elise starts kindergarten.

Baby's First TV Show

In the first month after Elise was born, Husband and I watched seasons 1 through 5 of "Weeds" on Netflix. Which maybe isn't the most motherly of television viewing options, but then I read that one of the actors was the movie voice of the Disney character Nemo and I felt less guilty.

Rubber Ducky, You're the One

Elise and I took our first bath together. It was great. She splashed her hands and kicked her feet. I guess that the bath tub is the biggest body of water that she's ever been in. How exciting!

I like my baths and showers steamy hot. So hot that Husband can't stand it, which is why we don't take a whole lot of showers together. We compromise on the temperature and then both of us end up miserable-- he's too hot and I'm too cold. BUT, for Baby Baby I sat in a tub of what might as well have been ice water, just so I could hold her while I washed her little head and scrubbed her little toes.

She didn't even poo in the tub! Yay!

Uni-baby

Once again, Elise is an only child. The foster kids left today; they're going to live with a relative.

Husband and I decided to celebrate our victory over 3-kids-younger-than-2-years-old by going out to dinner tonight. While the foster kids were with us, our only outings as a whole family were to the grocery store, Wal-mart, or the day care. For real. We were hoping to work up to something more impressive, like the mall or a park, but we were going in baby steps.

We went to our favorite Chinese restaurant (where the staff all cooed over Elise and the owner told me what a good baby she is) and then to a book store. Ah, real world... I missed you so much.

Babies Have Soft Feet

Me: (rubbing baby feet on my cheeks) Elise's feet are so soft! They've never been walked on.

Husband: I was thinking that just the other day.

M: Really?

H: Makes you want to grow that soft skin in a vat and then make a bed sheet out of it or something.

Oh, science. Please don't ever let technology catch up to my husband's creepy imagination.

Home Study THIS

Once Husband and I decided that our path to adoption would be through the state foster care system, we had to do a WHOLE bunch of stuff to get approved to be adoptive parents. We had to take all of these classes and then have a home study done where a case manager checked out our house and also asked all about our marriage, our childhoods, etc, etc. We had to get fingerprinted and have background checks done. We had to get referrals from friends and family saying that we're decent people. Getting all of this stuff done took forever, partly because I was still in school at the time and partly because everything takes forever when you're dealing with a state agency.

Elise has the benefit of having her parents thoroughly checked out and approved to be parents before she was ever born. Not many kids get to say that!

We got approved to be adoptive parents at the end of August 2008. Now we wait for a match. Husband and I want to be matched with a relatively healthy child, age 5 or younger. So it's taking a long time because that's what everyone wants. We've gotten fairly far in the selection process on several occasions, but different things have happened to put obstacles in our way.

You know, even though I waited a long time to be a mommy, now that Elise is here, I know that she is sooooo worth the wait. I would wait another 10 years if I had to in order to get her just as she is. And so I know that when we finally get the chance to adopt, Husband and I will feel like it was worth the wait and all of the hassle that will have lead up to that moment. It's hard to be patient while you're still actually waiting-- but I know I'll be glad for it in the end.

Elise Sat Up By Herself!

Yay! Another important step in babyhood. Today I sat Elise up, took my hands away, and she didn't topple over. She leaned forward onto her little baby hands and sat there smiling. She looked like a human triangle. A little baby scalene.

She's so cool.

Baby Boobies

Elise had little breast buds when she was born. Did I tell you about this already? I forget.

Girls know what breast buds are. They're like these little disk things under your nipples that hurt like a motherf-er when you hit them on the edge of your desk while leaning forward to pass a note during 5th grade Earth Science class. They're the start of lady boobies.

Well, newborns can have them, too. Boys or girls. They get them because of their mother's hormones. Elise had her baby boobies for a while. A month or two. She doesn't have them anymore.

I read that some babies even lactate. Holy cow! Feed yourself, kid! Mommy's going back to bed...

Choosing Which Kind of Adoption

The summer after my second year of grad school, Husband and I agreed that it was time to start planning our family. Actually, what probably really happened is that I cried, begged, pleaded, and acted mildly insane for so long that Husband realized that life with kids would be less stressful than life with a baby-crazy wife. But I choose not to remember it that way.

We started researching adoption options. There are three basic kinds of adoption, as I see it. There's foreign adoption, domestic private adoption, and domestic adoption through the state foster care system. We weighed the pros and cons of each, insofar as we could tell what the pros and cons were. The truth of the matter is, this stuff is complicated and until you go through the process you just can't understand all of the nuances, no matter how much research you do.

Here's how we broke it down when were deciding which path to adoption was best for us:

* foreign adoption: pros= you can get matched with a baby; cons= hella expensive, sometimes the country or orphanage lies about the age or health of the child, adopting from Asia has turned into some weird yuppie thing to do and we don't want our kid thinking they were chosen as an accessory to our priviledged white lifestyle

* domestic private adoption: pros= you can get matched with a baby; cons= expensive, birth mothers can back out at the last second

* adoption through the state: pros= free of cost; cons= could take a really long time in order to get matched with a healthy infant

Husband and I decided to adopt through the state, as we were in no rush to get matched for adoption right away. It's turned out to be an even longer process than we expected, but we're still committed to adopting through the foster care system.

Chomp!

I've been letting Elise smell my food lately. Putting it right under her nose, hoping to start getting her interested in eating. She must be smelling it. I don't know. She doesn't usually react in any way.

Tonight I put a piece of popcorn under her nose and she tried to bite it. Tried to bite it!

She's just about ready for solids!

5 Months!

Happy 5 months, sweet Beastie! Where does the time go? It seems like only yesterday that I was running into the hospital at 1 a.m. with a towel wrapped around my waist, leaving puddles of amniotic fluid in my wake. I couldn't WAIT to meet you! And now you're here and I love everything about you. I love your little face and your elbow dimples and the chubbiness of your little thighs. I love your giggle that kind of sounds like you're crying, and I love how sometimes when you're rolling over on the floor you exert yourself too hard and you fart really loud. I love how when you're happy you sqeal with the sound and intensity of a stuck pig-- especially when we're in public and especially at a restaurant. I love how you smile every time I sing your special song. I love how you look into my eyes when I'm breastfeeding you. I love how you're mine.

Another Crap Day

Sucky day # 2, thanks to the foster care system-- and I didn't even begin to deal with my foster daughter's medical insurance issues. Good lord. It's a good thing I'm not working right now because I would not be able to deal with all of this waiting around for the various state departments to get their shit together while I try to keep my foster kids healthy and receiving all of the services that they deserve. Trying to get everything straightened out for these kids has become a full-time job.

The upside? Another comment from a stranger about what a happy, sweet baby Elise is. She just smiles at everyone. Makes friends wherever she goes. I had a 13 year old boy cooing over her and tickling her toes today. She melts the hearts of even the the most angsty and antisocial segments of the population. That's the power and the majesty of Baby Baby.

Another Elise!!!

So. This girl that I had one class with my first year of graduate school-- a friend of a friend sort of person-- and who, consequently, is one of my "friends" on a social networking website has just given birth to a little girl AND NAMED HER ELISE.

Okay. If I walked into a party (this is a fantasy, of course, because with three babies you don't WALK anywhere-- you sort of slide-drag-shuffle-stumble) and someone was wearing the same dress that I had on, I would not be like, "Oh my god, I'm mortified." I'd be like, "Thank god some one else liked that dress, too... I feel validated." Plus, I'm sure that my boobs would look better in the dress anyway, because I AM breastfeeding after all. But that's not the point. Same dress, cool, whatever. But name your baby the same wonderful baby name that I picked out for my own perfect baby? I want to claw your eyes out.

Maybe I'm exaggerating.

Not really, though.

I picked "Elise" in part because it's a name that's cool but not trendy. And if other people start using it, it will be trendy. Ugh! How awful would it be to have been, like, six months ahead of the "Madison" explosion?

Even though my Elise is the best Elise, I want to stop other Elises altogether. One Elise per social networking circle, please. One Elise per school district. One Elise per office building.

Follow my made up baby naming rules, people!

Reinventing the Wheel

Elise has realized that she can get to wherever she wants to go by rolling back to front to back to front across the floor. Tonight she rolled under the bed in her room and played with the bed spread that was hanging down.

So that's it. She will forever be asserting her independence. Rolling away from me. Breaking my heart.

Some Days Are Better Than Others

Today sucked.

I'm sick. But I'm a mom, so I have things to do.

One of those things was take my foster daughter to the doctor. Here, foster kids are supposed to be seen by a doctor within 48 hours of coming into care. We've had our new foster babies for over a week now. We were able to get the 3 month old to a doctor, but my foster daughter's insurance stuff is all messed up. I've been working on getting this problem straightened out since day one. Finally, I make an appointment at what I thought was the only doctor in the whole frickin' state who is able to see her. I get her ready first thing this morning and drive her (and Elise) to some rinkydink town over an hour away, only to be told upon our arrival that her messed up insurance messed up again and they can't accept the messed up insurance at the doctor's office.

In all fairness, the people at the doctor's office were super, super nice. It was not their fault.

I sat in the waiting room with a bored 22 month old and an even more bored Elise and proceeded to make phone call after phone call. Apparently no one who works for the state is obligated to come into work on Fridays. Bastards. No one who answered any of my phone calls could help me.

So finally, after a brief and hopefully somewhat quiet sob or two, I asked the doctor if they would just see my foster daughter anyway and let me pay for the visit out of my own pocket. They said yes and even reduced the price for me.

Then I realized that I forgot some of the paperwork I needed to bring with me. I had to call Husband and have him run home to get it and fax it to the doctor's office. It was a mess.

Did I mention that I feel like shit? Sore throat, swollen tonsils, sniffles, and a pounding headache.

So, I'm glad that today's over. Done. I'll deal with this insurance crap on Monday.

(The ladies at the doctor's office commented on what a good baby Elise is, so quiet and sweet. She is a good baby. I'm lucky. The ladies also commented on how much happier my foster daughter seemed compared to the last few visits she had made there with her mother. That made me feel good, like I was doing a good job caring for her. Every cloud has a silver lining, right?)

The Beginning

Since I was a teenager, there were two things about me that any potential long-term partner needed to know. 1) I would not ever be changing my last name (unless my partner's last name was being changed, too), and 2) I planned to eventually adopt a child.

I've wanted to adopt since I was about 14 years old. There are adoptees in my family, but that's not why. The idea really clicked with me one day when I was being driven home from babysitting by the baby's father. We were talking about our siblings and the guy told me about his brother, adopted from Vietnam.

The father told me about how he was old enough to remember when his brother was adopted. How he remembers meeting him for the first time at the airport. And how it felt like he was always a part of their family and he couldn't imagine life without his little brother.

I knew from then on that I was meant to grow my family through adoption. When Husband and I talked about it, he admitted that adoption isn't something that he'd have sought on his own, but he was open to the idea.

Husband and I know that we want at least one more child. We became foster parents with the hope of adopting.

We'll get to adopt eventually-- just got to be patient.

Busy Yesterday/ Umbilical Hernia Update

If I hadn't been so busy yesterday, here's what I would have posted about:

My umbilical hernia still isn't completely healed. It isn't bothering me though, and it doesn't look crazy. My intestines aren't sitting in my lap or anything. So, whatevs. I'll just deal with it. My belly button will never look the same again. Oh well.

If someone said, "In exchange for the most perfect baby in the world, you must stretch out your belly button," I would say, "Umm... you're a weird genie... but it's a deal!"

More Baby Names

Here are a few more real-life babies that I know of:

Brayden, David, Juliet, Kayla, Richard, Sunny, Victoria, War

Also, I saw a Natalya at the doctor's office.

I read the other day that names from the "Twilight" series of books have shot way up the name popularity charts. So we'll have to wait and see how many Cullens there are in Elise's kindergarten class.

Finding A Routine

Since the new babies have arrived, Elise's routines have been shot to hell. Sleep patterns, feeding patterns, EC-- everything is out of whack. Husband and I are trying to get a good routine going, but it takes some effort. Kids love routines, right? But it still takes a 2 year old some getting used to if she's never had a solid routine before.

One of the things I've struggled with as a foster parent who has a biological child is wondering whether I'm being unfair to my own baby. In my heart I know that Elise is being very well taken care of. And I want her to grow up to be a loving and compassionate person. Someone who understands that love is the most important thing in the world. And someone who wants to help other living things grow and overcome adversity. I don't want to turn her off to these ideas because she felt forced into sharing her parents or felt neglected by us.

But seriously, lots of kids have siblings. Few people in the world get ALL of their parents' attention all of the time. This isn't so different from what it would be like if Elise had a brother and a sister, other than the fact that it was a sudden change, not a 9 month build-up.

Our family changes over time more than most families do. Hopefully eventually we'll be able to adopt and then there will be a bit more stability for Elise, for us, and for our adopted foster children.

Baby Baby Has A Heart of Gold

I've told Elise every day since the new babies have arrived, "You are such a sweet girl for sharing your Mommy and Daddy with other babies whose Mommy and Daddy can't take care of them right now."

Elise has done well. She's been very good.

It's taken some adjusting to. Simple things are suddenly difficult with three babies in the mix. Husband and I ventured out today with all 3 of the kids. It went over just fine.

It's hard, but I think we can do this.